Crazy stories from your work

[Pummel]

I'm a chef.

I'm a chef and my name is Edna.

[Edify]

So I worked at a couple haunted houses, doing a lot of different things. One night I'm in this giant clown puppet apparatus that sits on my shoulders and makes me look like 9 feet (3 meters) tall. My usual gimmick would be to sit on my knees and be very still prentending I'm not real, and then pop up and freak people out. Often people would run around the room scared of me, etc. I had this one white lady, she was maybe mid 40's and kinda plump, who I could tell was terrified of clowns. She was all eyeing me suspiciously as she walked by and when I popped up and started menacingly lumbering toward her, she lost it. She ran, and I chased her backwards into the previous room and cornered her. She crumpled to the ground in the corner, and had not stopped screaming the whole time, and I reached my giant puppet hands out at her throat and she lost it. I see a huge wet spot in her pants, and her piss is starting to pool on the floor. I figure she's had enough then, lol, and I had to get back before I stepped in it.
We had to get someone in to clean it up, it stank up the whole area.

Seriously. You chased an old lady around and made her wet herself. Seriously. Seriously now, seriously tell me that you seriously did that. Seriously. Seriously.

[Dameon Angell]

I got robbed at gunpoint, twice. I had to lay on the floor with a gun to the back of my head, that was fun. The guys who robbed the place kinda sucked at it .. I mean ... the fat one kept having his glasses fall off, and the skinny one was jumping around like some guy in a movie ... it all seemed phony, really. I laughed my ass off when they left. When I tried to explain to the cop that the guy who robbed me was black, the cop got offended. The next day, I saw a shot of him in another store ... he was indeed black. GG

[Ignominy]

Seriously. You chased an old lady around and made her wet herself. Seriously. Seriously now, seriously tell me that you seriously did that. Seriously. Seriously.

No mercy.

[Jeenyuss]

i work at a convenience store. there are two people working there at once, at least one is watching the tills at all times. it's in a shitty neighbourhood. earlier this summer i was supposed to work a saturday shift from 3-11. i did not feel like working and i had to bike there because the car was broken. when i got there it was even worse because it turned out i had to train someone that night, he'd be in by five. so when five rolls around the boss's 14 year old son comes in and i'm just like shit this is gonna be a long night. he goes to the back of the store to take out the trash. some drunk guy stumbles to the front of the line and the only thing i could think was "fuck i don't want to deal with a drunk at five pm, this is ridiculous." he seemed to be an alright guy, he let the girl behind him go ahead of him which was pretty neat. no one else is in line by the time i help him out again. he asks for some cigarettes so i turn around and grab them from the covered wall, in canada we have to have cigarettes covered up. when i turn around this guy has a huuuuuge knife on the counter. i thought "hey this guy might just be fucking around, he's drunk." so i ask him if there's anything else, he tells me to give him all the money. by this time i'm like "fuck no am i risking my life for 7.55 an hour, but wait. maybe this guy's just a drunk fucking around." so just to make sure i ask him if he's serious. he says he's not fucking around so i open up the till and hand him the cash. called the cops and the guy was caught within the hour.

there's this mentally challenged kid who is the light of my life. you really just have to meet him to understand why, though. text would not do him justice.

[Rhino_haha]

So I worked at a couple haunted houses, doing a lot of different things.

i worked the Corn Maize that we have here, and we "haunt" it when it gets dark.
well i was the chainsaw guy at the end of the maze, probably the best part you could have, well they had a small hole in the corn where i sat, i also had an industrial fogger next to me, that i could turn on whenever i please, so whenever i knew a group was coming, i fogged up the entire area, you seriously couldnt see shit, and nearly everytime the group would lose track of where they're going, and that's when i'd be about 1 ft from somebody and crank that chainsaw up, and everytime they would scatter, most of them would fall and trip over the ropes, those i just left behind, and chased the others, and a select few i would chase even out of the maze, and this one guy i chased out stops on a dime, and the grass was dewy, so i tried to stop, and just slid, straight into him, and onto the ground.

black girls just drop to the ground and cry.

it's very embarrassing when the chainsaw doesnt crank on the first try

[kthx]

I worked at a dirty restauraunt where we made the salads with our hands instead of tongs, you probaly eat salads at restauraunts alot. Of course if I told you everything else it would just spoil the fun of working in a restauraunt yourself, and seeing what kind of conditions the food you have been eating for years are handled.

[Money]

I worked at a dirty restauraunt where we made the salads with our hands instead of tongs, you probaly eat salads at restauraunts alot. Of course if I told you everything else it would just spoil the fun of working in a restauraunt yourself, and seeing what kind of conditions the food you have been eating for years are handled.

i worked at Pappasitos, they dont do that :P

[genocidal]

Hell I made salads with my hands, too. Here's another thing: I never washed my hands at work except right when I got there and after using the bathroom. Not after smoking cigarettes, not after spilling shit on them, never.

[HeavenSent]

One time, me and my co-worker were standing outside on a break. Just standing there...A bum comes up to us (this happens a lot) and asks if we have a lighter. We both say no, and he decided to get confrontational.

"Well, what the hell are you doing outside then?"

Us: "Enjoying the night air."

It escalated from there and at one point, the bum said, "I own this government building since I pay taxes. When I find out what it's called, I'm going to have you fired." We gave him our names and the name of the building. Anyway, after a few minutes of us having to tolerate that guy, the security guard called the Capitol Police. They showed up, and out of nowhere, the guy tried to say that my co-worker called him a "n*gger" and a lot of other nonsense. Which he didn't do and we didn't even know his was black since he was actually kind of light skinned. The cops came and arrested him for trespassing and we went on with our "work". I've seen that guy since, only once and he tried to start it again, but I told him to, "just keep fucking walking."

That was a very interesting night. Now, that same co-worker and myself have a little running joke where I'll say, "I believe you called me a cracker." We laugh and laugh.

That kind of stuff actually happens a lot. Surprisingly, the State Capitol Building and the other Departments of the State are in a terrible neighborhood.

:george: :up: me too lal

[404 Not Found]

why would a blind person go to a movie?

Why does a drive-thru ATM machine have brail writing for instructional use? Do the blind drive? Or are they in the backseat of a car using this?

[Cops]

why would a blind person go to a movie?

you got me, they can still hear the sound?

[Cops]

I once jumped into the ice machine, it was a tight fit but I layed in it for a good two minutes

[Cops]

So I worked at a couple haunted houses, doing a lot of different things. One night I'm in this giant clown puppet apparatus that sits on my shoulders and makes me look like 9 feet (3 meters) tall. My usual gimmick would be to sit on my knees and be very still prentending I'm not real, and then pop up and freak people out. Often people would run around the room scared of me, etc. I had this one white lady, she was maybe mid 40's and kinda plump, who I could tell was terrified of clowns. She was all eyeing me suspiciously as she walked by and when I popped up and started menacingly lumbering toward her, she lost it. She ran, and I chased her backwards into the previous room and cornered her. She crumpled to the ground in the corner, and had not stopped screaming the whole time, and I reached my giant puppet hands out at her throat and she lost it. I see a huge wet spot in her pants, and her piss is starting to pool on the floor. I figure she's had enough then, lol, and I had to get back before I stepped in it.
We had to get someone in to clean it up, it stank up the whole area.

There's a lot of funny stories from working at haunted houses, but that is probably the most ridiculous.

that's fucking awesome

[genocidal]

One time a girl at my restaurant broke a glass in the ice bin. We did our best to pick up most of the pieces but we didn't drain the thing or quit using the ice in it. Hopefully nobody ate any glass that day!

Another time, at construction, we were working at a house that was being completely renovated. It was raining outside and we were pretty much just cleaning shit up inside which sucked because we usually got rainy days off. So we were picking shit up, vacuuming, etc. when this one dude decides he needs to shit. The Port-A-Potties are outside the house of course and it was raining like fuck so he decides to do something majorly against the rules: take a shit in the house.

Nobody was living there at the time and it was pretty much stripped down because they were getting new floors and walls. He goes to the bathroom and takes a huge shit in the toilet. He then tries to flush the toilet and it doesn't work. He get nervous and looks around and realizes he's not in a bathroom but a closet; somebody had disconnected the toilet from the bathroom for renovation and stored it in a closet. He freaks out of course and dumps a bunch of liquid plummer (LOL?) in the toilet thinking that that will fix it or dissolve the shit. Instead it just makes a huger mess inside of the toilet and runs straight through the back onto the closet floor (since the toilet is disconnected).

Then he gets a bucket and tries to salvage the frothy poop left in the toilet bowl. In the midst of trying to tip the heavy ass toilet into a bucket he spills the shit every where. Finally he tells someone and they have to clean it all up but he was the butt of many jokes for many weeks (not to mention almost losing his job for being a dumbass).