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TWLB 17 Top Players (Regular Season)
With only 1.5 weeks of competition to go, there are only two major games left -- Penetrate vs. Pandora (to decide who is #2 and #3) and Sweet vs. Sage (to determine who finishes #5 and #6) -- all six Playoff Spots are sealed, one or more squads have completed their seasons, a few have a game apiece left, so I can't see this list changing much, if at all, too lazy to re-do the stats for one week of games, so just gonna post it now.
Top Underspids
1. Spezza (Pandora)
Along with Stayon, megaman89, and Renzi, Spezza is one one of the best spiders of all-time who can play both under and over at the highest level. He led the league in Spider Kills Per Hour (130) by a mile, led the league in percentage of kills that were spiders (71%), dominating the Under all year with laser-like aim even while moving at high speeds on the turn, strong energy management and survivability, and absolutely refuses to camp under any circumstance. He's 2nd in the league in K
Ratio among unders (2.01), is the best 1v1 dueler in the mid-base in the game, eating time off the clock, and together with Kate Upton forms the strongest under combo seen since Stayon/Mega bested Acidbomber/zhou last year.
2. Acidbomber (Penetrate)
It was a tough call between Acid and Spezza as to who was the strongest Underspid this year, with Acid earning a ridiculous three Hot or Not MVPs, and having a phenomenal season for Penetrate, with a mind-boggling 2.31 K Ratio (1st among Underspids, 2nd overall), leading the league in spider kills (334), and leading the entire league in overall kills (543) and Teks (11). He finished 3rd however, in Spider Kills per Hour (111), well behind Spezza's pace, and his robotic style and camping isn't as effective vs. fluid all-round players like Spezza, Kate, Mega, Stayon and Renzi. That said, he's had a monster season, hasn't lost a single game under this year, can switch from camp shot to regular undering to camp shot faster than anyone around, and has amazing patience for when to go for the jugular and move in for the Tek. Acid and Spezza have been without peer this season, with a huge gap between them and the rest of the competition.
3. NL>Trigger (Sage)
The Sage mainstay has been a staple of undering for years, starting in the final vs. Dice, then playing for them, is one of the few players alive who can start at overspid, underspid, terr AND shark at the TWLB level, and has had another strong season despite Sage imploding, especially early on with Kess, forming the 2nd or 3rd strongest duo of the 9 squads, he came in at 4th in the league in Spider Kills Per Hour (103) and 2nd in terms of % of kills that were spiders (68%) behind only Spezza. He's been an active, strong under with an adaptable style, notching an impressive 384 spider kills, 4th among spiders.
4. Gilder (Dudgeon)
Gilder has had a breakout season for Dudgeon, doing a good job of holding the Under against seasoned veterans with little support as the rickshaw squad struggles to hold over together, often putting him at a disadvantage vs. stacked squads. Nevertheless, he's proved himself capable of keeping Dudgeon's patchwork defense together with good camping, better aim, and solid energy management, and giving Mikkiz the ability to retreat low. He's 5th in the league in Spider kills among unders (354) and sports a solid 1.52 K ratio, highest on Dudgeon.
5. Kate Upton (Pandora)
Terrible personality and all-around ginormous cunt Kate Upton has made her TWLB debut this season, with excellent aim, a fluid style, strong energy management and an aggressive nature that has proved a good fit with Underspider of the Year Spezza, making them arguably the best under combo in the game right now. Kate's 92 Spider Kills per Hour places her 8th out of 15 underspiders with 3 games/1 hour played, with only 59% of her kills coming from spiders, quite low for an under as Kate likes to abandon her post to shoot sharks to pad her stats when doing poorly. Impressive #2 in league with 9 Teks. Talented player, but if was hit by a bus, world would be a better place.
6. kess (Sage)
Another strong under, who formed a solid duo with NL>Trigger, posted an incredibly strong 113 Spider Kills per Hour, 2nd in the league behind only Spezza. Also a good overspid, so has a nice versatility factor.
7. Blahhy. (Penetrate)
Blahhy. has had a nice year in the green ship with a 1.67 K ratio, able to play both over and under, 5th among underspids in Spider Kills Per Hour (111), and #1 in overall kills per hour (190) among unders. Has done a nice job of emulating zhou with solid streams to protect acid camping his 3 and 4-notch spots in the cram whilst also contributing to the over. 2nd in overall kills among Underspids, not sure who will start with Acid in finals.
8. zhou (Penetrate)
zhou has also played well this year, with a 1.79 K ratio, 6th in Spider Kills per hour among underspids (110), 3rd in Teks per hour (3.13) behind only Acid and Kate. Blahhy. and zhou have almost identical stats, have played a similar amount of games, and cover Acid under in similar fashion, so definitely a nice option to have if you're Penetrate, with 3 of their players cracking the top 8.
Top Overspids
1. Solace (Penetrate)
My favorite spider of the last two seasons, the best way to describe him is what Tony Bennett said of Amy Winehouse: She's the best female singer who still sings the "right" way. In the vein of players like Royst and Glavitik, Solacer is a juggernaut who relentlessly pushes into the fray, both over and under, crunching into sharks and making them two-rep with expert energy management and good aim while bee-lining to the enemy terr like a bat out of hell. With Royst, the strongest over tandem in
Subspace at the moment. Of the 10 spiders in subspace with 60 to 71% of their kills being spiders, there are 9 Underspids, and Solacer... and he's 4th. 'Nuff said.
2. Cripple (Sweet)
The perennial winner, and multiple finals MVP's stats didn't suffer one bit despite not playing on Dice, once again asserting his dominance over the competition. Cripple led the league in Kills Per Hour (227) and was 4th in K Ratio (1.97), dropping a 132-66 in a 15-12 loss to Cobra when only two other players barely broke 100, and 120-56 in a 15-12 loss to Pandora, again with only two other players barely breaking 100. Has anyone mastered control of the overbar as well as El Cubano?
Answer: No.
3. JAMAL (Spastic)
Another Dicer, JAMAL had no problem putting up ridiculous numbers on the second worst squad in TWLB. He finished third in the league in Kills per Hour (206) and third in K Ratio (2.08)... on Spastic. Definitely the only spider in Subspace who can occasionally stray from the Ear ala Everett without anyone telling him to "get out of the ear." And on a very short list of Dice players (Dwopple, Cig, Domi) who's entire IRL self-worth isn't tied to being on the best squad like their life depended on it. WBM is like Morgan Freeman in the Shawshank Redemption -- guy can't take a piss without Stayon giving him permission to do so.
4. glavitik (Revenge)
The best spider on the best squad at the moment, Glavitik was the top spid 2-3 years ago when Sage went to the Final against Dice, and he returns in full form with his aggressive, selfless style, leading the push and delivering the hurt on sharks, always looking for that FC green to crush the enemy camp and take away time and space. He also leads all overspids with 3 Hot or Not MVPs. Just don't schedule finals during his hiking trip
5. Trasher (Penetrate)
Bar-none, the most statistically dominant spider in Trench Wars. A league-leading 2.34 K Ratio while still averaging a solid 180 kills per hour, Trasher might have the best aim (and best lag) of any overspid. A campy, positional player who delivers punishing streams from great angles, he closes in like a boa constrictor on the enemy as Penetrate's veteran basers close-in with surgical-like precision for the Tek. You need one of these on every team to clean up after the pushers.
6. M_M God (Revenge)
A mainstay of a slew of veteran basing squads over the years, M_M God is still probably one of the more underrated spiders out there, despite being one of the best. He was Thunder's best spider in the playoffs last year, pushing a stacked Penetrate to the brink in 17:00-20:00 thriller, and is a lynchpin on the undefeated 8-0 Revenge this year, seamlessly starting at both over and under, not to mention a beast in basejav, as anyone in TWDTB can attest. Oh, and a sizzling 2.06 K Ratio, 4th best in league.
7. megaman89 (Sweet)
Not his strongest year, mm89 still manages to place 7th, as the legend put up solid numbers on Sweet, finishing 8th in Kills Per Hour (187) and 16th in K Ratio (1.72), while being one of the few top-level players able to start at both over and under.
8. squallFF8 (Revenge)
Another of the four Revengers on this list, Squall is the classic mid-range spider who balances Trasher-like positional play while shifting into Revenge-style aggressive pushing the second he sees an opening, adapting to whatever the FR battle requires. Also a specialist no-setup camp cram breaker and anti-camper, an invaluable asset to any squad, while putting up almost identical numbers to megaman.
9. Leitz (Pandora)
A strong year for Leitz, rising above the pack of a dozen veteran spiders on Pandora with a red-hot 189 Kills Per Hour, whilst maintaining a 1.72 K ratio -- he has proven himself a valuable addition to the Navi. He's been mopping up after the rest of Panda's aggressive, pushy spids, dropping a game-high 117-64 against a strong Sage line despite them outplaying Pandora over, and a squad-high 107-65 in a tough win over Sweet.
10. dreamwin (Dudgeon)
The Dudgeonite has been stellar in both TWLJ (leading the league in kills) and TWLB, despite his penchant for changing himself into jav. He dropped a scything game-high 106-69 in a 15-11 loss to Penetrate while two of his spiders negged and failed to reach 70, and leads his squad with a bone-crunching 185 kills per hour.
11. diakka (Pandora)
Another starter from that much-vaunted Sage squad of several years ago that lost to Dice, and a starter on the HEIST squad that lost in the Semis to eventual winner Dice -- good news! Dice isn't in LB this year. After a poor outing in terr vs. Revenge, diakka unrusted the ol' ship 3 and has regained his form, becoming one of the most fierce spiders in Trench Wars.
12. necromotic (Cobra)
Cobra's best dedicated overspid and putting up big numbers all year, necro is 11th in the league in KPH (183), dropping a squad-high 110-85 performance in a fantastic upset over Sage early in the year, and is #2 in the league in teks with 9, behind only Acidbomber.
13. hellkite (Revenge)
hellkite's detractors, of which there are many, say he's a mindless suiciding drone who goes 1:1 and is best left on the bench. The 8-0 squad he's on feels differently, starting him every game as he's earned two Hot or Not MVP's this year. That K ratio? Um, its an astounding 1.81, 9th in the league, 6th among overspids, WHILE averaging 190 kills per hour, #5 in LB. When he's rusty, agreed, he's 1:1 to negging half the time, and looks like he belongs in pub -- because he doesn't adjust his aggressive style. But once his aim returns and he's active, HK can be a force to be reckoned with, as he's proved with his great play all season -- not to mention his ability to start in shark if needed.
14. Zizzo (Dudgeon)
Finnish Overlord of the only squad to ever put up 71 out of a possible 90 minutes and have only one win, the Dudgeon captain has done everything possible in spider to help his dedicated but thinly rostered squad week-in, week-out, as he's 3rd in the league in overall kills (522), behind only Trasher (541) and Acidbomber (543). He stepped up after the loss of megaman, dropping a showstopping 131-87 performance against the undefeated Revenge in a 14-15 nail-biter. Despite strong play with dreamwin, however, it hasn't been enough to put the fan-favorites above water.
15. Turban (Cobra)
After a strong season last year with Thunder, Turban returns with another unlikeable cast of annoying trolls, this time confusing poor HoN writers like myself by trading names with infrared. He's put up good numbers and been invaluable on a non-stacked squad, 4th in the league in overall kills (510) and showing up every game.
Top Sharks
1. Dwopple (Cobra)
Emperor Constantine I dissolved the Praetorian Guard in the 4th century, but apparently Dwopple didn't get the memo the way he's been protecting his terr all year, going entire games without missing a single rep. Big Dwop leads the league in overall kills (92) AND overall teks (7), doubling as an offensive juggernaut. The most important baser on Cobra, the former Dice TWLB champ has allowed his aggressive, competent spider-line to compete against the better squads, leading Cobra to a smokin' 4-0 start before cooling off. They'll enter the playoffs in 4th place, largely in part to some stellar sharking.
2. menelvagor (Revenge)
Revenge may have the best overspid line in Subspace, but they also arguably have the strongest shark tandem in menelvagor and Cranium. mene has had a stupefyingly strong season, leading the league in Flag Touches per Hour (43), #2 in Teks per Hour (3.01) and #5 in kills per hour (27.7). Even more important than his aggressive, trigger-happy style is insane cram-holding ability. He is the only shark in TW that can single-handedly hold a cram against an entire team solo, with solid positioning and his ridiculous hotel-room lag. Revenge has the strongest cram in the game, with clockwork timing from menelvagor an essential part.
3. Veloce (Penetrate)
As other sharks come and go, Veloce has been a Top 5 shark EVERY season for seemingly forever, with great lag, a super-aggressive style, and fantastic timing with longtime partner fermata (down with Prop 8 and let them marry!) Veloce once again topped the charts: #2 in Flag Touches per Hour (30), #3 in kills per hour (30.9), #8 in Teks per hour (2.03), #3 in the league in overall kills (76), #1 in overall flag touches (74), and #2 in overall teks (5). A godsend to hard pushers like Royst and Solacer, Veloce looks to add another title to his trophy case as Pene breezes into the playoffs.
4. cranium (Revenge)
Friend of the show and Yin to menelvagor's yams, cranium has had another great season, after disappearing in the Nepalese mountain ranges to "rediscover himself" after losing on Sage to Dice several years ago. After being mistaken for a Yeti and captured, he was released and has been a blight on his enemies with his Eastern sharking techniques developed at high altitudes on the slopes of Everest (not to be confused with Everett). Cranium is #1 in Kills per Hour (34.4), 9th in teks per hour (1.88), and has been known to rep if you tickle him in the right place.
5. Mattey <3 (Pandora)
Top internet friend, Prison-inmate, Scrabble aficionado, ChesSEXpert, and proud owner of a hot-mom-who-interrupts-his-twlb-broadcasts Mattey comes in at number 5, leading the league in Teks per Hour (3.13) and daily quotes of hate posted to Pandora's TWD profile (1.3 per week). One of the greatest sharks of all-time, and the prototype for aggressive, smart play, has been to the finals 3 times on 3 different squads, and lost by less than three minutes in the semis last year on Thunder. This constant, crushing, hopeless quest for an LB title in no way correlates to his former drug use. Don't talk to shit to Mattey, or he will make a video of himself dunking a basketball as a rebuttal
6. fermata (Penetrate)
Pene mainstay and EMP'ing whore in distension, the Fermata/Veloce combo is the longest-running shark tandem in subspace, providing some of the best timing and understanding between the two at every level of the game -- from FR battles, to Cram holding/breaking, to where and how to mine in the mid-base. 4th in the league in overall kills (58), he is one of the best aimed-shrappers in the game, and a force to be reckoned with.
7. zidane (Pandora)
Zidane has played through the mocking, the question marks, the early years of mining like an idiot (and earning Mattey's wrath)
Zidane has nonetheless perservered and become one of the best sharks in the zone, despite the closed-off and secular nature of the sharking community, and even if some still refuse to recognize it. The Mattey/Zid combo has been together for almost 3 years now, almost knocked out Pene in the semis last year, and has mowed through the competition this season, as Zid tops out at 2nd in the league in Teks (5), 4th in Teks per Hour (2.6) and 9th in Kills per Hour (26). Underestimate him at your own peril.
8. Eria/Gran Guererro (Spastic)
Eria and Gran Gruererro have quietly had one of the stronger offensive sharking performances of the season, on Spastic no less, versus some of the most veteran sharks in the business. Eria is #2 in overall teks (5), #3 in Teks per hour (2.73) and averaging 19 kills per hour while providing some solid sharking for an undermanned squad is no easy feat, while Gran Guerrero is #2 in the league in overall kills (82) and #3 in overall Flag Touches (65). Great work by both!
9. hulk (Sweet)
Hulk has been a solid shark for years, and provided another strong season for Sweet, consistently playing well in both the FR and the cram, while notching 47 kills and 37 flag touches, as well as providing versatility given that he started in spider for Thunder last year, adding to his value as a baser.
10. Creature (Cobra)
Definitely Robin to Dwopple's Batman, Creature has nevertheless proved himself a quality shark with menacing and fast play, providing Cobra with a calcified backbone from which to launch aggressive attacks. The Dwop/Creat combo has been a great addition to the league, as LB-level sharks are in such short supply, and have proven a success with Cobra having a good season among tough competition.
Top Terrs
1.(Tie) Mikkiz (Dudgeon)
Leading all players with 3 Hot or Not MVPs, dazzling audiences with feats of dexterity and agility on Youtube, amassing astounding amounts of teks, bounty or improbable escapes game after game, Mikkiz has had a stellar season on a squad that is currently 1-5, keeping every game close (Dudgeon always manages 10 to 15 minutes a game). He leads all terrs in Teks (10), is 4th in Deaths per Hour (11.7), was 30 seconds away from the ace with over 500bty in a 15-4 routing of Cobra, notched an insane 5 teks to Burnt's 0 despite Sweet outkilling Dudgeon 562-447 and outplaying him at every turn, and taking Revenge to the brink in a 29-minute epic, doing this at the end of the Week 2 Match, captured on video:
As if we didn't need another reason as to why Mikkiz is the heart and soul of Dudgeon, the only week he didn't show, they got hammered by Spastic in a must-win game as Pure_Luck MVP'd.
1.(Tie) Cintra (Penetrate)
This was an incredibly hard decision as to whether Cintra or Mikkiz deserved the top spot, Mikkiz holding together a rag-tag band of outsiders with showstopping performances nearly every week, or Cintra, who's having one of the most statistically dominant performances in TWLB history in terr.
Cintra leads everything, and by leaps and bounds:
#1 Overall Kills (256) -- Next best is 213
#1 Deaths per Hour (7.7) -- Only 1 other terr under 10
#1 in K Ratio (11.13) -- 2nd is 7.50
#1 Most Kills in a game (66) -- 2nd is 50
#3 in teks (7)
Most telling is his performance in Penetrate's only loss, where Revenge stomped a failing Pene side that only played 5/8 starters. Despite getting shitstomped 15-7, Cintra managed a 40-5 against a relentless push and no Acidbomber under, only 2 deaths more than the winning terr.
He put up his most impressive numbers against Dudgeon, where he dropped a ridiculous 66-4, as Mikkiz and himself each notched 2 teks, clawing back from some bad early deaths and amassing a 500bty comeback.
As good as Cintra has been, he's also on the most stacked squad in TWL, whereas Mikkiz is simply more valuable to his squad and has to do a lot more with a lot less, and has simply had to be more spectacular, as has been. Cintra hasn't been pushed as much, though that's not his fault.
Both have been amazing this year, just in very different capacities, making it hard to compare them. They're both deserving of the 1. spot.
3. Cape (Pandora)
The Jerry "Clutch" West of terrs, the winningest terrier of all-time, and most spectacular and sound come playoff time, is without question Cape. When I think cape, I think clutch -- except that one TWDTB final where this stupid fuck died 17 times while watching the NY Giants game and lost us the game -- but I digress. Cape is, for my money, the best terr out there, and one I'd most want on my squad in the crunch. He has Zizu's genius and Mikkiz's survivability, just giving his squad chance after chance in the FR. This year he's doing it for Pandora, #2 in the league in Deaths per Hour (9.6), #2 in K ratio (7.50), and #1 in Teks per Hour (4.2), his best performance coming against Sage, with an impressive 43-5, 3 tek performance giving his team the edge. Like Cintra and Mikkiz, has been almost flawless this season, while the rest of the pack has blundered away, or started off hot (Chief Utsav, Burnt) and then fizzled out in the second half the season.
Honorable Mentions
Props to Shayde and Royst, showing up every Sunday, and despite being some of the best spiders all-time, sitting and letting others play. Both would have easily cracked the Top 15 overspids had they played more.
Note: Players had to have 3 games played and 1 hour playtime to qualify for the lists. Cig Smoke not eligible for any list due to failure to admit I'm a better RSHL goalie than him. Copyright 2013
With only 1.5 weeks of competition to go, there are only two major games left -- Penetrate vs. Pandora (to decide who is #2 and #3) and Sweet vs. Sage (to determine who finishes #5 and #6) -- all six Playoff Spots are sealed, one or more squads have completed their seasons, a few have a game apiece left, so I can't see this list changing much, if at all, too lazy to re-do the stats for one week of games, so just gonna post it now.
Top Underspids
1. Spezza (Pandora)
Along with Stayon, megaman89, and Renzi, Spezza is one one of the best spiders of all-time who can play both under and over at the highest level. He led the league in Spider Kills Per Hour (130) by a mile, led the league in percentage of kills that were spiders (71%), dominating the Under all year with laser-like aim even while moving at high speeds on the turn, strong energy management and survivability, and absolutely refuses to camp under any circumstance. He's 2nd in the league in K
Ratio among unders (2.01), is the best 1v1 dueler in the mid-base in the game, eating time off the clock, and together with Kate Upton forms the strongest under combo seen since Stayon/Mega bested Acidbomber/zhou last year. 2. Acidbomber (Penetrate)
It was a tough call between Acid and Spezza as to who was the strongest Underspid this year, with Acid earning a ridiculous three Hot or Not MVPs, and having a phenomenal season for Penetrate, with a mind-boggling 2.31 K
Ratio (1st among Underspids, 2nd overall), leading the league in spider kills (334), and leading the entire league in overall kills (543) and Teks (11). He finished 3rd however, in Spider Kills per Hour (111), well behind Spezza's pace, and his robotic style and camping isn't as effective vs. fluid all-round players like Spezza, Kate, Mega, Stayon and Renzi. That said, he's had a monster season, hasn't lost a single game under this year, can switch from camp shot to regular undering to camp shot faster than anyone around, and has amazing patience for when to go for the jugular and move in for the Tek. Acid and Spezza have been without peer this season, with a huge gap between them and the rest of the competition.3. NL>Trigger (Sage)
The Sage mainstay has been a staple of undering for years, starting in the final vs. Dice, then playing for them, is one of the few players alive who can start at overspid, underspid, terr AND shark at the TWLB level, and has had another strong season despite Sage imploding, especially early on with Kess, forming the 2nd or 3rd strongest duo of the 9 squads, he came in at 4th in the league in Spider Kills Per Hour (103) and 2nd in terms of % of kills that were spiders (68%) behind only Spezza. He's been an active, strong under with an adaptable style, notching an impressive 384 spider kills, 4th among spiders.
4. Gilder (Dudgeon)
Gilder has had a breakout season for Dudgeon, doing a good job of holding the Under against seasoned veterans with little support as the rickshaw squad struggles to hold over together, often putting him at a disadvantage vs. stacked squads. Nevertheless, he's proved himself capable of keeping Dudgeon's patchwork defense together with good camping, better aim, and solid energy management, and giving Mikkiz the ability to retreat low. He's 5th in the league in Spider kills among unders (354) and sports a solid 1.52 K
ratio, highest on Dudgeon.5. Kate Upton (Pandora)
Terrible personality and all-around ginormous cunt Kate Upton has made her TWLB debut this season, with excellent aim, a fluid style, strong energy management and an aggressive nature that has proved a good fit with Underspider of the Year Spezza, making them arguably the best under combo in the game right now. Kate's 92 Spider Kills per Hour places her 8th out of 15 underspiders with 3 games/1 hour played, with only 59% of her kills coming from spiders, quite low for an under as Kate likes to abandon her post to shoot sharks to pad her stats when doing poorly. Impressive #2 in league with 9 Teks. Talented player, but if was hit by a bus, world would be a better place.
6. kess (Sage)
Another strong under, who formed a solid duo with NL>Trigger, posted an incredibly strong 113 Spider Kills per Hour, 2nd in the league behind only Spezza. Also a good overspid, so has a nice versatility factor.
7. Blahhy. (Penetrate)
Blahhy. has had a nice year in the green ship with a 1.67 K
ratio, able to play both over and under, 5th among underspids in Spider Kills Per Hour (111), and #1 in overall kills per hour (190) among unders. Has done a nice job of emulating zhou with solid streams to protect acid camping his 3 and 4-notch spots in the cram whilst also contributing to the over. 2nd in overall kills among Underspids, not sure who will start with Acid in finals.8. zhou (Penetrate)
zhou has also played well this year, with a 1.79 K
ratio, 6th in Spider Kills per hour among underspids (110), 3rd in Teks per hour (3.13) behind only Acid and Kate. Blahhy. and zhou have almost identical stats, have played a similar amount of games, and cover Acid under in similar fashion, so definitely a nice option to have if you're Penetrate, with 3 of their players cracking the top 8. Top Overspids
1. Solace (Penetrate)
My favorite spider of the last two seasons, the best way to describe him is what Tony Bennett said of Amy Winehouse: She's the best female singer who still sings the "right" way. In the vein of players like Royst and Glavitik, Solacer is a juggernaut who relentlessly pushes into the fray, both over and under, crunching into sharks and making them two-rep with expert energy management and good aim while bee-lining to the enemy terr like a bat out of hell. With Royst, the strongest over tandem in
Subspace at the moment. Of the 10 spiders in subspace with 60 to 71% of their kills being spiders, there are 9 Underspids, and Solacer... and he's 4th. 'Nuff said.
2. Cripple (Sweet)
The perennial winner, and multiple finals MVP's stats didn't suffer one bit despite not playing on Dice, once again asserting his dominance over the competition. Cripple led the league in Kills Per Hour (227) and was 4th in K
Ratio (1.97), dropping a 132-66 in a 15-12 loss to Cobra when only two other players barely broke 100, and 120-56 in a 15-12 loss to Pandora, again with only two other players barely breaking 100. Has anyone mastered control of the overbar as well as El Cubano? Answer: No.
3. JAMAL (Spastic)
Another Dicer, JAMAL had no problem putting up ridiculous numbers on the second worst squad in TWLB. He finished third in the league in Kills per Hour (206) and third in K
Ratio (2.08)... on Spastic. Definitely the only spider in Subspace who can occasionally stray from the Ear ala Everett without anyone telling him to "get out of the ear." And on a very short list of Dice players (Dwopple, Cig, Domi) who's entire IRL self-worth isn't tied to being on the best squad like their life depended on it. WBM is like Morgan Freeman in the Shawshank Redemption -- guy can't take a piss without Stayon giving him permission to do so.4. glavitik (Revenge)
The best spider on the best squad at the moment, Glavitik was the top spid 2-3 years ago when Sage went to the Final against Dice, and he returns in full form with his aggressive, selfless style, leading the push and delivering the hurt on sharks, always looking for that FC green to crush the enemy camp and take away time and space. He also leads all overspids with 3 Hot or Not MVPs. Just don't schedule finals during his hiking trip
5. Trasher (Penetrate)
Bar-none, the most statistically dominant spider in Trench Wars. A league-leading 2.34 K
Ratio while still averaging a solid 180 kills per hour, Trasher might have the best aim (and best lag) of any overspid. A campy, positional player who delivers punishing streams from great angles, he closes in like a boa constrictor on the enemy as Penetrate's veteran basers close-in with surgical-like precision for the Tek. You need one of these on every team to clean up after the pushers.6. M_M God (Revenge)
A mainstay of a slew of veteran basing squads over the years, M_M God is still probably one of the more underrated spiders out there, despite being one of the best. He was Thunder's best spider in the playoffs last year, pushing a stacked Penetrate to the brink in 17:00-20:00 thriller, and is a lynchpin on the undefeated 8-0 Revenge this year, seamlessly starting at both over and under, not to mention a beast in basejav, as anyone in TWDTB can attest. Oh, and a sizzling 2.06 K
Ratio, 4th best in league.7. megaman89 (Sweet)
Not his strongest year, mm89 still manages to place 7th, as the legend put up solid numbers on Sweet, finishing 8th in Kills Per Hour (187) and 16th in K
Ratio (1.72), while being one of the few top-level players able to start at both over and under. 8. squallFF8 (Revenge)
Another of the four Revengers on this list, Squall is the classic mid-range spider who balances Trasher-like positional play while shifting into Revenge-style aggressive pushing the second he sees an opening, adapting to whatever the FR battle requires. Also a specialist no-setup camp cram breaker and anti-camper, an invaluable asset to any squad, while putting up almost identical numbers to megaman.
9. Leitz (Pandora)
A strong year for Leitz, rising above the pack of a dozen veteran spiders on Pandora with a red-hot 189 Kills Per Hour, whilst maintaining a 1.72 K
ratio -- he has proven himself a valuable addition to the Navi. He's been mopping up after the rest of Panda's aggressive, pushy spids, dropping a game-high 117-64 against a strong Sage line despite them outplaying Pandora over, and a squad-high 107-65 in a tough win over Sweet.10. dreamwin (Dudgeon)
The Dudgeonite has been stellar in both TWLJ (leading the league in kills) and TWLB, despite his penchant for changing himself into jav. He dropped a scything game-high 106-69 in a 15-11 loss to Penetrate while two of his spiders negged and failed to reach 70, and leads his squad with a bone-crunching 185 kills per hour.
11. diakka (Pandora)
Another starter from that much-vaunted Sage squad of several years ago that lost to Dice, and a starter on the HEIST squad that lost in the Semis to eventual winner Dice -- good news! Dice isn't in LB this year. After a poor outing in terr vs. Revenge, diakka unrusted the ol' ship 3 and has regained his form, becoming one of the most fierce spiders in Trench Wars.
12. necromotic (Cobra)
Cobra's best dedicated overspid and putting up big numbers all year, necro is 11th in the league in KPH (183), dropping a squad-high 110-85 performance in a fantastic upset over Sage early in the year, and is #2 in the league in teks with 9, behind only Acidbomber.
13. hellkite (Revenge)
hellkite's detractors, of which there are many, say he's a mindless suiciding drone who goes 1:1 and is best left on the bench. The 8-0 squad he's on feels differently, starting him every game as he's earned two Hot or Not MVP's this year. That K
ratio? Um, its an astounding 1.81, 9th in the league, 6th among overspids, WHILE averaging 190 kills per hour, #5 in LB. When he's rusty, agreed, he's 1:1 to negging half the time, and looks like he belongs in pub -- because he doesn't adjust his aggressive style. But once his aim returns and he's active, HK can be a force to be reckoned with, as he's proved with his great play all season -- not to mention his ability to start in shark if needed.14. Zizzo (Dudgeon)
Finnish Overlord of the only squad to ever put up 71 out of a possible 90 minutes and have only one win, the Dudgeon captain has done everything possible in spider to help his dedicated but thinly rostered squad week-in, week-out, as he's 3rd in the league in overall kills (522), behind only Trasher (541) and Acidbomber (543). He stepped up after the loss of megaman, dropping a showstopping 131-87 performance against the undefeated Revenge in a 14-15 nail-biter. Despite strong play with dreamwin, however, it hasn't been enough to put the fan-favorites above water.
15. Turban (Cobra)
After a strong season last year with Thunder, Turban returns with another unlikeable cast of annoying trolls, this time confusing poor HoN writers like myself by trading names with infrared. He's put up good numbers and been invaluable on a non-stacked squad, 4th in the league in overall kills (510) and showing up every game.
Top Sharks
1. Dwopple (Cobra)
Emperor Constantine I dissolved the Praetorian Guard in the 4th century, but apparently Dwopple didn't get the memo the way he's been protecting his terr all year, going entire games without missing a single rep. Big Dwop leads the league in overall kills (92) AND overall teks (7), doubling as an offensive juggernaut. The most important baser on Cobra, the former Dice TWLB champ has allowed his aggressive, competent spider-line to compete against the better squads, leading Cobra to a smokin' 4-0 start before cooling off. They'll enter the playoffs in 4th place, largely in part to some stellar sharking.
2. menelvagor (Revenge)
Revenge may have the best overspid line in Subspace, but they also arguably have the strongest shark tandem in menelvagor and Cranium. mene has had a stupefyingly strong season, leading the league in Flag Touches per Hour (43), #2 in Teks per Hour (3.01) and #5 in kills per hour (27.7). Even more important than his aggressive, trigger-happy style is insane cram-holding ability. He is the only shark in TW that can single-handedly hold a cram against an entire team solo, with solid positioning and his ridiculous hotel-room lag. Revenge has the strongest cram in the game, with clockwork timing from menelvagor an essential part.
3. Veloce (Penetrate)
As other sharks come and go, Veloce has been a Top 5 shark EVERY season for seemingly forever, with great lag, a super-aggressive style, and fantastic timing with longtime partner fermata (down with Prop 8 and let them marry!) Veloce once again topped the charts: #2 in Flag Touches per Hour (30), #3 in kills per hour (30.9), #8 in Teks per hour (2.03), #3 in the league in overall kills (76), #1 in overall flag touches (74), and #2 in overall teks (5). A godsend to hard pushers like Royst and Solacer, Veloce looks to add another title to his trophy case as Pene breezes into the playoffs.
4. cranium (Revenge)
Friend of the show and Yin to menelvagor's yams, cranium has had another great season, after disappearing in the Nepalese mountain ranges to "rediscover himself" after losing on Sage to Dice several years ago. After being mistaken for a Yeti and captured, he was released and has been a blight on his enemies with his Eastern sharking techniques developed at high altitudes on the slopes of Everest (not to be confused with Everett). Cranium is #1 in Kills per Hour (34.4), 9th in teks per hour (1.88), and has been known to rep if you tickle him in the right place.
5. Mattey <3 (Pandora)
Top internet friend, Prison-inmate, Scrabble aficionado, ChesSEXpert, and proud owner of a hot-mom-who-interrupts-his-twlb-broadcasts Mattey comes in at number 5, leading the league in Teks per Hour (3.13) and daily quotes of hate posted to Pandora's TWD profile (1.3 per week). One of the greatest sharks of all-time, and the prototype for aggressive, smart play, has been to the finals 3 times on 3 different squads, and lost by less than three minutes in the semis last year on Thunder. This constant, crushing, hopeless quest for an LB title in no way correlates to his former drug use. Don't talk to shit to Mattey, or he will make a video of himself dunking a basketball as a rebuttal
6. fermata (Penetrate)
Pene mainstay and EMP'ing whore in distension, the Fermata/Veloce combo is the longest-running shark tandem in subspace, providing some of the best timing and understanding between the two at every level of the game -- from FR battles, to Cram holding/breaking, to where and how to mine in the mid-base. 4th in the league in overall kills (58), he is one of the best aimed-shrappers in the game, and a force to be reckoned with.
7. zidane (Pandora)
Zidane has played through the mocking, the question marks, the early years of mining like an idiot (and earning Mattey's wrath)
Originally posted by Pandora Chat
8. Eria/Gran Guererro (Spastic)
Eria and Gran Gruererro have quietly had one of the stronger offensive sharking performances of the season, on Spastic no less, versus some of the most veteran sharks in the business. Eria is #2 in overall teks (5), #3 in Teks per hour (2.73) and averaging 19 kills per hour while providing some solid sharking for an undermanned squad is no easy feat, while Gran Guerrero is #2 in the league in overall kills (82) and #3 in overall Flag Touches (65). Great work by both!
9. hulk (Sweet)
Hulk has been a solid shark for years, and provided another strong season for Sweet, consistently playing well in both the FR and the cram, while notching 47 kills and 37 flag touches, as well as providing versatility given that he started in spider for Thunder last year, adding to his value as a baser.
10. Creature (Cobra)
Definitely Robin to Dwopple's Batman, Creature has nevertheless proved himself a quality shark with menacing and fast play, providing Cobra with a calcified backbone from which to launch aggressive attacks. The Dwop/Creat combo has been a great addition to the league, as LB-level sharks are in such short supply, and have proven a success with Cobra having a good season among tough competition.
Top Terrs
1.(Tie) Mikkiz (Dudgeon)
Leading all players with 3 Hot or Not MVPs, dazzling audiences with feats of dexterity and agility on Youtube, amassing astounding amounts of teks, bounty or improbable escapes game after game, Mikkiz has had a stellar season on a squad that is currently 1-5, keeping every game close (Dudgeon always manages 10 to 15 minutes a game). He leads all terrs in Teks (10), is 4th in Deaths per Hour (11.7), was 30 seconds away from the ace with over 500bty in a 15-4 routing of Cobra, notched an insane 5 teks to Burnt's 0 despite Sweet outkilling Dudgeon 562-447 and outplaying him at every turn, and taking Revenge to the brink in a 29-minute epic, doing this at the end of the Week 2 Match, captured on video:
Originally posted by TWLB Hot or Not -- Week 2
1.(Tie) Cintra (Penetrate)
This was an incredibly hard decision as to whether Cintra or Mikkiz deserved the top spot, Mikkiz holding together a rag-tag band of outsiders with showstopping performances nearly every week, or Cintra, who's having one of the most statistically dominant performances in TWLB history in terr.
Cintra leads everything, and by leaps and bounds:
#1 Overall Kills (256) -- Next best is 213
#1 Deaths per Hour (7.7) -- Only 1 other terr under 10
#1 in K
Ratio (11.13) -- 2nd is 7.50#1 Most Kills in a game (66) -- 2nd is 50
#3 in teks (7)
Most telling is his performance in Penetrate's only loss, where Revenge stomped a failing Pene side that only played 5/8 starters. Despite getting shitstomped 15-7, Cintra managed a 40-5 against a relentless push and no Acidbomber under, only 2 deaths more than the winning terr.
He put up his most impressive numbers against Dudgeon, where he dropped a ridiculous 66-4, as Mikkiz and himself each notched 2 teks, clawing back from some bad early deaths and amassing a 500bty comeback.
As good as Cintra has been, he's also on the most stacked squad in TWL, whereas Mikkiz is simply more valuable to his squad and has to do a lot more with a lot less, and has simply had to be more spectacular, as has been. Cintra hasn't been pushed as much, though that's not his fault.
Both have been amazing this year, just in very different capacities, making it hard to compare them. They're both deserving of the 1. spot.
3. Cape (Pandora)
The Jerry "Clutch" West of terrs, the winningest terrier of all-time, and most spectacular and sound come playoff time, is without question Cape. When I think cape, I think clutch -- except that one TWDTB final where this stupid fuck died 17 times while watching the NY Giants game and lost us the game -- but I digress. Cape is, for my money, the best terr out there, and one I'd most want on my squad in the crunch. He has Zizu's genius and Mikkiz's survivability, just giving his squad chance after chance in the FR. This year he's doing it for Pandora, #2 in the league in Deaths per Hour (9.6), #2 in K
ratio (7.50), and #1 in Teks per Hour (4.2), his best performance coming against Sage, with an impressive 43-5, 3 tek performance giving his team the edge. Like Cintra and Mikkiz, has been almost flawless this season, while the rest of the pack has blundered away, or started off hot (Chief Utsav, Burnt) and then fizzled out in the second half the season.Honorable Mentions
Props to Shayde and Royst, showing up every Sunday, and despite being some of the best spiders all-time, sitting and letting others play. Both would have easily cracked the Top 15 overspids had they played more.
Note: Players had to have 3 games played and 1 hour playtime to qualify for the lists. Cig Smoke not eligible for any list due to failure to admit I'm a better RSHL goalie than him. Copyright 2013
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