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Anyway, I'm sitting in front of a computer in the library, getting paid to do nothing, so to amuse myself, I will write a short story based on whatever comes to mind as I'm writing it.
here goes...
It felt like an endless night; one of those nights where you just wanted to escape. I was sitting in the bathroom on the toilet seat - a joint in one hand and a pen in the other. The paper was placed on the bar of the sink, I was writing. It felt like my only way to escape. Slowly getting higher, I could hear her, crying. Crying for no good reason. We had gotten into a fight. It was vicious, and there's no doubting that. It resulted in her screaming into my face, staring me straight in the eye. I never understood why she did that to me ; just over suspicion. She believed the morning, evening, and late night gossip. Taking it out of proportion every damn chance she got. I loved her - and it hurt me to see she believed such bullshit. Everytime, it would strike my heart, and what felt like, flow through my spine. I could never get used to such pain. The pain of being rejected. I quickly zoned out, trying to fill the hole she fucked in my heart with good thoughts and such. Complete denial drifted over all I've believed in, all I've loved, and all I've ever needed. I couldn't believe this. Again, on the night of our anniversary. I just couldn't take it anymore.
" NATE. Look at me! Look into my eyes! You don't understand how much you need to hear this. " .. I turned my head from the ground and slowly took in that beautiful image of her face. It was so elegant, such a priceless piece of perfection. Gently surrounded by bouncy black curls - the way they held her face was unexplainable. And, her eyes. My Lord, her eyes were an endless portal to heaven. The brightest blue I have ever seen in my life. They shined upon her like a halo. I loved her so much. Not just for her physical appearance, either. Any witness of her flawless personality would simply dip into a negativity free ocean of complete awe. I could no longer be mad at her. My heart, my soul .. it was forcing me to give in. I needed her with me - but I also needed to be free of such bullshit I was putting up with. I felt like crying, and I could feel that she knew. I hoped she knew. I leaned into the wall, crossing my arms over my chest. I felt the acidic feeling of tears flow to my eyes, she was still screaming. I gasped for air as I felt myself falling apart. My first reaction was to reach out and place my hands upon her cheeks. Just to caress them and look into her eyes, I couldn't think. I reacted too soon with nothing to say but shit for lyrics and tears streaming down my pale face.
" All my time is frozen motion, can't I stay an hour or two or more? Don't let me let you go .. " My voice was cracking, of course. And the tears didn't stop, but I saw the look on her face and I could tell she knew. I could tell she finally knew the truth. About me, about us. Our relationship. She fucking felt it - she felt my pain. She understood it for once.
" Don't .. touch me .. Just go away. " Her sweet, angelic voice slid into a tone of angst. My heart dropped, dropped like the ball on New years. Slow enough to hold me under a cloud of insecurity and pain, but quick enough to make me realize I've been living a lie. I felt the warmth of her hands cover mine. It felt so good. All I could ask was what I did wrong. I had to have fucked up somehow..
She squeezed - she couldn't have meant what she said if she squeezed, right?
* * * * *
It's been four months since that happened. I, now single, wasted my life and money on drugs. My happiness quickly turned to hate and to be quite honest, I didn't even know who I was anymore. I'd see Cecilia walking to the corner store with her ' new love ' every now and then. It pissed me off that she looked so happy. I felt like ripping his throat out. I just didn't because I wanted her to be happy, even though she left me for nothing. I think about it every night. It's a puzzle never to be solved. But, I had a goal. I was moving in a month, to get the fuck away from her and the guilt she held me under.
I was going to my friends house when I saw her for the last time. I seen her in an alley with, I think, Mauri. Her so-called best friend and boyfriend. I really don't know if that is his name, but I kept to myself. She was pushed up against the dumpster. It was raining, cold, and she was wearing barely nothing. I honestly didn't know what the hell was going on, so I kept walking, knowing if I went over there she'd bitch her head off. About four or five blocks down from the alley, I heard a loud pop, and footsteps - loud ones. As if someone was running. Of course, I could hear this, as unbelievable as it was, and I turned, worried about her. My walking pace picked up and despite how much I didn't want to see this, I did. There she was. Face first on the ground. Had she been shot? Or, was this a trap.. to get me killed. Paranoia set over me, and I looked around.
" Cecilia.. ? " Her hand twitched, as if she was trying to find the strength to lift up to me and give me confirmation of her life. I moved towards her, leaning over and nudging her shoulder with my palm. I couldn't believe this was happening. This was hell-- this was completely horrible.
(took me about 3 hrs to write this much)
here goes...
It felt like an endless night; one of those nights where you just wanted to escape. I was sitting in the bathroom on the toilet seat - a joint in one hand and a pen in the other. The paper was placed on the bar of the sink, I was writing. It felt like my only way to escape. Slowly getting higher, I could hear her, crying. Crying for no good reason. We had gotten into a fight. It was vicious, and there's no doubting that. It resulted in her screaming into my face, staring me straight in the eye. I never understood why she did that to me ; just over suspicion. She believed the morning, evening, and late night gossip. Taking it out of proportion every damn chance she got. I loved her - and it hurt me to see she believed such bullshit. Everytime, it would strike my heart, and what felt like, flow through my spine. I could never get used to such pain. The pain of being rejected. I quickly zoned out, trying to fill the hole she fucked in my heart with good thoughts and such. Complete denial drifted over all I've believed in, all I've loved, and all I've ever needed. I couldn't believe this. Again, on the night of our anniversary. I just couldn't take it anymore.
" NATE. Look at me! Look into my eyes! You don't understand how much you need to hear this. " .. I turned my head from the ground and slowly took in that beautiful image of her face. It was so elegant, such a priceless piece of perfection. Gently surrounded by bouncy black curls - the way they held her face was unexplainable. And, her eyes. My Lord, her eyes were an endless portal to heaven. The brightest blue I have ever seen in my life. They shined upon her like a halo. I loved her so much. Not just for her physical appearance, either. Any witness of her flawless personality would simply dip into a negativity free ocean of complete awe. I could no longer be mad at her. My heart, my soul .. it was forcing me to give in. I needed her with me - but I also needed to be free of such bullshit I was putting up with. I felt like crying, and I could feel that she knew. I hoped she knew. I leaned into the wall, crossing my arms over my chest. I felt the acidic feeling of tears flow to my eyes, she was still screaming. I gasped for air as I felt myself falling apart. My first reaction was to reach out and place my hands upon her cheeks. Just to caress them and look into her eyes, I couldn't think. I reacted too soon with nothing to say but shit for lyrics and tears streaming down my pale face.
" All my time is frozen motion, can't I stay an hour or two or more? Don't let me let you go .. " My voice was cracking, of course. And the tears didn't stop, but I saw the look on her face and I could tell she knew. I could tell she finally knew the truth. About me, about us. Our relationship. She fucking felt it - she felt my pain. She understood it for once.
" Don't .. touch me .. Just go away. " Her sweet, angelic voice slid into a tone of angst. My heart dropped, dropped like the ball on New years. Slow enough to hold me under a cloud of insecurity and pain, but quick enough to make me realize I've been living a lie. I felt the warmth of her hands cover mine. It felt so good. All I could ask was what I did wrong. I had to have fucked up somehow..
She squeezed - she couldn't have meant what she said if she squeezed, right?
* * * * *
It's been four months since that happened. I, now single, wasted my life and money on drugs. My happiness quickly turned to hate and to be quite honest, I didn't even know who I was anymore. I'd see Cecilia walking to the corner store with her ' new love ' every now and then. It pissed me off that she looked so happy. I felt like ripping his throat out. I just didn't because I wanted her to be happy, even though she left me for nothing. I think about it every night. It's a puzzle never to be solved. But, I had a goal. I was moving in a month, to get the fuck away from her and the guilt she held me under.
I was going to my friends house when I saw her for the last time. I seen her in an alley with, I think, Mauri. Her so-called best friend and boyfriend. I really don't know if that is his name, but I kept to myself. She was pushed up against the dumpster. It was raining, cold, and she was wearing barely nothing. I honestly didn't know what the hell was going on, so I kept walking, knowing if I went over there she'd bitch her head off. About four or five blocks down from the alley, I heard a loud pop, and footsteps - loud ones. As if someone was running. Of course, I could hear this, as unbelievable as it was, and I turned, worried about her. My walking pace picked up and despite how much I didn't want to see this, I did. There she was. Face first on the ground. Had she been shot? Or, was this a trap.. to get me killed. Paranoia set over me, and I looked around.
" Cecilia.. ? " Her hand twitched, as if she was trying to find the strength to lift up to me and give me confirmation of her life. I moved towards her, leaning over and nudging her shoulder with my palm. I couldn't believe this was happening. This was hell-- this was completely horrible.
(took me about 3 hrs to write this much)
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