Revelations

[Bioture]

I found this in my email today:


Q: I'm looking for a corner bit for my parrot.
A: You're not the only one! Before you do anything else, follow the instructions on your parrot's upper layer, and find a clean ready-made meal. Then, you must use the ready-made meal to grate the parrot's predator. Lastly, find out about your parrot's visor with some kind of hair brush.


Q: What's the best way to bribe a stir fry?
A: Yes! First of all, cool down your stir fry's lower thigh, and grab your anti-freeze. If you manage that, use the anti-freeze to stay up all night with the stir fry's graveyard. With that over, hang, draw and quarter your stir fry's pen pal with an unwanted water bed. That should solve your problem.


Q: Switching on my terminator is not at all pleasant. What can I do to help my chances?
A: Most people just aim your weapons at them using a freshly picked log, but that's not always as good as using a modern four pack of lager.


Q: I'm looking for a control plate for my toffee crisp.
A: Yes, there is something you can do. Firstly, tell tales about your toffee crisp's smaller dials, and find your local deodorant. Next use the deodorant to write a speech about the toffee crisp's mother's clothes. Last, dance the can-can for your toffee crisp's roadblock with a new-grown brain stem. Simple.

[ZeUs!!]

Yup.

[pv=nrt]

am i drunk? that makes no sense to me.

[sir bracco]

Originally posted by pv=nrt
am i drunk? that makes no sense to me.

if ur drunk than wats does that maek me? cuz i am clueless to

[ÆNIMA]

So today, I went down to the store to buy a pair of dogs for my cabinet in the rain. On the plane ride back I fell into a hole and caught a glimpse of the white rabbit on its way to the great feeding frenzy in the meadow. All this excitement, I just had to stop in the middle of Saturn to think....how many pancakes does it take to cover a doghouse?

[Hoju]

Originally posted by ÆNIMA
....how many pancakes does it take to cover a doghouse?

If this is not a rhetorical question, is it 18? :eek:

[Troll King]

It would depend on what kind of dog you have.

[Bioture]

"A simple man is a man who has a bunch of stuff but doesn't use it. No, wait, that's a stupid man. Sorry."
"A penny saved is a coin."
"If at first you dont sucseed, tri, tri,.....If at phirst u don't suckseed, try.....If at first you don't secede, try, try.................ah screw it."
"Lack of skill is the first stepping stone to incompetence. So is farting a lot."
"Finding true love is like trying to find one's own hand; and that hand has five fingers."
"One who stares at the sun too long will eventually get a good dose of vitamin D."
"A man who does not take risks risks nothing, for you gain nothing when you risk nothing, so he is taking the greatest risk of all: risking not risking which risks gaining nothing by not risking; and that's risky."
"People who save up for a rainy day are like milk. And milk goes good with cookies, so you should have those people over for cookies."
"Those who fail to plan are planning to fail, although you can't plan to fail if you already failed at it."
"Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, stealthy, filthy, schnelthy, zealthy......"
"If you see three troubles coming down the road, two will fall into the ditch, and you will only have to deal with one two three o'clock, four o'clock rock....."
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him sit down because horses are stubborn."
"The lazy man is like the appendix; he's there and everyone knows it, but he serves no purpose and can be a burden, so he'll have to be surgically removed."
"The patient man is the one who waits."
"The dirty mind can lead to only one thing; dirt."
"Wise men learn from their failures; fools fail from what they learn, and I'm hungry."
"Music is the how the soul thinks; and combustion allows pistons to move and the car to go."
"A watched pot never boils; the same is true for boils on the skin."
"The only thing lower than a snake is a snake that is being slithered over by another snake."
"Error is human, mistakes are mortal, but be kind and rewind."
"Hunger is the man's best friend and worst enemy, for without hunger, man would not eat, but any man who is hungry would not agree at the time."
"True love is as precious as the finest diamond, and lasts forever; and they use love to drill for oil."
"One who does not dream does not experience REM sleep."
"To learn to cope with failure is man's greatest secsess, I mean excess, I mean.......oh, I can't handle it; I give up!"
"Silence is the loudest of all sounds; the second loudest is up for debate."
"If you look to the sky instead of the ground your whole life, you will see the sun and moon a lot."
"The clock is the only counter that can add but not subtract; and it can't multiply or divide or solve for x, either."
"The greatest invention of all time has to be the chair."
"There is much the naked eye can't see; but it can see a naked body."
"Be like water; it may seem weak, but can flow through tiny cracks and wear on them over a long period of time through a process called erosion."
"A rich man is not a poor man, nor does he not have wealth."
"School is the place where we learn from childhood; although the education system is starting to suck."
"War is hell, and it is not like heaven. So is school."
"The bullies in life are the obstacles we face everyday, and that's why I never have any lunch money."
"Dreamers wish their dreams would come true, doers make there dreams come true, and lazy people dream only when they are sleeping."
"The only time one is truly on their own is when the they are sitting on the toilet."
"The things that we take for granted everyday are the things that we do not appreciate as much as we should."
"Blue is pretty."
"If ever there is there was because of the wonderful things he does."
"A man who's word is true is a woman who's eyes are blue."
"Whether you believe that you can or can't, you're a big gorilla."
"Be like the bees; they work together to get much done; and they make honey...........mmmmmmm, honey........."

[Bioture]

more from the same sender...

[Bioture]

If you wait to be invited, you might never get to go anywhere interesting.

Stop looking over your shoulder. Life isn’t graded on a curve.

A spacious life requires 100 courageous decisions a day.

What if we decided to love each other with the same speed at which we decide to hate each other?

Don't mistake finding the answer for finding the meaning.

The real crime of the heart is never to reveal it.

I am focused now on forgiving myself for all the mistakes, big and little, past and present, that I make all the time. Self-forgiveness is much harder than forgiving someone else.

Anger is not the end of the world.

There’s a spiral in the healing process. Some of the things you deal with early on and you think you have laid them to rest, but as you grow and your life changes, they come around again and you get to heal them on a much higher level. This used to really frustrate me, but now I see it is part of the process.

Are we ever done with healing? I reframe this question to, are we ever done with growing? For me, the answer is I hope not. I hope I grow until the day I die.

We can’t force a flower to open or a carrot to grow. Nor can we force our own process nor make it go faster.

Stop bowing to the false god of perfection. It’s not good for your back.

I need to remember to take my own advice!

Your heart is like any other muscle in your body. The more you use it, the stronger it gets.

You need strength to survive in life, but softness to enjoy it.

If all you ever do is color between the lines, you get the same picture as everybody else.

There’s no such thing as a senseless fear. If we can do the work of delving into the unconscious and our past, we will see that all our fears make perfect sense.

There comes a point when you’re more important than your past.

Being a sprinter may be glamorous, but life is a distance event.

[Bioture]

There’s something that happens to us when we say yes to our painful experience. Not yes as in "Yes, I loved it," but "Yes, this is so. Yes, this happened to me." Instead of "No, I don’t want this to be true. This didn’t happen to me. They wouldn’t have done that." Look at all the energy it takes to say no to reality. When I was ready and able to say "Yes, I was hurt. Yes, my life was damaged by others, now what?" That’s the point when my life started to change.