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I don't know what the problem is, I am a reasonable man. We just live in an unreasonable world sometimes. For the last 2 weeks my girlfriend has been bitching and complaining that the neighbors dogs behind us are barking at night and keeping her up, and I told her "Hey, I'm not the ASPCA, if these yahoos want to turn their back yard into a white trash wild kingdom, so be it. I've spent the last 10 years of my life traveling to far flung pain in the ass 3rd world shitholes, just for these idiots rights to be god damn morons."
So then I'm at her house Sunday night trying to watch a movie with her and her kids and sure as shit the neighbors dog starts barking, and its annoying but it's not the end of the world. Then my girlfriend comes in the room all worked up saying how her prized Himalayan Mr. Whiskers is missing. I tell her to calm down and that it's not a big deal. She says that it is a big deal because that her and Mr. Whiskers watch Sex And The City DVDs on her computer every Saturday night in bed and they never miss an episode. (For the record, I'm pretty sure that Mr. Whiskers is gay)... I tell my old lady that he probably snuck out earlier when I was bringing in the groceries and that he'll be back in the morning. No big deal. She starts crying and carrying on about how Mr. Whiskers is an indoor cat and he can't survive in the wild. Jesus Christ. I tell her if she quits bitching I will take a look outside and see if I can find him.
So I go out in the back yard and hear a bunch of growling and snarling and shit over the back wall. I take a peek over to the other side, and sure as shit I see Mr. Whiskers in the neighbors back yard. Then I see like 10-12 of the biggest god damn pitbulls that I've ever seen surrounding him and about to go in for the kill. Turns out her dick shitting hillbilly neighbors are running some type of illegal fighting dog puppy mill next to us, and Mr. Whiskers just wandered into the middle of a k9 shit storm. I hop the back wall, scoop up the furry little homo, and then all the dogs really start going ape shit. Just then her neighbor comes out his back door and starts hollering about how I'm trespassing and about how I'm about to be in a world of pain. Why do douchebags ALWAYS say that? I laugh because even though I'm holding the world's gayest cat, I know I'm about 2 seconds away from whipping out my gerber tactical knife and turning this guys prized leg humpers into a new set of seat covers for my girlfriends minivan. I tell the guy to call off his dogs and we'll call it a night and he tells me to go fuck myself. I tell him "If you keep pushing it, not only am I going to buttfuck your soul, I'm going to do it while giving him a reach around with a pair of rusty pliers."... And again, he tells me to go fuck myself
.... To be continued ....
tl;dr version: Go fuck yourself
So then I'm at her house Sunday night trying to watch a movie with her and her kids and sure as shit the neighbors dog starts barking, and its annoying but it's not the end of the world. Then my girlfriend comes in the room all worked up saying how her prized Himalayan Mr. Whiskers is missing. I tell her to calm down and that it's not a big deal. She says that it is a big deal because that her and Mr. Whiskers watch Sex And The City DVDs on her computer every Saturday night in bed and they never miss an episode. (For the record, I'm pretty sure that Mr. Whiskers is gay)... I tell my old lady that he probably snuck out earlier when I was bringing in the groceries and that he'll be back in the morning. No big deal. She starts crying and carrying on about how Mr. Whiskers is an indoor cat and he can't survive in the wild. Jesus Christ. I tell her if she quits bitching I will take a look outside and see if I can find him.
So I go out in the back yard and hear a bunch of growling and snarling and shit over the back wall. I take a peek over to the other side, and sure as shit I see Mr. Whiskers in the neighbors back yard. Then I see like 10-12 of the biggest god damn pitbulls that I've ever seen surrounding him and about to go in for the kill. Turns out her dick shitting hillbilly neighbors are running some type of illegal fighting dog puppy mill next to us, and Mr. Whiskers just wandered into the middle of a k9 shit storm. I hop the back wall, scoop up the furry little homo, and then all the dogs really start going ape shit. Just then her neighbor comes out his back door and starts hollering about how I'm trespassing and about how I'm about to be in a world of pain. Why do douchebags ALWAYS say that? I laugh because even though I'm holding the world's gayest cat, I know I'm about 2 seconds away from whipping out my gerber tactical knife and turning this guys prized leg humpers into a new set of seat covers for my girlfriends minivan. I tell the guy to call off his dogs and we'll call it a night and he tells me to go fuck myself. I tell him "If you keep pushing it, not only am I going to buttfuck your soul, I'm going to do it while giving him a reach around with a pair of rusty pliers."... And again, he tells me to go fuck myself
.... To be continued ....
tl;dr version: Go fuck yourself
great story but I feel short changed like the rest and eagerly awaiting your next chapter.
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