How do you go about making what is quite possibly the biggest decision of your life?

[ÆNIMA]

just make sure you get back into school...or you'll end up in construction, which does pay well....but do you really want to build things until your body can't handle it anymore? and when that time comes...it'll probably be too late for college, but too early for retirement

[Nickname]

Remember Jase, money doesn't buy happiness, but it does buy contentment. Make sure you get back in school for whatever.

[Bioture]

I would seriously finish school first. The sad fact is, few people actually love what they do as a job. I hated my major too (IST), the only reason i'm in it is so I can make a decent living when i graduate.

Before I went to college, my dad gave me a little piece of advice - to put your responsibilities before personal needs. Meaning you'll have to take care of yourself before you can take care of other things - such as relationships, personal feelings, etc etc.

So my advice would be along those lines - if you can take care of yourself and you think you are READY for the responsibility of marriage, then go for it.

Love is a dangerous thing, my friend. And passion is fleeting - it dosen't last forever.

[Mr. Peanuts]

by the way J, once things happen, dont spend too much bloody time on the computer, its how my mum and dads relationship ended

[pv=nrt]

My decision just fit. I couldn't imagine not being near her for the rest of my life. She has all the must qualities i want, and 90% of the others that wouldnt be bad to have. I doubt i could find a better woman to fit me, and after a couple people said something to that extent to me i knew she was the one.

[Liquid Blue]

19 is a bit young to get married Jason. I know you love her and all but are you sure you are ready for the commitment and responsibility that comes with marriage? Your best bet would be to wait at least a year, and see how things are then. I would just hate for you to get married , have a kid and divorce all before you are 21 >_<

[Facetious]

If you've already made your decision, go ahead, I suppose, but I was thinking similarly about a girl (my current girlfriend) after about six and a half months of dating her, and now that we've been dating for about 11 months, we've discovered a number of things about our relationship that aren't exactly healthy, all of which I'd like to fix before we did something like moving in together. Not to say you don't know what love is or anything, but six and a half months doesn't seem like enough time to actually figure out how well a relationship will work out in the long run (signing a lease = signing up for the long run)

[bloodzombie]

You've only been going out for 6.5 months and you're 19 years old. You'd be insane to get married right now. What's the rush? If she's really the right person, you'll stay together for a few years, then talk about marriage.

Personally, I don't think anyone should get married before they're 25. You know what's gonna happen if something terrible happened and you broke up with this girl? you'd be insane depressed for awhile and then after awhile you'd meet another girl who (for 6 months at least) was just the PERFECT girl for you... guess what.. for 6 months, they're ALL the perfect girl especially when you're 19. And you're thinking "but this is special, we're in love and we have all these things that mean so much to both of us" but that's how every relationship is.

just realize that you're still in the "honeymoon" phase of this relationship.. it's way too early to make the marriage call. I dated a girl from when I was 15 until I was about 19 and we talked about marriage, and I thought she was the one and all that, but I'm damn glad I didn't marry her, and I've already seen a few of my friends get divorced and it's not pretty. Of course they all thought they were the exceptions.

Just don't rush.. you're young, have fun.

[bloodzombie]

Re: How do you go about making what is quite possibly the biggest decision of your life?

Originally posted by Jason
Girlfriends who get mad at you for weeks on end and won't talk to you no matter how much you try to explain to them that they're quite possibly the woman you want to marry can really drive a man insane.

Ok, I just re-read your post and let me say this....

DO NOT MARRY HER ANY TIME SOON!

In my mind, this isn't a marriage, it's the storm before the divorce. If she won't communicate with you when there's a problem, you're already doomed.

[Eric is God]

Thats a tough decision Jason and it really depends on whats important to you. Ive considered the posibility of marriage (being the ripe old age almost 23), but not very seriously. I have a friend (the girl I went to my prom with) whos engaged to be married in October, shes 21 and the guy is 26 I believe. I have another friend who got engaged a year ago and will be married shortly at the age of 22. Now, looking at the facts I disagree with both of their choices, but Im not them.

If you can honestly see yourself being with this woman 5, 20, 60 years from now then obviously your love seems genuine and Im assuming she feels the same? The difficulty I see is everything that doesnt involve emotions. Before I would every consider marrying someone, I would have to know that I (we if my wife worked) could provide for both of us. By marrying someone you ask bascially vowing to not only love and be with them forever, but also that you will be responsible for all the costs (both financial and other) you will be facing in you lives together.

Also, getting married before you are out of school can be a bad idea. One of the girls I mentioned was in her first year of getting an honours degree before she got engaged. Afterwards, she moved in with her fiancee and spent way too much time planning out her life and wedding with this man, while letting school fall by the wayside. She is also very dependant on her parents financially and I perceive the step of marriage to be diminished if you remain largely reliant on your folks.

I wont go into the relationship aspect much, but suffice to say that 6 months is not a relatively long time to be with someone. You may know every possible thing about her, but falling in love is easy, while staying in love is a lot harder. Being in love puts you in a "dream state" that can take a long time to fade away, leaving you with someone that might just get on your nerves, or worse.

Anyways, its usually a better idea to clear up certain stages of your life (namely school, work, family issues) before you attach yourself to someone permanently. Also, do you want kids? Does she? etc ..... Lots of stuff to think long and hard about before you get down on one knee.

I guess the best question you can ask yourself is: could you be happy seeing this person everyday for the next 40 years without ever having any physical contact (sex, kissing or whatever)? If so, then Id start thinking about everything else I mentioned.

Good Luck!

[Mayo Inc.]

Yeah take EiG's advice.

I say dump her and find a black chick again.

[geekbot]

I'm a little confused. She gets mad at you for weeks on end you're trying to decide if you should get married? Is this a regular occurance? Are you exaggerating? Is this just a minor bump in the road?

Not knowing very much about you I would say that 19 is young. Finish college, get a job, get your life in order (personal, financial, emotional, spiritual, etc) first. You don't HAVE to do all that, but I think it will make it easier down the road.

About making the big decision- good advice from Eric is God. Thinking about it myself, my biggest question is how do I evaluate whether or not a relationship is a good relationship. Kind of like when I was looking for a job without ever having worked before (well, how do you choose a career/employer if you don't know what it's like?).

Here's a book that helped me- go find it at your local library. It is written by a Christian but written in a general style so it can be read by anyone. Also, talk to older people, talk to your parents *gasp*. What do they think of her?

How well do you as a couple resolve conflicts? How similar are you (study-a-holic/slacker, get up early/late, frugal/spend money, strict, want kids, etc.)

Don't make commitments because you "are afraid to lose her".

[Galleleo]

I agree, moving in together is probably the best thing today, live together for 1 or 2 years, then see what happened and how you liked it. Because being moved in together is like being married. Not totally but you live together 24/7 so. It comes close.

[edit] I have been with my gf for about 4 years now. And I know I am only 17, 18 soon, But I am also quite certain I want to go on with her in my life, we practicly live together, she lives like 2 mins away. And we had our problems but worked it out. But we will problably move in and see what happens for a year or so before we make the decission to get married[/edit]

[bloodzombie]

Geekbot makes some good points, you have to step back and look at it from a practical point of view, as difficult as that might be. Also, I think a big indicator is whether or not your friends like her. never marry someone that doesn't get along with your friends, because they want what's best for you and they're seeing her through unbiased eyes.

personally, I think getting married before 25 is always a mistake, you don't even know yourself yet, you're going to change a lot in the next few years, and so will she. Getting married after only 6 months is also always a mistake (this one I'm sure more people will agree with). Then the whole "she won't talk to me for weeks at a time" thing... big mistake... it's a mistake all the way around.


but even more important than all of that is.. BE CAREFUL AND USE A CONDOM EVERY SINGLE TIME. If she gets pregnant you're fucked.