Have any of you guys ever read What If v2 #16? What If Wolverine Battled Conan the Barbarian? It was written by Glenn Herdling and pencilled by Gary Kwapisz. Here's some excerpts from that Marvelous comic.
Rejoining the battle, Wolverine hurled his comrade, Colossus, at the woman he once loved.
Utau, the Watcher: Join me now as I witness the consequences had I simply abandoned Wolverine to one of the realms he journeyed through my home. To an age undreamed of by man. In other words, inquisitve spectator--what if Wolverine had lived during the age of Conan the Barbarian?
Karanthes: Many thanks, outlander, my Staff of Power could not harm the beast--it only effects magical beings. I am Karanthes, Priest of the Ibis Temple. I am recruiting soldiers for the Akkharran army. Your adventerous spirit will find many rewards in the service of King Sumab! Go there, my friend.
Wolverine (thought bubble): Couldn't make out a blammed word baldy spoke.
Drunk soldier:
King Sumabi's army
Proudly do we hail
By day we fight and conquer
By night we guzzle ale
We do not fear our rivals' blades
Nor the serpent's hiss
Except the one who calls to me
When I take a- whoulp*
Wolverine: Adamantium head-butts cause nasty hangovers, bub.
Red Sonja: Hold, dog of the alleys. Turn and face your master! You no longer contend with a pitiful sot. Now you face Red Sonja! She-devil of the Hyrkanian steppes!
Wolverine: Sorry darlin'. My hair's funky looking enough.
Red Sonja: You do not kill me? Then you have heard of my vow never to love a man lest he best me in battle. Take me, then. But don't expect me to enjoy it.
Wolverine goes to a tavern to quench his long-denied thirst, leaving a perplexed and slightly insulted Red Sonja in his wake.
Sonja: Son-ja.
Wolverine: "Son-ya." That's pretty. Lo-gan.
Sonja: ...Conan!?
Wolverine: No-no. Lo-
Sonja: F-forgive me...Logan. An old comrade just rode by.
Wolverine: -gan?
Wolverine: No, Sonja! I'll take down this Tarzan reject!
Conan: You leap like a hyena in heat!
Conan makes no delay in retrieving Red Sonja's insensate body and binding Karanthes.
As Wolverine slowly comprehends the wizard's offer, Conan uses the moment's respite to cauterize his wounds...allowing not the slightest whimper to escape his lips.
The Nemedian Chronicles
Know ye, o prince. That in the years following the passage of Conan the Cimmerian, there emerged Logan the Wolverine. Wild-haired, beastial eyed, magically clawed, an outlaw, a philosopher, a noble savage. He trod the jeweled thrones of the earth with his bride, Red Sonja. Warrior-Woman out of majestic Hyrkania, unto the shadowed mysts of legendry.
Conan soon emerges upon the scene in which the universe's fate hangs in the balance! To Conan's eyes a horde of demons are attacking a damsel in distress--a damsel who looks incredibly like...
Conan: Sonja!
A large rock takes out the Cyclopean leader--sufficiently shattering the psychic rapport shared with Phoenix. Without that rapport, and without Wolverine to hurl Colossus at her, nothing prevents Jean Grey from transforming utterly and completely into her dark persona before she can destroy herself. Thus...as the fury of phoenix is unleashed upon an unsuspecting populace, one final interjection reflects the sentiments of an entire universe--Crom!
(Note: Wolverine's language and everyone in Conan's world is different. So they can't understand each other until a Wizard casts a spell that allows Wolverine to speak in their language.)
Rejoining the battle, Wolverine hurled his comrade, Colossus, at the woman he once loved.
Utau, the Watcher: Join me now as I witness the consequences had I simply abandoned Wolverine to one of the realms he journeyed through my home. To an age undreamed of by man. In other words, inquisitve spectator--what if Wolverine had lived during the age of Conan the Barbarian?
Karanthes: Many thanks, outlander, my Staff of Power could not harm the beast--it only effects magical beings. I am Karanthes, Priest of the Ibis Temple. I am recruiting soldiers for the Akkharran army. Your adventerous spirit will find many rewards in the service of King Sumab! Go there, my friend.
Wolverine (thought bubble): Couldn't make out a blammed word baldy spoke.
Drunk soldier:
King Sumabi's army
Proudly do we hail
By day we fight and conquer
By night we guzzle ale
We do not fear our rivals' blades
Nor the serpent's hiss
Except the one who calls to me
When I take a- whoulp*
Wolverine: Adamantium head-butts cause nasty hangovers, bub.
Red Sonja: Hold, dog of the alleys. Turn and face your master! You no longer contend with a pitiful sot. Now you face Red Sonja! She-devil of the Hyrkanian steppes!
Wolverine: Sorry darlin'. My hair's funky looking enough.
Red Sonja: You do not kill me? Then you have heard of my vow never to love a man lest he best me in battle. Take me, then. But don't expect me to enjoy it.
Wolverine goes to a tavern to quench his long-denied thirst, leaving a perplexed and slightly insulted Red Sonja in his wake.
Sonja: Son-ja.
Wolverine: "Son-ya." That's pretty. Lo-gan.
Sonja: ...Conan!?
Wolverine: No-no. Lo-
Sonja: F-forgive me...Logan. An old comrade just rode by.
Wolverine: -gan?
Wolverine: No, Sonja! I'll take down this Tarzan reject!
Conan: You leap like a hyena in heat!
Conan makes no delay in retrieving Red Sonja's insensate body and binding Karanthes.
As Wolverine slowly comprehends the wizard's offer, Conan uses the moment's respite to cauterize his wounds...allowing not the slightest whimper to escape his lips.
The Nemedian Chronicles
Know ye, o prince. That in the years following the passage of Conan the Cimmerian, there emerged Logan the Wolverine. Wild-haired, beastial eyed, magically clawed, an outlaw, a philosopher, a noble savage. He trod the jeweled thrones of the earth with his bride, Red Sonja. Warrior-Woman out of majestic Hyrkania, unto the shadowed mysts of legendry.
Conan soon emerges upon the scene in which the universe's fate hangs in the balance! To Conan's eyes a horde of demons are attacking a damsel in distress--a damsel who looks incredibly like...
Conan: Sonja!
A large rock takes out the Cyclopean leader--sufficiently shattering the psychic rapport shared with Phoenix. Without that rapport, and without Wolverine to hurl Colossus at her, nothing prevents Jean Grey from transforming utterly and completely into her dark persona before she can destroy herself. Thus...as the fury of phoenix is unleashed upon an unsuspecting populace, one final interjection reflects the sentiments of an entire universe--Crom!
(Note: Wolverine's language and everyone in Conan's world is different. So they can't understand each other until a Wizard casts a spell that allows Wolverine to speak in their language.)
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