ConcreteSchlyrd

[PaulOakenfold]

Pearl Jam was also in the bar, drinking some nice dry cherry wine.

Haha.

[GuruMeditation]

We're bound to be start churning out huge, beautiful babies at some point. Not gonna happen until the wifey finishes up her terminal degree, though.

That is, of course, unless nature dictates otherwise. She's a wily cooz, that Mother Nature.

Believe me, if anyone knows about children coming up and throwing life's planned road into the brain-child of a theme park designer it's yours truly. And not wanting to put the bejeezus too much in you, but it's during the 9 months of pregnancy and the 6 months after giving birth you learn the most about your significant other.

And more specifically during the giving birth stage you find out if your wife were to kill you what her weapon of choice would be. And in the case of my ex if she's more than 10 days past due you also find out the look of her face when she starts to contemplate it.

Not that I want to scare you or anything.

What's new with your life, brudda?

I'd be lieing if I said my life were any different to that of your average Northwest geeky parent.

The boy is turning out to be just like his father. Frustrating his parents by not following the "normal" development curve. And while I'm all for a supportive environment for a child to develop in, the repercussions of a badly supported health system in this country are alarming to say the least.

To be told that unless I'm willing to pay some person some ungodly fee for "specialist education" I'm being neglectful to my child is a serious concern. I didn't say a word until I was in school, and yet just because he isn't saying anything at 2 they're throwing words like "autistic" at my wife in what I feel is less a deal of them being concerned for my child's welfare and more an attempt at taking whatever money they can get from a family who rents and therefore don't have Damocles' Mortgage hanging over their head.

And the knock on effects of this are severe to say the least. Unless you have excellent prior knowledge of the person you're dealing with if you tell a mother her child isn't developing normally she'll turn it upon herself. Of course my kid isn't autistic (and even if he were what more could she have done?), and of course she's doing as good as job as any mother could do. But the combative approach to support is worrying.

Of course it's possible I have an overly cynical view of the system, but I don't believe without good reason. The people who need help don't get it, and those who don't need help get told they need therapy/counseling/fancy new release from drug company who have said doctor in their pocket.

My advice for any new parent? If your doctor raises any flags check with your parents if they saw the same thing in you, what they did and what the results were. I didn't talk because I didn't feel the need to. My parents understood what I needed rather well and I didn't see the necessity for verbal communication. As soon as I went to school and had to deal with other 4 year olds who didn't understand the concept of sharing the Tonka truck, as well as teachers who felt that bashing the other children senseless with wooden blocks wasn't a socially acceptable negotiation tactic, I had to learn how to communicate.

Beyond that nothing major. Still in the Northwest (and oddly working in the same business park as wadi). Still loving my job. Got my 10 year residency visa (you can't kick me out now suckas!).

We're planning on the next step which will be moving back to Europe, just waiting for the appropriate pieces to fall into place. The main one will be the potential for my job transferring me over there. If that one comes then the rest will naturally fit. In the meantime however, lots of work.

[Pearl Jam]

Pearl Jam was also in the bar, drinking some nice dry cherry wine.

Please tell me you still have that bottle.

[PaulOakenfold]

Congratulations, this calls for a celebration! *drinks sweet cherry wine*

[Nickname]

just to weigh in on the conversation, I barely talked even at the age of 5, and my parents were horribly concerned. They took me to the doctor, and the doctor asked me how old I was. My sister told him I was 5. The doctor asked me what my favourite colour was. My sister said it was blue. He asked me if I knew what month it was, my sister said whatever the month was.

He looked up at my mom and my dad and said rather simply "he's not talking because he doesn't need too. She's doing it all for him"


Kids talk a lot more when they want something, if you keep them happy, they tend to giggle and be content on there own.

[ConcreteSchlyrd]

... Not that I want to scare you or anything.

Heh, so I've heard. A couple of years back, one of my friends was having his first child. We work together, and my office is right next to his. During the pregnancy, I would always overhear him trying to calm down a seemingly inconsolable wife over the phone, all conversations ending with "alright honey, I'll be right there." After this, he'd walk by my office, lean his head in, and say something to the effect of "don't have any babies. Makes women all crazy-faced."

Hilarious at the time, but all too real now.

The good news is that I already have a good handle on my wife's weapon of choice: a strong headbutt to the sternum, a la Zidane. I'll make sure to think ahead and pack a kevlar vest. Nothing says love like a concussion, right?

It's kind of coincidental about your son's story. The same guy, referenced above (now with a 16-month old. How long do you wait before you switch to years?), is having the exact same issues. He told me about the specialist that comes out to his house every week to sit down with his son (not autistic, either) to work on vocabulary and alternative sign language. Fortunately, though, Iowa apparently has a system in place where the service is free (supplied by the state).

It doesn't detract from the fact that they still do the same thing, injecting ideas of the need for expensive treatments, or implying some sort of physical/mental anomaly, but I suppose it helps a little that the financial monkey is a little less large and looming. Either way, it sounds like you have everything under control.

Come live in Iowa, dude. Or, you could trade me jobs and I'll go live in Seattle for a while.

A belated congratulations on your visa! We'll keep as many smart people as we can, for as long as we can. (Bring money.) If you move back to Europe, try to find a good job for a badass systems admin/systems architect/web monkey and a collegiate level professor, and we'll follow.

Sounds like you have a nice little roadmap going on there--I wish I could say the same thing, but I'm still trying to balance marriage, a business, and a day job that tends to look more like a second residence. All things will balance out in the end... or at least that's what I keep trying to sell to myself.

[ConcreteSchlyrd]

Please tell me you still have that bottle.

I do believe we still do. After 3 moves, I think it's still sitting in a corner of our countertop.

[GuruMeditation]

Hilarious at the time, but all too real now.

Oh my dear Conc, be prepared to relive every single one of those stories. Your character will be determined by how you deal with them. There may be a pop quiz.

The good news is that I already have a good handle on my wife's weapon of choice: a strong headbutt to the sternum, a la Zidane. I'll make sure to think ahead and pack a kevlar vest. Nothing says love like a concussion, right?

I'd suggest a kevlar codpiece too. Your wife may find difficulty getting her abdominal muscles to comply with the effort required for a good headbutt. And if her head is level with your chest her uppercut/stabbing motion is level with your groin.

It's kind of coincidental about your son's story. The same guy, referenced above (now with a 16-month old. How long do you wait before you switch to years? Ed: When they start acting it), is having the exact same issues. He told me about the specialist that comes out to his house every week to sit down with his son (not autistic, either) to work on vocabulary and alternative sign language. Fortunately, though, Iowa apparently has a system in place where the service is free (supplied by the state).

If he truly had problems I think the state would provide it for free. However he's on the cusp We shall see.

Come live in Iowa, dude. Or, you could trade me jobs and I'll go live in Seattle for a while.

The weather would probably drive me crazy in the long term. Although I daresay a vacation is certainly in order.

If you move back to Europe, try to find a good job for a badass systems admin/systems architect/web monkey and a collegiate level professor, and we'll follow.

*raises eyebrow* Didn't realise you'd be interested in a hop over the pond yourself.

Sounds like you have a nice little roadmap going on there--I wish I could say the same thing, but I'm still trying to balance marriage, a business (Ed: You have your own company?, and a day job that tends to look more like a second residence. All things will balance out in the end... or at least that's what I keep trying to sell to myself.

Throw parenting into the mix and we are in a similar boat. Different people approach things in a different manner, but there are three distinct ways of planning for the future. Which one you follow is up to you.

a) Set your long term goals and plan out key steps of the process.

This is the boat I find myself in right now. We have the big plans.

Move to Europe.
Build our own home.
Have second/third child.

We also have the following situation.

Currently in a good job in a growing company.
Rent our home.
Have one child.

We know what's required for each step (Europe requires job transfer, Building home requires funds, 2nd/3rd child requires being in Europe). And we know that each of the goals is connected with one another. Nothing in our life is excluding us from our long term goals. The road is rather clear.

Not everyone benefits from this. Indeed our situation hasn't always been free of roadblocks. But like carving a statue a few chips here and there and all of a sudden the form begins to take shape.

b) Take short term goals which are part of a grander picture.

c) Take life as it comes. Nothing wrong with this at all

The key is to see yourself a future where you keep yourself busy. There's nothing worse than doing nothing. They say money doesn't buy happiness. This is not necessarily true. However what money can buy is complacency. And this is what leads to unhappiness. You build yourself into a dead end from which there is no creative exit beyond the occasional "hobby". Parents often get caught in the trap. As the development of their children is a 20 year project they complete that and are left with nothing at the end but a bunch of empty rooms and a lot of free time. They aim for "retirement", which is often full of golf, gardening and bridge.

That doesn't mean you should ignore the obligations of the present to prepare yourself for the future. Just know that there is a future after the future, and financial are just a minor component of it. What the other components are, that is for you to decide. Some people enjoy the golf, gardening and bridge. I know gardening is at least one component of mine, but it is part of a much larger plan.

[SEAL]

hey frenchy, long time =)

[GuruMeditation]

*lot of stuff*

Fun story

The problem may be peer pressure. You're often warned about the peer pressure of dope but the peer pressure of expectations, especially those of your offspring, is devilry itself.

You hear the stories. My child can tie his shoelaces. My child can write cursive. My child can count to 100. In Japanese. While doing a handstand. While tying his shoelaces.

Sometimes it's not even the parents doing this. You see the teachers glorifying the amazing kid who can count in japanese while doing some contortionist routine to tie his shoelaces while doing a handstand (I now want to meet a kid who can do this). You could even hear it from your own kid.

If what you want for your kids is to push themselves to be first and the best at all costs, great. But be warned, the fallout can be disastrous.

The best you can hope for is your kid finds happiness, and a place in the world where he fits in.

hey frenchy, long time =)

Ahoy Paul (that's two people I need to kill over the interwebs for calling me French in one day ....)

What's up wit you then? I'd repeat about me but most of it is already above as you can see

[Pearl Jam]

Oh my dear Conc, be prepared to relive every single one of those stories. Your character will be determined by how you deal with them. There may be a pop quiz.



I'd suggest a kevlar codpiece too. Your wife may find difficulty getting her abdominal muscles to comply with the effort required for a good headbutt. And if her head is level with your chest her uppercut/stabbing motion is level with your groin.



If he truly had problems I think the state would provide it for free. However he's on the cusp We shall see.



The weather would probably drive me crazy in the long term. Although I daresay a vacation is certainly in order.



*raises eyebrow* Didn't realise you'd be interested in a hop over the pond yourself.



Throw parenting into the mix and we are in a similar boat. Different people approach things in a different manner, but there are three distinct ways of planning for the future. Which one you follow is up to you.

a) Set your long term goals and plan out key steps of the process.

This is the boat I find myself in right now. We have the big plans.

Move to Europe.
Build our own home.
Have second/third child.

We also have the following situation.

Currently in a good job in a growing company.
Rent our home.
Have one child.

We know what's required for each step (Europe requires job transfer, Building home requires funds, 2nd/3rd child requires being in Europe). And we know that each of the goals is connected with one another. Nothing in our life is excluding us from our long term goals. The road is rather clear.

Not everyone benefits from this. Indeed our situation hasn't always been free of roadblocks. But like carving a statue a few chips here and there and all of a sudden the form begins to take shape.

b) Take short term goals which are part of a grander picture.

c) Take life as it comes. Nothing wrong with this at all

The key is to see yourself a future where you keep yourself busy. There's nothing worse than doing nothing. They say money doesn't buy happiness. This is not necessarily true. However what money can buy is complacency. And this is what leads to unhappiness. You build yourself into a dead end from which there is no creative exit beyond the occasional "hobby". Parents often get caught in the trap. As the development of their children is a 20 year project they complete that and are left with nothing at the end but a bunch of empty rooms and a lot of free time. They aim for "retirement", which is often full of golf, gardening and bridge.

That doesn't mean you should ignore the obligations of the present to prepare yourself for the future. Just know that there is a future after the future, and financial are just a minor component of it. What the other components are, that is for you to decide. Some people enjoy the golf, gardening and bridge. I know gardening is at least one component of mine, but it is part of a much larger plan.

Short version: Keep your eyes on the muthafuckin' prize, bitches.

Also, Guru...if Iowa's upcoming winter is anything like last years, you want no part of it. Iced earth sums it up well (not the band). Stay away. Stay far away (from the season, not the band - the band shreds).

[SEAL]

yes it was interesting to read some of your info. downing a bottle of vodka liquorice in front of a webcam on a tuesdaynight sounds so far away!

life is busy, life is boring. no change.. still with the dirty jersey. going to san fran in two weeks though, to the oracle open world convention. but im off to bed..its been an excausting week so far

see ya around man

[GuruMeditation]

Also, Guru...if Iowa's upcoming winter is anything like last years, you want no part of it. Iced earth sums it up well (not the band). Stay away. Stay far away (from the season, not the band - the band shreds).

Was it a weird winter for everyone last year? (see, parent, almost 30, talking about the freaking weather already ...)

We had 4 periods of snow around Thanksgiving, Xmas, in February and then in April. It's the Northwest, last I heard that sort of thing isn't supposed to happen.

Besides, iced earth isn't an absolutely awful thing. All the more reason to stay indoors drinking.

[ConcreteSchlyrd]

Oh my dear Conc, be prepared to relive every single one of those stories. Your character will be determined by how you deal with them. There may be a pop quiz.

I test phenomenally. I have platinum-gilded #2 pencils at the ready.

I'd suggest a kevlar codpiece too. Your wife may find difficulty getting her abdominal muscles to comply with the effort required for a good headbutt. And if her head is level with your chest her uppercut/stabbing motion is level with your groin.

I knew I was overlooking something. Luckily, eBay's got my back.

The weather would probably drive me crazy in the long term. Although I daresay a vacation is certainly in order.

It's honestly not that bad, although we do get a large fluctuation throughout the year: extremely hot and humid in mid-summer, and a wind-blown icy tundra in mid-winter. I suppose you just get used to it.

If you make your way out here, though, you've got a free place to stay. I'll even clean the place up a little. Just a little, though. Don't get your hopes up.

*raises eyebrow* Didn't realise you'd be interested in a hop over the pond yourself.

I've thought it'd be an interesting proposition for quite a few years now. Before I met the wifey, I talked briefly with Mythrandir about what I'd need to go work in the Netherlands for a few years. Unfortunately, back then I wasn't up for learning all the Dutch I'd need.

We've revisited the idea since--when we were down in southern Illinois, we talked about the serious possibility of moving to Japan or western Europe for a while, of course depending on jobs. Needless to say, we're both still open to the idea, I just happened to get a job offer that neither of us could say no to.

To answer your question, yeah, I own my own company. It's nothing fancy, really right now it's nothing more than a corporate facade for me to build websites and custom web applications from behind. I had been doing it just under my own name for a while, but when I started doing it for "the big boys," they needed a corporate name to write out the check, basically. It's fun, and it lets me flex my creative nuts every now and then. I'm happy enough with it for the time, but who knows where I'll be five years down the road. Maybe I'll take up watercolor.

[GuruMeditation]

I have to confess that while I'd quite happily spend all day posting to and fro there's this job thing I need to get to. Said I'd have something ready by the end of the day and currently have diddly-squat to show for it.

I'll keep in mind for the invite. Likewise I have a spare room that's available for you if you ever want to pop over. It also happens to be the same room we change the child's diapers in however. You enter at your own risk.

Don't be a stranger There was one other matter I wished to address, will send you a PM about it however.