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Okay, here's the end of the first chapter. That makes it 2582 words for this draft of the first chapter. I appreciate the positive feedback so far, but with the chapter complete, I would like to hear some constructive comments. Looking back, I think I may need to describe the terrain of the road a bit more. I'll probably have to do that earlier, when the pastor approached the farm. I'd also especially like to hear whether the rhythm and pacing of the last section felt right. I'm trying to stretch out a relatively short period of time over a couple of pages, so I want to maintain a sense of tension and desperation.
“That wagon, it’s-“
“Your horse, Pastor.” Will requested, quickly vaulting over the fence.
“Wha- of, of course, quickly, and God bless!”
The pastor’s blessing fell upon the wind as Will had already mounted the young
roan and rode off to intercept the runaway wagon.
The horse, whose usual passenger maintained a slow, leisurely pace, panicked
at first under the unfamiliar rider but the farmer’s wiry frame and steady hands
soon gained control. After a few gaits the horse gained its rhythm and began
to increase its gait.
With the wagon horses continuing their frantic pace down the road towards
the farm, Will knew that running directly towards it would be fruitless. His
only chance was to break on a wide curve into the meadow so that he could
approach the wagon at a fast enough gallop to match its speed. Will knew he
had to stop the wagon quickly. Shortly after the road passes his farm the
road dropped into a deep meadow that lead towards Shidong. Traffic through
the region usually ran at a steady pace but at the speed those horses were
traveling, the wagon would surely roll when it crested the ridge.
Though the horses were moving as fast as they could, the weight of the
wagon slowed the two panicking horses enough for Will to gain ground and
catch up to the cart. But Will felt the pace of the pastor’s horse slowing
beneath him. The pastor was given the horse to handle routine church duties
and Henry had taken to pampering it so it was not used to exerting such
effort for long. Nevertheless, Will knew he needed one final surge to stop the
wagon before it crashes. He urged the horse onward.
As he neared the wagon he could see that it carried furniture and several
crates. Some movement in the front drew his eye and as he drew even he
saw a young girl desperately trying to regain control of the wagon. Will gave
a shout to catch her attention.
“Can you reach the reins?” Will yelled at her.
“Help me!” She yelled back, speaking in Chin.
Will cursed under his breath. His mother still spoke to him in Chin and he
understood it fairly well, but he spoke mainly in Anglen and his vocabulary in
Chin was limited. He searched for the words to speak to the girl in the wagon.
“The… straps… Blast it.” He looked ahead and saw the pastor and his
sister Wanda blur by. The road straightened and the ridge lurched closer.
“Move aside… I will… jumping!”
Shifting the horse’s reins to his right hand, Will reached across with his left to
find a handhold. The wagon’s horses suddenly kicked up another cloud of
dust, however and Will was suddenly blinded. His eyes started tearing and he
gasped for breath as he inhaled some dust. Blindly, he continued to stretch
out his arm to find the wagon. He couldn’t see how much road they had left
ahead but he knew he was running out of time.
His hand suddenly felt something small and soft. His vision cleared enough to
see the girl in the wagon reaching out for his hand. Their hands met again but
this time she managed to grab his outstretched hand. He gripped her tightly,
knowing that if they lost contact, all would be lost. He still could not see
clearly and did not know how much longer they had until the road dropped. A
second hand reached out and grabbed his and he knew his only option was to
pull the girl off of the wagon.
“I got you!” He assured her, leaning his horse closer to the wagon.
“You… jumping!” He dropped the reins with his right hand and gripped
her forearm tightly.
The girl leaned over the side of the wagon, her wool dress flapping in the
wind. She reached out a hand for Will’s shoulder and grabbed onto his jerkin.
Will tightened his grip and pulled her closer. The girl looked on ahead and saw
the drop in the road. She opened her mouth to scream again but Will tugged
on her arm to focus her attention. She looked at him and knew she had
to jump quickly. Bracing a leg against the rail, she pushed off from the
wagon.
Will felt her weight suddenly shift and pulled on her as hard as he could. For a
brief moment she hand in the air with only his arms supporting her. The
fatigue from a long day’s work overcome with a desperate rush of adrenaline,
he pulled at her with all his strength. At last he managed to pull her up onto
the horse. She clung tightly to his chest while he fumbled for the reins. He
managed to pull her off of the wagon, but unless he can get the horse to
stop, the endeavour would have been in vain. Fortunately, the horse was
running out of strength itself and when it felt the pressure of Will’s legs on his
trunk ease, it slowed to a cantor and turned away from the wagon.
Coming quickly to a halt, Will looked back to the wagon just as the horses
reached the ridge. They slowed as they realized the change in terrain but it
was too late and their momentum carried them forward. The horses shrieked
in fright and the wagon creaked under the pressure before an axle snapped,
sending the vehicle toppling forward, carrying the doomed horses with it.
Henry and Wanda soon caught up to Will, who sat in silence as he watched
the wreck of the wagon at the bottom of the hill. One of the horses
screamed in pain while the other lay motionless, its neck bent at an unnatural
angle. The girl Will saved still clung desperately to him, sobbing into his
shoulder.
“Your horse, Pastor.” Will requested, quickly vaulting over the fence.
“Wha- of, of course, quickly, and God bless!”
The pastor’s blessing fell upon the wind as Will had already mounted the young
roan and rode off to intercept the runaway wagon.
The horse, whose usual passenger maintained a slow, leisurely pace, panicked
at first under the unfamiliar rider but the farmer’s wiry frame and steady hands
soon gained control. After a few gaits the horse gained its rhythm and began
to increase its gait.
With the wagon horses continuing their frantic pace down the road towards
the farm, Will knew that running directly towards it would be fruitless. His
only chance was to break on a wide curve into the meadow so that he could
approach the wagon at a fast enough gallop to match its speed. Will knew he
had to stop the wagon quickly. Shortly after the road passes his farm the
road dropped into a deep meadow that lead towards Shidong. Traffic through
the region usually ran at a steady pace but at the speed those horses were
traveling, the wagon would surely roll when it crested the ridge.
Though the horses were moving as fast as they could, the weight of the
wagon slowed the two panicking horses enough for Will to gain ground and
catch up to the cart. But Will felt the pace of the pastor’s horse slowing
beneath him. The pastor was given the horse to handle routine church duties
and Henry had taken to pampering it so it was not used to exerting such
effort for long. Nevertheless, Will knew he needed one final surge to stop the
wagon before it crashes. He urged the horse onward.
As he neared the wagon he could see that it carried furniture and several
crates. Some movement in the front drew his eye and as he drew even he
saw a young girl desperately trying to regain control of the wagon. Will gave
a shout to catch her attention.
“Can you reach the reins?” Will yelled at her.
“Help me!” She yelled back, speaking in Chin.
Will cursed under his breath. His mother still spoke to him in Chin and he
understood it fairly well, but he spoke mainly in Anglen and his vocabulary in
Chin was limited. He searched for the words to speak to the girl in the wagon.
“The… straps… Blast it.” He looked ahead and saw the pastor and his
sister Wanda blur by. The road straightened and the ridge lurched closer.
“Move aside… I will… jumping!”
Shifting the horse’s reins to his right hand, Will reached across with his left to
find a handhold. The wagon’s horses suddenly kicked up another cloud of
dust, however and Will was suddenly blinded. His eyes started tearing and he
gasped for breath as he inhaled some dust. Blindly, he continued to stretch
out his arm to find the wagon. He couldn’t see how much road they had left
ahead but he knew he was running out of time.
His hand suddenly felt something small and soft. His vision cleared enough to
see the girl in the wagon reaching out for his hand. Their hands met again but
this time she managed to grab his outstretched hand. He gripped her tightly,
knowing that if they lost contact, all would be lost. He still could not see
clearly and did not know how much longer they had until the road dropped. A
second hand reached out and grabbed his and he knew his only option was to
pull the girl off of the wagon.
“I got you!” He assured her, leaning his horse closer to the wagon.
“You… jumping!” He dropped the reins with his right hand and gripped
her forearm tightly.
The girl leaned over the side of the wagon, her wool dress flapping in the
wind. She reached out a hand for Will’s shoulder and grabbed onto his jerkin.
Will tightened his grip and pulled her closer. The girl looked on ahead and saw
the drop in the road. She opened her mouth to scream again but Will tugged
on her arm to focus her attention. She looked at him and knew she had
to jump quickly. Bracing a leg against the rail, she pushed off from the
wagon.
Will felt her weight suddenly shift and pulled on her as hard as he could. For a
brief moment she hand in the air with only his arms supporting her. The
fatigue from a long day’s work overcome with a desperate rush of adrenaline,
he pulled at her with all his strength. At last he managed to pull her up onto
the horse. She clung tightly to his chest while he fumbled for the reins. He
managed to pull her off of the wagon, but unless he can get the horse to
stop, the endeavour would have been in vain. Fortunately, the horse was
running out of strength itself and when it felt the pressure of Will’s legs on his
trunk ease, it slowed to a cantor and turned away from the wagon.
Coming quickly to a halt, Will looked back to the wagon just as the horses
reached the ridge. They slowed as they realized the change in terrain but it
was too late and their momentum carried them forward. The horses shrieked
in fright and the wagon creaked under the pressure before an axle snapped,
sending the vehicle toppling forward, carrying the doomed horses with it.
Henry and Wanda soon caught up to Will, who sat in silence as he watched
the wreck of the wagon at the bottom of the hill. One of the horses
screamed in pain while the other lay motionless, its neck bent at an unnatural
angle. The girl Will saved still clung desperately to him, sobbing into his
shoulder.
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