Adventures in Retail

[Spider]

I've posted things like this before, I'm pretty sure. Or at least talked about it on my friends chat in tw (?chat=twd, feel free to join). I find this topic to be hillarious and I want to hear from you! Post any funny "work" stories here, preferably dealing with idiot customers. I've had a bunch in the past couple days (some kind of statistical anomoly). Here a few good ones.

Man with a laptop but without a clue:
A dude comes into the store. He purchased a laptop a couple months ago. He claims that we didn't set it up properly and a bunch of drivers aren't working. He doesn't have a bloody clue what a driver is, he's just been watching too many Mac TV comercials or something. I explain to him that we, the store, don't touch the computer. Toshiba sets it up, and that it is highly unlikely they installed windows but somehow "forgot" to install a few of the drivers in their haste. Nevertheless, we're nice guys at where I work so I offer to take a look at it. First, he complained that his internet drivers weren't installed. He said that he had a "smart computer friend" who fixed that. I can only assume there was no problem other than his wireless settings had to be configured. His other problem was that there was no sound! In windows it was turned up but he could never hear anything! He figured that driver wasn't installed either. Turns out there is a volume adjuster (like on a CD player) that was set to zero on the exterior of the laptop. Hahahaha.

Also, his antivirus had a popup which, every time he started his computer was warning him of a keylogger being installed. We informed him that this was not a good thing. He didn't even know! His antivirus was warning him of suspecious activity and he didn't know it was a problem! Hahaha! I wonder how many people have viruses right now, and every time they start their PC Norton or whatever is telling them "Hey, jackass, you have a virus!" and they're ignoring it thinking that everything is perfectly fine. I almost lol'd in my pants right there at work. This is funny, right?

** To really understand the brillance of the above story you need to appreciate that this guy comes charging into the store absolutely convinced that we didn't set up his computer correctly, right? So he's yelling at us thinking we fucked it up. He's totally pissed. That makes it so hillarious. It wasn't a dude walking in and being like "Man, I know I'm probably just not understanding something here, but I'm getting no sound. Do you have any ideas?" because that happens all the time. Most people who don't know jack about computers understand that they don't know jack and their problem is likely a simple user error.

Man with a PSP, but no clue or AC adapter:
A guy comes in. He explains he has a PSP for a year or so and needs an AC adapter. He tells me that they bought two of them, one came with an AC adapter and one only came with a car charger. He didn't want me to give him a free one, he was willing to pay for it. So why was he giving me this bullshit story that he has had a PSP for a year and every time he wants to charge it hes been jumping in his car to drive around the block for 3 hours to use the car adapter? Man, I'm not a moron. I know you either lost or broke the fucking thing, whats so embrassing about telling me. He thinks he looks like less of a jackass telling me one didn't come in the box and he didn't do anything about it for a year? Yea, right.

What is my USB:
I had one guy who had a cord attached to his computer with a tag on it that said "USB" and he wanted to know if he needed it. He didn't know USB was a type of interface and thought it was the name of whatever he had plugged in but he was confused because all he had plugged into his PC was his mouse and keyboard, so what the fuck is this USB and does he need it? He wasn't sure. hahahaha. I can forgive a guy for that because, if you've never been told something, you just don't know it, right? But seriously, what a noob.

[Spider]

Another one!!

Lady with a webcam, but no sound:

A lady comes in to buy a webcam. She's obsessed with spending lots of money, she wants a really really good one. Eventually I discover she is buying a new webcam because when she chats with her relatives on MSN or whatever she can't hear them. I explain over and over that the webcam has no speakers on it. It has a mic and a video camera. So if THEY can see and hear HER, then her webcam is NOT broken. I can't impress upon you how long we talked about this. She never did really become convinced that the webcam wasn't the problem. She kept asking "ya, ok, but if I buy a really really expensive one, the best one you have, will it fix it?" and shit. She was absolutely convinced the problem had to be with her webcam. I told her it was either a problem with the other person webcam or settings, or her SPEAKERS or settings. She never bought the story. The length and level of insistance on her part made this encouter very memorable. She wasn't mean or anything, a very sweet lady, but seriously. Just not picking up what I was putting down.

[GuruMeditation]

Tell them to get a Mac.

Seriously. That's what Macs are for. Idiots who don't know how to use a computer.

[Spider]

Hahaha ya. I was about to say that might not help the USB guy but who knows. Lots of Mac stuff is bluetooth. Hahaha.

[Epinephrine]

My favorite is the guy who was complaining that he was always waking up at night to go pee and so he had to see a urologist. The first question the urologist asks was 'how many cups of coffee do you drink a day?' and the guy goes 'about 15'. So the urologist was like 'why don't you try drinking a LOT LESS COFFEE', and the guy's like 'good idea, I never thought of that!'.

Along this vein are the about 5 people I've seen complaining of not being able to sleep, and on questioning admit to drinking 'several cups of coffee' or coke right before they try and go to bed.

[Pandagirl!]

Having worked at a grocery store customer service desk for over a year, I could tell many many stories about stupid people. They happen almost daily! If you think about it, everybody has to go to a grocery store at some point in their life... so we get all types of people every day.

I've had people drive their shiny new Corvettes in front of a row of carts I'm pushing, then give me dirty looks when the carts almost hit their cars. I've actually had people come back and complain about me, to me, not knowing that I was the one pushing in carts. At this point in the time-space continuum I usually inform them that a row of 14 carts being pushed inside don't have brakes on them, and they're going to keep moving forward because of inertia. It's always funny to see them get more mad because they realize I'm right.

Once a guy made me call 10 other Kroger stores and ask for, verbatim, "The chicken wings in an orange and clear bag that are smaller than the ones at our store." That's all the information he could give me.

And then there are small daily things, like when you're standing at a register chilling and the light is on, and customers ask you if you're open. People also call on the phone and ask if you're open. Another thing people do, for example, when looking at the Cool Whip and they can't find the variety they want, they'll ask if we stock it somewhere else in the store. Usually I respond sarcastically and say "Oh yes, we keep a large supply over in the seafood department as well."

I've been hit on by random guys at work too. Once I was sending money through Western Union and the customer was just like, "Can I call you sometime?" I was like yea sorry, no way. Creepy old guys hit on me all the time too... there's this one customer that always comes in and tries to talk to me. Once he even offered to pay me for sex while I was out in the parking lot. Once I encountered a pimp while doing carts, and he offered me a prime street corner. I declined.

Our store is going through a remodel right now, and I've had countless customers come up and yell at me because everything is a mess, the floor doesn't match, the walls are torn up, the parking lot is dusty, and we only have one entrance/exit. They say that if the store stays like this, they won't shop there. At this point I inform them we're under a remodel. I actually had one customer reply with, "Well I can see that, and that's why this is the last time I'm coming here! You really expect me to shop here the rest of my life in this filth?" I then explained the remodel is temporary and everything will be clean again in two months. She told me to stop lying to her and left.

Once I asked to see someone's ID for the alcohol he was trying to purchase. He told me he didn't have it, but he has car keys and thus that made him 21. I got out my manager keys and said, "Look, this makes me 21 too!"

Another time I had these three sophomores THAT GO TO MY HIGHSCHOOL come through and try to buy beer. I kind of smiled and asked for their ID. Apparently they didn't recognize me. They said "Oh sorry, we forgot it, but we really are 18." I was like "Well that's all fine and dandy, except you guys are sophomores at my high school and I know you aren't 18. On top of that, you still have to be 21 to buy that beer." It pretty much made my night.

I'll probably think of more better ones later.

[Superted]

Once he even offered to pay me for sex while I was out in the parking lot.

How much?

[GuruMeditation]

And then there are small daily things, like when you're standing at a register chilling and the light is on, and customers ask you if you're open. People also call on the phone and ask if you're open. Another thing people do, for example, when looking at the Cool Whip and they can't find the variety they want, they'll ask if we stock it somewhere else in the store. Usually I respond sarcastically and say "Oh yes, we keep a large supply over in the seafood department as well."

As a customer who does this in some stores I do have a rebuttal to that It only really happens at QFC (Safeway, Fred Meyer, Costco and even Albertsons don't have the same problem), but sometimes registers will have the Open light on and clearly not be open (person is counting the money in the register and not paying attention to who may be there). There's also the times when 3 are open, two have 3 people waiting at them and one has no one, isn't a 15 item or less line, and the person there isn't asking for people to come to their line instead of waiting there doing nothing. That's part employee part customer. But as I said, this only seems to happen in QFC. The disparity of staff quality, not just from store to store but from employee to employee in the same store, is quite surprising.

However customers in stores are far from blameless. After making all their purchases they will stand there with their long receipt, making sure every single item had the proper discount, and throw a fuss if they didn't get the 10 cents off their 12 pack of Bounty kitchen roll. There are also the people who, despite there being huge lines and minimal amount of bag people, steadfastly will not do their own bags and will wait until someone does it for them and carries their bags to their car, despite being quite capable of doing it themselves. This is mainly a gripe from being a Euro. I'm so used to doing my own bags (and will do it if there isn't anyone already there to do it for me, and that's if I can't see anyone else who could use the help over me) so yah, the laziness is annoying. Once QFC had a buy 5 12 packs of drink for $10 deal going on. So I put the boxes in the cart in a way so the bar codes were in a row, facing up for the dude to scan with his mobile scanner in a row. He gave me a look as if I'd just made his day, saying almost no one does it. American supermarket customers seem to think the employees there are their own personal slaves to do their bidding. Although that may have been because I was living in Bellevue all the time, where people think way too much of themselves.

And finally, the QFC in Bellevue has had Cool Whip next to the seafood department. It was on offer and it was there.

In retrospect maybe moving from Bellevue to an area that doesn't have a nearby QFC was a smart move ...

[404 Not Found]

Welcome to the world of retail!

People generally suck and expect customer service satisfaction even if they know for a fact they are wrong in what they ask or complain about.

I operated a CD/Music store for 5 1/2 yrs. and I can say that I will never work retail again or open a new retail store for the simple fact the most people like to complain or hear themselves talk. Thank god for online purchasing!!! wish that was around when I had my store!!!!

Grocery stores must really be a pain in the ass...I can feel pity for you, but seriously...it's to be expected. My suggestion is to get out of retail!

I always bag my own groceries, since most that will do that for you at the store I use to visit would put the eggs on the bottom and then throw the heaviest items on top. it's 50/50 between the customers and those working at the establishments....they both usually suck!

My gripe I had with my store was the retard woman checking me out with the 3" fake nails that she didn't want messed up so she kept making mistakes on the cash register when she had to input specific items by number (vegetables and fruits). It's either the retard register clerk or the senior citizen clerk that cant hear or see...but the senior citizen part is usually at Wegmans.

[ConcreteSchlyrd]

You know what I can't stand?

Idiots in the self-checkout line at grocery stores.

You'd think they'd:
A ) Never seen anything scanned before in their life. Serious, I always end up behind the fuckstick who turns his box of Raisin Bran around 193 times because he can't figure out to scan the barcode.
B ) Never used a debit card before. "I don't know, is it debit or credit? Does it matter? I'm scared. I need someone to help me, because I'm about to choke on my own saliva."
C ) Never followed written (usually accompanied by actual verbal) instructions. Seriously. The machine TELLS YOU WHAT TO DO. If you're too dumb to figure it out, how about just following the step-by-step instructions? YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO READ, YOU ILLITERATE BASTARD.

All I want to do is quickly swipe these ten things I've picked up and get the fuck out of the grocery store, dig?

[gran guerrero]

honestly I get a lot of characters working at the dollar store, I try my hardest to be a good worker and shit, but seriously more than half the time I feel like Randal Graves from clerks because of all the idiocy I have to deal with.

Here's just some snippets of what I go through like everyday...

Very quiet, nothing going on, stores cleaned, I steal myself a bottle of water from the cooler, I'm about to drink it then along comes a customer to buy an item (everything is mostly a dollar, only some stuff is like 2 for a dollar, 3 for a dollar, 4 for a dollar, etc - only the big stuff is like 3 or 5 bucks - which it says so on it, with a big bright orange sticker). I get thru with the customer (cashier) and I'm about to drink my water till another customer comes along, then another then another then another. All either really old, or foreign spanish people. The old person is having a hard time putting money on the table because of parkinsons (most of em), and im about to put it in but wait wait wait wait I GOT CHANGE, one...two...three... I think it's time for me to take my drink, SENIOR SENIOR! I see its some spanish lady asking for my attention, I say "yes?" and immediately they start speaking spanish to me super fast and the only words i really know in spanish is shut up, and sick my dick bitch now. But I wanted to tell her I dont speak spanish but she keeps going and going, its like im a newbie at jumping into a game of double dutch, I dont know when to jump in! then finally when they stop, "No hable espanol" she looks dejected, and walks away, then old person is done with her change, then i take the next customer, who has like 50 items this time, all fucking glass or easily breakable objects. I dont have any wrapping paper, so I have to use the fucking plastic bags for wrap, and them bitches are very picky about it ("OH PLEASE BE CAREFUL, CANT YOU USE WRAPPING PAPER?" look bitch you shouldnt be buying this shit at a dollar store in the first place) so I have to individually wrap like every single one, and while doing so the spanish lady comes back, "SENIOR SENIOR?," "yes?," "Un dollar?" (she says while holding some item - "Yes one dollar." "que?" "sigh..CI, UN DOLLAR" back to wrapping, the line is getting longer, spanish lady comes back "SENIOR, UN DOLLAR?" "Ci, Un Dollar..." 5 minutes later "SENIOR un dollar?" "YES DAMMIT UN DOLLAR" then she starts squabbling at me in spanish, "look lady I dont know what the hell you are saying," then some dude who can translate steps up and says shes complaining that there is no price on any of the items how is she to know what is a dollar or not, then I tell him to tell her that this is a fucking dollar store, and there is a big sign in every aisle that says EVERY ITEM ONE DOLLAR, he translates and she walks away. Im finally finished with the packing, and I start cutting down the line as everyone who was waiting only had like 1 item compared to the fag who had like 50 breakable items. a lady comes up to me and is like how much for the almond joy? I say 10 for a dollar, and she absolutely freaks out, "TEN FOR A DOLLAR? TEN FOR A DOLLAR? ARE YOU SERIOUS? TEN FOR A DOLLAR? OMG!" and everytime she asked me that im like yes, ten for a dollar, yes, ten for a dollar. For fucking sakes lady ITS TEN FOR A DOLLAR. then everyone who didnt know makes a mad fucking dash for the almond joy and everyone has like boxes of almond joys in their hands AND I HAVE TO COUNT EVERY ONE INDIVIDUALLY TO MAKE SURE THEY JUST HAVE TEN sigh...

mind you folks its like that like every other hour or so, dont get me started with the group of 10 spanish tourists, who couldnt count their money, and each bought like 60 items each (like 2x, they left and came back for more) and couldnt speak english.

[GuruMeditation]

If you take longer going through self checkout than you would through a normal line, you shouldn't be going through self checkout.

Sadly people don't realise this ...