Cavemen Vs Astronauts

[Mr. Peanuts]

A spear up the shitter. Ow.

[Edify]

Astronauts, cause they've experienced/trained in 2 different gravities.

[Scurvy]

Astronauts, cause they've experienced/trained in 2 different gravities.

this isn't dbz. cavemen ftw

[Edify]

this isn't dbz. cavemen ftw

I have my reasons.

[Nickname]

yeah i like angel too

originaly inspiration aside, cavemen or astronauts?

[Suh]

when considering either side, all i can picture is the ending to "congo" when the blue apes beat down on the humans and thats how i see this fight going to be honest, the cavemen (blue apes) would win, through brute force.

plus the cavemen have to hunt for their food every single day, im pretty sure they have a good idea of how to kill something.

although are we talking one on one or like 5v5?

[Nickname]

oh, i think it's a small group, say 5 on 5

[The Unliked One...]

And where the hell there would be a battle between cavemen and astronauts!?

[genocidal]

Damn Euros always questioning obvious propositions. Of course a caveman would have to fight an astronaut - haven't you seen Planet of the Apes?

[Ewan]

I'll have to go with Astronauts.

The cavemen will be strong and possibly good at close combat through sheer strength. However, the astronauts will likely be both stronger and smarter. Humans have grown stronger and taller over the millenia, that even if both sides had equal skills they'd likely be able to overcome the cavemen. This, coupled with the astronauts are likely to be more agile, smarter and very likely have had some sort of training there's no way the cavemen have a chance.

[D1st0rt]

Don't Astronauts have guns and/or cyanide pills they can use as weapons?

[Jerome Scuggs]

Well I always kick pavement's ass so, astronauts

[Epinephrine]

It all depends who vs who you are talking about.

First of all, cavemen probably didn't live much past 40, and most astronauts are over 40. So are we comparing like a 50 year old astronaut with a 20 year old caveman?

Secondly, many astronauts are women, while when we talking about cavemen we are obviously pointing towards men, or else you'd say cavewomen.

Thirdly, many astronauts are former military as some have indicated, but then again many are just regular scientists, doctors or even regular people who passed the tests. Of course all astronauts do get basic survival and pilot training I believe. As a counterpoint, not all cavemen are created equal just as not all people are created equal, except that astronauts are specially selected people for their physical and mental prowess while cavemen are just a random group of ... cavemen.

Finally, it depends if this is 1on1 or group vs group, and what setting they are in. Are they in the woods, in a place cavemen would not be familiar with, or would they be in a Wal-Mart or something?


So I will redefine the question.

If a random group of 5 cavemen which accurately represents a typical band of cavemen in the ages of 20-25, assuming none are crippled thanks to earlier injuries, are nourished to levels that the average caveman would be, were to fight 5 male astronauts of mixed backgrounds (in terms of training) with an average age of 45, in a decidious forest unfamilar to either, with no tools to start off with, and the fight was to the death. They groups will start within visual distance of one another, but not close enough to fight immediately. The 'playing field' is assumed to be sufficiently large enough so that both groups have plenty of land to roam around. There will be no animals in this area that are of any use.

I believe the astronauts would win.

Reasons:
1) People now are bigger than people in the past. The average height of a US Army recruit during the US civil war was around 5 foot 2 inches. Now it's obvious a lot higher. People are simply bigger than they were in the past. As well, astronauts are much better nourished, and have to go tough physical training programs to make sure that even though they are older, they are at peak physical fitness for their age. Cavemen do not have these advantages, and will be similarily ravaged by childhood dieseases, bad nutrition and smaller stature.

Assuming the cavemen are 'homo sapiens' but just living in caves, genetically they should be very similar. Therefore there is no reason why the cavemen would be any bigger than astronauts considering astronauts would be eating much, much better.

2) Intelligence. Cavemen are uneducated people living on the land with limited experiences. They are also a random assortment of people. For instance if you just picked random people on the street. Astronauts are specially selected for intelligence, so for sure the astronauts will be smarter. They will also be trained for survival and will have also seen or know about many methods of fighting and killing which would just not be known to cavemen.

3) Killing ability. It's true that cavemen in a forest would probably know how to make some tools and weapons. The difference is that cavemen aren't exactly used to killing lots of people. They might hunt animals and may tussle with local bands. Then again astronauts include those with military backgrounds. So I think the actual 'killing people' advantage is overstated.

4) Planning. Astronauts are selected because they are some of the best problem solvers in the world. You need to be, because anything can happen in space and you need to be able to think quick on your feet and do. They also train for years and years to work as a team and know many ways to have good teamwork. Cavemen are just regular people. Yes they will band together for a hunt for instance, but how much of it is absolutely planned, and how much is deferring to an elder. Think of a fight between a street gang and the military.


So here's how the battle will play out:

The astronauts will start off by running away from the cavemen, designating one person as a lookout. They will immediately begin to fashion range weapons, most likely spears or a bow and arrow. Considering they have survival training, and most are good athletes and probably have other talents, at least one in the group will be proficient at throwing something or shooting something. Another astronaut will start a fire so that fire could also be used as a weapon.

Meanwhile the cavemen will realize their prey is running away. But since they aren't as well nourished or well trained, they cannot run as fast or as far as the astronauts. They eventually give up chase to regroup. They start finding items they can use for weapons as well. Being expert trackers they have a good idea where the astronauts are.

The astronauts eventually finish their weapons. Whether they have made spears, slings, clubs, bows, or even gunpowder is inconsequencial. They spilt up into teams to approach the cavemen from either side.

The cavemen of course realize that they are being surrounded as they can use their heightened cavemen senses to track the astronauts. But lacking any central cohesion except from the biggest guy shouting, the cavemen lack any real plan. They brandish their clubs and await the astronauts.

Meanwhile the astronauts decide to use some strategy. They use their fastest and most agile person to be a decoy. This decoy lures the cavemen out, and the rest of the astronauts start throwing range weapons as the cavemen. Although no cavemen die, a few are injured. The astronauts make sure to load up their spears/arrows with animal feces before they start, ensuring that the cavemen get really bad infections.

The astronauts run away and wait a few days. Meanwhile the injured cavemen get really bad infections and are effectively out of the game. The astronauts attack again using 5on3 or 5on2 and finish off the cavemen handedly.

[Squeezer]

...

Are you fucking serious?

[Nickname]

i love epis post, LOVE IT.