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TWDT-D
Mist vs. Paddington
50-32
Turban (15-6) led the way in this one, dunking on Paddington with ease as Pineapple Express (12-7) gave Pirates some seller's remorse after parting with him in a trade, as Hackysack made Tiny's team pay. Jones (9-6) looked good in what I believe to be his season debut, alongside the ever-reliable Tripin and a surprise 6-Star addition in Yoast (7-4), who looked good.
For Paddington, Lasenza (13-10) was the lone bright spot, as Zidane, Tiny, Exalt, and Eric Clapton fell short.
HOT: Turban (15-6)
HOT: Pineapple Express (12-7)
NOT: Exalt (3-10). Exalt makes his weekly appearance in the NOT section (despite serious competition from Eric and Tiny, who went 5-10 and 4-10 respectively.) I respect the fact Exalt has continued to show instead of quitting like a bitch like most people do, so out of recognition for his perseverance, I won't make a joke.
Honestly, I don't know why Tiny benched him for Midoent (0-6) and Spectacular the next game, two players who are clearly worse WBs, and keeping himself in after going 4-10. You don't have any better 7s than Exalt, you may as well give him more run and let him unrust. The guy is showing and praccing in elim, ready to prove his doubters. I like that.
Haze vs. Lag & Luck
50-44
Haze improved to 7-1 in TWDT-D this week, tied with Gryffindor for the best records in WB, as Rough (18-10) put in a monstrous performance ahead of Iron Survivor (10-8), Lockdown, Felix, and Zapata.
For L&L, JAMAL (14-10) and Burnt (12-10) did their best to stave off the #2 seed, but Cripple and Paky Dude were middling, and Ardour (1-6) and Mean Gene (1-4) were abysmal.
HOT: Rough (18-10)
HOT: JAMAL (14-10)
NOT: Ardour (1-6). Ardour got 1 more kill than he has TWL medals, which is like saying you got a longer dick in inches than Ardour's gf has in black eyes after the match.
Gryffindor vs. Fish
50-41
Gryffindor put in a balanced performance as Okyo (11-9) made his 2019 league debut, playing beside Dak (11-8), Rasaq (11-9), Commodo, and Legacy (9-6) making his first WB debut ever (before the game he asked me how many deaths he gets lol), wowing spectators with a surprise 6-Star sundering.
Fish had another strong outing from 6-Star Sprackle (13-10), with Morph, Vys, Bacon, and Zizzo negging.
HOT: Okyo (11-9)
HOT: Dak (11-8)
HOT: Sprackle (13-10)
NOT: Zizzo (4-10). Zizzo looked like he had Magikarpal Tunnel Syndrome out there, and flopped harder than the sequel to Basic Instinct (yes, there was a sequel.)
Pirates vs. Win or Die
50-35
beam (17-9) managed his first win of the season in WEEK 4, with a Herculean effort that overshadowed Mythril's delectable 12-6 score. Singer, Murder, Major Crisis, and Skyforger were also tangentially involved.
Win or Die opted for the latter, as Jurassic (12-10) and Racka (12-10) accounted for 69% of their team's kills (nice). Skatarius, Wirah, and bitsaver looked lost out there.
HOT: Beam (17-9)
HOT: Mythril (12-6)
NOT: skatarius/Wirah (3-10). The dysenteric duo shit the bed in this one, and are hoping the thread count isn't too high on either the sheets or forums.
Pirates vs. Paddington
50-35
Singer (13-4) looked good out there, taking down the hapless Paddington Bums with peg-legged aplomb, as beam (12-7) continued his 1-day streak of usefulness with another strong performance, ahead of Murder, Mythril, and Skyforger (9-6).
Zidane (11-10) was the only positive story on the losing side, as Eric Clapton, Lasenza, Midoent, Spectacular, and Tiny failed to achieve parity.
HOT: Singer (13-4)
HOT: beam (12-7)
NOT: midoent (0-6). mido looked like a monster in spider last week, but it didn't seem to transfer leagues as he missed more shots than Karl Malone has missed his kid's birthdays.
Gryffindor vs. Win or Die
50-31
Rasaq (14-8) snagged the MVP in this one with a great performance, ahead of another magical outing from Legacy (10-3) in his second-ever TWDT-D game, while Okyo (12-9), Commodo, and Dak teamed and pushed with zeal in another team-centric victory.
Racka (10-10) once again was the only WoD player above water, as bitsaver, Jurassic, rozay, and Wirah were non-factors.
HOT: Rasaq 14-8)
HOT: Legacy (10-3)
NOT: Rozay (2-10). Racka thought Rozay said he had "Catatastrophe training him not to die", when in reality he said he had "Cataracts straining his eyes".
Fish vs. Lag & Luck
50-35
Vys (13-4) returned to form in the second match, leading Morph (13-10), Sprackle (9-8), aprix (7-5), and Bacon (8-8) to the W.
For the luckless laggers, Burnt, Caos, Cripple, JAMAL, Let, and Paky all successfully negged, with a late sub-in from Mean Gene (5-2) being the only stain on their otherwise spotless ineptitude.
HOT: Vys (13-4)
HOT: Morph (13-10)
NOT: JAMAL (3-7). Jamal choked harder than Peter North in a BDSM porn parody of George W. Bush trying to eat a pretzel.
Haze vs. Mist
50-49
This came down to a 1v1 fight between Zapata and Yoast, as the 8-Star narrowly edged out the 6-Star to get the crucial victory.
Iron Survivor's 17-10 was not wasted, as they needed every single one of those kills, with Zapata (12-9) providing able support, and Rough, Lockdown, and Felix negging, but not badly enough to sink the ship.
Pineapple Express (15-10) and Tripin (15-10) looked like Apollo and Artemis out there (or "Bill and Lance" from Contra III: Alien Wars if you're an uncultured, braindead, plebeian boob tube bozo like Zidane), as the duo sliced Mist up, but to no avail, as their enchanted outings were squandered by the likes of Yoast, Jones (6-10), and Turban (5-10).
HOT: Iron Survivor (17-10)
HOT: Zapata (12-9)
HOT: Pineapple Express (15-10)
HOT: Tripin (15-10)
NOT: turban (5-10). the turban giveth and the turban taketh. In classic fashion, Turb followed up his 15-6 with a 5-10, once again proving himself to be a bigger one-hit wonder than The Bangles.
I haven't been this disappointed in a ship's sophomore outing since U2's October.
That joke has more layers than a Freudian dream journal (or a red velvet cake at a gay wedding), not that I expect any of you single-celled amoebas to get it.
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