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Well I was bored when I got up this afternoon, I was kinda daydreaming and one of them was quite cool so I thought I'd write it as a short story. I'm not going to say what the plot is going to be or whatever, and if I did it sounds kinda cheesy, but I think the story is pretty cool and hopefully the end product will reflect that.
Anyway, the purpose of this thread, is that I've made an initial attempt at the first paragraph or so. Although I don't expect you to be able to tell how good the story is going to be, I'd like you to critique my writing style. I've not written a story since I did my English coursework when 16 (It was about a man who killed his cat then ended up killing himself). So yea, I've not had much experience writing things and it's quite hard to get an idea of how well it reads when you've written it yourself.
Anyway here it is:
It was just like any other December morning in Southampton, cold, damp and depressing. I say morning, in reality I didn't actually wake up until the afternoon, I can't recall the exact time but it must have been some time between 1 and 4 as the house was empty and the sky wasn't yet showing any signs of giving in to the night. I got up with the thought niggling at the back of my mind that I really should do some work. Deadlines were mounting and I really had nothing to show for it. I wasn't kidding myself though, I knew full well that I wouldn't do any, the day would end up like every other monday, hell, like most of the days of the last week. I'd get up, have a toasted cheese sandwich, and spend the rest of the day lounging around in my dressing gown, flitting between the TV and the computer, leaving one for the other whenever boredom started mounting. If I was feeling a little adventurous, I might even leave the house, probably just to the petrol station a few hundred yards away to buy a pizza. So, loyal as I am to tradition, I got up, donned my dressing gown and headed down to the kitchen. Lunch was pleasant, but not particularly satisfying, I was getting bored of living like this for the last week or so, but I really could not be bothered to put any effort in to changing. I remember, with dry amusement now, wishing something would happen to change this humdrum, not necessarily a lifechanging event, just something to talk about. It could be the death of someone I knew, some sort of freak accident, a natural disaster, maybe even a "nine-eleven" type event. Some might've called me callous for thoughts like this, but I didn't really care, no one was going to be reading my mind and I wasn't exactly going to go preaching my thoughts to others.
It didn't happen in any way I could have expected, but I guess I got my wish on this dull day in Southampton, although I can't exactly call it a non-lifechanging event.
It probably should have dawned on me earlier than it did that things weren't quite right, I couldn't connect to the internet and Sky TV wasn't getting any signal. I didn't think much of why this might be, I just thought it must be down to the dreary weather and our internet connection was always breaking anyway. It was pretty depressing, though, to think what I'd do for the rest of the day as these were my principal time-wasting passtimes. I cursed to myself and thought maybe I'd have to do some work afterall, or I could read a book, yeah, reading a book seemed a better idea, less effort.
I've purposefully not been an adjective whore, it's a pet hate of me when reading a story when every minute detail is un-needingly described.
So anyway, please be as negative or positive as you'd like, although I'd rather not get stuff like "OMG that sucks". If you're going to be negative, please can you give reasons and pointers as to how to improve.
Thanks guys.
(As a side note, that first paragraph happens to be 100% true to real life)
Anyway, the purpose of this thread, is that I've made an initial attempt at the first paragraph or so. Although I don't expect you to be able to tell how good the story is going to be, I'd like you to critique my writing style. I've not written a story since I did my English coursework when 16 (It was about a man who killed his cat then ended up killing himself). So yea, I've not had much experience writing things and it's quite hard to get an idea of how well it reads when you've written it yourself.
Anyway here it is:
It was just like any other December morning in Southampton, cold, damp and depressing. I say morning, in reality I didn't actually wake up until the afternoon, I can't recall the exact time but it must have been some time between 1 and 4 as the house was empty and the sky wasn't yet showing any signs of giving in to the night. I got up with the thought niggling at the back of my mind that I really should do some work. Deadlines were mounting and I really had nothing to show for it. I wasn't kidding myself though, I knew full well that I wouldn't do any, the day would end up like every other monday, hell, like most of the days of the last week. I'd get up, have a toasted cheese sandwich, and spend the rest of the day lounging around in my dressing gown, flitting between the TV and the computer, leaving one for the other whenever boredom started mounting. If I was feeling a little adventurous, I might even leave the house, probably just to the petrol station a few hundred yards away to buy a pizza. So, loyal as I am to tradition, I got up, donned my dressing gown and headed down to the kitchen. Lunch was pleasant, but not particularly satisfying, I was getting bored of living like this for the last week or so, but I really could not be bothered to put any effort in to changing. I remember, with dry amusement now, wishing something would happen to change this humdrum, not necessarily a lifechanging event, just something to talk about. It could be the death of someone I knew, some sort of freak accident, a natural disaster, maybe even a "nine-eleven" type event. Some might've called me callous for thoughts like this, but I didn't really care, no one was going to be reading my mind and I wasn't exactly going to go preaching my thoughts to others.
It didn't happen in any way I could have expected, but I guess I got my wish on this dull day in Southampton, although I can't exactly call it a non-lifechanging event.
It probably should have dawned on me earlier than it did that things weren't quite right, I couldn't connect to the internet and Sky TV wasn't getting any signal. I didn't think much of why this might be, I just thought it must be down to the dreary weather and our internet connection was always breaking anyway. It was pretty depressing, though, to think what I'd do for the rest of the day as these were my principal time-wasting passtimes. I cursed to myself and thought maybe I'd have to do some work afterall, or I could read a book, yeah, reading a book seemed a better idea, less effort.
I've purposefully not been an adjective whore, it's a pet hate of me when reading a story when every minute detail is un-needingly described.
So anyway, please be as negative or positive as you'd like, although I'd rather not get stuff like "OMG that sucks". If you're going to be negative, please can you give reasons and pointers as to how to improve.
Thanks guys.
(As a side note, that first paragraph happens to be 100% true to real life)
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