Humorous ‘Help desk’ or Support stories?

[Ephemeral]

Anyone have any humorous ‘Help desk’ or Support stories? Here’s one I had from about 7 or 8 years ago…

I was walking past one of our networked printers and saw it spitting out page after page of the same report generated from our company ERP program. I knew exactly which person used this report, and she although she is a nice person, she wasn’t considered the brightest bulb in the box. So, I walked back to her office and asked her if she was having printing problems. She looked exasperated and said, “yes! this stupid thing isn’t printing anything at all for me.” I told her that the printer was up there cranking out what looked like multiple copies of her print job and I asked, “how many times did you hit the ‘Print’ button?” She replied, “oh really? I might have hit the ‘Print’ button 4 or 5 times.” I got her to let me drive and I opened her print manager, it still had at least 20 print jobs queued!

LOL

[Mr. Peanuts]

.

oh!!! ahahahahahahhhaaaaa

i dont really have stories but theres absolutely stupid people at my school who blame every fucking thing on the computers.

we got over 200 new 2.2 ghz, 512 ram comps at my school with flat screens... the lot and yet people dont understand that a computer will only do what it has been instructed to do. morons.

[Kolar]

Look for West Borg Help desk.

[Creature]

ROFL.

[Jeansi]

She>I've plugged all cables in already and it still isn't starting.
Me> ok have you pressed the power button??
She>What??

[Vitron2]

Customer: "Your sound card is defective and I want a new one."
Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?"
Customer: "The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out of the
right speaker and the right channel is coming out the left. It's defective."
Tech Support: "You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker to the
right side of the machine and vice versa."
Customer: (sputter) (click)
Tech Support: (snicker)
************
Got a call from a woman said that her laser printer was having problems:
the bottom half of her printed sheets were coming out blurry. It seemed
strange that the printer was smearing only the bottom half. I walked her
through the basics, then came over and printed out a test sheet. It printed
fine. I asked her to print a sheet, so she sent a job to the printer. As
the paper started coming out, she yanked it out and showed it to me. I told
her to WAIT until the paper came out on its own. Problem solved.
************
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for
about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't
solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine,
which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and
yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green
printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I
had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and
reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for help; they
offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about
to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked
quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this
yellow construction paper?"
************
Customer: "Hello? I'm trying to dial in. I installed the software okay, and
it dialed fine. I could hear that. Then I could hear the two computers
connecting. But then the sound all stopped, so I picked up the phone to see
if they were still connected, and I got the message, 'No Carrier,' on my
screen. What's wrong?"
************
I have a friend who just bought a computer and was instructed to load a
program by typing "A:" and then the name of the program. My friend told me
it would not work because his keyboard was no good. He said he couldn't
type the "dot over dot thingie" and that every time he tried to type the
"dot over dot thingie" he kept getting the "dot over comma thingie" no
matter how careful he was to press only on the very top of the key. When I
taught him about the shift key, he thought I was a genius.
************
This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every
time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his user name and password in
capital letters.
Tech Support: "OK, let's try once more, but use lower case letters."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."

Sounds like some tw people who only type in caps...

************
My friend was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a
young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms
crossed across her chest and staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes
he noticed that she was still in the same position only now she was
impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she replied,
"It's about time! I pushed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!"