Jokes Of all time

[Syko(man)]

One day an explorer went deep into a jungle which after he got lost. He suddendly sees a group wild jungle men with all kinds of weapons. So knowing that he is dead he cries out to god , "God i'm so screwed" then a voice from above replied back "NO your not, See that rock thats right beside ur feet, well I want you to pick it up and then bash the guy in the middle" Well the explorer had no other options so he takes the rock jumps right into the guy in the middle and bashes his face him. Afterward all the other jungle men looked furious, The explorer then says " God what do I do now?" then the voice from above replies " NOW YOUR SCREWED!"


i know this joke is not that funny.. but if u got good ones please post it.

Syko(man)

[Jaffacake]

3 nuns sitting on a park bench. A streaker runs by. 2 had a stroke, and the other couldn't reach! Bwahahahahaha!

OK, it's not that funny...

[Syko(man)]

People actually Said these things in the courtroom LOL

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

[Mayo Inc.]

heh this lady with no arms or legs was laying on the beach and a guy walks by and she says "i've never been hugged... could you hug me?" he says sure and hugs her... so she says "i've never been kissed... could you kiss me?" he says sure and kisses her... so she says "i've never been fucked before... could you fuck?" so he picks her up and throws her into the oceans and says "now you're fucked."

[JohnCho]

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, " I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, " We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral of the story:
You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do!

[Machine of God]

why is a firetruck red?

you would be too if someone was pulling on your hoze all day



yeah... im funny

[NaiLed]

Why is there no aspirin in the jungle?

because the parrots-eat-them-all

[Mayo Inc.]

i dont get it nailed

[Superted]

theres a pill called paracetamol in uk that cures all aches n pains.

A horse walked inot the bar and the barman said why the long face.

A guy walks inot a bar "Ouch~@^&%!!"

A err rabbi a cathoolic and a lawyer were on the err verge of death (I have the feleing this joke has been told ont he forums somewhere elsE) And the the err rabbi says oh no no no he doesnt, there on the titanic right and its sinkin and the rabbi says "we must save the children" the lawyer says "fuk the children" and the cathloci hehe get this, he err says...youll leave this bit..he says haha "do we have time?"

[Tobe]

K

Not sure if this is funny, but i was told this one...

A new guy walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, "Whats the main attraction in this town?" So the bartender says. "Well, accross the street is a girl who can give head, but at the same time sing the national anthem." So the new guy says, "Whoa, i gotta see that."
So the next day he goes to see the girl, she says she would only do it if she could turn the Lights off. So the Lights go off, the guy gets what he wanted and the girl starts singing.
That night the guy is pondering how the girl could do this, so he thinks to himself, "Im gonna turn the lights on tomorrow."
The next day comes up and again he visits the girl. The Lights once again go off, and the girl goes to work, and still singing at the same time. The guy then flicks the Lights on, and he sees sitting on the Table a glass eye..

Kind of a 'riddle-ish' type joke =/

[Troll King]

That guy must suffer from some inferiority complexes if he can fit into an eye-socket.

[Jason]

Re: K

Originally posted by Tobe
Not sure if this is funny, but i was told this one...

A new guy walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, "Whats the main attraction in this town?" So the bartender says. "Well, accross the street is a girl who can give head, but at the same time sing the national anthem." So the new guy says, "Whoa, i gotta see that."
So the next day he goes to see the girl, she says she would only do it if she could turn the Lights off. So the Lights go off, the guy gets what he wanted and the girl starts singing.
That night the guy is pondering how the girl could do this, so he thinks to himself, "Im gonna turn the lights on tomorrow."
The next day comes up and again he visits the girl. The Lights once again go off, and the girl goes to work, and still singing at the same time. The guy then flicks the Lights on, and he sees sitting on the Table a glass eye..

Kind of a 'riddle-ish' type joke =/

I just can't laugh at that. The thought of penetrating an eye socket with your penis... yuck. :[

[Superted]

Re: Re: K

Originally posted by Jason
I just can't laugh at that. The thought of penetrating an eye socket with your penis... yuck. :[

I guess youre a guy whos never tried necrophilia.

funny joke, unf.

[Rudy]

A guy walks into a bar and sits down to have a beer. He notices a sign on the far wall advertising a competition. He asks the barman about it.
"It's simple. Out the back, we have a horse. If you can make him laugh, you'll win $5000."
The guy wanders out back and reappears a minute later and explains to the bar man that the horse is now laughing.
The barman doesn't understand how the guy had done it. "We've had comic geniuses from all over come in here to try get the horse to laugh without success. Here's your $5000."
Several weeks later the same man comes back to the bar and notices that the barman is looking downcast.
"What's wrong?" He says.
"Ever since you came and made the horse laugh he hasn't stopped. It's driving me mad. I've now got a $5000 prize for whoever shuts him up."
Again, the guy walks out to where the horse is and after a few minutes reappears and tells the barman that the horse has stopped laughing.
The barman goes to verify the guy's claim and sees the horse standing there with a stunned expression on it's face.
"What did you possibly say to him to shut him up, I must know."
The guy casually explains how he did it.
"The first time I came in to make the horse laugh I made a bet with him that my dick was bigger than his, so he started laughing. However this time around I actually proved it."

[Lord HADES]

Bad Joke:

It's black and when it falls out of the tree, your barbeque is broken... What is it???

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Your barbeque ( )

here a good one:

How do you teach a girl to give a blowjob? Tell her to suck a tennisball through a rubber hose!