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TWDT-D
Terrorist vs. Mortal
AARP Edition
50-42
Okyo Drift (19-6) put his Oldsmobile into 2nd gear as he passed the competition using his turn signal he forgot to turn off, passing the competition at a swift 37MPH, taking the game 50-42.
Fellow octogenarians turban (12-10), dreamwin (8-6), kado (8-10) were in the backseat arguing about which of their Metamucil brands were best, although they all seem pretty good given how badly they shit on Mortal.
ROWS (3-10) was in the passenger seat fiddling with a knob, before being kindly asked to put it back in his pants.
Despite a formidable ability to still cane people, Tripin (13-10) was unable to lead his lawn bowling team to victory, as Racka (3-10) was busy trying to lure children into his van using Werther's Original candy so he could tell them stories about the war, which he spent avoiding in the National Guard.
READY (4-8) was too busy returning soup for being too hot to focus on the game, and his sub-in Jebass (0-2) was on his 4th water without buying anything.
Shadowmere (10-10), who doesn't believe in tipping, was left to fend with AFRI (12-10), their one black friend whom they refer to as "one of the good ones."
HOT: Okyo (19-6)
NOT: Soup. It's always too hot or too cold. I changed my mind, I want another water. Where is that latino waitress? I bet she did something to our food. Let's complain and refuse to pay.
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Power vs. Avengers
50-41
Scoring leader Iron Survivor (15-10) maintained his assault on TWDT-D, smashing Avengers to pieces ahead of strong performances from Best (12-9) and Cres (10-9), as the trio of stars took the game 50-41.
beam (8-8) fell back to earth this week, but was solid, while Jessup (0-3) struggled out of the gate after a nice performance last week, but a good sub from Ogron (5-2) steadied the ship.
Artists depiction of Ogron rescuing beam as recounted to him by an anonymous source
I'm not saying it was the greatest sub in the 17 year history of this game, but my anonymous source did. We'll just call him C. House. No, wait, that's too obvious, let's go with Claus H. Yes, that will do.
Geio (11-10) darted around the map doing his best to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat, but Olde (10-10) and 24 (5-10) couldn't manage the comeback 3v4 as Tiny (6-10) and Server (9-10) had died out.
HOT: Iron Survivor (15-10)
NOT: 24 (5-10). The only thing you have 24 of, are inches in your butthole. Best (9), Iron (8), Cres (4), Ogron (3). Although, to be fair, that's a strong 4 in the asian community, while an 8 in Brazil is like a 2 here.
#TheyDidTheMath
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Silence vs Curse
50-33
Skepsis (15-9) showed just why he is TWLD champion, slaying Curse by a massive 17 points, leading Last Standing (11-4), Racketeer (10-6), Paky Dude (8-7), and Henry Saari to the W.
JAMAL (10-10) was the lone bright spot for the losing side, as Weak (7-10), Skatarius (6-10), Ricko (5-10) and Bram (5-10) looked like they could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
HOT: Skepsis (15-9)
NOT: Ricko (5-10). Ricko should stick to his main league (basing), because he looks less like a war bird and more like a chicken running around with his head cutoff. It's difficult to be British and keep a stiff upper lip with no head, although given Attacks' streak of 27 months without a blowjob, it is manageable.
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Terrorist vs. Avengers
50-24
Terrorist improved to 6-0 in TWDT-D, as they become the only team to remain undefeated in a league.
They did it in style, as Avengers completely and utterly embarrassed themselves, suffering the worst defeat of any team this season, as dreamwin (9-0) clowned them with an ace and kado (15-6) dunked them from the free throw line.
turban (13-7) and Okyo (9-4) followed suit, although I have no fucking idea what ROWS was doing going 2-7 in a 50-24 win. I can only suspect his performance is due to brain damage caused by having to read Dreamwin's macros over and over and over again.
Dreamwin> DUMBWIN TRAIN DOES IT AGAIN!!^%&@&$)$@$$($#$23!!!!! BEAT THAT BEAT UP!!! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Dreamwin> DUMBWIN TRAIN DOES IT AGAIN!!^%&@&$)$@$$($#$23!!!!! BEAT THAT BEAT UP!!! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Dreamwin> DUMBWIN TRAIN DOES IT AGAIN!!^%&@&$)$@$$($#$23!!!!! BEAT THAT BEAT UP!!! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
24, Geio, Afghan, Olde, Server, Tiny, and Wirah all negged.
HOT: Kado (15-6)
HOT: Dreamwin (9-0)
NOT: Geio (0-7). Geio was extremely close to The Dream, a.k.a. the Mark Stone Award For Excellence, but was subbed out just before achieving the feat. Nevertheless, your terrible, terrible performance will be immortalized here for all to see for eternity.
Your looks will fade, your body will wither, your eyes blighted with cataracts, your wits dim, but this performance will live on. The internet never forgets. This performance will be your fucking tombstone.
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Power vs. Silence
50-34
Power finally got its WB going, winning two consecutive games and picking apart a strong line, as Iron Survivor (16-6) and Best (14-10) were absolute juggernauts in this game, melting Silence with liquid hot bursts of fire.
Cres (8-6), Zidane (8-8), and beam (4-4) were solid, as Power took the game handily 50-34.
Last Standing (9-10) and Skepsis (8-10) were decent, but Henry Saari, Commodo, Paky Dude, and Racketeer were too heavy to carry.
HOT: Iron Survivor (16-6)
HOT: Best (14-10)
NOT: Racketeer (5-10). After a stellar start to the season, as he poorly piloted his ship and crashed into a rock and sank. Racketeer finally looked human, which please the inhabitants of the shore he swam to on Cannibal Island.
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Curse vs. Mortal
50-45
Zizzo (15-5) continued to look superhuman in TWDT, almost singlehandedly downing Mortal 50-45, as he led Weak (11-10), Ricko (11-10), Attacks (7-10), Bram (5-5), and Spectacular (1-5) -- who looked anything but.
On the losing side, Racka (11-10) had a good game for Mortal, but got outmaneouvered 1v1 against Zizzo in the end, as Tripin (10-10) and Shadowmere (9-10) were good, but Afri (2-5), Pressure (3-7) and Joemama (2-3) decidedly weren't. An excellent sub in from Jebass (8-5) proved too little, too late.
HOT: Zizzo (15-5)
NOT: Pressure (3-7).
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