Jokes guaranteed to offend almost everyone...

[Adman]

WARNING: there may be some offensive stuff here, so don't read it and if you get offended you're too damned sensitive. I also told you not to read it. Fuck you.

Jokes guaranteed to offend almost everyone...


: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
: Not being retarded

: What's blue and fucks old people?
: Hypothermia

: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of thebattered wives' shelter?
: The dishes if she knows what's good for her

Removed.

: What is the definition of "making love"?
: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
: They don't fucking listen.

: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
: Gonorrhoea

: Why did God create yeast infections?
: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.

: How can you tell a macho woman?
: She rolls her own tampons.

: Why do fags like ribbed condoms?
: Better traction in the mud.

. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
: The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.

. What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?
: Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13 years old.

. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
: Marry it.

Removed.

. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
: Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.

. What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
: Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.

. Why do women call it PMS?
: Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

. What's a mixed feeling?
: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

. What's the height of conceit?
: Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

. What's the definition of macho?
: Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
: The cake jumps out of the girl.

. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

. How is pubic hair like parsley?
: You push it to the side before you start eating.

Removed.

Removed.

Removed.

: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

: How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime?
: When the big hand touches the little hand...

. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
: Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.

Removed.

. Why is divorce so expensive?
: Because it's worth it.

No bitching i told you not to read it.





Theres a difference between insensitive and racist. Warnerised. And before anyone says it, I can only enforce rules that exist -ZeUs!!

[Exotic]

dont offend mootland with the new zealend jokes

[MasterBub]

Adman I salute you.

[Torn Wing]

I want my money back?

[cundor]

Adman, some really funny jokes man. I don't like the jokes about Ethiopean people.... kinda cruel...

[Ewan]

And I got warned for mine?

(Funny though)

~E

[Adman]

Originally posted by Ewan
And I got warned for mine?

(Funny though)

~E

i'm elite? and don't give me credit, all i do is share, those aren't my jokes.

[R>A>G>E]

Just as long as we are on the joke subject...

A business man was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone.

He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.

The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except--- " and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."

So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary looking dildo.

The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop! "

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door." The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box and darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!"

The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.

She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass."

[papist]

i know i was offended. <3 the voodoo penis

[Poll]

Totally funny!

But I think you'll get banned.

WARNING: there may be some offensive stuff here, so don't read it and if you get offended you're too damned sensitive. I also told you not to read it. Fuck you.

Zeus> Well don't post it then. BAN.

Topic closed.

had good laffs tho!
Ethiopean people are FUnNNYY!!! I liked the one with the 200 flies the most.

[Torn Wing]

That VooDoo is old.

[R>A>G>E]

True, but still hilarious.

[Jerome Scuggs]

how many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb

none. they would beat it and shoot it before they could screw it in

[lunch3]

Sounds like Adman has women problems.

[Jaffacake]

Might as well come out of my 214 day slumber to post this (sorry ladies!):

What's the difference between a pregnant bird and a lightbulb?



You can unscrew a lightbulb.