jeenyuss

[Ilya]

if you aren't jeenyuss, this is an A and B conversation so C your way out

jeenyuss,

i haven't had a single satisfactory poop this week. especially in the mornings i have to wake up like 15 minutes earlier and i go to the bathroom like 4 times until i finally leave the house. it's always pathetic little dumplings.

i don't know what the deal is.. as you know, usually i'm constip8ed and this is the opposite

i haven't really changed my eating habits, heres what i ate this week:

- 3-4 blueberry bagels a day (cream cheese, american cheese, turkey)
- russian potato salad (potato ham pickles apple egg mayo).. this is always notoriously bad for my poop train, but i finished it monday so it should be out of my system
- pasta w/ tomato sauce
- ravioli
- oatmeal once
- honey baked beans w/ bacon and extra fiber twice
- lots of water

what the fuck is up, man

[Ilya]

oh, and it doesn't kick in until AFTER i shower which is fucking annoying

this morning i actually had to end my shower early cause i had to go

i didn't have time to condition my hair FUCK

[soup]

thanks

[Ilya]

soupero i'm going to have to kindly ask you to vacate this thread

[Ilya]

just ate a blueberry bagel w/ cream cheese and american cheese and an egg

GOTTA GO

[gran guerrero]

if you aren't jeenyuss, this is an A and B conversation so C your way out

Decyphering your Eating schedule,

and extra fiber twice

there's your problem...


F ya,
Gran

[Ilya]

fiber should = good poops tho

this is why i requested jeenyuss and not gran guerrero

cmon now

[gran guerrero]

fiber should = good poops tho

this is why i requested jeenyuss and not gran guerrero

cmon now

I thought you said you wanted to be constipated

[gran guerrero]

then smoke some weed, your poop would be satisfactory

[Ilya]

gran you're out of your element here

[gran guerrero]

gran you're out of your element here

oh no im going to have a heart attack arent i?

[Jones]

you should probably consider drinking lots of coffee or a spicey tea. helped me sit there for a long time, downside is that you will most likely spray it all over the toilet, have some stomach cramps and will be annoyed at everyone and everything. let me know how it works out.

[Xog]

Dear Ilya,

Your system is probably clogged up. Take a laxative and eat soft foods for one day. The next day you should be having solid poops again.

Sincerely,
Mr. Dr. Professor Xog

[Ilya]

is the only word you guys are focusing on constip8ed?

I'M NOT CONSTIP8ED!!!!!!!! I WISH I WAS CONSTIP8ED

it's the opposite! this morning is going well so far.. but i'm about to eat a slice of pizza so we'll see how that goes. stay tuned

[Xog]

Dear Ilya Zimbabwe,

If you're experiencing an excess of watery stool, and you're drinking "lots of water," try drinking less. The foods you mentioned might be a culprit as well. Bacon and Beans are notorious for causing your issue. Try to eat lots of bread, crackers, and muffins. Stay away from greasy foods (Bacon, Beans) - your liver releases bile to help break these down, which will result in 'sticky' situations. You might also want to consider taking a TUMS or two 30 minutes before each meal.

Any of these things mentioned will get you back to normal, the most effective and important one is staying away from greasy foods for a couple days (Bacon, Beans) because that is most likely the culprit.

Sincerely,
Mr. Dr. Professor Xog