5:ZeUs!!> IVE BEEN SWANK AND LOVING IT

[Jeansi]

ZeUs!! who is that guy in your new avatar?

O it's Pete Doherty! Who on earth is that??
The guy from the libertines! Omg I love em!

(steps back and lets the man himself explain in further detail)

kerro lisää, kekkostakin kiinnostaa

[ZeUs!!]

The above post was brought to you by Skitsophrenic Productions & Skitsophrenic Productions






The Pete Doherty Saga (note: I wrote this ages ago)

Anyone into music would of heard of The Libertines by now. They're being heralded as the next big British band, however that was a year or two ago now and so in theory they are the biggest British band. Recently their guitarist and most important band member Pete Doherty has been going spastic. Here's the story so far:

Last year while on tour in Spain, Pete said he felt ill and flew home, only to then burgle band-mate and best friend Carl Barat's house in order to feed his heroin addiction. You can see that this guys a sandwich short of a picnic already, yet when you think about it why would you burgle your best friend's house of all houses? Because you knew how to get in. So the police would of turned up at Carl's gaffe, seen no signs of breaking and entering and asked Carl; "so, who knows how to get into your house?" "Well, there's Pete..." On his release from prison Carl is there to greet his troubled friend.

Fast forward a year and Doherty is going beserk on stage every night in a flurry of class-A drugs and is close to burning out and becoming seriously ill. Realising this he finally gets round to attempting to kick his habit and checks into exclusive London clinic and celebrity haunt The Priory to wonder around in a dressing gown, contemplate life and sing songs or whatever they do at those places (haven't been in one... yet). Pete lasts under a month. During that time he's put on suicide watch and cancelled enough gigs to make any true Rock Star proud. Its enough to bring a tear to Nicky Sixx's eye.

Next stop Paris where Doherty checks into clinic #2 having been quoted in the week previous as saying: "It’s got to the point where Carl and I don’t speak except on stage. It breaks my heart. He treats me badly and every time I come running back like a battered housewife" and threatening to break up the band. Obviously that quote was taken while he was smacked up to the tits but it makes a good story! Pete lasts a week.

Pete then turned to Thailand, and a Buddhist monastry style rehab which is supported by 140 year-old soap-star, and the embodiment of a personality deficiancy, June Brown (aka Dot Cotton). You just couldn't of dreamed this up. The method favoured by the monks is to get in some kind of ex-army person (probably German and with a small penis) who gets aroused as he puts in the inhabitants through living hell every day telling them their life is shit unless the give up the smack. The actual cleansing process is brilliant, why has no one though of it before? Three times a day, the monks feed their patients this brew which sits in their stomach for 30 minutes soaking up all the nasty-nasties, before the patients then drink so much water that they projectile vomit out all the water, and the brew and the nasty-nasties which the brew has soaked up, leaving the patient with no trace of crap in his blood stream what so ever. Pete left yesterday (monday) and had lasted five days.



Current whereabouts are now unknown but it is thought he is currently in Bangkok, probably enjoying the company of some lady-boys and a small man trying to novelty shit to him. Who actually buys that tacky crap from the street sellers? Someone must do otherwise they would have got the message moved onto something worthwhile, like hats or something. There must be one couple who every year make sure they go around keeping all these weirdos who sell plastic cocktail umbrellas and monkeys that dance when you put them near some music in business.

The Libertines are due to be playing the Reading Festival in late august, so hopefully he's sorted himself out by then but I just get the feeling theis guy thinks someone's going to do it for him, that eventually it'll all sort himself out and he'll up up fineand a multi-gagillionaire off the back of this 15 album sales. He needs some reassurance and he needs some loving, and he needs somene to snap all his needles too, then he really is screwed. Unless he get so shitfaced he tries stabbing himself with a blunt syringe, or swallowing the resin, either one would be pretty spectacular to watch but he'll probably regret it in the morning as he wakes up either with half an arm or just dead.

Meanwhile Carl's been doing just swimingly. He's been raising his own profile which for obvious reasons has been lagging behind his partner's (there's four of them in the band after all) by opening various nightspots and playing sets here and there and you never know, the lead singer in the band might just take centre-stage.


UPDATE: Doherty still hasn't been let into the band and shows no signs of quitting his crack habit. The band have managed to record their next album despite having to employ security guards to pull Barat and Doherty apart after every song, however after signing they promptly left leaving everything else to the producer such as the track order and deciding the sound. Doherty has toured on his own anyway to spite Barat, with his side-project called the Babyshambles and they are playing my students union in a fortnight. Wheres the fucking justice? They don't have a single gig in the union all term time, and when we leave they pull all the stops out to get Doherty in. The Reading (pronounced Redding) Festival start thursday and it doesn't look like Pete will be playing

[Jerome Scuggs]

ZeUs!! is master of huge posts. I got back from TWL and he left like an essay in the form of 150 MSN messages.

[Volcs]

I just read that.

[ZeUs!!]

MSN: ipswich_mike@hotmail.com I'll give you a shitload of songs

[Volcs]

kerro lisää, kekkostakin kiinnostaa

what the shit does that jibberish mean?

[Jason]

schizophrenic

[NaiLed]

jason, seriously... where do you grt these avatars from?

[PaulOakenfold]

what the shit does that jibberish mean?

means "tell us more, even Kekkonen (an old pres who was hella cool from 56-81) is interested"

[Jeansi]

[Golden Sun 1]

A spork

[Noah]

A JEROME

[Jerome Scuggs]

a noah!

[Propagandhi]

The new Libertines is pretty good, I like "The Man Who Would Be King" a lot.

[Noah]

I actually DO got yellow belt in some tae kwondo or something.. SO WATCH YOURSELF OR I'LL WAAAH-TA ON YOU