Cat Scratch Fever

[Vykromond]

Love will tear us apart, Jerome.

[Ilya]

IF YOU HAVIN GIRL PROBLEMS I FEEL BAD FOR YOU SON

I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A BITCH AINT ONE

[Mr. Peanuts]

WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA, HIT ME

[Selex]

[Ewan]

Tapirs are excellent swimmers!


A tapir sits in the sun


You can see this tapir's three-toed footprints!

I hear the shouts for "more"

[Ewan]

Fast and strong, a tapir gallops


This walking tapir shows us his unusual three toed feet.


Tapirs have short trunks, small eyes and white tipped ears.

I love these animals.

[Ewan]

Here's a mother tapir with her baby


This is a baird's tapir at the fence


Here's another showing off those magnificent swimming skills.

[Ewan]

This one had an accident involving some bleach and a seive, BUT ALL'S FINE NOW.


Friendship goes a long way in the tapir kingdom, shortly after this picture was taken, these two tag-fucked the one in the corner.


A tapir loves the "daily rub", his side is where his most sensitive spots are. You can see the pleasure on this one's face.

[Ewan]

I happen to be the author of the no. 241 best seller, Dating the tapir way
Here's a snippet:

Step 1


Suss out your "target" while remaining subtle.
If the target is as fine as she looked from a distance, move to step 2

Step 2


A more overt sussing is now required, whatever reaction you get, move on to step 3 (even if she tells you to go away)

Step 3


Talk dirty in her ear, tapirs love it.

[Ewan]

Step 4


Continue the whispering, if she has not yet expressed violence towards you, you're in there.

Here's some testimonials:

Steve the Asian Tapir:
I've been trying to find myself a tasty lass for years upon years. After reading Ewan's guide, I've had four in one week! I must say it's simple, easy yet extremely effective.

Eric the Baird's Tapir:
It was the in-joke of my crowd that I'd always be the one who gets the fat girl. After hearing about this guide, I got hold of one (a guide, not a fatty) and read it in secret. The next day my friends were in awe, there, in my bed, was the sweetest piece of tapir meat you'll ever see. A trunk like a baby's arm, ears like little nipples and eyes you could poke all day.

Anonymous:
ROFL steve's a bum

Julie:
I had noticed a guy liked me, but he always kept his distance. The one day, he came up to me and started telling me he wanted to "do me human style". This was a shock to me, but I loved it! We've now been together 3 days, Thank you Ewan!


If this guide doesn't work for you, it's likely you are too ugly and should just settle with the tapir strip club

[Ewan]

Let's get back to marvelling at these beautiful creatures:

Tapirs come in all shapes and sizes

[Ewan]

Here is another experiencing his daily rub, again the expression of pleasure is clear.



Oi, guy in blue top, he wants more!

[Ewan]

Jewellery is a big thing in the tapir culture

[Ewan]

This one seems to have read my guide.


Many tapirs rely on their impressive camouflage skills for survival.


Steve and Mary enjor their daily morning swim.

[Ewan]

A tapir participating in some intimate activity.


This tapir is drooling at the thought of what he'll be in bed with tonight.


Here's Steve and Mary again, this time posing for a photo on holiday.