Yahahahahahahaha

[Adman]

>A Texan went to Chicago and thought he would buy a new
>"city" outfit. He
>went into Marshall Fields and, when asked by a sweet
>young woman if she could
>help him, he answered, "Yes ma'am. Ya see, I'm from
>Texas and I want to buy
>a complete city outfit."
>
>Her eyes lit up as she asked, "Where would you like to
>start?"
>
>
>Well, ma'am, how about a suit?"
>
>Yes sir. What size?"
>
>Size 53 tall, ma'am."
>
>"Wow, that's really big."
>
>"Yes ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."
>
>"What's next?" she asked.
>
>He replied, "How about some shoes?"
>
>"What size?"
>
>"Size 15 double E."
>
>"Wow, that's really big!"
>
>"Yes ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."
>
>"What's next?"
>
>"Well, I reckon I'll need a shirt."
>
>"Yes sir. What size?"
>
>"Nineteen and a half neck, sleeves 38," he replied.
>
>"Wow, that's really big!"
>
>"Yes ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."
>
>"Will there be anything else?" she asked.
>
>"Yes ma'am. I spect I'll need a hat."
>
>"Yes sir. What size?"
>
>"Eight and five-eighths."
>
>"Wow, that's really big!"
>
>"Yes ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."
>
>She virtually glowed as she asked, "Is there
>anything else I can do for you?"
>
>"No ma'am , I reckon that will be all."
>
>As the sweet young thing tallied up his bill, and
>as the Texan counted out his money, she blushed and
>asked, "Sir, could I ask
>you a question?"
>
>"Yes ma'am, I already know what it is. And the
>answer is four inches."
>
>Astonished, she blurted out, "Why, my boyfriend is
>bigger than that!"
>
>Without so much as a stutter, the Texan replied,
>"From the floor, ma'am."

[stark]

uhh, that wasn't that funny... and why's it in general discussion? would you like it if we had a discussion about phallus'? does it turn you on? are you aroused? do you have an errection? is it four inches... from the ceiling?

[pv=nrt]

i deal with this stuff all the time whenever i travel to another state. It gets quite redundant.

[Dameon Angell]

LMAO

[ÆNIMA]

imagining that guy say that in a texan accent was Cash, good joke

[Adman]

> IT DOES NOT PAY TO LIE TO YOUR WIFE
>
> >John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the
> rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
>
> >That won him the top prize at the Pub for the best toast of the
> night!
>
> He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the
> best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, what was your toast?"
> John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in
> church beside me wife."
>
> "Oh that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
>
> The next day, Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the
> street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize,
> the other night, with a toast about you, Mary."
> She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised me self! You know,he's
> only been there twice! Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had
> to pull him by the ears to make him come."



PS FUCK ALL THE HATERS.

[stark]

you get alot of spam/junk mail, don't you? this one was funnier, and i'd just like to say at this time that i love you.

[Adman]

i get a bunch of crap emails, but i get a lot of funny pictures, and no spam it's all from friends.

[Bioture]

I want 5 minutes of my life back.

[ÆNIMA]

the 2nd joke wasn't as funny:\

Adult humor isn't Adult humor, it's what young immature people tell eachother, it's more like child humor

Bioture, I got your 5 minutes, all I need is your bank account number, and authorization to withdraw from it anytime.

[genocidal]

i'm glad i read the responses to long posts before i read the actual post...that way i don't waste my life

[Adman]

An elderly Jewish gentleman marries a much younger woman. No matter what
>the
>husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife
>is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi.
>
>The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the
>following
>suggestion: "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making
>love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife
>fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."
>
>They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man
>and he waves a towel over them as they make love.
>
>It doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied, so they return to the rabbi
>and he says, "Let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your
>wife and you wave the towel over them."
>
>Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed
>with
>the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets working with
>great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking,
>earsplitting, screaming orgasm.
>
>The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly:
>
>"You see, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!"
>

[Adman]

There is a man sitting in a bar who is really, really drunk.
When the bar closes he gets up to go home.
He stumbles and falls a couple of times and finally manages to get out of the door.
As he gathers himself, he sees a nun passing by. He stumbles over to her and
starts punching her in the face.
The nun is shocked beyond belief, but before she could say anything, he leans
over and punches her again.
This time the nun hits the pavement. The drunk stumbles over to her, kicks her butt,
picks her up and throws her against the wall.
By now the nun is very week and can barely move.
He leans over here, grabbing her by the collar of her habit and says,
"Not feeling too strong tonight, are you, Batman!!!!!"

[Adman]

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?

A: Because she got an F in sex.



Q: What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?

A: Humpme Dumpme.



Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?

A: Because everybody gets a turn.



Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?

A: Grade 4.



Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?

A: They both drip when they're fucked.



Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?

A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.



Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?

A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."



Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?

A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.



Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?

A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.



Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?

A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.



Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?

A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.



Q: Why are blondes like TVs?

A: Any three year old can turn them on.



Q: WHAT'S THE DIFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A MOSQUITO

A: A MOSQUITO STOPS SUCKING AFTER YOU SLAP IT



The Creation Of A Pussy

Seven men with knowledge so fine
Created a Pussy to their design.

First was a butcher, Smart with wit,
Using a knife he gave it a slit.

Second was a carpenter, Strong and bold,
With a hammer and a chisel he gave it a hole.

Third was a tailor, tall and thin
By using red velvet, he lined it within.

Fourth was a hunter, short and stout
With a piece of fox fur he lined it without.

Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
Threw in a fish and gave it a smell

Sixth was a preacher, Whose name was McGee
Touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.

Last was a sailor, dirty ol' runt,
He sucked it and fucked it and called it a cunt.