We love you America!

[Dim]

The following views are not that of dimboy, therefore not warranting removal to Trash Talk.

The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to
everybody, and still nobody likes him.
- Jim Samuels

Americans always try to do the right thing after they've tried everything
else.
- Winston Churchill

America is a melting pot, the people at the bottom get burned while all the
scum floats to the top.
- Charlie King

America would be a nice place to live if Americans didn't live there.
- Anonymous

Of course, America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had
always been hushed up.
- Oscar Wilde

Here is the difference between Dante, Milton and me. They wrote about hell
and never saw the place. I wrote about Chicago after looking the town over
for years and years.
- Carl Sandburg

Look, we're Americans: optimistic, addicted to the quick fix, constantly on
the hunt for the new and exotic. It's much easier for us to accept a guy
with a big white beard hawking his own custom blend of saw palmetto and
squirrel dandruff that it is to hear a real doctor telling us to lay off the
Big Macs, and get off our fat asses and take a walk every decade or so.
- Dennis Miller

The American male doesn't mature until he has exhausted all other
possibilities.
- Wilfred Sheed



America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags
its tail, it knocks over a chair.
- Arnold Toynbee

America's one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.
- Bobcat Goldthwaite

The trouble with America is that there are far too many wide-open spaces
surrounded by teeth.
- Charles Luckman

The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey
their children.
- King Edward VIII

America is a country that doesn't know where it is going but is determined
to set a speed record getting there.
- Laurence J. Peter

In America any boy may become President, and I suppose that's just the risk
he takes.
- Adlai Stevenson

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three
unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and
the prudence to never practice either of them.
- Mark Twain

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
- Frank Zappa

Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice
about them.
- George Bernard Shaw

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around
whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
- David Letterman

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
- Dan Rather

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color
and fall from the trees.
- David Letterman

Their demeanor is invariably morose, sullen, clownish and repulsive. I
should think there is not, on the face of the earth, a people so entirely
destitute of humor, vivacity, or the capacity for enjoyment.
- Charles Dickens

America is the only nation in history which has miraculously gone directly
from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization.
- Georges Clemenceau

No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the great American
public.
- HL Mencken

Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's a PhD
in Hamburger Technology.
- Clive James

The prostitute is the only honest woman left in America.
- Ty-Grace Atkinson

California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a
rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
- WC Fields

If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell.
- General PH Sheridan

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food
for laughter, they are an entire banquet.
- Anonymous

When good Americans die, they go to Paris. When bad Americans die, they go
to America.
- Oscar Wilde

California is a fine place to live if you happen to be an orange.
- Fred Allen

It was wonderful to find America, put perhaps it would have been more
wonderful to miss it.
- Mark Twain

Never criticize Americans. They have the best taste that money can buy.
- Miles Kingston

American is a very difficult language mixed with English.
- Anonymous

America knows nothing of food, love, or art.
- Isadora Duncan

The 100% American is 99% idiot.
- George Bernard Shaw

I am willing to love all mankind, except an American.
- Samuel Johnson

America is one long expectoration.
- Oscar Wilde

The American has no language, he has a dialect, slang, provincialism,
accent, and so forth.
- Rudyard Kipling

When you become used to never being alone, you may consider yourself
Americanized.
- Andre Maurois

There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals. The real
American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong.
- G. K. Chesterton

No one can be as calculatedly rude as the British, which amazes Americans,
who do not understand studied insult and can only offer abuse as a
substitute.
- Paul Gallico

Knavery seems to be so much the striking feature of its inhabitants that it
may not in the end be an evil that they will become aliens to this country.
- George III, English King

The organization of American society is an interlocking system of
semi-monopolies notoriously venal, an electorate notoriously unenlightened,
misled by a mass media notoriously phony.
- Paul Goodman

Sir, they are a race of convicts and ought to be grateful for anything we
allow them short of hanging.
- Samuel Johnson

Americans are people who laugh at African witch doctors and spend 100
million dollars on fake reducing systems.
- L. L. Levinson

There won't be any revolution in America ... the people are too clean. They
spend all their time changing their shirts and washing themselves. You can't
feel fierce and revolutionary in a bathroom.
Eric Linklater

The trouble with America is that there are far too many wide open spaces
surrounded by teeth.
- Charles Luckman

The national dish of America is menus.
- Robert Robinson

Frustrate a Frenchman, he will drink himself to death; an Irishman, he will
die of angry hypertension; a Dane, he will shoot himself; an American, he
will get drunk, shoot you, then establish a million dollar aid program for
your relatives. Then he will die of an ulcer.
- S. A. Rudin

New York is a city of 7,000,000 so decadent that when I leave it I never
dare look back lest I turn into salt and the conductor throw me over his
left shoulder for good luck.
- Frank Sullivan

I found there a country with thirty-two religions and only one sauce.
- Charles-Maurice Talleyrand-Perigord

[Dim]

America ... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all
the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in
the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.
- Hunter S. Thompson

America is a mistake, a giant mistake.
- Sigmund Freud

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags
its tail it knocks over a chair.
- Arnold Toynbee

Speaking of New York as a traveler I have two faults to find with it. In the
first place there is nothing to see; and in the second place there is no
mode of getting about to see anything.
- Anthony Trollope

America ... where laws and customs alike are based on the dreams of
spinsters.
- Bertrand Russell

The Americans, like the English, probably make love worse than any other
race.
- Walt Whitman

In America everybody is of the opinion that he has no social superiors,
since all men are equal, but he does not admit that he has no social
inferiors.
- Bertrand Russell



Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel,
even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.
- Albert Einstein

Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted
for President. One hopes it is the same half.
- Gore Vidal

Americans are benevolently ignorant about Canada, while Canadians are
malevolently well informed about the United States.
- J. Bartlett Brebner

The hatred Americans have for their own government is pathological ... at
one level it is simply thwarted greed: since our religion is making a buck,
giving a part of that buck to any government is an act against nature.
- Gore Vidal

It is absurd to say that there are neither ruins nor curiosities in America
when they have their mothers and their manners.
- Oscar Wilde

Question: If you find so much that is unworthy of reverence in the United
States, why do you live here?
Mencken: Why do men go to zoos?
- H. L. Mencken

The American political system is like fast food - mushy, insipid, made out
of disgusting parts of things and everybody wants some.
- P. J. O'Rourke

In America the President rules for four years and journalism governs for
ever and ever.
- Oscar Wilde

I heard an Englishman, who had been long resident in America, declare that
in following, in meeting, or in overtaking, in the street, on the road, or
in the field, at the theatre, the coffee-house, or at home, he had never
overheard Americans conversing without the word DOLLAR being pronounced
between them. Such unity of purpose ... can ... be found nowhere else,
except... in an ant's nest.
- Frances Trollope

When good Americans die, they go to Paris; when bad Americans die, they go
to America.
- Oscar Wilde

America is a land where a citizen will cross the ocean to fight for
democracy - and won't even cross the street to vote in a national election.
- Bill Vaughan

The Americans, like the English, probably make love worse than any other
race.
- Walt Whitman

The United States never lost a war or won a conference.
- Will Rogers

We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it.
-Will Rogers

What a pity, when Christopher Columbus discovered America, that he ever
mentioned it.
- Margot Asquith

What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.
- Will Rogers

I pledge impertinence to the flag-waving of the un-indicted co-conspirators
of America and the Republicans for which I can't stand one abomination,
underhanded fraud, indefensible with liberty and justice forget it!
- Bongo's Pledge, Huge Book of Hell

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States Against Anything
Un-American, and to the Republicans for which it stands, two nations, under
Jesus, rich against poor, with curtailed liberty and justice for all*
*Except blacks, homosexuals, women who want abortions, Communists, welfare
queens, tree-huggers, femi-nazis, illegal immigrants, children of illegal
immigrants, and you if you don't watch your step.
- Anonymous

Americans stick their noses where they don't belong more than Simone
DeBergeraque going down.
- Dennis Miller

[Mayo Inc.]

Yeah that's america for you.

[cundor]

You live in America, don't you mayo?!

[Bob (SRB)]

Hey guys, its George again

My resume

George W. Bush (Dubya)
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave., NW
Washington, D.C. 20500

Past Work Experience

Ran for congress and lost.

Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.

With father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.

Accomplishments in Previous Positions

Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in America.

Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

Set record for most executions by any governor in American history.

Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.

Accomplishments As President

Attacked and took over two countries.

Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.

Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.
Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.

First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

First president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in U.S. history.

After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

Set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other president in U.S. history.

In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.

Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in U.S. history.

Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in U.S. history.

Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.

Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in U.S. history.

Presided over the biggest energy crises in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.

Presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.

Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.

Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/)

Dissolved more international treaties than any president in U.S. history.

My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in U.S. history.

[Bob (SRB)]

Some more Resume for ya

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history (the 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleezza Rice, has an Exxon oil tanker named after her).

First president in U.S. history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.

Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.

First president in U.S. history to order a U.S. attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.

Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.

Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in U.S. history.

First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the human rights commission.

First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the elections monitoring board.

Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in U.S. history.

Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.

Withdrew from the World Court of Law.

Refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.

First president in U.S. history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. elections).

All-time U.S. (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.

My biggest lifetime campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).

Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in U.S. history.

First president in U.S. history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

First president to run and hide when the U.S. came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)

First U.S. president to establish a secret shadow government.

Took the biggest world sympathy for the U.S. after 9/11, and in less than a year made the U.S. the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in U.S. and world history).

With a policy of 'disengagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.

Fist U.S. president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.

First U.S. president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the U.S. than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated U.S. law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.

Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive.'

Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capital building.

After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects.

In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.

Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in U.S. history.

In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the U.S. has ever been since the Civil War.

Entered office with the strongest economy in U.S. history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.

Records and References

At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available)

AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war.

Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker (they can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)

[Mr. Peanuts]

I dont see anything wrong with America apart from it's government, same with UK

[SnallTrippin]

So many wrong things...but I mostly don't care...funny anyway.

[GoldenPlums]

I dont see anything wrong with America apart from it's government, same with UK

You do remember Thatcher don't you?

[SnallTrippin]

You do remember Thatcher don't you?

Yes...the US has never had any good ones..pffsha.

[Mr. Peanuts]

yeah she was a bitch, whats your point?

[za gophar]

some of those quotes are true, some are bull shit, some are out of context, but it all boils down to this: 1. its lonely at the top and 2. every country has its jerks, idiots, fatasses, and penny pinchers, and you are only making youself look stupid by criticizing a country for these things when your country and every other one for that matter is far from perfect. discriminating against people because of what country they are from is just as stupid as racial and religious stereotyping, its the exact same concept. i am from america and i dislike a lot of things about it that i will not go into; not every american thinks alike, nor does anyone in any other country. judge people individually by who they are, and it works a lot better than blindly believing stereotypes about a country you havent been to.

[GoldenPlums]

Just that the government we have now in the UK is a lot better than it was then, even with Blair's fuck-ups.

[iLDuce]

Dimboy's just mad because his country's government has become a puppet of America's!

[Subjugation]

some of those quotes are true, some are bull shit, some are out of context, but it all boils down to this: 1. its lonely at the top and 2. every country has its jerks, idiots, fatasses, and penny pinchers, and you are only making youself look stupid by criticizing a country for these things when your country and every other one for that matter is far from perfect. discriminating against people because of what country they are from is just as stupid as racial and religious stereotyping, its the exact same concept. i am from america and i dislike a lot of things about it that i will not go into; not every american thinks alike, nor does anyone in any other country. judge people individually by who they are, and it works a lot better than blindly believing stereotypes about a country you havent been to.

spot on. i agree with just about everything za said, except i'd like to add that i found several of those quotes in dimz posts pretty funny. i love america. i am so grateful to live here, because we so much opportunity, and we have so much freedom.


however, it's just hard at the moment with the current administration, because of how many freedoms that are being taken away. patriot act. nuff said.

thanks dim. some funny stuff.