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Interview with "The Div"
1) When did you decide to become a god?
this guy cundor messaged me and told me he was starting a religion and I was the deity, so i figured "fuck it, I'll play along with the little belgian fucker"
2) what kinda estonishing things r u gonna throw ur believers?
a lot of "hand is quicker than your mind" shit, diversionary, misdirection tactics, I show them the coin in my left hand, while I touch their souls with my right, maybe a little three card monty too if the funds are low
3) that sounds pretty amazing, how r u gonna realize all those jibjab things?
i don't know what the hell you just asked me
4) owkay, next question: what do people have to do to get the "Div" on their side?
pretty simple really, just find something that we have in common, it can be something giant and general or some specific perpective that we can share together, just help me find a way to relate to you and your humanity, otherwise I'll take cash, compliments, favors, job recommendations, gift certificates, introductions to women, or canned goods
5) Hmm...so let me get this right....you are just a god who cares about material stuff, no emotional values?
not at all, all emotional values, but when we can't share anything deeper, I demand goods and services; "tax that ass"- it's like a way out for shitty people who can't get their souls right, at least they can buy their way out of trouble.
6) Well that's pretty good, what about plagues, will you send plagues to Egypt too like your fathers and grandfathers did or are you more of a peaceful god?
Peaceful, only racists and those who lack compassion will suffer and i doubt their suffering will be violent, probably jock itch and stuff like that, probably a lot of genital related trouble really. Seriously, tell my people to quit fucking up the planet too.
7) But shouldnt a god be there for all of us who need a God??
(silence) Why can't that be me? Why do you need some highly structured system to have a god? God is within yourself if he's anywhere, if the signal's not clear, you're too far away, or there is no signal.
hmm... ty for ur time
this guy cundor messaged me and told me he was starting a religion and I was the deity, so i figured "fuck it, I'll play along with the little belgian fucker"
2) what kinda estonishing things r u gonna throw ur believers?
a lot of "hand is quicker than your mind" shit, diversionary, misdirection tactics, I show them the coin in my left hand, while I touch their souls with my right, maybe a little three card monty too if the funds are low
3) that sounds pretty amazing, how r u gonna realize all those jibjab things?
i don't know what the hell you just asked me
4) owkay, next question: what do people have to do to get the "Div" on their side?
pretty simple really, just find something that we have in common, it can be something giant and general or some specific perpective that we can share together, just help me find a way to relate to you and your humanity, otherwise I'll take cash, compliments, favors, job recommendations, gift certificates, introductions to women, or canned goods
5) Hmm...so let me get this right....you are just a god who cares about material stuff, no emotional values?
not at all, all emotional values, but when we can't share anything deeper, I demand goods and services; "tax that ass"- it's like a way out for shitty people who can't get their souls right, at least they can buy their way out of trouble.
6) Well that's pretty good, what about plagues, will you send plagues to Egypt too like your fathers and grandfathers did or are you more of a peaceful god?
Peaceful, only racists and those who lack compassion will suffer and i doubt their suffering will be violent, probably jock itch and stuff like that, probably a lot of genital related trouble really. Seriously, tell my people to quit fucking up the planet too.
7) But shouldnt a god be there for all of us who need a God??
(silence) Why can't that be me? Why do you need some highly structured system to have a god? God is within yourself if he's anywhere, if the signal's not clear, you're too far away, or there is no signal.
hmm... ty for ur time
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