Trench Center Weekly Transcripts

[THE PUSHER]

Hey Hey!

Here are the transcripts of the past 3 Trench Centers! I lost the other two somewhere . Each week I will post the transcripts on this thread so you can read up on all the action if you missed the broadcast!

-PUSH

[THE PUSHER]

Week 5

WEEK 5 OF TRENCH WARS LEAGUES, DESPITE THE DELAYS, FINALLY ENDED THIS WEEK. MUCH WAS TALKED ABOUT THESE GAMES BUT IN THE END THEY FINALLY SAW A COMPLETION.

IN EASTERN CONFERENCE DUELING ACTION

GUTTER STAYED IN THE GUTTER WITH A LOSS TO MELEE 50 TO 43
IT WAS SK8 OVER DOOM 50-38
SHRIEK BROUGHT THE NOISE AND SPOILED VORTEX’S FUN 50 TO 27
SIEGE MAINTAINED ITS FIRST PLACE RANK WITH A CRUSHING ROMP OF ZWARRIOS 50-21
CROWD FAVORITE BRIT SQUAD CAME UP SHORT AGAINST THE ALLURE OF BEAUTY 50-44

IN THE WESTERN CONFERENCE

IT WAS A BATTLE FOR FIRST PLACE PITTING LIGHT AGAINST ELUSIVE. THIS GAME WAS WATHCED BY 70 PLUS SPECCERS AND LAG TOLD THE TALE. ELUSIVE HAD A CHANCE AT ONE POINT BUT LIGHT CAME THROUGH IN THE END WITH A SCORE OF 50-45. ELUSIVE CAPTAIN EPINEPHRINE QUESTIONED THE ELIGIBILITY OF LIGHT NEWCOMER DOMI, THE REFEREE LEFT EYE DETERMINED DOMI TO BE LEGAL, AND THE GAME WENT ON.

NO SURRENDER LOSES TO THE CRIPPLES 50 TO 30
PALLIES LOSE A HEARTBREAKER TO ZERO HOUR 50 TO 41.
DISOBLIGE OBLITERATED PALADEN 50 TO 18
AND LEAGUE NEWCOMER DRASTIC FELL SHORT TO THIRD PLACE ONIX 50 TO 31

ONTO THE STEAMIEST LEAGUE OF THEM ALL… JAVS

EASTERN CONFERENCE ACTION PITTED CRIPPLES IN A MATCH VS ANTI SCRUB. THE WHEELCHAIR WARRIORS BROKE OUT A CAN OF WHOOPASS ON THOSE YOUNGINS STOMPING ANTI SCRUB 50-17

ELUSIVE TOPS SHRIEK WHILE DISOBLIGE IS AGAIN DENIED THE CHANCE TO PLAY. MELEE HAD TO FORFEIT ONLY FIELDING THREE ELIGIBLE PLAYERS FOR THE MATCH. DISO SQUAD MEMBER MANTRA SLIDER VOWED TO LET HIS WILEY HAIR GROW UNTIL SOME SQUAD HAS THE CAJONES TO STAND UP TO THEM.

ALCOHOLISM LOSES TO LIGHT THIS WEEK 50 TO 34. SQUAD CAP GURU WAS DISPLEASED OVER THE LOSS CITING A LACK OF CERTAIN FROSTY BEVERAGES TO ACCOMMODATE HIS SQUAD.

IN THE WESTERN CONFERENCE

SK8 MAINTAINS ITS STANDING WITH A WIN OVER VORTEX 50 TO 22

PALADEN FALLS TO ZERO HOUR 50 TO 37

RECENT WESTERN CONFERENCE ENTRANT PURE LUCK SNAGS A WIN OVER ZWARRIORS 50 TO 42

ONIX AND DOOM FOUGHT WELL AGAINST EACH OTHER… IT WAS A MATCH FOR THE AGES… ONE THAT ALL SHOULD HAVE SEEN. SADLY, 6 PEOPLE SHOWED UP TO WATCH ONIX BEAT DOOM 50 TO 35.

AND NOW FOR A REPORT ON THE PALLIES SIEGE MATCHUP… HERE’S BBC FIELD REPORTER REGINALD JAM.


THANKS REGGIE FOR THAT WONDERFUL REPORT…

IF YOU WANT ALL THE HOTTEST BASING ACTION YOU CAN GET IT ALL HERE ON TRENCH CENTER…

THIS WEEK LIGHT WENT TO TOWN ON PALADEN 119K TO 52K. DUMBRIT AGAIN PROVED HE IS THE LIGHT BACKBONE COMING THROUGH WITH MVP HONORS. THIS VICTORY HOWEVER DID NOT STOP PALLIES CO-CAP DIVINE RIDES FROM DOING HIS ANTI-LIGHT DANCE AND SACRIFICING A THOUSAND CHICKENS.

SPEAKING OF PALLIES... THE CUTE LITTLE BUNNY RABBITS SHOWED THEY HAD NASTY BIG POINTY TEETH, BEHEADING A SURPRISED PALLIES GROUP WITH A SCORE OF 124 TO 78K. THE PALLIES HAVE SINCE PURCHASED THE HOLY HAND GRENADE OF ANTIOCH, AND ON THE COUNTING OF 3. NO MORE NO LESS. THEY WILL LOBBEST THY HOLY HAND GRENADE OF ANTIOCH, THUS BLOWING APART THE CUTE LITTLE BUNNY RABBITS.

VORTEX CAME LOADED WITH WARBIRDS IN AN ATTEMPT TO WIN THEIR MATCHUP AGAINST THE VAUNTED DISOBLIGE BASING SQUAD. VORTEX TRIED LIKE TRUE CHAMPIONS TO FOIL THE DISO ASSAULT, IN THE END DISO DID WHAT DISO DOES… STOMPING VORTEX 76K TO 15K.

CRIPPLES BROKE OUT THE ROCKET FUELED SUPER CHAIRS THIS WEEK BUT IT WASN’T NEEDED. ONIX MANAGED TO GATHER ONLY 6 PLAYERS IN THIS MATCHUP. THE WHEELCHAIR WARRIORS TOP ONIX 107K TO 24K. AFTERWARDS SQUAD NEWCOMER CODE WAS FORCED TO BUY ALL THE CRIPS BURGER KING EXTRA VALUE MEALS, SUPER SIZED, WITH A COKE.

NO SURRENDER SHOWED THEY STILL HAVE THE RIGHT STUFF WITH A STOMPING OF ZERO HOUR 126 TO 31K.

AND IN THE LAGGORIFIC MATCH OF THE WEEK, ANTI SCRUB AND SHRIEK FOUGHT THE LAG BUT THE LAG WON. IN A LAG FILLED MATCH THAT THOSE WHO VIEWED IT CALLED ‘REALLY LAGGY.’, ANTI SCRUB MANAGED TO COME THROUGH IN THE END WITH A SCORE OF 95K TO 88K. ADMAN WAS THE MVP BECAUSE HE KILLED HIS TEAM LESS THAN ANYONE ELSE.

NA-NA-NA-NA-BOO BOO SAID HE… NA-NA-NA-NA-BOO BOO

THAT’S IT FOR THIS WEEKS TRENCH CENTER!

BROUGHT TO YOU BUY SUPER 8 MAXIS! THE PAD WITH POWER!
AND BY NOOBIE COLA! IF YOU DRINK IT YOU MIGHT BE AS COOL AS ME!

I’M THE PUSHER… AND THIS IS PALLIES RADIO.

[THE PUSHER]

Week 6

TRENCH WARS DUELING LEAGUE SPORTED THE USUAL BATTLES AND LAG PROBLEMS. THE TW BOTS BEGAN TO SHOW THEY STILL HAVE ISSUES AND CAUSED SOME GAMES TO BE REPLAYED.

IN THE WESTERN CONFERENCE PALLIES AND CRIPPLES PLAYED IN ONE SUCH MATCH. AFTER BEATING THE CRIPPLES IN A CLOSE GAME, IT WAS FOUND WHEELCHAIR WARRIOR FALLEN HAVEN HAD BEEN UNJUSTLY REMOVED BY THE ROBOTIC REFEREE. THE GAME WAS PROMPTLY REPLAYED WITH SOME MINOR SUBSTITUTIONS, PALLIES WOULD WIN THE SECOND AND TAKE THE GAME 47-50. MVP HONORS WENT TO SLEEPY WEASEL AGAIN, SINCE HE SINGLE HANDEDLY TORE CRIPPLES TO PIECES.

DRASTIC TRIES TO CONTINUE ITS AMAZING ENTRANCE INTO LEAGUES WITH A WIN OVER ZERO HOUR 50 TO 41

NO SURRENDER BROKE OUT THE WHITE FLAGS AND FELL TO LIGHT 50 TO 28

ONIX ROMPED ON PALADEN WITH A SCORE OF 50 TO 35

DISOBLIGE HAD PLANS TO MOVE INTO A SECOND PLACE TIE WITH CONFERENCE RIVAL ELUSIVE. IT WAS A HARD FOUGHT MATCH WITH BOTH SQUADS PLAYING THEIR TOP PLAYERS. CROWD SPECTATORS WERE HEARD MUMBLING ‘WOW! LOOK AT ALL THOSE TOP PLAYERS IN THERE!’ IN THE END… ELUSIVE WOULD PROVE TO BE SO… EDGING OUT DISOBLIGE 50 TO 48

ONTO EASTERN CONFERENCE DUELING

GUTTER FINALLY CRAWLED OUT OF THE GUTTER THIS WEEK TOPPING THE NOW ZERO AND 6 ZWARRIORS

SK8 SHOWED VORTEX THAT ITS ALL ABOUT THE BENJAMINS WINNING 50 TO 21

CROWD FAVORITE BRIT SQUAD CAME TO THEIR MATCH FUELED UP ON WATNEY’S RED BARREL AND CHIPS… ONLY TO BE SQUASHED BY MELEE 50 TO 26

DOOM ERASED BEAUTY 50 TO 27

FINALLY… SIEGE AND SHRIEK MET ON THE DANCE FLOOR THIS WEEKEND FOR THE TANGO OF DEATH. BLOOD PROVED THAT HE AND HE ALONE WILL BE THE BOY WITH THE GOLDEN HAIR… TAKING MVP HONORS AND LEADING SIEGE TO A 50 TO 36 VICTORY. SIEGE REMAINS UNDEFEATED ATOP THE EASTERN CONFERENCE 6 AND OH

ONTO THE LITTLE SHIPS WITH THE BOMBS THAT BOUNCE!

WESTERN CONFERENCE ACTION SPORTED PALLIES GETTING THE SNOT BEATEN OUT OF THEM BY NEWCOMER DOOM 50 TO 28

VORTEX FELL TO SECOND PLACE ZERO HOUR 50 TO 39

IT WAS PALADEN OVER Z WARRIOS 50 TO 36 AND ONIX WALKS AWAY WITH A 25 TO 0 WIN BECAUSE PURE LUCK FORGOT TO SHOW UP.

SIEGE MAINTAINED ITS TOP STANDING IN THE WESTERN CONFERENCE WITH A 50 TO 40 WIN OVER THIRD PLACE SK8. SK8 MEMBERS WERE SADDENED AT THE LOSS, AND AFTER THE GAME TREATED EACH OTHER TO ICE CREAM AND EMOTIONAL SUPPORT.


ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TRACKS…

THE ACTION PACKED EASTERN CONFERENCE STARTED BY CRIPPLES TAKING ADVANTAGE OF DISOBLIGE. DISO MEMBERS FELT VIOLATED AFTER THE 50-28 STOMPING, AND VOWED TO CHARGE CRIPPLES FOR THEIR PSYCHOTHERAPY.

ELUSIVE TOPPED NO SURRENDER 50 TO 32… ALCOHOLISM HAD A DIFFICULT TIME GETTING SQUAD MEMBERS OUT OF THE TREATMENT CENTER, AND HAD TO FORFEIT AGAINST LEAGUE NEWCOMER DRASTIC

MELEE WAS TORN APART BY LIGHT 50 TO 26

AND SHRIEK MEMBERS DANCED ABOUT IN THE STREETS SINGIN HALLELUJAH AFTER BEATING ANTI-SCRUB 50 TO 39

THIS WEEKS BASING LEAGUE FEATURED CRAZY ANTICS AND ALL TYPES OF TOMFOOLERY.

RUN RABBIT RUN WAS THE CRY AS THE CUTE LITTLE BUNNIES FACED LEAGUE POWERHOUSE DISOBLIGE. THE RABBIT CAPTURED THE FLAG FIRST, ONLY TO BE ENSNARED BY THE TRAP THAT IS THE DISOBLIGE SPIDERS. DISO WALKED AWAY WITH THE WIN 150 TO 42 K

AND NOW… SIT BACK AND ENJOY THIS BRIEF MUSICAL INTERLUDE ON THE PALLIES VS LIGHT MATCHUP!


IN OTHER BASING ACTION

PALADEN CAME TO SHOW THAT BEER IS JUST AS GOOD FOR BREAKFAST AS IT IS FOR DINNER. IN A MATCH AGAINST SHRIEK, PALADEN PROVED THEY STILL GOT A FEW TRICKS LEFT UP THE PROVERBIAL SLEEVE… BUT WERE UNABLE TO WIN THE GAME FALLING TO SHRIEK 100 TO 70 K

CRIPPLES ROLL AWAY WITH AN EASY WIN OVER THE NOW SHOWING ZERO HOUR

FINALLY… ANTI-SCRUB WENT ON AN ALL OUT ‘EMBRACE THE TEDDY BEAR’ CAMPAIGN, IN ORDER TO RAISE AWARENESS FOR TEDDY BEAR PERSECUTION WORLD WIDE. THEIR FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS WAS A MATCH AGAINST THE MIGHTY NO SURRENDER. ANTI-SCRUB HANDILY WON THIS FOR THE TEDDIES WITH A SCORE OF 135 TO 55 K

THIS WEEK TRENCH CENTER IS FEATURING A SPECIAL EDITORIAL COMMENTARY SECTION… AND NOW… I GIVE TO YOU CONCRETE SCHOOLYARD AND DIVINE RIDES.

THAT’S IT FOR THIS WEEKS EDITION… TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO TRENCH CENTER FOR ALL THE EXCITING ACTION! BROUGHT TO YOU BY… SUPER 8 INCH MAXI’S – GOING WHERE NO MAN EVER WOULD… AND BY THE GREATER METROPOLITAN SPERM BANK… STORING YOUR JUNK FOR LESBIANS EVERYWHERE!

I’M THE PUSHER! AND THIS IS TRENCH CENTER!

[THE PUSHER]

Week 7

WE START THINGS OFF THIS WEEK WITH A LOOK INTO LEAGUE BASING. THIS WEEK FEATURED SOME HIGHLY TOUTED MATCHES ALONG WITH SOME INTERESTING AND UNCONVENTIONAL SURPRISES!

THE DISOBLIGE LIGHT MATCHUP TOOK CENTER STAGE AS THE MATCH OF THE WEEK. BOTH TEAMS ENTERED THIS WEEK UNDEFEATED IN BASING, AND PLAYED HARD FOR CONTROL OF FIRST PLACE. IN WHAT WAS ONE OF THE MOST HIGHLY WATCHED AND QUITE POSSIBLY THE BEST BASING GAME OF THE SEASON, BOTH TEAMS SHOWED THEY HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE THE TOP SQUAD IN LEAGUE BASING. IN THE END, THIS MATCH WAS AS CLOSE A MATCH PLAYED BETWEEN ANY SQUAD IN BASING THIS YEAR, WITH THE VICTORY GOING TO LIGHT BY A SCORE OF 105K TO 100K.

THE WHITERABBITS CONTINUED THEIR ROMP IN THE FIELDS OF LEAGUE BASING. THIS WEEK THEY WERE PITTED AGAINST ONIX IN A MATCH TO SEE WHO MOVES OUT OF A 2 AND 4 STANDING. WHITERABBITS MANAGED TO GET THE LUCKY WARP AND TAKE THE FLAG FIRST, AND IT WASN’T UNTIL 13 MINUTES LATER WHEN ONIX FINALLY ENTERED AND TOOK THE BASE. AFTER A FEW FAILED ATTEMPTS THE RABBITS REGAINED CONTROL OF THE FLAG ROOM AND THE GAME WINNING 154 TO 16K. GAME MVP GOES TO PROJECT VIRUS.

ZERO HOUR WAS THE LATEST SQUAD TO JUMP SHIP FROM BASING, TO BE REPLACED BY BRIT SQUAD. IN THEIR FIRST BASING APPEARANCE THE BRITS FACED VORTEX IN A MATCH THAT PROVED TO BE SOMEWHAT BLAND. VORTEX ONLY MANAGED A SIX MAN LINEUP AND BRIT SQUAD WAS ABLE TO TAKE THEM 78 TO 48K.

PALADEN TOOK THE EARLY LEAD AND FLAGROOM FIRST, BUT AFTER A MINUTE OR SO, A-S WORKED IT'S WAY IN AND KICKED THEM OUT. A-S HELD THE LOWER BASE FOR THE FIRST 10 MINUTES, AND THE FEW TIMES PALADEN GOT IN FLAGROOM, THEIR TERRIER WAS QUICKLY SHOWN THE WAY TO HELL BY ROCKET_ OR NICKNAME. EARLY ON CIG LAGGED, SO KJW TOOK UP THE TERRIN DUTY FOR PALADEN. AFTER A BIT, PALADEN FINALLY GOT SQUARED AWAY AND STARTED TO WIN A FEW FLAGROOM BATTLES. THEY DIDN'T CONTROL LOWER, THOUGH, SO A-S WAS ABLE TO GET BACK QUICKLY. IN THE END IT WAS A-S 146… PALADEN 52K… AFTER THE GAME, A-S MEMBER BROOKUS SHARED SOME THOUGHTS…



THE WHEELCHAIR WARRIORS WERE SENT BACK TO THE GERIATRIC HOTEL THIS WEEK WITH A 115 TO 71 K LOSS TO NO SURRENDER.

PALLIES AND SHRIEK MET UP THIS WEEKEND IN A MATCH THAT SHOCKED MOST OF THE SPECTATORS. GOING AGAINST THE GRAIN, SHRIEK WENT WITH 5 SPIDERS AND ONE SHARK… THE PALLIES STARTED 4 SPIDERS AND PARKED THE EVER PRESENT WARBIRD. PALLIES BASING CAPTAIN DIVINE RIDES…



THE MATCH WAS LONG AND HARD FOUGHT WITH SHRIEKS 5 SPIDERS PROVING TO BE A STRONG FORCE. HOWEVER THE LACK OF A SECOND SHARK AND THE 151 KILLS BY MVP HELLZNO LED THE PALLIES TO A 104 TO 72K VICTORY.


THIS WEEKS DUELING ACTION TAKES US TO THE EASTERN CONFERENCE FIRST…

TRENCH WARS LEAGUES WERE RIDDLED IN SCANDAL YET AGAIN THIS WEEK. SCHEDULING CONFLICTS BEING THE LATEST ISSUE. THE AFFECTED MATCH IN QUESTION WAS SIEGE VS GUTTER. THIS HIGHLY ANTICIPATED MATCH WAS AS EXCITING AS ITS STARTING LINE UPS. GUTTER ARGUED LONG AND HARD AND GOT THE LEAGUE OPS TO LET MAYO INC. GO SOLO AGAINST THE DUELING GIANTS WHO OPTED TO PUT IN NEW RECRUITS AZNRICESNIPER43, GOKUJEDI2943583, WOLVEN LUKE, AND TWO OTHER PEOPLE NOT WORTH MENTIONING. THE MATCH STARTED OUT AND MAYO QUICKLY WENT UP 15-0 OVER THE OPPOSITION. SOON, MAYO'S SCORE HAD REACHED 20-0 AND SIEGE MEMBERS BEGAN FLEEING THE ARENA IN TERROR. MAYO COULD ONLY STEAL 5 MORE KILLS BEFORE THE ENTIRE SIEGE LINEUP HAD FLED TO ELIM AND REFUSED TO RETURN TO THE TWLD ARENA. GUTTER CELEBRATED THE UNEXPECTED WIN BY EATING SAUSAGES AND SHAVING THE HEADS OF RED HAIRED CHILDREN. MVP OF THE MATCH WAS MAYO INC WITH A STUNNING 25-0 RECORD.

IN ALL SERIOUSNESS… GUTTER RECEIVED THE WIN DUE TO THE IMPROPER SCHEDULING AND LATER UNFAIR MANIPULATION OF THE MATCH SCHEDULE AND LEAGUE RULES BY SEIGE CAPTAIN AND TWL LEADER CROME. THE SITUATION WAS REMEDIED AND GUTTER WAS GIVEN THE FORFEIT WIN. THE PEOPLE WERE NOT HAPPY HOWEVER, FOR MORE ON THAT WE TAKE YOU TO LOMPOK, WEST KANSAS FOR AN EDITORIAL COMMENTARY BY JIMMY THE FARMHAND… JIMMY?

(EDITORIAL CLIP)

THANK YOU JIMMY FOR THAT INSIGHTFUL AND COMPELLING COMMENTARY.

IN OTHER EASTERN CONFERENCE ACTION…

IN A BATTLE FOR SOLO CONTROL OF SECOND PLACE, SHRIEK AND SK8 GATHERED ON THE PLAYING FIELD ONLY TO FIND THAT SHRIEK WAS THE ONLY TEAM THAT CAME TO PLAY. SHRIEK WINS 50 TO 27 AND TAKES CONTROL OF SECOND PLACE.

BEAUTY TOPPLED VORTEX WITH A SCORE OF 50 TO 29. AND LEAGUE NEWCOMER DOOM CONTINUES TO SHOW THAT X-WING IS INDEED NOT DEAD… BEATING MELEE 50 TO 38.

BRIT SQUAD PUT DOWN THE TEA CUPS AND DONNED THE IRONS FOR A MATCH AGAINST THE KAMEHA MEHA CHARGED ZWARRIORS. THE HEAVY METAL WAS NO MATCH HOWEVER FOR THE GLOWING ENERGY FIELDS AND GRUNTING ZWARRIORS SQUADMEMBERS. BRIT SQUAD LOST TO THE Z 50 TO 37. AFTER THE MATCH, BRIT SQUAD MEMBERS STAY OF EXECUTION AND TIGEREX COMMENTED ON THE DISMEMBERING LOSS AND TEAM INJURIES…



IN THE WESTERN CONFERENCE…

DESPITE A LIMITED ROSTER AND AND LACK OF REGULAR STARTERS THIS WEEK… PALLIES MANAGED TO SCRAPE UP SOME BENCH WARMERS AND FIELD A STRONG OUTING VERSUS NO SURRENDER. THE PUSHER STARTED THE MATCH WITH AN 8-0 RUN, ONLY TO BE ECLIPSED BY GAME MVP CONCRETE SCHOOLYARD. IN THE END PALLIES WIN THEIR SECOND IN A ROW BY A SCORE OF 50 TO 31.

ELUSIVE TOOK AN EARLY LEAD OVER ONIX, HOWEVER ONIX WAS ABLE TO MAKE SOME SWEET COMEBACK RUNS AND WIN THE GAME. METAL KID AND PSYMORPH BOTH COMBINED FOR A TOTAL OF 31 KILLS FOR ONIX. THE FINAL SCORE ONIX 50 ELUSIVE 45.

THE WHEELCHAIR WARRIORS GET A FORFEIT VICTORY AS LEAGUE NEWCOMER DRASTIC FAILED TO MEET THE MINIMUM ROSTER REQUIREMENTS.

IT WAS PALADEN OVER ZERO HOUR 50 TO 22

AND IN THE SECOND MEETING OF DISOBLIGE AND LIGHT THIS WEEKEND, LIGHT HANDILY MAINTAINED ITS NUMBER 1 STANDING ATOP THE WESTERN CONFERENCE WITH A 50 TO 37 VICTORY.

WE ROUND THIS EDITION UP WITH ALL THE HOT JAVELIN ACTION FROM THE WEEKEND!

WEEK 7 EASTERN CONFERENCE ACTION PITTED A-S WITH NO SURRENDER. NS STARTED THE GAME WITH A TK AND WENT DOWNHILL FROM THERE. A-S TOOK THE EARLY LEAD AND NEVER GAVE IT UP. CORPSECREATOR WAS A SUB HIGHLIGHT THOUGH WHEN HE GOT 2 2-FERS IN A ROW. HE WIPED THE BASE CLEAN OF A-SERS BY HIMSELF. IN THE END A-S PULLED OUT THE WIN, 50 TO 33.

THE WHEELCHAIR WARRIORS LOSE A TOUGH ONE TO LEAGUE POWERHOUSE LIGHT. THIS MATCH WAS SET TO DETERMINE SOLE POSSESSION OF FIRST PLACE IN THE EAST. THE CRIPS HOWEVER WERE NOT ABLE TO TAKE THE VICTORY LOSING 50 TO 34. LIGHT NOW SITS ALONE ATOP THE EASTERN CONFERENCE WITH A RECORD OF 7 AND 0.

ELUSIVE TOPPED DRASTIC 50 TO 30. BEAUTY AND MELEE BATTLED IT OUT IN A TIGHTLY CONTESTED MATCH. IN THE END MELEE WAS ABLE TO HOLD STRONG AND WIN THE GAME 50 TO 47

AND SHRIEK TOOK DISOBLIGE DOWN THIS WEEK 50 TO 25 GIVING THEM SOLE CONTROL OF 3RD PLACE.

ON TO THE WESTERN CONFERENCE…

VORTEX SURPRISED PALADEN WITH A 50 TO 37 VICTORY

ONIX CRUSHED THE ZWARRIORS BY A SCORE OF 50 TO 21

DOOM AND SK8 MET UP… AND SK8 SOON PROVED THAT IT IS MEANT TO HOLD 3RD PLACE IN THE WESTERN CONFERENCE WINNING BY A SCORE OF 50 TO 28. DOOM CAPTAIN SHIRAN SPEAKS ABOUT THE LOSS…



IT WAS ZERO HOUR TAKING A COMMANDING VICTORY OVER FIRST PLACE SIEGE WHO HAD TO FORFEIT DUE TO EARHTQUAKES, A TERRIBLE FLOOD, LOCUSTS, A JERRY LEWIS TELETHON, AND A BOUT WITH FOOD POISONING.

AND IN THE FINAL MATCH OF THE WEEK… PALLIES WERE SET AGAINST PURE LUCK IN A HOT BATTLE FOR LAST PLACE. PALLIES SQUADMEMBERS HELLZNO AND MR SPAM GOT OFF TO 7 AND 1 STARTS, HOWEVER PURE LUCKS JAV MADMAN PUNNANI MANAGED TO HELP GUIDE HIS TEAM BACK INTO THE RACE. NEAR THE END OF THE MATCH AS THE LAST PURE LUCK PLAYER WAS EXPLODING, THE TW SERVER CRASHED AND BOOTED A SIGNIFICANT PORTION OF THE PLAYERS. THE GAME WAS DECIDED TO CONTINUE WITH PURE LUCK HAVING ONE REMAINING DEATH. PALLIES WENT ON TO WIN THE GAME AFTER THE RESTART 50 TO 38.

THAT’S IT FOR THIS WEEKS TRENCH CENTER!

BROUGHT TO YOU BY HASBRO’S TALKING BABY JESUS DOLL! PULL HIS STRING AND HEAR HIS WISDOM! DIAPERS AND FAKE POOP NOT INCLUDED.

AND BY THE IDAHO POTATO CONGLOMERATE! SERVING THE STARCH AND POTATO NEEDS OF THE WORLD!

I’M THE PUSHER… AND THIS HAS BEEN TRENCH CENTER!

[THE PUSHER]

Trench Center Week 8

COMING UP ON TRENCH CENTER….

HIGHLIGHTS ON THIS WEEKS TWL SCANDALS

LIVE REPORTS FROM THE GREAT GALACTIC LAG CONFERENCE

STEAMY STORIES OF KEEPERS VISIT TO SPAIN

ALL NEXT… I’M THE PUSHER, AND THIS IS TRENCH CENTER

FIRST WE BEGIN OUR BROADCAST WITH A LOOK AT THE CURRENT SCANDALS ROCKING TRENCH WARS LEAGUES. WITH MORE ON THAT HERE’S THE PUSHER FROM OUR EDITORIAL COMMENTARY DESK… PUSH?

YET AGAIN THIS WEEK, TWL MANAGEMENT FALLS UNDER HARSH SCRUTINY OVER BAD JUDGEMENTS AND POOR DECISION MAKING. THE LATEST ISSUE? TW PLAYER MEMBER DESTROY IS BELIEVED TO BE GUILTY OF DOUBLE SQUADDING FOR LIGHT AND FOR DRASTIC.

THE TREND IN TW FOR SOME, HAS BEEN TO PUSH THE BOUNDARIES AND LIMITS OF THE GUIDELINES SET FORTH FOR THIS ZONE. BEING A NATURAL HUMAN TENDENCY, THIS COMES TO BE EXPECTED OF THE LESS MATURE AND INDIGNANT PLAYERS. IN LIGHT OF PAST EXPERIENCE WITH SUCH PLAYERS, RULES WERE SET FORTH AND AGREED UPON IN ORDER TO CURB THE GRATUITOUS TOMFOOLERY AND TO CREATE A FAIR ENVIRONMENT FOR THE MASSES TO COMPETE AND PLAY IN.

THE FEW BAD APPLES WILL ALWAYS ATTEMPT TO SPOIL THE BUNCH. BE IT FOR PERSONAL GAIN AND GLORY, OR SIMPLY TO POSE THEMSELVES AS AN AFFRONT TO THE FOUNDATION OF LEAGUE PLAY. IN THIS CASE, THE ACCUSED ARE BELIEVED TO BE GUILTY OF DOUBLE SQUADDING IN ORDER TO GAIN AN UNFAIR ADVANTAGE FOR BOTH TEAMS. IT WAS PROVEN TO BE SO, AND THE PLAYERS WERE RIGHTFULLY BANNED FROM LEAGUE PARTICIPATION.

HOWEVER, AS IN THE PAST, THERE SEEMED TO BE A FAIR AMOUNT OF PERSONAL BIAS IN THE FINAL DECISION. LEAGUE MANAGEMENT NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND THAT THE RULES ARE MEANT TO BE ENFORCED AS THEY ARE STATED, NOT ENFORCED ON A CASE BY CASE BASIS AND WITH A BROAD SPECTRUM OF CONSEQUENCES. DUELING, JAVS, AND BASING RULES ALL STATE UNDER ROSTER REQUIREMENTS THAT IF A PLAYER IS FOUND TO BE DOUBLE SQUADDING IN OFFICIAL LEAGUE MATCHES, THAT PLAYER IS BANNED FROM LEAGUE PLAY, AND, THE MATCHES IN QUESTION ARE TO BE FORFEITED. ONLY HALF OF THIS HAS BEEN ENFORCED, AND HAS AGAIN LEFT THE PUBLIC IN DOUBT OF TWL MANAGEMENT.

IN CLOSING, TWL MANAGEMENT NEEDS TO DECIDE RIGHT HERE AND NOW, HOW THEY WISH TO CONTINUE WITH THE ENFORCEMENT OF LEAGUE RULES. RULES SHOULD NOT BE CHANGED MID-SEASON. RULES SHOULD NOT BE CHANGED TO BENEFIT A PARTICULAR SQUAD. THEY NEED TO BE ADHERED TO AND ENFORCED AS THEIR LANGUAGE PROVIDES, NOT ADJUSTED. WHEN THE DECISIONS REGARDING A RULE BREAKER ARE PASSED DOWN, THEY SHOULD BE FINAL DECISIONS. WHEN YOU MAKE A DECISION, MAKE IT THE FINAL ONE, DON’T CHANGE YOUR MIND A COUPLE 13-14 TIMES DUE TO PUBLIC SPECULATION OR FEAR OF PISSING OFF YOUR INTERNET FRIEND. STAND BY YOUR DECISIONS, MAKE THEM FAIR BASED ON THE GUIDELINES OF LEAGUE PLAY, AND MAKE THEM QUICKLY AND CORRECTLY USING THE TOOLS YOU ARE GIVEN TO DO SO.

IN MY EYES, IF TWL MANAGEMENT CANNOT ENFORCE THEIR OWN RULES AND ADHERE TO THE STANDARDS THEY SET FORTH, THEN PERHAPS IT IS TIME TO RE-EVALUATE THE LEAGUE MANAGEMENT STRUCTURE SO THAT WE ALL CAN PLAY IN A FAIR AND JUST LEAGUE.


THANKS PUSH!

NOW ONTO ALL THE HOT LEAGUE NEWS! WE START OUT THIS EDITION WITH A LOOK AT JAVS!

IN THE EASTERN CONFERENCE

THE LITTLE RED SHIPS GOT THEIR START WITH CRIPPLES VS MELEE. CRIPPLES WENT IN EXPECTING TO WIN 50-20, BUT PLAYED POORLY AND ENDED UP WINNING 50-42, TRAILING BY 5 FOR MOST OF THE FIRST HALF. CRIPPLES WERE 3-FER'D BY MELEE, AND 2-FER'D AGAIN BY FALLEN HAVEN WHO WENT ON A TEAMKILLING SPREE AND WENT OUT 8-10 WITH A 157 AVE.

1 AND 6 BEAUTY MET UP WITH MIDDLE OF THE PACK LEADER ELUSIVE. THE MATCH WAS PRECEDED BY A BOUT OF FRIENDLY TRASH TALKING BY NOSEY WHO HAD PROMISED A BEAUTY UPSET. THE GAME STARTED WITH BEAUTY DOMINATING THE FIELD. BUT AS IT WORE ON, IT QUICKLY BECAME CLEAR THAT NOSEY WAS HAVING A TERRIBLE GAME, AND HE WAS THE FIRST GUY OUT. AFTER THAT ELUSIVE WITH SUPERIOR NUMBERS TOOK CHARGE AND WON THE GAME. FINAL SCORE ELUSIVE 50… BEAUTY 43

DUE TO A SCHEDULING FOUL UP IN WHICH DRASTIC WAS SCHEDULED TO DUEL THE PALLIES AND JAV AGAINST ANTISCRUB AT THE SAME TIME, THE JAV MATCH WAS GRANTED A POSTPONEMENT BY LEAGUE OFFICIAL ACID. ANTI SCRUB WAS HOPING FOR THE FORFEIT VICTORY, BUT WAS NOT TO BE GRANTED SUCH A BLESSING. DRASTIC HANDILY BEAT A-S 50 TO 42. SQUADLESS WAS MVP WITH A SCORE OF 17 AND 9.

DISOBLIGE WENT UP AGAINST LAST PLACE NO SURRENDER, WINNING WITH A SCORE OF 50 TO 40.

UNDEFEATED LIGHT MET WITH SECOND PLACE SHRIEK, SHRIEK HAD THE GOAL OF CHIPPING AWAY AT LIGHTS TWO GAME ADVANTAGE. HERCULES FOR SHRIEK WAS THEIR LONE HIGHLIGHT, FINISHING WITH A SCORE OF 13-10. HOWEVER LIGHT’S POWERHOUSE JAV COMBO OF 2DRAGONS, PHYRE, AND DOMI PROVED TO BE UNSTOPPABLE, BEATING SHRIEK 50 TO 44.

WESTERN CONFERENCE JAVELIN ACTION PITS PALADEN UP AGAINST ONIX. ONIX WAS DOWN TWO OF THEIR JAV SUPERSTARS PSYMORPH AND SCUZZY SURESHOT, BUT MANAGED TO PLAY THROUGH THE HIDEOUS LAG AND BEAT PALADEN 50 TO 39.

THE BATTLE FOR FIRST PLACE IS A BATTLE NO MORE. UNTIL THIS WEEK SIEGE AND ZERO HOUR WERE TIED WITH EQUAL 6 AND 1 RECORDS. SIEGE HAD THE EASIER MATCH THIS WEEK BEING PITTED AGAINST VORTEX. BLOOD EXPLODED WITH AN AMAZING 20 AND 3 RECORD, LEADING SIEGE TO A 50 TO 17 VICTORY AND SOLO CONTROL OF FIRST PLACE.

ZERO HOUR FACED LEAGUE NEWCOMER DOOM, TRYING TO KEEP THEIR NUMBER ONE TIE ATOP THE WESTERN CONFERENCE. DOOM WOULD SPELL THE END AND DROP ZH BACK INTO SECOND PLACE. FINAL SCORE IN THIS UPSET… DOOM 50… ZERO HOUR 29.

IN ATTEMPT TO KEEP IN THE RACE FOR A PLAYOFF SPOT, 3 AND 4 PALLIES MET THE LAST PLACE ZWARRIORS. MYTHRANDIR AND MR SPAM, OR THE SOUL PATROL AS THEY ARE KNOWN BY, COMBINED FOR A SCORE OF 24 AND 8, LEADING THE PALLIES TO A 50 TO 26 VICTORY OVER THE DREADED Z.

ROUNDING UP JAV ACTION, SK8 TRAVELED TO THE URBAN JUNGLE TO TAKE ON LAST PLACE GUTTER. SK8 WINS THE MATCH 50 TO 24, AND MOVES THEMSELVES INTO A SECOND PLACE TIE WITH ZERO HOUR.

LEAGUE BASING ACTION KICKED OFF THIS WEEK WITH THE WHEELCHAIR WARRIORS VS ANTI SCRUB. ANTI-SCRUB CAUGHT A BREAK WITH NO UTOPIA PLAYING FOR CRIPPLES, BUT M_M GOD FILLED IN AND DID QUITE WELL. M-M’S BURSTS NAILED BROOKUS A FEW TIMES IN HIS COZY SOFA.

A-S MANAGED TO GET A GOOD WARP AND TOOK FLAGROOM WITH NO
PROBLEMS. ANTI-SCRUB'S JAV, NICKNAME, PROCEEDED TO WHOOP UP UPON M_M GOD FOR ABOUT FOUR DEATHS. A-S THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE IN FOR AN EASY MATCH EVEN WITH JUST A FEW MINUTES GONE. EVERYTHING SEEMED TO BE WORKING CORRECTLY. UNTIL MAGI KOZ MANAGED TO SQUEEZE HIS WAY IN AND PROCEED TO KICK BROOKUS' ASS WITH SOME JAV BOMBS THAT BROUGHT CRIPS BACK INTO THE FIGHT. THE BATTLE SEEMED TO FLIP FLOP BACK AND FORTH, BEING INTENSE WITH BOTH JAVS DISHING OUT TONS OF DAMAGE. IN THE END IT WAS A-S 118… CRIPPLES 61K

THE BRIT’S TOOK ON A TOUGH OPPONENT IN JUST THEIR SECOND WEEK OUT, FACING OFF AGAINST THE INFAMOUS WHITERABBIT’S, WHO SWEAR THEIR NAME BEARS NO RELATION TO ANY RACIAL SUPERIORITY COMPLEX. THE BRIT’S TOOK THE FLAG ROOM FIRST, AND STOMPED BACK TWO WHITE RABBIT ADVANCES AT THE HAND OF SQUAD CAPTAIN ARROGANCE'S NEWBISH TERRIER WORK. THE BUNNIES HOWEVER INFILTRATED FLAG SHORTLY AFTER, SPARKING A SIGNIFICANT FLAG ROOM BATTLE BEFORE FINALLY TELLING THE BRIT’S TO "BUGGER OFF" AND SHOWING THEM THE DOOR. THE BUNNIES PROCEEDED TO LATCH ONTO FLAG AND REFUSED TO LET GO, FORCING THE MAJORITY OF THE GAME TO BE PLAYED IN MIDBASE. REPORTS FLOODED IN OF THE TWO SQUADS DEBATING CANADA'S ROLE IN SAVING BRITAN'S ASS DURING WW2 AS THE BATTLE PROGRESSED. THE BRITS WERE FORCED TO PLAY THE LATTER PORTION OF THE GAME WITH JUST 6, AS TWO OF THEIR MEMBERS SUPPOSEDLY LEFT FOR TEA, AND CRUMPETS. IN THE END THE WHITERABBITS WALKED AWAY WITH A "JOLLY GOOD" VICTORY, 150K TO 15K. MVP HONORS WERE PICKED UP BY ONE HALF OF THE WHITERABBITS' NOTORIOUS BERO BROTHERS, EZO WITH A WHOPPING 24000 POINTS. SELF-PROCLAIMED "GREATEST SHARK ALIVE" CASTROMARX REPORTEDLY MADE OUT WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND FOR THE DURATION OF THE MATCH, AND WAS GIVEN HONORARY MVP STATUS. THE WHITERABBITS CELEBRATED THE MATCH BY DOING IT LIKE BUNNIES, AND EATING LARGE QUANTITIES OF SAND.

VORTEX HAS BEEN ON A RECRUITING RAMPAGE, PICKING UP HOT NEW PLAYERS LIKE RICHARD CREAGER AND THE CRIMSON KING. VORTEX EVEN MANAGED TO FIELD A COMPLETE LINE-UP AGAINST NO SURRENDER. IN THE END, SOME COSTLY MISTAKES BY THE VORTEX JAVELIN AND SOME SHARKING LAGOUTS, WOULD PROVE TO BE ENOUGH FOR NO SURRENDER TO WIN THE MATCH 155 TO 17K


FIRST PLACE LIGHT CONTINUES THEIR DOMINANCE OF THE BASING LEAGUE. DESPITE THE LOSS OF SQUADMEMBER DESTROY, THEY WERE ABLE TO GO ON AND BEAT ONIX 141 TO 33 K.

(cont....)

[THE PUSHER]

Week 8 Continued

IT WAS A TALE OF TWO PALS, PALLIES AND PALADEN. BOTH TEAMS HUNGRY FOR A WIN, BUT LIKE GIRLS THEY JUST WANTED TO HAVE FUN. THE TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF LAG FORCED PALLIES TO MAKE SOME LAST MINUTE ROSTER ADJUSTMENTS PUTTING CONCRETE SCHOOLYARD AND SQUAD BAD BOY PEARL JAM IN SHARKS. THIS PROVED TO BE AN EXCELLENT MOVE AS PEARL JAM WENT OVER 100 KILLS IN HIS SHARK WITH UNDER 10 TEAMKILLS. PALLIES SIEZED THE FLAG FIRST, BUT PALADEN’S TENACITY PROVED TO BE ENOUGH TO KEEP THE GAME IN MANY BATTLES FOR THE FLAG. IN THE END, THE PALLIES SPIDERS CAME THROUGH WITH A SHOW OF FORCE, KEEPING PALADEN AT BAY, AND LEADING THE PALLIES TO A 128 TO 58K VICTORY. MVP WAS HELLZNO WITH 143 KILLS.

AND FINALLY SECOND PLACE DISOBLIGE TRIES TO MAKE UP SOME GROUND ON LIGHT. THEY WERE MATCHED UP AGAINST SHRIEK THIS WEEK. SHRIEK WAS ABLE TO KEEP DISO IN MANY FLAGROOM BATTLES, PENETRATING THE DYNAMIC SHARKING DUO OF MIAU AND JONAS. DISO WAS ABLE TO COME AHEAD AND WIN THOSE FLAG BATTLES, BEATING SHRIEK BY A SCORE OF 148 TO 40 K.

WE FINISH THINGS UP HERE WITH A PEEK INTO LEAGUE DUELING ACTION

THE EASTERN CONFERENCE WAS ACTION PACKED INDEED.

DOOM CONTINUED ITS METEORIC RISE, TOPPLING ZWARRIORS 50 TO 41.

SIEGE MAINTAINS ITS FIRST PLACE RANKING BY DEFEATING SK8 50 TO 47. AND SHRIEK WINS OVER BEAUTY WITH A POSTED SCORE OF 46 TO 31. SIEGE AND SHRIEK CONTINUE TO MOVE AHEAD OF THE PACK WITH EQUAL RECORDS OF 7 AND 1.

BRIT SQUAD DOWNED A FEW PINTS OF ALE, AND SHOWED GUTTER EXACTLY WHAT THE GUTTER IS FOR, UNRINATING ON THEM 50 TO 31.

VORTEX AND MELEE MET UP, WITH VORTEX PROVING TO BE THE BETTER SQUAD THIS DAY. MELEE WAS LOOKING TO WIN ITS NEXT TWO GAMES BEFORE MEETING THEIR CONFERENCE POWERHOUSES, IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN A STRONG HOLD ON 4TH PLACE. POID AND SHIM BOTH COMBINED FOR 26 KILLS, BUT VORTEX WAS ABLE TO WIN IT IN THE END, 50 TO 47.

IN THE WESTERN CONFERENCE

PALLIES FELL TO LEAGUE NEWCOMER DRASTIC IN A HARD FOUGHT MATCH. PALLEIS DID COME OFF WITH THE EARLY LEAD BUT WERE SOON PUT BACK IN THEIR KENNELS, LOSING BY A SCORE OF 50 TO 44.

ONIX BATTLED LIGHT IN ATTEMPT TO MOVE INTO A FIRST PLACE TIE WITH UNDEFEATED LIGHT. WITH EASE LED ONIX WITH A SCORE OF 14 AND 10, BUT LIGHT PROVED TO BE TOO STRONG FOR ONIX TO BEAT. FINAL SCORE LIGHT 50 ONIX 39.

ELUSIVE MOVES INTO A SECOND PLACE TIE WITH ONIX BEATING ZERO HOUR 50 –30

IT WAS DISOBLIGE OVER NO SURRENDER 50 TO 28.

AND IT WAS THE WHEELCHAIR WARRIORS VS PALADEN IN THE GERIATRIC LOVE IN OF THE WEEK. CODE WENT 15-0 AGAINST PALADEN, MOVING CRIPPLES UP A NOTCH IN THE RANKINGS, AND PROVING THERE IS SOMETHING TO BE SAID FOR TURTLE POWER.

THAT’S IT FOR THIS WEEKS TRENCH CENTER!

BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE CREMATION SOCIETY, REMINDING YOU TO BURN YOUR DEAD.

AND BY SUPER 8 INCH ABSORBANT MAXI’S, YOU’VE COME A LONG WAY BABY!

I’M THE PUSHER, AND THIS HAS BEEN TRENCH CENTER!