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Edit - a certain staffmember who is a dueler told me top 6 squads make it to playoffs. Apparently, it's top 7. So, everybody but dice gets a shot.
Well what the hell guys. I'm away for Week 3, and then in Week 4 everything goes all to hell. Penetrate beating Diso? Pirates beating ML week 3? Right now the playoff picture SHOULD be starting to shape up. And so it is.
#1 - Thunder (4-0) (Prettiest Belle at the Ball)
3 more games to go. You're en route to be the top seed and I don't think anyone doubts that. You're playing consistently and playing well. Don't let it go to your heads! For your three remaining matches you have Diso, ML, and Spastic, none of which will be very easy matches. If you lose a match, and Diso rebounds from their loss today, the number 1 seed you've got could be at risk. But I'm doubting it.
#2 - Disoblige (3-1) (What the hell.)
What am I supposed to do with you guys. You get absolutely stomped by the numbers against Penetrate. And yet, you're still a 3-1 in a crowd of 2-2s. I will give you the benefit of the doubt this week simply because I can't justify bumping up anybody else into the #2 spot. But you're on notice! The hounds of (2-2) are nipping at your heels for your #2 seed.
#3 - Pirates (2-2) (Gold metal at the Special Olympics)
You know, I bet if most of us ran against a bunch of retards at the Special Olympics, we'd probably lose. Especially those strong retards that occasionally go into rages at school. After a curb stomping of a terrible ML squad last week you dealt out a decent victory against Spastic and theoretically most of the rest of your matches should be easier onces since you've got Thunder / Diso out of the way. You are my top contenders to sneak in and steal Diso's #2 seed. Isn't that special.
#4 - Penetrate(2-2) (I was Hopeless, Now I'm on Hope Row)
Well hey there champs. Way to salvage your season with a hell of a knockout punch to Diso. I definitely did not see that coming. But, you still have a lot of difficult matches ahead and I don't see you sneaking into a #2 seed. Your goal now is to maintain. ML next week, Pirates the week after. Good luck.
#5 - Spastic (2-2) (Show me some spirit fingers!)
I don't know guys. You're playing well enough that I think you'll make playoffs. I need more EXCITEMENT, I need JAZZ HANDS if you're going to make waves in playoffs. You've got some tough matches coming up, so let's get to work! Let me put it this way: if you couldn't beat Pirates or ML, you're not going to have an easy time beating Thunder or Diso.
#6 - Mainliner (2-2) (Needs more torque.)
Last weekend a bolt dropped out of my water pump and punctured a big hole in my timing belt. Two different mechanics said they'd never seen anything like it. My car has been in the shop since then, much like Mainliner. We lost terribly that weekend to Pirates and eked out a win against BC this week. Hopefully, like my badass 95 Corolla (her name is Doris), when we roll out of the mechanic's shop and start revving that sweet little japanese 4 cylinder, we'll not suck so goddamn much anymore.
#7 - BasingCrew (1-3) (Take me to the basement; let me count the holes in your foundation.)
You are showing strongly to your matches and not getting blown out of the water. You're also not winning. However, there is HOPE! You have (relatively) an easier next three games against Penetrate, Pirates, and Spastic and I can see you guys winning at least two of those matches if you bring the heat. And if you do that, you might just sneak into playoffs. You must win out to have a realistic shot.
#8 - Dice (0-4) (These berries taste like burning.)
If Pirates are the Gold Medalists, you're the retard who forgot to start running and pissed yourself in the long jump pit while looking for the ocean. Your cunning plan to lull us into a false sense of security has worked. We're all feeling pretty secure in the fact that your chances of actually making playoffs hinge on one of the (2-2) teams losing all the rest of their games and you winning all the rest of yours. So, good luck with that.
Round 5 Predictions
Mainliner v. Penetrate
15:00 : 13:00
Disoblige v. Dice
15:00 : 2:00
Pirates v. BasingCrew
15:00 : 13:00
Thunder v. Spastic
15:00 : 10:00
Well what the hell guys. I'm away for Week 3, and then in Week 4 everything goes all to hell. Penetrate beating Diso? Pirates beating ML week 3? Right now the playoff picture SHOULD be starting to shape up. And so it is.
#1 - Thunder (4-0) (Prettiest Belle at the Ball)
3 more games to go. You're en route to be the top seed and I don't think anyone doubts that. You're playing consistently and playing well. Don't let it go to your heads! For your three remaining matches you have Diso, ML, and Spastic, none of which will be very easy matches. If you lose a match, and Diso rebounds from their loss today, the number 1 seed you've got could be at risk. But I'm doubting it.
#2 - Disoblige (3-1) (What the hell.)
What am I supposed to do with you guys. You get absolutely stomped by the numbers against Penetrate. And yet, you're still a 3-1 in a crowd of 2-2s. I will give you the benefit of the doubt this week simply because I can't justify bumping up anybody else into the #2 spot. But you're on notice! The hounds of (2-2) are nipping at your heels for your #2 seed.
#3 - Pirates (2-2) (Gold metal at the Special Olympics)
You know, I bet if most of us ran against a bunch of retards at the Special Olympics, we'd probably lose. Especially those strong retards that occasionally go into rages at school. After a curb stomping of a terrible ML squad last week you dealt out a decent victory against Spastic and theoretically most of the rest of your matches should be easier onces since you've got Thunder / Diso out of the way. You are my top contenders to sneak in and steal Diso's #2 seed. Isn't that special.
#4 - Penetrate(2-2) (I was Hopeless, Now I'm on Hope Row)
Well hey there champs. Way to salvage your season with a hell of a knockout punch to Diso. I definitely did not see that coming. But, you still have a lot of difficult matches ahead and I don't see you sneaking into a #2 seed. Your goal now is to maintain. ML next week, Pirates the week after. Good luck.
#5 - Spastic (2-2) (Show me some spirit fingers!)
I don't know guys. You're playing well enough that I think you'll make playoffs. I need more EXCITEMENT, I need JAZZ HANDS if you're going to make waves in playoffs. You've got some tough matches coming up, so let's get to work! Let me put it this way: if you couldn't beat Pirates or ML, you're not going to have an easy time beating Thunder or Diso.
#6 - Mainliner (2-2) (Needs more torque.)
Last weekend a bolt dropped out of my water pump and punctured a big hole in my timing belt. Two different mechanics said they'd never seen anything like it. My car has been in the shop since then, much like Mainliner. We lost terribly that weekend to Pirates and eked out a win against BC this week. Hopefully, like my badass 95 Corolla (her name is Doris), when we roll out of the mechanic's shop and start revving that sweet little japanese 4 cylinder, we'll not suck so goddamn much anymore.
#7 - BasingCrew (1-3) (Take me to the basement; let me count the holes in your foundation.)
You are showing strongly to your matches and not getting blown out of the water. You're also not winning. However, there is HOPE! You have (relatively) an easier next three games against Penetrate, Pirates, and Spastic and I can see you guys winning at least two of those matches if you bring the heat. And if you do that, you might just sneak into playoffs. You must win out to have a realistic shot.
#8 - Dice (0-4) (These berries taste like burning.)
If Pirates are the Gold Medalists, you're the retard who forgot to start running and pissed yourself in the long jump pit while looking for the ocean. Your cunning plan to lull us into a false sense of security has worked. We're all feeling pretty secure in the fact that your chances of actually making playoffs hinge on one of the (2-2) teams losing all the rest of their games and you winning all the rest of yours. So, good luck with that.
Round 5 Predictions
Mainliner v. Penetrate
15:00 : 13:00
Disoblige v. Dice
15:00 : 2:00
Pirates v. BasingCrew
15:00 : 13:00
Thunder v. Spastic
15:00 : 10:00
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