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The first thing you need to know is that my cousin is hot...

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  • The first thing you need to know is that my cousin is hot...

    The first thing you need to know is that my cousin is hot. Amazingly hot. The kind of hot that makes you want to rip her pants off and **** her in the middle of class, not caring about getting expelled. She's just that damn good. People tease me about her a lot, because she has a bit of a reputation for being a slut, and for good reason: She sucked off half the football team after the homecoming game. But she is hot nonetheless.

    Anyway, she lives about 10 minutes away from me and she called me up and asked if I wanted to go see a movie. I told her no, I had to work on this english report (Poison Gas Warfare in WWI), but she begged until I gave in. Then she told me she wanted to rent a movie and come over instead of going to a theatre. I raised my eyebrows at this. Why would she want to come over here? Could it be she's really that big of a slut? Nooo, I thought. That couldn't be it...could it?

    So she arrives at around 9 PM. My parents are still at a symphony they went to, so nobody is in the house (my sister is in college). We pop some popcorn and get on the couch and start watching the movie (The Blues Brothers). After a while she complains that her legs are cramping up and wondered if she could lie down on the couch and put her head in my lap. My stomach did a barrel roll. I said Yes, no problem.

    So she puts her head in my lap and continues to watch the movie. We're to the scene with the blind dude playing the keyboard when she starts to gently rub her head back and forth; jacking me off with her ear, if you will. It was an extremely good feeling, and I gave a little sigh as she did it. Then I was brought back to Earth as my cousin sat up and gave me a look of disgust. "What the hell is that?" she asked, pointing to my crotch. I had a raging hard-on from her head movements, and I could do nothing to hide it. I mumbled that I was sorry and that I should probably get to bed, but she grabbed me by the beltloop as I tried to get up.

    She forced me back down and looked into my eyes with a sort of hungry look. "If you're attracted to me, all you needed to do was tell me..." and with that she unzipped my pants and had them around my knees before you could say Jack Daniels. I feebley tried to resist, but my protests faded into nothingness as she pulled my wang (I won't lie, 5.8 inces) out of my boxers. I closed my eyes and groaned with pleasure. As I looked down, I saw a sight I will never forget for the rest of my life.











    She lowered her head to it, pulled off her mask, and spit acid all over my wang.

    FATALITY.

  • #2
    Wheres the funny.
    My father in law was telling me over Thanksgiving about this amazing bartender at some bar he frequented who could shake a martini and fill it to the rim with no leftovers and he thought it was the coolest thing he'd ever seen. I then proceeded to his home bar and made four martinis in one shaker with unfamiliar glassware and a non standard shaker and did the same thing. From that moment forward I knew he had no compunction about my cock ever being in his daughter's mouth.

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    • #3
      GOLD!

      That fucked up alien ending made it.
      I AM NOT AN ANIMAL

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Bob (SRB)
        GOLD!

        That fucked up alien ending made it.

        Comment


        • #5
          The fact that the reference went over somebody's head makes me feel old.

          Comment


          • #6
            dude that was amazing!! i sent that story to everyone on my msn list, nice work man
            work it harder make it better, do it faster, makes us stronger more than ever hour after , our work is never over

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            • #7
              Well... At least it wasn't animality.

              :eek:

              [In keeping with tradition: *Puts party hat on* yay 100th post ]
              Last edited by Rion.; 05-28-2004, 03:00 AM. Reason: 100th post omfg ;O
              G[y]Ro> omfg
              G[y]Ro> u nerds
              G[y]Ro> NERDS
              G[y]Ro> ALL OF U

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              • #8
                nice work... now we just have to find your cousin and give her this....
                Hannibal Lecter: How did you catch me, Will?
                Will: You had disadvantages.
                Hannibal Lecter: What disadvantages?
                WIll: You're insane.
                --Manhunter

                Comment


                • #9
                  Haha, funny
                  I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Dude, my cousin really is just like the slut in that story. She's a real knockout, and I know a lot (and I mean a lot) of guys have knocked boots with her.

                    So anyway, I ran into her at a party one night. This party was a bunch of seniors (high school) plus a few older kids, and she was 14 at the time. Anyway, I literally ran into her because she was so piss drunk she couldn't see where she was going. I was headed on my way out, and her being my cousin, I knew where she lived so I offered to give her a ride home. She gets in the car, and she's mumbling all this shit, completely incoherent nonsense. Then she starts putting moves on me, running her hand down my leg, flashing me those fuck-me eyes. I totally felt like someone had spit acid on my dick. Talk about being weirded the fuck out! I know they say an erection is a natural reaction, something you can't help. I think my dick actually shrunk just as if I had hopped in a pool in the middle of winter. I've known this girl since she was born. I used to babysit her when she was still in diapers. And that's all I could think about. This little, toddler girl who was now sitting next to me with every intention of jumping my bones.

                    Eeeeeewwwwwww.
                    jasonofabitch loves!!!!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Jee, i was really hoping you were serious so i could rant at you for the next two weeks about being incestive. But on the other hand, I read it in class and i laughed at it for like 10 minutes which got me in trouble with my teacher... so therefore she came over and read it and i got sent the the office, SO DAMN YOU!
                      6:Tristan> EVERY FUJCKING TIME I HAVE A GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING BAGEL ARGGHGHGHGHGH
                      6:Tristan> god damn fuckin bagel ass cunt mother fucking fuckass lik ball bastard
                      6:Philos> you dropped your bagel tristan?
                      6:Tristan> fuck yes

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Jason
                        Dude, my cousin really is just like the slut in that story. She's a real knockout, and I know a lot (and I mean a lot) of guys have knocked boots with her.

                        So anyway, I ran into her at a party one night. This party was a bunch of seniors (high school) plus a few older kids, and she was 14 at the time. Anyway, I literally ran into her because she was so piss drunk she couldn't see where she was going. I was headed on my way out, and her being my cousin, I knew where she lived so I offered to give her a ride home. She gets in the car, and she's mumbling all this shit, completely incoherent nonsense. Then she starts putting moves on me, running her hand down my leg, flashing me those fuck-me eyes. I totally felt like someone had spit acid on my dick. Talk about being weirded the fuck out! I know they say an erection is a natural reaction, something you can't help. I think my dick actually shrunk just as if I had hopped in a pool in the middle of winter. I've known this girl since she was born. I used to babysit her when she was still in diapers. And that's all I could think about. This little, toddler girl who was now sitting next to me with every intention of jumping my bones.

                        Eeeeeewwwwwww.
                        They aren't exactly my cousins, but I feel the same way about the Olsen twins. Any time I hear someone say they think they are hot, I picture a 2-foot Michelle Tanner saying: "You're in big trouble, mister!"

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Troll King
                          The fact that the reference went over somebody's head makes me feel old.
                          I got the joke, it just wasn't funny.
                          My father in law was telling me over Thanksgiving about this amazing bartender at some bar he frequented who could shake a martini and fill it to the rim with no leftovers and he thought it was the coolest thing he'd ever seen. I then proceeded to his home bar and made four martinis in one shaker with unfamiliar glassware and a non standard shaker and did the same thing. From that moment forward I knew he had no compunction about my cock ever being in his daughter's mouth.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I don't get it. Why did the cop turn him in if he was really innocent of his wife's murder?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Troll King
                              They aren't exactly my cousins, but I feel the same way about the Olsen twins. Any time I hear someone say they think they are hot, I picture a 2-foot Michelle Tanner saying: "You're in big trouble, mister!"

                              Me too, but i think they're just about to turn the corner.. 2 more years and I'll be buying their playboy spread.
                              http://www.trenchwars.org/forums/showthread.php?t=15100 - Gallileo's racist thread

                              "Mustafa sounds like someone that likes to fly planes into buildings." -Galleleo

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