Funny news

[Scurvy]

in middle school i fell aslee during my first class on a heating vent that was turned off. it turned on while i was sleeping on it and when i woke up at the bell i had the marks from the vent burned into my face. i had the nickname 'grillface' for the next 4 years or so.

on a side note, i dont feel bad for telcat

[T3l Ca7]

81-year-old woman accused of growing pot

The woman was arrested on Monday by a police strike force set up last year to investigate the supply of prohibited drugs in Young and surrounding townships.

Click here for the full story.

[T3l Ca7]

Missing child turns out to be 33 year old

A nationwide search for a missing 13-year-old Czech boy exposed a bizarre case of identity theft in which a 33-year-old woman spent four months posing as a schoolboy in Norway, police said.

Click here for full story

[Xog]

lol Wanderlai's face is FUCKED.

wwhhoooaaaaaaaa there

[T3l Ca7]

Bomb sepcialist called to unpack sex toy

STOCKHOLM - A Swedish bomb squad called out to disarm a suspicious package today did not find a ticking bomb, but a vibrating sex toy.

Click here for the full story

[Ezor]

[Zeebu]

hmm

http://kdka.com/local/prosthetic.leg....2.634021.html

[JacKieChan>]

Darwin Awards

http://darwinawards.com/darwin/

(21 May 2004, Texas) Michael was an alcoholic. And not an ordinary alcoholic, but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor... well, rectally. His wife said he was "addicted to enemas" and often used alcohol in this manner. The result was the same: inebriation.

The machine shop owner couldn't imbibe alcohol by mouth due to a painful throat ailment, so he elected to receive his favourite beverage via enema. And tonight, Michael was in for one hell of a party. Two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, right up the old address!

When the rest of us have had enough, we either stop drinking or pass out. When Michael had had enough (and subsequently passed out) the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed. The next morning, Michael was dead.

The 58-year-old did a pretty good job of embalming himself. According to toxicology reports, his blood alcohol level was 0.47%.

In order to qualify for a Darwin Award, a person must remove himself from the gene pool via an "astounding misapplication of judgment." Three litres of sherry up the butt can only be described as astounding. Unsurprisingly, his neighbors said they were surprised to learn of the incident.

[JacKieChan>]

Darwin Awards

(31 May 2005, Seattle, Washington) Strength and endurance are two of the most important characteristics that can be passed on to improve the species, so physical challenges between males are frequent. In this case, two drinking buddies found themselves on an overpass 40 feet above a busy freeway in downtown Seattle at 2:45 a.m. It turned out to be the perfect place to determine who had more strength and endurance. Whoever could dangle from the overpass the longest would win!

Unfortunately, the winner was too tired from his victory to climb back up, despite help from his 31-year-old friend. The unidentified champion fell smack into the front of a semi-truck barreling down the highway at 60 mph and bounced onto the pavement, where he was hit by a car. The car did not stop. Authorities did not identify the winner of the competition.

[T3l Ca7]

A possum knocked out power at a substation in Avalon on Sydney's northern beaches last week, leaving 15,000 homes without power in the early hours of Tuesday.

Full store here

[T3l Ca7]

As gardens go, this is not what the occupant of this Liverpool house wanted to see - a million dollars worth of marijuana plants stacked neatly on his front lawn by police.

Following an anonymous tip-off, Liverpool police raided the house in Medley Avenue at 8am, arresting a 39-year-old man and discovering large marijuana plants growing in every room of the house.

Click here for the full story

[T3l Ca7]

The former mayor of a small Texas town who resigned because of a custody dispute over a shihtzu named Puddles insists she did not steal her neighbour's dog.

...

The dispute began in July when Puddles's original owners, Rudy Gutierrez and Shelly Cavazos, asked Saenz-Lopez, their next door neighbour, to take care of him while they were on vacation.

When they called to check on him, Saenz-Lopez told them Puddles had died and was buried in her backyard.

However, three months later, a relative of the neighbours saw the pet at a dog groomer.

Full story here.

[Cops]

The first thing I do when I read these threads is skip whatever Telcat says and move straight onto what people are saying about this thread. It's good for a laugh.

[T3l Ca7]

Suicide jumper pushed off bridge

A man in southern China has been taken into police custody after pushing a would-be suicide jumper off a bridge frequented by people threatening to end their lives, state press reported.

Lai Jiansheng was detained by police for pushing a man named Chen off the bridge in Guangzhou city that has been the site of 12 suicide attempts since the beginning of April, the China Daily said.

None of the suicide attempts have been successful, the paper said, but traffic over the bridge has been jammed for hours during each attempt as police sought to talk the people out of ending their lives.

"I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish. Their actions violate a lot of public interests," the paper quoted Lai as saying.

Lai, upset with the traffic delay, broke through the police cordon on the bridge, walked up to Chen and shook his hand before pushing him off the bridge, it said.

Chen was threatening to commit suicide because of a 2 million yuan ($377,600) debt he incurred over a failed construction project, the paper said.

The would-be jumper fell eight metres into a partially-inflated emergency cushion and came away from the incident with his life intact but his back injured, it said.

Source here

[soup]

OLD

and tits please