Women troubles...

[Adman]

Well here the back story to my problems...

My girlfriend of almost 2 years and i broke up last spring (March). After that i took some time to myself to realize what happened and whit to get myself together. Last summer i just kind of did the whole find a girl just to mess and around with and that was alright for a bit.

So this fall i decided it was time to start dating and looking for a longterm relationship. Now, from past experience if you go looking for a longterm relationship from the get go, it's not going to work out.

In the past few months i've been on some dates with a couple really nice women, but i can't help myself comparing them to my ex. Now is this normal or what?

MY friends say it's normal but i need to put that aside if i ever want to get into a serious relationship again.

Anyways that's about it. Just wanted to say i'm not dead!

[genocidal]

Welcome back Adman! But yes, it's perfectly normal because you're so familiar with your ex. Try to focus on what these women have that she didn't, or what you especially like about them. Sometimes it can be surprising (I've found) since it seems your subconcious wants to put the ex on some kind of pedestal, or at least as a type of benchmark. You have to force yourself to use a different metric.

It's oftentimes beneficial for people to pick up a new hobby or join a new organization after a break-up not only because it gives their mind something else to do but it changes the mind's perspective, tearing from the routine and forcing the mind to judge persons and situations differently. If your mind stays within the day-to-day framework of an old relationship that was very important to your lifestyle then you can only expect to continue to feel a sense of loss when meeting new people and comparing them to her, as opposed to a sense of gain (in that they offer something she never did or could).

[Epinephrine]

Hey Adman! Long time.

You should never go into a relationship thinking of finding something long term... and I think it's natural to compare to past relationships, that is until the current relationship pasts a certain point where it's officially 'better' than the last.

[Adman]

ya, you guys have pretty much said what a lo of people told me, and they tell me my ex was not that great too, but i'm sure that they just say that to make me feel better.

Hey Epi, what's rockin? you're a doctor now? how exciting! I'm at Seneca for Civil Engineering, i feel like i'm putting very little effort forth and doing decently.

We should find Tk and go for an adult drink sometime!

[Ilya]

99 problems and they're all bitches, amiright bro?

[Squeezer]

kill chews\\choose

[Ara]

You just need to get to know the lady a bit more before you can stop comparing her to someone else from your past, imo. Btw I always did go for the long term relationship, one night stands never interested me. That means having to learn how to say no thanks, got me happily married with the girl I wanted eventually, must work. I don't like some people who think it's all a game, waste of time.

[NaiLed]

adman!

yeah, i think it's normal. i had this problem for a while, but i think once you truly like a girl for who she is you no longer compare them to anyone else. although if you look for something long term you might be searching for something that isn't there, take it as it comes! but what do i know, i'm only 22!

can you let us know how things go?

cheers!

[Adman]

Update: i had sex for the first time in months the other night. It was okay. She wants me to meet her mom. I bailed on the meeting her mom thing to work on a school project.

She is very clingy and needy, and kind of dumb. I don't foresee a lasting relationship with this person.

[paradise!]

oh man adman

[Bioture]

It's normal to compare, but you know you got something when you find someone and see them for who they are. I'm not saying that'll come soon, but give it time and you will. Also it really depends on your preferences. Like, when you compare do you compare personalities, sex, reactions, sense of humor, etc? I'd say it isn't quite fair to the other person to be compared all the time, but they don't have to know. Youknowumsayin?

[Adman]

It's lke just everything in comparison. It's mroe like i find myself comparing after they leave or when i'm on my way home after a date, it's not active while i'm with ther person.

Update: Girl is mad that i am not meeting her mom.

[Vatican Assassin]

wtf wont you meet her mom u asshole

[Adman]

i'm working on a project. Duh!

[TagMor]

TW nerds giving relationship advice.. how delicious.