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Annual TW tradition: Out of words - how dumb DO you get !?

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  • Annual TW tradition: Out of words - how dumb DO you get !?

    I Link, Therefore I am


    by George Simpson, Monday, Apr 25, 2005 8:17 AM EST
    A WEST NYACK, N.Y. MAN was found dead at his computer apparently the
    victim of trying to keep up with too many professional forums. Childress
    H. Wanamaker, 54, an account executive at a New York-based new media
    company, died of starvation according to the West Nyack coroner's
    office. Wanamaker's emaciated body was found by Loraine, his wife of 26
    years, who told MediaPost she had been bringing her husband meals on
    plastic trays for weeks, but that he never took the time to eat them.

    "He was glued to his computer 24/7," she said tearfully. "He was so
    afraid he was going to miss an opportunity to contribute a comment or
    start a discussion, that he just stopped eating." She added that
    Wanamaker's last words were "OK Picard, stick that in your pipe and
    smoke it..."

    Computer forensic specialists from SUNY at Cortland discovered that
    Wanamaker was subscribed to 48 different forums and networking
    communities including one apparently having to do with the elderly
    called "oldtimers" and another apparently limited to just 100 people.
    They also found that he posted a comment into one forum or another on an
    average of two per minute every hour of the day for the past seven weeks.

    "He felt under terrible pressure to be part of the online community,"
    said his son, Lucian, who says he tried several times to get his
    father's attention and lure him away from the computer. "The only time
    he even looked up was when I told him I had seen Dane Madsen trying to
    steal his car out of the driveway."

    Police found what appeared to be an organization chart taped to the wall
    of Wanamaker's den with lines linking small photos of people unknown to
    the police including a Tom Hespos and an Adam Boettiger. Neither is
    considered a suspect in Wanamaker's death.

    "Once, I thought I had him," said Lucian Wanamaker, "when I said that
    mom had made cookies, but half out of his chair, he just sat back down
    mumbling something about two Roman gods; I believe it was Jupiter and
    Atlas having some sort of titanic battle. 'Let them eat PIE,' he
    bellowed banging on his keyboard."

    Computer forensic specialists reported that there was no order or
    continuity to Wanamaker's forum postings. "It looks like he just sort of
    randomly commented on whatever was in the discussion string at the
    time," said Stephen Hall, CUNY-Cortland adjunct professor of intemperate
    and impulsive behavior. "He let nothing go by unchallenged by his own
    point of view, nor failed to respond to any other community member
    asking for advice or a new job. This consumed not only 24 hours a day,
    but also, apparently, his physical health."

    In what must be a record, Wanamaker was linked into to over 15,250 other
    community members, many of whom he exchanged notes with daily. He also
    contributed to 375 blogs and was expected to start an online column
    about the impact of interactive communications on health, when he died.

    A virtual memorial service will be held online at a date to be determined.




    RUGBY FLASHER KILLED IN RAILINGS PLUNGE

    Apr 15 2005

    **

    By Paula Murray

    A DRUNKEN flasher died when he tripped over his trousers and fell from a
    first-floor window on to spiked railings.

    Rugby player Gareth Mason, 22, bled to death after suffering 15 wounds
    to his neck and chest when a drunken stunt went wrong.

    Pal Katie Stansby, 21, told how they had just returned to his flat from
    a pub crawl when the tragedy happened. Gareth had dropped his trousers
    and stood in the window shouting: 'Who wants some of this?'.

    She said: 'He said it as a joke. He said it out of the window but there
    was no one out there.

    'His trousers and pants were around his ankles and he could not move. He
    bent forward and went out of the window. He put both of his hands up,
    opened palms and tried to stop himself but he missed the window and fell
    through.

    An inquest heard Gareth was found to have been'heavily intoxicated',
    with a blood-alcohol level four times the drink-drive limit.

    Flatmate David Wilson said Gareth, of Aberystwyth, west Wales, had tried
    the stunt before.

    He admitted that people in the house 'occasionally bared their bottoms'
    to people out of their window.

    Recording a verdict of misadventure, coroner Peter Brunton said: 'What
    would otherwise have been a prank has taken a turn and resulted in death.

    'It's not for me or anyone else to criticise. It's doubly tragic because
    of the youth of the deceased.'

    Later, Gareth's father Tony said: 'I want to warn young people about the
    dangers of binge drinking





    *Man Drowns While Testing His Depth Finder *
    Tuesday March 29, 2005 2:28pm

    HILLSVILLE, Pa. (AP)
    A man from Boardman, Ohio, is dead following an accident in a Lawrence County quarry.

    The Lawrence County coroner says 59-year-old Richard Raeburn was testing his new water depth finder in a quarry when he fell into the water and drowned.

    Searchers found Raeburn's body floating in the Mahoning Township quarry last night.

    The coroner says it's likely that Raeburn dropped his water depth finder in the water and he drowned while trying to retrieve it.

    (Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)





    Snakebite during service proves fatal to ministerBy Shawna Morrison

    The minister of a Lee County church died early Monday, hours
    after he was bitten by a rattlesnake during a Sunday church service
    and refused to seek medical treatment.
    The Rev. Dwayne Long, 45, of Rose Hill was a minister at the
    small town's Arthurs Chapel, a Pentecostal church where members
    practice serpent-handling. Long was holding a rattlesnake during an
    Easter afternoon service when the snake bit him on the back of a
    finger, Lee County Sheriff Gary Parsons said.
    Parsons said the congregation prayed for Long, but no one -
    including Long - sought medical treatment. Long died early Monday at
    his home.
    "We don't anticipate any charges at this time," Parsons said.
    "That's their belief," he said.
    The practice of serpent-handling began in the early 1900s. It is
    done as a matter of obedience to God. Serpent-handlers take
    literally the words of Mark 16:17-18: "And these signs shall follow
    them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall
    speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents; and if they
    drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands
    on the sick, and they shall recover."
    Serpent-handlers believe that when people die of a snakebite
    they receive during a service, it was simply their time to go.
    Long is survived by a wife, five children and two grandchildren.

    Parsons said another Lee County man died about two years ago
    after being bitten by a rattlesnake during service at a Pentecostal church in Tennessee.





    Pet spider kills its owner



    Killer ... a poisonous Black Widow spider




    From ALLAN HALL
    in Berlin
    A MAN who lived in his own "zoo" of lizards and
    insects was fatally bitten by a pet black widow
    spider - then eaten by the other
    creepy-crawlies.
    Police broke in to Mark Voegel's apartment to
    find spider Bettina along with 200 others,
    several snakes, a gecko lizard called Helmut and
    several thousand termites had gorged on his body.
    Neighbours alerted police after becoming alarmed by the stink.
    And horrified officers were met by a nightmare scene.

    A police spokesman said: "It was like a horror movie. His corpse was over the sofa.
    "Giant webs draped him, spiders were all over him. They were coming out of his nose and his mouth.
    "There was everything there one could imagine in the world of reptiles.
    "Larger pieces of flesh torn off by the lizards were scooped up and taken back to the webs of tarantulas and other bird-eating spiders."


    Loner Voegel, 30, never invited people back to his "jungle" home, a small apartment in the German city of Dortmund.

    Police described it as a cross between a botanical garden and the butterfly breeding ground in the serial killer movie The Silence Of The Lambs.
    One tarantula had built a nest the size of a swallow's in a corner of the ceiling.
    Voegel also had a boa constrictor and several poisonous frogs from South America.

    Spider expert and animal cruelty officer Gabi Bayer said he kept reatures "that should never be allowed in a private home".
    She said: "He had spiders so aggressive they are the equivalent of a pit-bull in the animal world."
    The reptiles were allowed to roam free in the flat.
    The heating elements on two tanks containing spiders and their termite nacks had exploded and dislodged the metal tops allowing them to escape.

    Voegel is thought to have been dead for between seven and 14 days. A post-mortem will be carried out in the next few days. But authorities believe Bettina alone was responsible for Voegel's death.




    More of these cute stories can be found at http://www.corsinet.com/trivia/horrific_humanity2.html
    if interested.
    Originally posted by Disliked
    However, I have a bigger problem, being an atheist for 9 years, most of it during my teenage years I've become a little addicted to masterbation. I've tried to stop and even asked God to help but I'm unable to resist the temptation and it's driving me insane with grief.


    Originally posted by concealed
    when i was on incuria i took 40 mgs of adderol like an hour before every match. didnt help me that much :X

  • #2
    fun to read

    Some people are terribly stupid
    I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal...

    Comment


    • #3
      That black widow one was disgusting.

      Comment


      • #4
        I am calling bullshit on at least one of these stories, the spider one. Although there might be some truth to the story, the way it is reported is not feasible.

        First, if there were geckos in the apartment, what were they eating? Geckos are huge insect eaters, so why weren't they eating the spiders and termites?

        The other lizards would also likely be eating insects, not flesh.

        Second this crap about tarantulas "built a nest the size of a swallow's in a corner of the ceiling." Tarantulas are ground spiders, they aren't going to be building webs/nests from the ceiling.

        Third, terrmites in his body? Come on, why would wood eating termites eat flesh? Is this some new fleshing-eating termite undiscovered by man?

        Comment


        • #5
          Social Darwinism.

          Comment


          • #6
            I know for sure that 2 of these are fake: The messageboard guy one is from a satire news site, and the Spider guy is from The Weekly World News (published satire tabloid magazine). The rest are probably fake too. The fishfinder one is on ESPN Outdoors (http://espn.go.com/outdoors/fishing/...1/2026976.html) but that doesn't really mean it's real.
            sdg

            Comment

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