Hosted game @ fixed time?

[TelKitty]

So we know what will happen at when ...

[Annux]

2000-05-01
today was shitty so i will fix it by listening to pop music!!! LOUD LOUD LOUD POP POP POP i have cds i have not even listened to yet so i am putting them on. hooray! this has drums and ,,, guitars SLIDE GUITAR

okay haha anyway enough with that. on saturday i went to garage sales all over the city! i don't want to tell you where exactly it is where i live so i will just call it "ohio" for short. so i saw this garage sale off the street where i live and went to that! i always feel bad when i go to them because i don't really want to talk to the people there because usually they are bizarre and make me feel bad if i don't buy anything (mostly i hate feeling like i should buy something from this lady because she is being so nice to her, it makes me feel bad just leaving and not buying anything) but well okay. so i always tell them "hello!" or "good morning" or something because that is good. i don't know what to say when the person is on the telephone though. a lot at these garage sales people have cordless phones and they are out in their garage or yard or whatever with the cordless phone nearby.

ok now what call would be so important that you would miss it while at a garage sale! haha. i mean what is their stockbroker going to call them! "no no sell it! sell it^%" or whatever people say to stockbrokers, i don't know. haha "yeah why don't you take that 120k i have in tech stocks and move it into a safer money market fund, antonio! hold on.... that will be 50c! yes i will take a quarter! do you want a bag! have a nice day!!.... okay yes we might want to try a controlled investment strategy to minimize our losses"

and i mean sometimes i feel bad for the people selling stuff because they will just put a blanket out on their lawn and have about four items on it. not even late in the day either, i am talking early in the morning! and its always some fat woman with a baby, uggggh

ok well i have this strategy for garage sales, i always see old women shopping at them and i keep thinking they are aggressive women with scowls and mean GOOD SHOPPERS RAMMING cars like in that movie fried green tomatoes I AM OLDER AND HAVE BETTER INSURANCE

well starting that thought over from the beginning, i bet these women have strategies for working yard sales and the best bargaining strategies and just the skillz to get their pastel clothes at the best prices. so i had to sit down and develop my own strategy. since you do not live in "ohio" i will divulge my yard sale secrets so that you can shop better!

1. do not buy electric items! you don't know if they work! especially stuff that you don't know about the habits of the person who last used it, like coffee mugs or vibrators or mixers or coffee machines and you don't know if the goddamn thing even works. do you want to pay three dollars for something that does not work? the answer is no! okay here is a sub item for you. you can call it (a) or a. or however that goes, i am not sure. but anyway ok here is my idea! what you do to make sure you do not get cheated is write down the address of where you buy the equipment! then if it does not work, say, the coffee maker you buy does not work, go back to the house. when they answer the door THROW the coffee maker at them and hopefully it will knock them out or stun them so you can pour gasoline on the floor and set it on fire! an option is if you are dhalsam from street fighter video game you can just do down, down-right, right, and jab, and breathe fire out on them! then you can lean down and your arms will shoot out super long and assasagasgs but that is optional. and remember it is mortal kombat not street fighter that has extra points for a fatality!! so do not kill them, only stun them.

2. do not buy old paintings! the legend you hear of buying paintings which turn out to be famous is just not true! but, if you find yourself with old paintings which you have already bought at a yard sale, here is what you do! get some oil paints and paint over the hack's name at the bottom, whoever painted the stupid thing, and paint back over it with the name of some famous artist, you should be creative but use a name someone has heard! like "drew" no really use something believable like van gogh or something. anyway have your own garage sale! and put out stupid crap you want to sell anyway like old clothes or whatever but take one painting outside and just lean it up against a table all casually. put a price on it that's five times what you paid. say $15 or $25. or be creative! higher is better! okay well then just have your sale and someone will come up and buy it and think he is cheating you and will gladly pay you that money for a painting he thinks is vintage! then he will try to sell it on ebay L@@K VINTAGE VAN GOGH UNDISCOVERED and suckaz will shoot him down hahah. okay when you have sold it take the next painting out of your house and lean it up against the same table! repeat until finished. if you don't have anything to do one day, you might consider painting your own shitty paintings and selling them for way too much with other artists names on them!

3. go to yard sales run by children! you know the kind where the kids are just running around in the yard or playing or even sitting behind the table all nice because they want to make money! first of all these are the easiest to steal from. but what you might not know is that if you are crafty you will be able to purchase the children themselves for use as slaves!! what you do is get those little white circle stickers and write "10.00" on them. the kids will be sitting out there and just run up and stick the sticker on one of their arms! then ask the other one, your brother has a price tag, can i buy him for 10.00! and of course they will tell you hell yeah, do you want a bag for that, then give her the ten and take off. you wouldn't believe how much labor you can get done with children just ask any one of a hundred third world countries!!

4. pick fights with other customers! this is good. yank items out of their hands and hold it out of their reach and tease them and whatever else you can think of! grabbing small items from tables (little glass animal figurines are good for this) and sticking it in their purses also works well. go over and whisper to the person running the sale, i just saw that old lady over there steal something! if you are lucky there will only be one person running the garage sale and you can steal the cashbox and walk away. i mean they didn't earn that money all they did was sit outside all day and talk to the goddamn stockbroker! they have enough money as it is!

5. if they have "everything in this box $0.25" use that to your advantage! if the box is big enough you can put children in it (see number 3) or you can put tools or computer parts or cameras or radios or little wood things that hang on the wall to put shit on or WHATEVER YOU WANT then tell the person running the sale, i'll give you $5 for everything in this box! then they will tell you ok without looking in it because they will think you are a dumbass and can't see there are less than 20 items in the box. haha who just got a cd walkman two stuffed animals and a wood shelf thing for just five dollars! the answer will be you!

6. never ever go to a yard sale run by one of your neighbors! if you are like me none of your neighbors know you apart from saying hey thats the fucked up guy that lives down the hall from me but i mean if you give them a bad check or knock over their table like a mafia guy and say, "this sale is OVER!" they will know who it is! okay well a word of advice if you are going to write bad checks make sure they are someone else's checks not yours! because your address is on your own checks, stupid.

7. the best thing you can do is get some of those price tags mentioned in number 3. those little white sticker circles. and a pen but instead of 10.00 write 0.25 or 10c or whatever you want on them. put them on items and take them up to the person running the sale and hold out a quarter like you are paying them then they will say, wait what does that price tag say? write real small so they will bring it closer to their face then WHAM come up from under it with your hand and smack it into their face so it will hopefully knock them out. if that doesn't work you may have to do it again! but then if the item isn't broken from facial contact, run away with it! hell yeah. oh also don't try this if there are three or four people at the garage sale, and if it is a rummage sale to benefit the american legion or national rifle association. also don't do it if it is a church rummage sale because, come on, is there really anything at a church rummage sale that you want? you are pretty fucked up if there is.

8. never never ever buy clothes there because do you want to look like someone who works in a coffeehouse! why don't you just pierce your face and wear a button that says should i leave room for cream! no really actually you should pass on the clothes because people touched them, people wore them, dirty, old, used, yuck! buy clothes in a mall store made by people in bangladesh with the comfort that the only people who have touched them either work 16 hour days or are teenagers who fold clothes at a store! also because you are supporting our economy when you do that. when you are at the mall it is a good idea to buy local and also to eat at the food court because nothing is more american than good old fried fatty fat burgers with extra HAM SAUSAGE FAT PATTIES EGG OMELET SHIT on the side!!!

[Annux]

9. my final tip for getting good deals is to dress like a homeless guy. park around the corner and get your shopping cart out of the trunk and put on your six sweaters and your mesh ball cap and your knit snow hat over that. and dirty pants but if you are like me you probably wear your pants until they smell horrible anyway! ok well smack your lips and scratch yourself and crane your head when you look at everything and blink your eyes a lot. it helps if you are dirty and have a big beard but if you are a girl it is hard to do that so just try extra hard to look insane because that is just as good as a beard. ok well have four or five pennies in your hand and rub your dirty hands all over whatever it is you want to buy and hold out the pennies and the item and look at the person all weird and say IS THIS ENOUGH then they will feel bad and tell you yes and you will put it in your shopping cart then ask them, do you have anything to eat? haha then if they hesitate start rubbing your dirty hands over stuff until they bring you some free food. hell yeah a dirty placemat and a free lunch for $0.04 you can't beat that. of course your hands are pretty dirty so you might want to bring a wet nap with you so you can clean up before you eat the food.


okay i hope this helps in future yard sales! i know that in "ohio" i will follow my own advice to get the best deals on the best items! also i noticed that everyone's garage smells different, it smells warm and strange like food and years of living in a house, like going over to friends houses when i was in school. people invite you into their garage with their old clothes and board games and two cds their kid is selling for way too much and it is all i can do not to ask them, is the lawn mower for sale! then when they resist, starting it up and who is going to deny a homeless guy with a lawn mower! you can pretty much name your price. when you get the mower, put it on the cart, and you will have a go-cart. wait a go-shopping-cart! or a shopping-go-cart! either way it is a wonder of science and you can eat your free lunch while you ride down the street back to your car, happy with the deals you got, and stomach full of the great food they gave you. garage sales are one of my favorite things in the world and if you follow my tips you may well feel the same way! farewell and good luck garage sale-ing! don't forget to haggle!

[hogo]

annux from the bottom of my dark empty heart i thank you for shedding light on what to do when buying things from yard sales... i hopefully will become as learned as you when it comes to those sort of festive haggling get-togethers

your pal,
Cleavius Anthony Johnson III

p.s. can i call you paul?

[Annux]

coolats~kulats

[Jason]

Re: Hosted game @ fixed time?

Originally posted by TelKitty
So we know what will happen at when ...

That'll never work. If you tell a host there's something that needs to be hosted at a specific time, he/she runs away crying. Just look at league matches and the incessant lack of hosts each and every weekend.

[Vykromond]

wow what a good squad that elite--force!!!!

[Blast]

Everyone on this post except for TelKitty is on wtfz, so I figure I'll continue the tradition.

[DoTheFandango]

Originally posted by Blast
Everyone on this post except for TelKitty is on wtfz, so I figure I'll continue the tradition.

can i join
Ill make the banner all cool and such

[Louis XV]

Originally posted by DoTheFandango


can i join
Ill make the banner all cool and such

"double-A" utter absurdity not included. may contain small objects. not suitable for small children. all rights reserved. side effects include: increased heart rate, sweating, heightened sexual drive, sore right hand.

[TelKitty]

I need to join a sqaud whos cap is cute,
Even Madonna wants to cyber him too,
I would like to be on your team,
Spwan with you is my fancy dream,
You looks so sexy when you basing in that shark,
With you 600 ms lag spiders wont have any luck,
If you are cap who is hot and sexy,
and you see me in the game please pm me.

[Pio]

wtfz

[germboy]

i live in "ohio"
go me!