Interesting/Awesome Drunk stories

[gran guerrero]

ok so here's a story about my cousins (i'll make american names for youse guise to not be like wtfz)

Steve is a getting drunk kind of guy with pete always keepin him out of trouble. Steve's a tall guy, pete's a bouncer at a strip club.

Steve use to do some shit like throw a hissy fit at cafe iguana for not having enough napkins, then proceeding to throw the stack of napkins he had at the bartender repeatedly before being kicked out. Pete apologizes.

Steve says a racial slur (like fucking n**gers) while passing by a group of black guys. Luckily Pete immediately says out loud "Oh yeah I remember that episode from Chappelle's show!"

Steve punches at a window from a moving taxi cab. The driver wanted to fight steve, but Pete calmed him down.

Steve was going to hook up with 2 old ass bitches at pete's strip club, luckily Pete cock blocked him.

Steve pissed in Pete's garage. Pete cleaned it up. Steve pissed on Pete's television, Pete beat up steve.

[Xog]

I'm going to change some names here, but this is the best drunk story I have.

Ok so one night I was hanging out with neighbors and my roommate Wilbur went downtown. What seems like 20 minutes after we go back into my townhouse, he gets home and there's a commotion on our front yard. I open the door and he's standing there holding his arms up yelling "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" like he's trying to go super saiyan or something, though I don't think he's ever seen DBZ. Our next door neighbors have a scooter in their front yard that is kind of a sore spot because one of them uses it as a placeholder for highly contested parking spots when they leave. He walks over and plants one foot and kicks the scooter over onto another roommate, Thaddeus's car (No serious damage surprisingly). There are a bunch of people outside, and some of them are fanboys of this neighbor who now want to fight Wilbur. "OK LETS GET INSIDE DUDE," as we grab him in and lock the front door. So I made some garlic toast and watched MTV jams for another half hour and then went to bed. BUT THE STORY IS FAR FROM OVER. This next part is second hand, but confirmed by multiple sources.

I went to bed around 3:30, but Wilbur had other plans. Two hours later around 5:30, he is in Thaddeus's room downstairs trying to pee into a red solo cup on Thaddeus's nightstand, and missing horribly. Looking at the scene the next morning, I was sure that some of it had to have gotten on Thaddeus's head just from the proximity. Thad wakes up confused, "Wilbur what are you doing, why dont you just use the bathroom its right there?"
"hholdon man, im allmost done"
"dude, go use the bathroom"
"nah, i think ima go outside" (Thaddeus's room has an external door to the backyard)
So Wilbur goes outside and finishes up. He doesn't show up for another half hour, so Thaddeus decides he must have come inside and he locks his door and goes back to bed. Wilbur is outside in just his boxers now at 6am and its no more than 40 degrees outside, so he really wants to come in now. He starts banging on Thaddeus's door to no avail, so he looks around in our backyard. Our scooter neighbors were recently painting so they have a really long, probably 6 foot, aluminum paint roller sitting on their back patio. He picks this up, holds it butt end forward and proceeds to use it as a battering ram on the back door to THEIR townhouse.

I forget how he got back in but it wasn't much longer after that, I think he may have gone around front and somebody let him in. But yeah, anyways, pretty ridiculous night. It took like a solid week of diplomacy to get the non-scooter-owning neighbors in that house to not hate us, and the scooter one still does (this was probably in October or so)

I fear for the naming of your children.

[Scurvy]

once a group of my buddies were walking through a construction zone after a nigh of partying. They decided to get inside the big orange construction barrels and try to walk them across the road like you see in cartoons (where you can see them stand slightly, scurry a few feet, then settle back to the ground).

One got hit by a car and was hospitalized for 3 months.

surprise

[D1st0rt]

I'm going to change some names here, but this is the best drunk story I have.

Ok so one night I was hanging out with neighbors and my roommate Wilbur went downtown. What seems like 20 minutes after we go back into my townhouse, he gets home and there's a commotion on our front yard. I open the door and he's standing there holding his arms up yelling "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" like he's trying to go super saiyan or something, though I don't think he's ever seen DBZ. Our next door neighbors have a scooter in their front yard that is kind of a sore spot because one of them uses it as a placeholder for highly contested parking spots when they leave. He walks over and plants one foot and kicks the scooter over onto another roommate, Thaddeus's car (No serious damage surprisingly). There are a bunch of people outside, and some of them are fanboys of this neighbor who now want to fight Wilbur. "OK LETS GET INSIDE DUDE," as we grab him in and lock the front door. So I made some garlic toast and watched MTV jams for another half hour and then went to bed. BUT THE STORY IS FAR FROM OVER. This next part is second hand, but confirmed by multiple sources.

I went to bed around 3:30, but Wilbur had other plans. Two hours later around 5:30, he is in Thaddeus's room downstairs trying to pee into a red solo cup on Thaddeus's nightstand, and missing horribly. Looking at the scene the next morning, I was sure that some of it had to have gotten on Thaddeus's head just from the proximity. Thad wakes up confused, "Wilbur what are you doing, why dont you just use the bathroom its right there?"
"hholdon man, im allmost done"
"dude, go use the bathroom"
"nah, i think ima go outside" (Thaddeus's room has an external door to the backyard)
So Wilbur goes outside and finishes up. He doesn't show up for another half hour, so Thaddeus decides he must have come inside and he locks his door and goes back to bed. Wilbur is outside in just his boxers now at 6am and its no more than 40 degrees outside, so he really wants to come in now. He starts banging on Thaddeus's door to no avail, so he looks around in our backyard. Our scooter neighbors were recently painting so they have a really long, probably 6 foot, aluminum paint roller sitting on their back patio. He picks this up, holds it butt end forward and proceeds to use it as a battering ram on the back door to THEIR townhouse.

I forget how he got back in but it wasn't much longer after that, I think he may have gone around front and somebody let him in. But yeah, anyways, pretty ridiculous night. It took like a solid week of diplomacy to get the non-scooter-owning neighbors in that house to not hate us, and the scooter one still does (this was probably in October or so)

[Liquid Blue]

So I'm going to start bartending on Saturday night at my restaurant. I'm sure I'm going to hear a bunch of awesome/mildly interesting drunk stories, but I want to see if any of you have any to share as well.

If I hear any spectacular ones this weekend (I'm doing Sat and Sun nights for now) then I'll make sure to post them. Start sharing!