WBs OF THE WEEK: Apok and Okyo
Apok led by example, as the tenured Fierce captain rallied his troops after losing Round 1 in a great comeback victory against Burn, going 12-10, 11-9, and 14-8 to secure a Winner's Final berth.
Okyo carved up Cobra, leaving nothing to doubt as Potenza 2-0'd last year's TWLD Runner-ups, dropping a seismic 17-9 in Round 1, then following it up with a 13-10 to close them out. Kudos!
JAVs OF THE WEEK: Zidane and Dreamwin
Zidane took care of business sans Ease, going 11-3 in their Round 1 win, then clinching Round 3 with a sizzling 15-7 to knock Juans down to the Loser's Bracket, bringing himself one step closer to a third title defense.
Dreamwin clutched Round 1 against Fierce, dropping a 16-9 in a 50-47 comeback victory, then scorching them with an 11-3 performance in Round 2, setting up a rematch of last year's Finals versus Burn in the Winner's Final.
Honorable Mention: Turban
For his monster 20-10 effort vs. Potenza in Round 1.
BASER OF THE WEEK: Cripple Cripple led all spiders this week by a considerable margin, tallying a superb 134-77 against a tough opponent and making strong plays in the flagroom all game. Kudos!
Honoring the Fallen
Every week I'll be highlighting a player from a squadron eliminated from competition in their respective league. Here's a recap of those who fell this week:
HONORING THE FALLEN
Jones (Vikings) Jones ended his TWLD season leading the entire league in Kills Per Game, with a 12.33 average over 9 games, as well as the record for most kills in a round, with 20, while posting the second most kills up to this point, with an amazing 111-77 record. All this while on one of the worst warbirding squads in the league. Kudos!
HONORING THE FALLEN
Racketeer (Paladen) Racketeer went out with a bang, burning LEGO for 16 in a tough 50-48 Round 3 loss, putting up an impressive 87-71, 30 kills ahead of anyone else on Paladen, and one of only two players on his squad to go positive this season, with a solid +16. His 87 kills were 15th best in the league despite the handicap of playing on a bad team, and he proved he very much belongs in TWLD. Nice work!
HONORING THE FALLEN
Turban (LEGO)
Turban had a monster season for LEGO, leading the league in kills with a ridiculous 125-89 record, as well as kills per game (12.5), and +/-, going +36, on top of notching the only 20 kill game this season (the next highest is 17), doing everything humanly possible to keep LEGO's TWLJ season alive. No one on LEGO had over 48 kills this season. Truly a titanic effort. Well done, sir.
HONORING THE FALLEN
euforia (You2be)
euforia had a great season on You2be, finishing 4th in the league in kills, with a 98-99 record, averaging 10 kills per game, and the second-highest score in a TWLJ game this season, with 17. He had almost double the amount of kills as the next player on You2be, leading the team all season in javelin, and put in solid scores in their must-win playoff games. Nice work!
HONORING THE FALLEN
AFRI (Paladen)
AFRI was easily the standout baser on Paladen this season, leading his team in kills in every game in spider, and amassing an impressive 101 KP30M this season. Managing to average over 100 kills a game on such a bad team is an impressive feat, especially given how tough most of their matches were. Good job!
This was the best TWLB game of the week, as Fierce showed they were the real deal in basing, erasing the 15-2 shellacking Burn gave them during the regular season and putting up a tough fight. The game was closer than the score would indicate, as the game was tight throughout the first 2/3rds, with Burn only pulling away near the end.
Everett (41-10) played well, anchoring their line ahead of DOWNFALL (2.7 RPD) and Oder (2.7 RPD), as 4-time Finals MVP Cripple led all spiders with an earth-scorching 134-77, ahead of Mean Gene (98-68), Sphinx (92-57), wbm (90-78), Kado (32-34), and Sprained (39-29).
Ogron (53-3) terred ahead of Zidane (3.0 RPD) and Hulk (2.8 RPD), with Ease (119-80), hellkite (113-62), M_M God (108-50), diakka (95-68), and kess (98-58) in spider.
HOT: Hulk and Zidane, with a strong sharking performance.
NOT: None.
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Winner's Semi-Final
Dudgeon vs. Cobra
20:00-5:53
Zizzo (42-1) put in an excellent terring performance, ahead of Commodo (3.0 RPD) and porkjet (2.9 RPD), with JAMAL leading all spiders with an impressive 99-43, alongside Stayon (90-37), megaman89 (86-38), dreamwin (76-42), mcvicar, and omega red.
For Cobra, Pressure (27-7) terred ahead of rodney (2.8 RPD) and menelvagor (2.5 RPD??), with All-Star spider Trasher (79-44), squallFF8 (75-47), skatarius (71-53), Ricko (70-45), and Megalo (70-60) taking on fighter duties.
A tough assignment against the defending TWLB champs, Cobra should have better luck this Sunday taking on Vikings in the Loser's Bracket.
Dudgeon will take on Burn in the Winner's Final in a rematch of last year's Championship Finals!
HOT: Zizzo
HOT: JAMAL
NOT: menelvagor, with a dookie 2.5 RPD. Since you're still playing this game at age 57, you clearly have no problem repelling women -- use that as inspiration going forward!
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Loser's Round of 16
Vikings vs. You2be
20:00-0:00
You2be forfeited the game, meaning Vikings will advance to the second round of the Playoffs. No one on You2be stood out in TWLB, therefore there will be no Honoring The Fallen feature despite their elimination. Dookie!
Vikings draws pistols at high noon this Sunday against Cobra.
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Loser's Round of 16
LEGO vs. Paladen
20:00-1:41
The result was never really in doubt, nevertheless LEGO came out swinging in their strongest league, as Mango. (24-6) somehow managed to die 6 times in a 20-1 victory, ahead of future elite shark markmrw (2.9 RPD) and veteran dsb (2.1 RPD???).
Henry Saari's season-long KDA was lowered with a 70-8 in spider -- a rare instance where he dies more than his terr -- ahead of a pushy and veteran TJ Hazuki (85-40), ROWS (67-19), Turban, Jatt, and Flew.
For Paladen, Jessup (25-13) terred ahead of Racketeer and dour in shark, with AFRI (69-72), Plasma (37-20), Alextron (31-65), and little buddha (30-65).
A big thanks to Jessup and all of Paladen for stepping up and showing to every game this season. You're A-1 in my book.
LEGO will take on Fierce in the Loser's Bracket next week, while Paladen is eliminated from TWLB!
HOT: TJ Hazuki
NOT: Mango., a horrendous 24-6 in a 20-1 blowout. Like the DustBuster Richard Nixon's secretary used to clean the crumbs off him after eating lunch as his desk, you're constantly sucking dick.
HONORING THE FALLEN
AFRI (Paladen)
AFRI was easily the standout baser on Paladen this season, leading his team in kills in every game in spider, and amassing an impressive 101 KP30M this season. Managing to average over 100 kills a game on such a bad team is an impressive feat, especially given how tough most of their matches were. Good job!
zidane (11-3) and kess (12-6) led the TWLJ favorites to a comfortable Round 1 victory, ahead of Tiny (11-9), Best (9-9), and heart of the team Kira Tomato (7-6).
Tom Juan (12-10) put in a strong performance, but John Juan (8-10), healt (6-10), Lorko (3-10), and Thugs (3-10) fell short.
Ease sat all three rounds out, while Steadman dodged it and came online 2 seconds after Round 3 ended. -1000.
HOT: Zidane
HOT: Kess
NOT: Lorko and Thugs, going 3:10 like a miner's alarm clock.
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Juans vs. Burn
50-37
Round 2
Juans showed what they were really capable of in Round 2, stomping Burn in convincing fashion, as healt (16-5) put in a juggernaut performance, ahead of Tom Juan (10-5), Lorko (9-9), John Juan (8-9), and Thugs (4-9).
Kess (10-10) was the only Burn jav to reach parity, whilst zidane (7-10), Kira Tomato (7-10), Tiny (6-10), and Best (4-10) all negged.
HOT: healt
NOT: Best
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Burn vs. Juans
50-35
Round 3
Burn proved too much in the end, however, as zidane (15-7) and Best (15-7) stormed across the map to lead kess (8-3) and two dookie performances from Kira (5-9) and Tiny (4-9) to a victory.
healt (10-10) and Tom Juan (9-10) played fantastic all three rounds, John Juan (7-10), Lorko (2-10), and Thugs (5-10) were too much to carry, while their lack of depth and Steadman dodging really sunk them.
HOT: Zidane
HOT: Best
NOT: Tiny (4-9). 10-19 across the final two rounds. You were about as clutch as a manual transmission Camero... in a junkyard compactor. Next time throw yourself in with it.
NOT: Lorko (2-10). A nice 2-10 to go along with your 3-10 from Round 1. You collect bad scores like my grandma collects stamps... except stamps appreciate in value. The only appreciation your scores gain are from the opposing javs.
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Winner's Semi-Final
Dudgeon vs. Fierce
50-47
Round 1
Fierce managed to get an early 10+ kill advantage early, and seemed poised for a big victory. Of course, this is Fierce in LJ we're talking about, led by 24 (6-10), who blows leads faster than a female extra in a Woody Harrelson movie.
Despite the welcome additions of talented javelins like Apricot (9-10) and Spawnsien (9-10), and strong performances from Revered (12-10) and LAST STANDING (9-10), Fierce failed to clinch the W.
Dudgeon mounted a nice comeback, led by dreamwin (16-9), ahead of Commodo (10-9), megaman89 (8-9), Stayon (8-9), Rough (7-10), and Zizzo (0-4).
HOT: dreamwin
NOT: 24 (6-10). The -1-10 playoff legend continues his streak of sinking his team come crunch time. Once again, you're the 6 to your teammates 9s, which is fitting because you're obviously blowing them to keep getting starts.
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Dudgeon vs. Fierce
50-31
Round 2
No shocker here, 24 once again choked harder than Lisa Ann on a bag of dicks, going 5-10 alongside Apricot and Spawnisen, while Revered and Last Standing managed 7-10s.
Dudgeon wiped the floor with them, in an embarrassing 50-30 win as Stayon (13-6) and dreamwin (11-3) led Rough (13-10), Commodo (7-6) and megaman89 (5-6) to the W.
Dudgeon will take on Burn in the Winner's Bracket Final.
HOT: Stayon
NOT: 24, Apricot, and Spawnisen. A combined 15 kills, yikes! Hope for a free LD medal, because you're sure as shit not winning LJ.
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Loser's Round of 16
Potenza vs. LEGO
50-47
Round 1
Potenza eeked out a tight victory, narrowly defeating LEGO by 3, as okyo (12-10), Mark Stone (9-7), Iron Survivor (10-10), Haze (8-10), and Cres (6-10) put in a balanced effort in getting the W.
Turban (20-10) put in a Herculean effort in an attempt to singlehandedly will LEGO into the next round of the playoffs, but Jebass Jr. (6-10), spikey (6-10), dsb (8-10), and Ted Mosby (5-9), and Henry Saari stunk up the joint, as the five players combined for a sad-faced 25 kills combined.
HOT: Turban
NOT: df, Spikey, Ted Mosby
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Potenza vs. LEGO
50-48
Round 2
Another nailbiter where Turban (13-10) was the last man standing, falling in a 1v1 48-48 scenario to Mark Stone (12-8) in a classic ending, as df and Spikey continued their god-awful play, going 1-4 and 3-10 respectively (Spikey's TWLJ average, to be fair), while dsb (4-10) fared little better.
LEGO did have a fantastic showing from Ted Mosby (15-10), who gave LEGO a great chance to win, while Henry Saari had a great sub-in, notching an 8-6.
Potenza managed to squeeze another W in, clinching the series in two games, as Mark Stone (12-8) proved the hero, leading okyo (11-10), Cres, Haze, and Iron Survivor to the victory.
Potenza will cross swords (an area Haze has expertise in) with Fierce in the Loser's Semi-Final. LEGO is eliminated from contention!
HOT: Mark Stone
HOT: Ted Mosby
NOT: Spikey (3-10). The only thing your skill is winning, is the 1986 Hide and Seek World Championship, because it has yet to be found.
HONORING THE FALLEN
Turban (LEGO)
Turban had a monster season for LEGO, leading the league in kills with a ridiculous 125-89 record, as well as kills per game (12.5), and +/-, going +36, on top of notching the only 20 kill game this season (the next highest is 17), doing everything humanly possible to keep LEGO's TWLJ season alive. No one on LEGO had over 48 kills this season. Truly a titanic effort. Well done, sir.
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Loser's Round of 16
Cobra vs. You2be
50-33
Round 1
Zazerick (15-9), Wax (11-6), Kim (10-7), Shadowmere (7-6), and Neymar (5-5) sliced and diced You2be up up into a salad, which euforia was more than happy to toss for them
Fioria, Eren, euforia, Toxic, pee pee sock, Toxic, and Yojimbo all failed to go positive.
HOT: Zazerick
NOT: Eren (4-10)
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Cobra vs. You2be
50-25
Round 2
This was even a bigger stomp than the first round, and definitely the least interesting TWLJ match of the week, as Neymar (12-6) and Zazerick (12-6) led Kim, Ricko, Wax, and Shadowmere to the W.
You2be once again all negged, with only euforia (9-10, 9-10) approaching parity in either round. Dookie!
Cobra will lock horns with Juans in the Loser's Semi-Final this Sunday. You2be is eliminated from TWLJ!
HOT: Neymar
NOT: Toxic (2-10), although Eren (0-5) makes a strong case. You2be should buy that case, put Eren and Toxic in it, and sink it to the bottom of the ocean. Then they might win a game.
HONORING THE FALLEN
euforia (You2be)
euforia had a great season on You2be, finishing 4th in the league in kills, with a 98-99 record, averaging 10 kills per game, and the second-highest score in a TWLJ game this season, with 17. He had almost double the amount of kills as the next player on You2be, leading the team all season in javelin, and put in solid scores in their must-win playoff games. Nice work!
Note: The delineation of "Winner" and "Loser" ahead of Quarter-Finals and Semi-Finals indicates if the match is in the upper bracket (Winner's bracket) or lower bracket (Loser's bracket.) Team's in the Winner's Bracket are NOT eliminated from Playoffs; they are sent down to the Loser's bracket. Any match lost in the Loser's Bracket results in elimination from the playoffs.
It's also worth noting, that "Winner's Semi-Final" and "Loser's Quarter-Final" function exactly like Conference Semi-Finals or Conference Finals in major sports -- Whoever advances from the Winner's Semi-Final does NOT advance to the finals -- they advance to the Winner's Final. The two teams advancing from the Winner's Final and the Loser's Final meet in the actual championship Finals.
Despite being sans Racka, Weak, and Weaver, Burn took the fight to Fierce's A-Team, as Apok, DEEZ NUTS, and LaSenza returned to action after taking the Replay week off.
Raazi (14-9) continued his domination of TWLD, proving to be Burn's best warbird this season after helping Cobra to the Finals last year, leading Best (13-8), Ogron (10-9), Mythril (6-9), and Ease (7-10) to the W.
LaSenza (13-10) and Apok (12-10) came out blistering hot, with good outings from Vash (10-10) and Geio (9-10), but warbirding legend DEEZ NUTS (1-10) had one of the worst playoff performances of his storied career, putting Fierce in a 0-1 hole.
HOT: Raazi
NOT: DEEZ NUTS (1-10). I was your first teammate in Trench Wars in 2003. I said "take it easy on me", not "do your best Geio impression."
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Fierce vs. Burn
50-47
Round 2
This was an incredibly tough match, going down to the wire as Fierce narrowly pulled out a 50-47 win at the end. All ten players in the match had between 8 to 12 kills and 9 to 10 deaths, making this the most evenly spread game in recent TWLD playoff memory.
Apok (11-9), Skepsis (10-9), Vash (10-10), Lasenza (10-10), and DEEZ NUTS (8-9) managed to close out Burn and secure the victory, tying the match at 1-1.
On the losing side, Best (12-10), Ease (10-10), Raazi (9-10), Ogron (8-10), and Mythril (8-10) fell 3 kills short of clinching the match.
HOT: Apok NOT: None
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Fierce vs. Burn
50-40
Round 3
Apok (14-8) once again managed to rally his troops late, and get the win, ahead of Skepsis (12-9), Vash (8-6), DEEZ NUTS (8-8), and LaSenza (7-9).
Raazi (10-10), Ogron (10-10), and Mythril (8-10) seemed in good position to lead Burn to the W, but with the score tied at 35-35 Best (7-10) died out light years ahead of everyone else, leading to a devastating 5v4 advantage barely past the halfway point of the game, which Fierce had no trouble exploiting, while an underwhelming Ease (5-10) didn't help things, either.
Burn will take on Dudgeon in the Loser's Semi-Finals this weekend.
HOT: Apok
NOT: Best
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Winner's Semi-Final
Potenza vs. Cobra
50-31
Round 1
Potenza wiped the floor with Cobra's entrails, then hung Rasaq's (1-8) corpse from them, to show future opponents what they're in for, as Creature (10-10) and Ricko (9-10) couldn't stop their teammates from imploding, as Riverside (6-10) and Kentaro (3-10) got smushed.
God-King Okyo (17-9) annihilated them, going Super Saiyan ahead of Iron Lagcheater (12-5), Cres (9-7), Serviceable (6-4), and Forces (6-6).
HOT: Okyo
NOT: Rasaq (1-8)
NOT: Clark Kentaro (3-10). You can't spell KRYPTONITE without OKYO.
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Potenza vs. Cobra
50-39
Round 2
Potenza improved to 9-0 for the season, finishing Cobra off as Iron Survivor (16-6) tore them apart with a plethora of invisibullets and flying through rocks, alongside Okyo (13-10), Served (9-6), Forces (7-8), and a dookie performance from Cres (5-9).
Kentaro (10-10) picked up his game round 2, but it proved too little, too late, despite good rounds from Ricko (9-10) and vys (9-10), as Riverside once again held them back, with a pathetic 4-10, while Creature was underwhelming with a 7-10.
Potenza will take on Fierce in the Winner's Final this Sunday.
HOT: Iron Survivor
NOT: Riverside (4-10). Like Baby Moses, Cobra should also abandon you by the riverside. Awful.
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Loser's Round of 16
Vikings vs. Dudgeon
50-48
Round 1
Jones, playing out of his friggin' mind, looked like an in-his-prime Adrian Peterson out there, dropping an insane 20-8 to lead Vikings to this impressive Round 1 victory, leading Ison (10-10), Steep (8-10), Ravos (7-10), and Cloth (5-10) to the well-deserved victory.
Dudgeon saw good outings from Stayon (13-10), Zizzo (12-10), and JAMAL (12-10), but were let down by omega red (6-10) and megaman89 (5-10).
HOT: Jones!
NOT: megaman89 (5-10)
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Dudgeon vs. Vikings
50-47
Round 2
Zizzo (15-9), megaman89 (14-9), JAMAL (8-9), dreamwin (7-10), and Stayon (6-10) edged out Vikings in this battle of the titans, winning by a whole 3 points. Wowzas!
Jones (12-10) and Cloth (14-10) continued to bash heads in on newbie squad Vikings, but despite passable scores from Ravos (7-10) and Steep (7-10), Ison's 2-6 proved the difference, despite a strong sub from ugly (5-4).
HOT: Zizzo
NOT: Ison (2-6). The only time anyone has ever used your name positively in a sentence, was "Hey, come quick! Game of Thrones is on!" Dookie.
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Dudgeon vs. Vikings
50-43
Round 3
Three-league legend and general all-around forum asshole megaman89 (15-9) led Dudgeon to the victory, as Zizzo (13-8) continued to excel in a ship he's not known for, while JAMAL (11-8) finally played up to exceptions, while the mighty Vikings proved too much for dreamwin (7-10), Stayon (4-6), and Elven (0-4).
Major Crisis (14-10) continued the theme of basers excelling in TWLD this week, putting up fierce resistance, but despite more good play from Jones (9-10) and Cloth (8-10), Steep (6-10) was sub-par, Ravos's 5-5 sub came too late, and Ison (1-5) once again sank his squadron's ship, finishing 3-11 for the day. Gross!
Dudgeon will face off against Burn in the Loser's Semi-Final, while Vikings is eliminated. It was a great run in TWLD this season, despite the sour note it ended on.
HOT: megaman89
NOT: Ison (1-5). I ran out of puns for your name this season. Thankfully, you ran Vikings' TWLD into the ground, and are now eliminated.
HONORING THE FALLEN
Jones (Vikings)
Jones ended his TWLD season leading the entire league in Kills Per Game, with a 12.33 average over 9 games, as well as the record for most kills in a round, with 20, while posting the second most kills up to this point, with an amazing 111-77 record. All this while on one of the worst warbirding squads in the league. Kudos!
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Loser's Round of 16
LEGO vs. Paladen
50-37
Round 1
ROWS (15-10) tore into Paladen, leading Joemama (10-7), Flew (9-9), energy (8-5), and turban (8-6) to glorious victory.
For Paladen, Plead (10-10) was the lone bright spot, as jebass, AFRI, dour, Jessup, and little buddha were a buffet of suck, with Racketeer (4-3) piloting a palatable 4-3 substitution.
HOT: ROWS
NOT: jebass (4-7). If jebass had Ease, DEEZ NUTS, Ricko, Banzi, Blood and demonfaze on his Roster, he'd still start himself. The only thing you should start yourself is the car in the garage you eventually use to intentionally asphyxiate yourself with.
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Paladen vs. LEGO
50-33
Round 2
Paladen bounced back to push this to three rounds, as little buddha (12-3) and Racketeer (11-3) showed up big time, absolutely decimating LEGO with monster performances, ahead of Plead (12-9), Jessup (9-8), AFRI (4-7), and dour (2-3).
Turban (12-10) was the only force resisting the onslaught, but couldn't buoy negative scores from ROWS (9-10), energy (1-4), Flew (6-10), Joemama (4-10), and Pat B (1-6).
HOT: little buddha
HOT: Racketeer
NOT: Joemama (4-10). If Geio was the worst player on a good team this year (although Riverside makes a strong argument), joemama was definitely the worst player on a bad team, with a league-leading -26 differential in TWLD. The only way anyone would ever compliment your warbirding was if your plus-minus in warbird determined the weather -- schoolchildren around the world would be praising your play in hopes of cancellations.
Do LEGO a favor and cancel your internet subscription.
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LEGO vs. Paladen
51-48
Round 3
Despite a pro sub-in giving themselves an extra death, Paladen fell two kills short of keeping their season alive, as Flew (13-9) and Turban (12-10) put the nail in their coffin, leading energy (9-9), Joemama (9-10), and ROWS (7-10) to the W.
Paladen went out swinging, as Racketeer (16-10) was a freakin' beast, as was dour (14-10), as the two almost carried Paladen to the promise-land with a ridiculous 30 kills combined. Sadly, AFRI (9-10), Alextron (1-2), jebass (0-3), Jessup (4-7), and Plead (4-9) all negged.
LEGO will take on Cobra in the Loser's Semi-Final this Sunday, while Paladen is eliminated!
HOT: Flew
HOT: Racketeer
NOT: jebass (0-3) and Plead (4-9). They both played horribly, but jebass also gets bonus NOT for awful captaincy and delinquent substitutions. He once subbed out Aerin for himself years ago on Paladen (our best player, and one who had dropped 17 kills the week prior) while he led the rush the entire game and lured 9000 kills, turning a 7-kill lead into a 7-kill defeat. When asked why he subbed Aerin out, he said "because he was -3. that's the rule." This idiot took advantage of Jessup while he was down on himself and got him to ?squadgrant Paladen to himself, and now they're stuck with his shitty captaining forever.
HONORING THE FALLEN
Racketeer (Paladen)
Racketeer went out with a bang, burning LEGO for 16 in a tough 50-48 Round 3 loss, putting up an impressive 87-71, 30 kills ahead of anyone else on Paladen, and one of only two players on his squad to go positive this season, with a solid +16. His 87 kills were 15th best in the league despite the handicap of playing on a bad team, and he proved he very much belongs in TWLD. Nice work!
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