HOT or NOT -- WEEK 5

[ogron]

Hot or Not Archive:
WEEK 1
WEEK 2
WEEK 3
WEEK 4
WEEK 5

TWDT



WIN OR DIE vs. Blooms
50-27



After a dismal 0-3 last week, Jedi Knight Racka (12-6) returned to vanquish the Blooms empire, as they rolled over them 50-27 as new Free Agent acquisition Burnt (11-4) paid instant dividends, alongside torcher (11-6), vys (9-3), and Kira_Yamato~ (7-8).

On the wrong side of the Force, Paky Dude (8-10) and Geisha (7-10) could do little to stem the tide as their entire squadron negged, with unenviable scores from turban (5-10), Gurliver (3-10), a2m (1-5) and Morg (1-3).

HOT: Racka (12-6), who's return saw a solid 2-1 week to remain tied for 4th in TWDT.
NOT: turban (5-10), who graces the NOT section for the second week in a row, and looking for financing from TW funds to complete his Not of the Week trilogy. Give generously!




Silence vs. Patouf
50-30

Commodo's Silence broke out like measles at a new age west coast california homoepathic green energy upper-class anti-vaxxer kids' birthday party, notching the only perfect 3-0 this week and gaining almost as many wins as they had in the past 4 weeks combined.

Best (16-8) and Raazi (14-7) led the foray like Cheech and Chong, smoking the Tabarcats alongside Lasenza (12-5), bad game (5-6) and Kim (3-4).

For the not-so-winning side, Patouf saw a solid outing from siaxis (10-10), and not much else. Tiny, Tarnish, and Zeebu all negged with 7-10, 6-10, and 5-10s respectively, whilst Dystrophy looked more like dysentery with a 1-7, and Oops (1-3) faring little better.

HOT: Best, with a blisterin' 16-8!
HOT: Raazi, with a razor-sharp 14-7
NOT: Dystrophy (1-7), who wins dis trophy after making a BIG impact after being picked up through Free Agency today:



Stayon must be part American-Indian, because you're the worst acquisition since blankets will smallpox.




Power vs. Meteorite
50-39

Power managed its third TWDT-D win of the season, as okyo (9-10) has begun to show and freshly traded Rasaq (7-7) made a big impact, while 6-Star mainstay Rough (16-8) led the way ahead of new FA acquisition The Voodoo Child (11-4), as Curse and Ogron combined for 6-10.

For the Meteorites, they sorely missed Mythril, as Cloth (12-10) and aprix (10-10) did their best to keep the ship afloat, but Geio (5-10), Solemn (6-10), and fresh Free Agency pickup 24 (6-10) couldn't punch through and claim the W.

HOT: Rough (16-8)
HOT: The Voodoo Child (11-4), who made an impressive start with an even more impressive 6-Star value
NOT: Geio (5-10): Again, need to see more of those early 18 kill games from the TWLD champ, and lead this team to crucial wins in TWDT-D. Unless of course, you're a cloaker secretly trapped in a warbird's body, then keep being yourself, because you're fucking invisible out there.




Thunder vs. ill
50-29

The undefeated 5-0 TWDT-D juggernaut kept on steamrolling, as Ease sat out for the second week in a row, letting Weaver (11-5) and 5-Star Lena (11-7) dominate ahead of JAMAL (10-8), Ricko (9-3), and Shadowere (9-6).

Tripin (11-10) and Skepsis (9-10) played well, but couldn't carry atrocious outings from Kosmonaut (1-10) and ROWS (3-10), while stung (5-10) has cooled off from some hot performances, regressing to the mean.

HOT: Lena, with a sizzling 11-7 as a 5-Star against Skepsis and Triping -- wowza!
NOT: ROWS (3-10). How are you 3-10? You're an actual wb, with lag so bad that it makes Turban look like he lives inside the TW servers. That's actually a great anime concept:

[ogron]

TWDT-J



Blooms vs. ill
50-47

maketso's basing/appeal machine managed to slink past TJ Hazuki's ill, as the Weezers were 3 kills short of the W.

turban (18-9) went super saiyan, dominating the field ahead of a2m (10-8), Spawnisen (10-10), Mean Gene (8-10), and Morg (3-8), helping Blooms go 2-1 for the second week in a row.

infrared (12-10) was the last man alive for ill, with another strong performance, but couldn't keep Lorko (9-10), ROWS (8-10), Tripin (7-10), and rodney (6-10) afloat.

HOT: turban, with an enlightened 18-9!
NOT: Morg, with a 3-8 on the losing team. 37 and 38 are the first pair of consecutive positive integers not divisible by any of their digits, much like your talent can't be divided, as it is the smallest amount possible to have in javelin.




WIN OR DIE vs. Power
50-44

Racka's return precipitated the biggest upset in TWDT-J this season, as Power lost its first game of the season by 6, as an overconfident juggernaut fell behind early with lax play, leaving an opening for torcher (14-8), Kira (13-9), Racka (11-8), and vys (8-9), which they took.

Rough (14-10) and Children (11-10) played well, but couldn't buoy sub-par outings from Zidane (8-10), Ogron (5-10) and Rab (5-10).

HOT: torcher (14-8)
NOT: Ogron (5-10). I played aggressive, unlike Rabbi Rab cut-and-running like a Mohel at a Bris, but had some poor play along the way and definitely deserve this.




I will add this Not of the Week to my Wall of Shame, alongside my Grammy, my Conan O'Brien Most Likely to Sunburn Award, and my Necrophilly, where I finished dead last.





Thunder vs. Meteorite
50-28

The Meteorites went a dismal 0-3 this week, as the meteo(r) forecast calls for Thunder and an 80% chance to miss the playoffs, with only FA pickup 24 (11-10) putting in a mentionable score, whilst euforia (7-10), madmaxx53 (4-10), aprix (0-4), Fork (0-4), Geio (4-6), and Wax (1-6) were all horrid.

On the winning side, God of Thunder JAMAL (12-3) led Ardour (13-9), Shadowmere (13-10), Ease (6-3), and Lena/Undercut to an easy victory.

HOT: JAMAL (12-3)
NOT: aprix and fork, with a combined 0-8. Next time, combine fork with a power outlet and rid us of your terrible play.




Silence vs. Patouf
50-48

The Silencers edged out the Tabarcats by the slimmest of margins, eeking out a 2 kill victory as last week's overall PLAYER OF THE WEEK Best scorched the earth with a volcanic eruption in the form of a 19-9. Gee-willikers!

No one on Silence even got above 8 kills, yet they still managed to win, as Boblemoche (6-10), Commodo (7-5), Kim (1-4), Lasenza (3-10), and Roiwerk (8-10) simply hung onto Best's coattails and went along for the ride.

Stayon (15-10), newly acquired waven (11-10), and Heaven (10-10) did their best to stem the tsunami of jav bombs Best threw their way, but like panties at a New Direction concert they were soaked within minutes, and Siaxis (5-10) and Tiny (3-10) had already stolen the liferaft to specville.

HOT: Best, with a gargantuan 19-9! Blimey!
NOT: Tiny (3-10). You're a TWLJ champion. I almost doubled your kills this week, and I'm a NOT. I don't even have the words to describe how shitty of a performance this was, so I'll let Shakespeare do it.

[ogron]

TWDT-B



Blooms vs. Meteorite
15:00-0:02






Silence vs. WIN OR DIE
15:00-5:19

The Silencers won their first TWDT-B game of the season, improving to 1-4, as Oder (36-3) led the way in terrier, ahead of Commodo (3.1 RPD) and freshly drafted WAR (2.9 RPD), with mcvicar (75-40) spidering ahead of Best (65-39), Lasenza (61-24), and Boblemoche (56-42).

For the Winordites, this was a frustrating loss as they'd hope to go 3-0, with matters made worse by Cintra lagging out on go, forcing torcher (33-11) into action, doing what little he could do ahead of DOWNFALL (2.8 RPD) and Markmrw (2.8 RPD), with TheWadoRooster (72-46) leading Racka (57-42), Burnt (58-56), Cyclone (53-39) and vys (30-50), who, judging by his score, got a lesson in underspidering from Mcvicar he won't soon forget.

HOT: Oder, with a tantalizing 36-3!
NOT: vys (30-50), who got manhandled so badly he invented a new yoga position: The Fetal. Don't worry, vys, the next time you face mcv you can at least use your own tears as lube.






Patouf vs. Thunder
15:00-3:21

This was a massacre, as new trade acquisition ph (3.1 RPD, 2 Teks) went straight to work with porkjet (2.9 RPD), protecting muppet-in-chief Heaven (27-1), who continues to go on the most unearned statistical season in terr in TWDT history, and will get exposed soon enough.

Stayon (81-33), Bueno (77-30), Sprained (76-32), Trasher (66-39), and raizin (42-34) spidered.

For the Thundarians, a hodgepodge of sharks (Tabarnak!!!, Beasty, Lena) took on ship 8 duties ahead of Shadowmere (24-16), who continues to impress with his 15 deaths a game average.

Ardour, bumpa, Ease, Ricko, and Undercut all struggled in spider, with only JAMAL (71-54) approaching a semblance of a good statline.

HOT: Bueno, 77-30.
NOT: Shadowmere. You're two years away from being Heaven in terr. Hamlet Act II, Scene II, best describes your relationship to Heaven, who is but a shadow of a terr.

ROSENCRANTZ:
Truly, and I hold Shadowmere of so airy and lightweight a terr that he is but a shadow's shadow.

You're not even a shadow. You're a shadow's shadow.




Power vs. ill
15:00-7:41

The Powergonians crushed ill, as Ogron (28-6, 3 Teks) took on terring duties ahead of hulk (2.9 RPD) and 5-Star pod (2.7 RPD), with Henry Saari (99-27) leading all spiders, alongside Solace (78-37), recently traded Rasaq (76-35) looking sharp in his dtb debut, Rab (60-32), and Rough (67-36).

For the Weezers, infrared (18-9) terred in front of Rodney (3.0 RPD) and Kosmonaut (2.7 RPD), with Cyrus (74-44), TJ Hazuki (70-43), Producer, Jatt, Stung, and Tripin in spider.

HOT: Henry Saari, with a scything 99-27!
HOT: pod, with a wonderful 2.7 RPD, 2 Tek performance as a 5-Star shark. Nice work!
NOT: pod, for repping two bursts into me. TWO!!

[ogron]

HOT OF THE WEEK


WBs of the Week: Rough (16-8), leading Power over Meteorite in an upset. Honorable Mentions: Lena (11-7) and The Voodoo Child (11-4), with superb low-star performances!
Jav of the Week: turban (18-9), carrying Blooms to a thrilling 50-47 victory.
Baser of the Week: Henry Saari (99-27), for annihilating ill in TWDT-B and notching the highest score this week among spiders.


Player of the Week: Best
In an unprecedented move, for the first time in my 4-year history doing TWDT Hot or Not, I'm awarding the same person Player of the Week two weeks in a row! Best ravaged Patouf in warbirds with a sizzling 16-8, then decimated Patouf in a 50-48 javing showcase with a Herculean 19-9, before dropping a 65-39 to slay WIN OR DIE 15-5 in base, leading Silence to the only 3-0 this week, and pushing them into serious playoff contention in one fell swoop.

Said Zidane:

Zidane> LOL Best is easily the greatest offseason player of all-time

[ogron]

[ogron]

Projected Standings





Remaining Strength of Schedule:

[ogron]

Quotables

Week 5 Quotables:



TWDT-B
2:Siaxis> Ease> sorry for the changes out of the blue, had 3 6s in, tried to sub in lena so we could get more spid power Ease> but by that time shadow had given up

Racka> how is Boblemoche a 5*? this is ridiculous why is someone who was on Rejected Basers in 2003 rated a fucking 5

vys> i want you to do an alias check on Boblemoche RIGHT NOW. He's aliased.

TWDT-D
undercut> ricko still 0-0
undercut> ded

TWDT-J
cripple> lol look its Commodo, the loser that cant play any ship and gets raped by me in basing , go back to averaging 3-10 in twlj cause you will never have a future in lb you useless fgt

Best> need u to add that "bests fav quote "i spanked the game" came in effect

4:zidane> 5:Best> im gonna sit back with a fat blunt in my mouth and eat some pizza and laugh and say i spanked this piece of shit game

[MHz]

TWDT-J
cripple> lol look its the guy who plays more than 1 ship, the reigning TWLB champion, consecutive seasons TWLJ All Star & TWLJ Finals MVP. im bitter because he doesn't let me play with all my dice friends

Don't force me to acknowledge this deranged newbie. I have him perm ignored for a reason. Otherwise a v.entertaining read.

[RoDNeY]

Guess my 3.0 and 2 teks can be overlooked by a 2.7 and 2 teks thats cool

[LF]

Guess my 3.0 and 2 teks can be overlooked by a 2.7 and 2 teks thats cool

At least you got mentioned. a2m and I got matching 3.5 RPD and 50+ kills between us and didn't even get a write up.

a2m + LF the only shark combo to ever get matching 3.5's and positive records in shark while winning every game 7v8.

Hot: Fork and jerome for feeding me
Not: Zizzo for not bothering to get out of spec in a game he knew he was going to lose while his team played a man down for 15 minutes.

[zidane]

mhz is my boy but twlj finals mvp? we play the same game?

[olde]

Is shark even a ship?

[MHz]

mhz is my boy but twlj finals mvp? we play the same game?

I think I MVPed the first round?

[ogron]

Guess my 3.0 and 2 teks can be overlooked by a 2.7 and 2 teks thats cool

You lost by 8 minutes, your teks were outside of base and cost us like 20 seconds, and pod is a 5-Star player.

[Tiny]

I think I MVPed the first round?

Nope, that was me, but we lost.