mental - care of SOV

[sixtoo]

Mental

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable. The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry.
How soon can I go home?"

[Edify]

disturbing. :fear:

[Arc]

Sounds like that hippie chick from Sealab.

[colony]

hehe cute. got any more like it?

[sixtoo]

A talking clock - posted by WayneXG95


Proudly showing off his newly leased downtown apartment to a couple of
friends late one night the drunk yuppie led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.
"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the friend's asked.
"Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking clock" the drunk replied.
"A talking clock?
"Seriouiouously?" (burping)
"Yup." Hmmm (hic)."
"How's it work?" the second friend asked, squinting at it.
"Watch" the yuppie said.
He picked up a hammer, gave it an ear-shattering pound and stepped back.
The three stood looking at one another for a moment in silence.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed...."For
****'s sake you w'nker, it's ten past three in the ******* morning."

[Jeansi]

I like abusing others.

[Nockm]

more please

[cundor]

pretty funny...keep on going, keep on going!

[sixtoo]

perfectly natural

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting
loudly every morning when he awoke.

The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and
make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it
was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was
perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that
one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to blast them out! Then one
Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was
upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey
innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious
thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep
and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic
waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his
shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic
footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control
herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!
After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip
as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, "Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me and
I didn't listen to you."

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out,
and today it finally happened.

But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got
most of them back in."

[Troll King]

Wouldn't a Chinese couple speak to each other in Chinese instead of in broken English to propagate stereotypes?

Sheesh, the accent isn't even relevant to the punchline, which is another racial stereotype on its own.

[Arc]

Thats always my side dish at Panda Express.

[Kim]

Rofl Panda Express, shit for food.

[sixtoo]

Wouldn't a Chinese couple speak to each other in Chinese instead of in broken English to propagate stereotypes?

Sheesh, the accent isn't even relevant to the punchline, which is another racial stereotype on its own.

somehow I had figured this joke may offend someone, I'm not the author of this joke but for some reason it made me chuckle I'll take it down :grin:

[Edify]

rofl the guts one.

[Squeezer]

thats awesome both of em