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    TWDT Demonyms:

    Kamikaze - Kamikazeans
    Unleash - The Unleashed
    Kusoge - Bad Gamers
    Power - Powergonian
    Oblivion - Oblivionites
    Tool - Tooltimers
    Dun vs Me - dunvsmeans
    Sour Milk - The Milkmen


    Power vs. dun vs me

    6-star Steadman impressed with a team-leading 13-7, with veteran Powergonians Ease (11-6) and Racka (12-7) in tow, with solid outings from Iron Survivor (9-10) and Shaddowknight (5-7).

    On the losing side, okyo and Devilish notched a pair of 10-10s, but couldn't carry sub-par performances from Casket (7-10), Weak (6-10), and Henry Saari (4-10), who was last seen streaming bullets 1-notch up in the bottom of the map despite no enemy in the general area.

    HOT: Steadman
    NOT: Henry Saari -- Haven't seen a performance this inert since Daniel Day Lewis in My Left Foot. Except Lewis earned an Oscar -- all you've earned is my contempt.


    Unleash vs. Oblivion

    Person I've never heard of solemn (12-6) and 5-star Nanto (10-6) carried The Unleashed to the W, with strong play from Ardour (11-10), Commodo (7-6), mime (4-3), Sphinx (3-2), but not-so-much from Mighty (3-6).

    The Oblivionites had solid contributions from Cripple (10-10), Zavik (10-10), and Kess (8-10), with Dezmond (6-10) underperforming, and nokkonen (4-10) stinking worse than blue cheese in a hobo's bindle in a New York subway alley.

    HOT: solemn
    NOT: nokkonen -- there's not enough 14 year olds covered in axe body spray in the world to mask the stench of that -6 performance with your team losing by 10. Pee-yew.


    Tool vs. Kusoge

    Apok (21-8) singlehandedly dominated the Bad Gamers with a trouncing outing. Haven't seen this much singlehanded dominance since LF wanked it to lil piggy pics for 3 weeks straight.

    Tripin (12-7) and 6-star Vermillion Flame (8-4) also contributed, with a mediocre score from Lasenza (8-9) and an abysmal one from M E (1-8).

    Kusoge had strong showings from Kentaro (11-10) and Ricko (12-10), but Geisha (3-10), i.d. (1-6), and TheWadoRooster (6-10) couldn't handle the Tooltimers.

    HOT: Apok -- his score was so dominant it can legally drink in the U.S.
    NOT: Geisha -- More Epitaph than Memoir, Geisha put in an abysmal 3-10.
    NOT: M E (1-8) and i.d. (1-6) -- should change your names to P.U. because you both fucking stink!


    Sour Milk vs. Kamikaze

    The Milkmen, led by Izor (12-6) and Cres (11-7), melted the Kamikazeans like fondu with a blistering performance that started them off 1-0 for the week. But it was 5-star Rab (10-1) with a monumental sortie that really put the emphasis on this game, while Skepsis made his debut with a 7-9 and euforia (9-10) chipped in as well.

    Once again, Auger (13-10) came up big, but his compatriots Best (0-4), Markmrw (3-10), skatarius (7-10), and Stayon (4-10) seemed lactose intolerant with some terrible play.

    HOT: Rab (10-1)
    HOT: Izor (12-6)
    NOT: Stayon (4-10) -- Expect way more out of this multi-ship veteran. This score is so bad I can't even make an alarm clock joke out of it.
    NOT: Best (0-4) -- One of the top 3-leaguers of Trench in the game -- instead he's beleaguered doin' time on the bench like Gucci Mane.



    Sour Milk vs. dun vs me

    euforia (16-7) and Skepsis (15-10) bulldozed over the dunvsmeans, with only a Herculean effort from King Mythril (16-10) standing in their way like a hippie hugging a tree, except with more chest hair and less hackey-sacking.

    The Milkmen poured it on with Mikkiz (8-7) and Thugs (6-3) going positive, with only Rab (1-5) in the red.

    Hulk's squadron looked atrocious beyond Myth, with matching 2-10's from Davy and Toronto, a 2-7 from Weak, and a 6-10 from Rough, who looked like Oedipus going around blindly with his arms stretched out trying to feel for Amputate or Ease to carry him.

    HOT: euforia (16-7)
    HOT: Skepsis (15-10)
    HOT: Mythril (16-10)
    NOT: Entire team of dun vs me -- what a garbage performance! If carrying you 4 was one of Hercules's 12 Labors, he would have failed -- that's how heavy you are (Keep in mind Hercules held Earth on his shoulders for Atlas.)


    Tool vs. Power

    I haven't seen pairs of people conked on the head simultaneously this much since The Three Stooges were on the air, as the Powergoneans were bunched up so tightly for the slaughter you'd have thought Zizzo was the train conductor at Auschwitz.

    Apok (16-10) put in another scintillating performance, with Zizzo (13-7) and Aprix (10-8) in tow, winning out a 3v3 at 41-40 for a convincing win, carrying a pair of unenviable 4-10s from Lee and Trippin.

    Ease (14-10) held the line, but Moe, Larry, and Curly each dropped 6-10s (FFE, Iron Survivor, and Paradise), dooming a solid outing from Steadman (11-8) and Zidane (2-2).

    HOT: Apok (16-10)
    NOT: The Three Stooges, with two of them dying out early and none of them contributing score-wise. Someone call in Shemp and Curly Joe as replacements, these guys looked like they were having strokes midgame the way they were aiming.


    Kusoge vs. Unleash

    Big Daddy Dreamwin (17-8) once again went xmas ham in DTJ, with a monumental effort, carrying Ricko (10-9), Bueno (9-8), JAMAL (9-9) and TheWadoRooster (4-10) to victory.

    b.rabbit (11-10) and Mighty (10-10) did their best to stop the dreamwin train, but The Unleashed, like the protein bars in the movie Snowpiercer, were mostly doodoo, as Ardour (3-7), Dutch Baser (6-10), and nanto (8-10) negged, and a 4-3 sub by Commodo too little, too late.

    HOT: Dreamwin (17-8) train, all aboard!
    NOT: Ardour (3-7) -- The best thing I can say about this performance is you didn't TK anyone -- which is kind of like congratulating someone for missing the toilet, but at least having the courtesy of not taking a dump on your chest.


    Kamikaze vs. Oblivion

    Stayon (14-9) and draft (14-8) carried Auger (9-10), pinkstar (6-10 and skatarius (4-10) to a narrow victory in this tight jav matchup, clinching the win for the Kamikazeans.

    The Oblivionite put up a valiant effort, with Wax (13-10), Rendered (12-10) and cripple (11-10) turning in above-average scores, while auto (4-7), kess (1-5), and Zavik (3-5) couldn't get it going.

    HOT: draft (14-9)
    HOT: Stayon (14-8)
    NOT: skatarius (4-10) -- Like the Titantic's captain, skat ran his dt ship into an iceberg, then didn't even have the courtesy to go down with the ship, as he escaped to safety on a liferaft called Stayon.



    dun vs me vs. Tool

    Davy (100-28) led the foray for the dunvsmeans, ahead of Henry Saari (71-26), okyo, racer, and Turban, as Cintra (31-1) narrowly missed a clean sheet in this blowout behind hulk (3.0 RPD) and mythril (2.9 RPD).

    Apok (72-48) and Jack (74-60) did what they could, but fell short behind sub-par perfornances from Gilder ,and Lee (46-63), with Warportal (30-11) terring behind squallFF8 (2.9 RPD) and aprix (2.7 RPD) in shark.

    HOT: Davy (100-28)
    NOT: Lee (46-63) -- Some Bronze level Lee Sinning, but definitely got the blind part down.


    Kusoge vs. Oblivion

    The Bad Gamers stomped out the Oblivionites behind A+ spidering from 6-star TheWadoRooster (105-41), who led Eren, Ricko (76-38), and Undercut (80-47) to victory behind a sublime terring performance from Dreamwin (41-1) and clockwork machinations from mcvicar (3.0 RPD) and JAMAL (3.1 RPD), who really took over this game in shark.

    Shayde (91-49) did what he could to keep the ship afloat, but got little help from BIET (68-49), GOLFER (46-66), kess, and Zavik (63-53), while having trouble deciding between GOLFER and kess as who to pair up with Cripple (2.9 RPD) in shark and they got mangled.

    Pressure (39-5) put in consecutive strong performances in terr, but couldn't make up for the lackluster spidering.

    HOT: JAMAL/mcvicar -- Fantastic sharking
    HOT: Thewadorooster (105-41)


    Kamikaze vs. Power
    15:00 - 10:15

    El Pedo (92-38) once again led Kamikaze, ahead of M_M God (86-50), trance (75-44), markmrw (60-54) and Auger (48-35), behind sharking from DOWNFALL, Pinkstar, and skatarius, with Stayon (37-9) in terr.

    Power suffered its first defeat, losing a 10-7 lead after Racka lagged out and playing down 7v8 for 5 minutes, behind terring from Shaddowknight (29-6), sharking from Zidane (3.0 RPD) and FFE (2.8 RPD), and spidering from NL>Trigger (88-43), Clausy (84-59), Frogskin (92-58), and Racka (52-43).

    HOT: M_M God (86-50)
    NOT: Racka (52-43) -- Took so long he came back with a big mac, fries, shake, and a suntan. Seen White Walkers slumber under the frozen ice beyond the wall for less time. Human or laser? More like Human or Cicada?


    Sour Milk vs. Unleash

    Big Rab (89-30) went postal on The Unleashed, leading Noobius (75-36), Skepsis, VIVRE, and euforia to the promised land, behind Mikkiz (24-6) in terr and cranium (3.0 RPD) and Thugs (2.8 RPD) in shark.

    Unleash couldn't crack the code to get past Cranium's team, getting outkilled by 100 as Ardour (50-39), Dutch Baser (65-55), Sphinx (68-55) couldn't get it going, with Commodo, Omega Red, and Beasty sharing sharking duties behind wbm (34-9) in terr.

    HOT: Rab (89-30)
    NOT: Unleash's spiders -- 100 kills behind in a 20 minute game. Don't ever ask any of these players to pin a tail on a donkey unless you wanna ride in an ambulance to the ER. These guys couldn't find Waldo, the g-spot, the lost city of Atlantis, or for that matter Atlantic City, even if you gave them a map and a compass heading out from NYC.


    WB of the Week: Steadman (13-7), with an impressive 6-star performance in WB leading his team to a win
    Jav of the Week: Dreamwin (17-8), with a monster performance in javelin, not to mention great terring. Honorable mention to Mythril (16-10) for a super outing in a tough loss.
    Baser of the Week: TheWadoRooster (105-41), with a great outing in spider, helping Kusoge clinch the basing W.

    Player of the Week: Apok, delivering a ridiculous 21-8 in a TWDTD win, 16-10 in a TWDTJ win, and 72-48 in TWDTB in a blowout loss. Despite being 20% of his wb and jav lines, he accounted for almost 40% of their kills. Kudos!

    Sour Milk vaulted into 5th after being dead last, scoring a perfect 3-0 and revitalizing their campaign for the post-season with strong play across all 3 leagues.

    Despite going 1-2 this week, Power remains on top with 7 wins, while dun vs me also managed to hang on to second with a 1-2.

    Kusoge has moved up to 3rd, after a solid 2-1 this week, tallying 5 wins total. Meanwhile, Kamikaze notched another basing win and held onto a piece of 3rd despite going 1-2.

    Tool had a great week, going 2-1 with wins in wb and jav thanks to Apok, and are tied for 5th with Sour Milk.

    7th is Commodo's Unleash, which stays perfect in wb at 3-0, but dropping jav and base to finish 1-2 overall, still without a win in either of those leagues. They'll need to jump-start base or jav to have a chance at the playoffs, but their strong wb'ing is keeping them alive.

    After being 2 second away from being 3-0 last week, Oblivion fell off again, but it's early days and they're only two wins behind 5th. I expect them to bounce back next week.

    1:Ogron> Redemption (349) killed by: Shaw
    1:Ogron> looks like Shaw shanked Redemption :-)
    1:Ease> ...
    1:Heaven> LOL
    1:Heaven> Ogron ? fired from Thunder Mar. 17, 2019 - 02:39

  • #2
    My boy solemn making some waves. He's been around the same amount of time as me,which is 10-12 years. Though he has been off and on in terms of activeness.
    TWLD Champion 2014
    TWDTB Champion 2013
    TWDTB Champion 2016
    TWDTB Champion 2017
    -tj hazuki/hazuki :wub:


    • #3
      something kept bugging me, nothing super bad or anything but its like something was missing. anyways after re-reading it like 5 times i figured it out - you left Bueno off the kusoge TWDTB writeup, he played a pretty decent game.

      i know it's just an innocent mistake as you were having to write blurbs for a shitload of games, but i'm still going to let Bueno know that it was racially motivated and that you wish his homeland to be reduced to a smoldering pile, on principle. apologies

      also bring back the taco bell/kia advertisements pls ty
      three perfect chords get me closer to heaven
      been mappin the abyss since 2007

      Originally posted by Leland
      lol lo l oo lo l ol olol o lo l ol o lo l o


      • #4
        Yeah shoutouts to bueno guy was hungover and still played like a beast.
        3:Tsunami> under all you really have to do is fine tune that fiddle and stroke the strings harder than you ever have before

        RaCka> i could've brought my subspace butthole catalogue


        • #5
          I am hungover every sunday.
          Season 12 champion TWLD / TWLJ
          Season 18 champion TWLJ / TWLB
          Season 19 champion TWLB (C)

          Season 6 champion TWDT-J TWDT-B (C)
          Season 10 champion TWDT-J (C)
          Season 11 champion TWDT-B (C)
          Season 13 champion TWDT-B (C)
          The winningest TWDT captain of all time


          • #6
            Same, don't know what playing TWL is like not hungover
            TWL-J Season 11 Champion
            TWL-J Season 21 Champion
            TWL-B Season 21 Champion
            TWDT-D 2017 Champion
            TWDT-J 2017 Champion


            • #7
              Here's the solution bros.


              • #8
                Will become a cokehead just for that elusive LD title I can't get, thank you Stayon!!
                TWL-J Season 11 Champion
                TWL-J Season 21 Champion
                TWL-B Season 21 Champion
                TWDT-D 2017 Champion
                TWDT-J 2017 Champion


                • #9
                  Looks like we may need to bring in mandatory drug testing for these nerds using performance enhancing drugs..
                  killing newbs since 2002


                  • #10
                    No problem Ricko! Anything to give some sunlight to your sunless day!


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Stayon View Post
                      No problem Ricko! Anything to give some sunlight to your sunless day!
                      This guy...

                      Also, I didn't know whether those were coke lines or Wolverine prints.

                      Trench Wars Rap Battle 1&2 Winner


                      • #12
                        every sunday i have a ritual where i wake up at 8 to blinding pain in my head so im like OH FUCK TW DRAFT LEAGUE. UNDERCUT NEEDS ME so i begin emergency recovery operations. i immediately stand up and turn the lights on which force a wave of nausea through my body and i begin to purge the sins from the previous night into a bucket i had especially made for this draft season. at the end of the season i will mail the contents of the bucket to whoever we beat in finals. by 9pm i am wimpering over the covers trying to sleep but the migraine is too much so i think about undercut glistening in the nude and it gives me the strength to pull myself out of bed. halfway to my bedroom door my legs simultaneously knot up and i collapse as my legs catch fire like they were fueled by the heat of lucifer himself saying "you will not win today jerome scuggs" but mentally i punch the devil in his face and keep going, crawling on my hands and elbows like a god damned vietnam vet stuck out in the shit. at this point the mere motion of movement makes my stomach heave but nothing more comes up so as im crawling across my house to the kitchen i am also dribbling bile and foam like an escaped retard running from the retard police. i brace myself and think only of undercut's abs. eventually i make it to my kitchen where, knowing i would be exactly right here the following day, i have prepared by leaving 3 bottles of water, 2 redbulls and some microwaved eggs under the kitchen sink in the cabinet. genius, jerome, just fuckin genius. i immediately chug the first bottle of water then i puke it right back up and compromise by holding a bottle of water on my head while finally, for the first time in hours, get up and standing on my feet. usually this causes the headache to return in force so i open the can of redbull and, between bites of cold day old under-the-sink eggs begin sipping the redbull. recognizing the routine from many a night, my stomach finally calms down and accepts the nourishment i give it. as the caffeine coarses through my veins and the dead parts of my brain begin to re-activate i asses my situation and think OH FUCK UNDERCUT NEEDS ME so I run upstairs, trip at the top and land right in front of my cat who then claws my face for existing. cut, bloody, covered in vomit and half cracked i run to my computer in time to be benched for the upcoming week, tears streaming down my face in pure joy at the brilliant strategic decisions of my fearless leader undercut.

                        but i'd never do coke to fix a hangover, that shit is fucked up
                        three perfect chords get me closer to heaven
                        been mappin the abyss since 2007

                        Originally posted by Leland
                        lol lo l oo lo l ol olol o lo l ol o lo l o


                        • #13
                          I don't think anything more needs to be said about anything.

                          Trench Wars Rap Battle 1&2 Winner


                          • #14
                            shoutouts to my entire team who is either drunk or hungover every game
                            3:Tsunami> under all you really have to do is fine tune that fiddle and stroke the strings harder than you ever have before

                            RaCka> i could've brought my subspace butthole catalogue


                            • #15
                              A little bit of MDMA before you go to sleep would help rest all of your tw dreams!