Post your favorite quote.

[Cylor]

I personally prefer my philosophy for girls.

"Hit it and quit it"

[Ephemeral]

"No woman in my time will be prime minister," said Margaret Thatcher in 1969.

"The penalty of success is to be bored by people who used to snub you," socialite Lady Nancy Astor

"No matter what happens, the U.S. Navy is not going to be caught napping," Secretary of the Navy Frank Knox said three days before the Japanese surprise attack on Pearl Harbor.

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out," explained Decco Recording Co. in 1962. They rejected signing a little-known group called the Beatles.

"When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute-and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity," Albert Einstein.

There is more stupidity around than hydrogen and it has a longer shelf life," Frank Zappa

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a "C," the idea must be feasible." A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

"Everything that can be invented has been invented." Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law," said David Dinkins, former mayor of New York

"Nonsense, man! They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--" The last words of U.S. Gen. John B. Sedgewick as he sized up the Battle of Spotsylvania in 1864

"Musically, we are more talented than any Bob Dylan. Musically, we are more talented than Paul McCartney," said Rob Pilatus of Milli Vanilli

[za gophar]

I wrote a letter to my dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it so i crossed it out and wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, dad - there's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away...

I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zip it up real quick?

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.


I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid-back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut em up."

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

[Fatal|ty]

Not to be mean or anything, but you're an illiterate dipshit...

You, my friend, are a moron!

[Blue Thunder]

One of my favorite quotes has to be Za Gophars sig.

Weaver> bye
za gophar> I THOUGHT HE WAS BLUE
WARNING: Disconnected from server

Classic

[Fatal|ty]

Yes yes.

[A DeCoY?!?!]

"i see white people"
-scary movie

EDIT:

i like this one too:

ERROR WITH KEYBOARD OR NO KEYBOARD PRESENT- PRESS F1 TO CONTINUE

[Vitron2]

Originally posted by A DeCoY?!?!
ERROR WITH KEYBOARD OR NO KEYBOARD PRESENT- PRESS F1 TO CONTINUE

It makes since, in a strange way.. "Plug in a keyboard or you don't get to windows" is a good deal more logical though.

-----
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.

Stoop and you'll be stepped on; stand tall and you'll be shot at.

The great thing about human language is that it prevents us from sticking to the matter at hand.

The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equpped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vaccuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1.5 tons. - unknown, Popular Mechanics, March 1949
----


Vitron

[MaGi kOz]

http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
We might as well start telling jokes:

-------------------------------------------------------

MICROSOFT SHOULD MAKE CARS, GM SHOULD MAKE SOFTWARE

At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments/General Motors issued a press release stating the following: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart;
in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT.' Then you would have to buy
more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was more reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water, temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car fault' warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same butt size.

9. The airbag system would say 'Are you sure?' before going off.

10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd press the 'Start' button to shut off the engine.

[za gophar]

i keep on trying to remember to save funny logs for sig use cause that one has been there a while but i always forget to save them

[Gundam Fury]

Favorite Quote, hmmm very hard...

But how about

"Can I borrow your face? My ass is on vaction."

[Rampant]

2 in the pink, 1 in the stink!

(fingers for you dumbasses, think about it.)

[genocidal]

Originally posted by Rampant
2 in the pink, 1 in the stink!

(fingers for you dumbasses, think about it.)

SHOCKER!!!!!!!!!

[Jason]

Woody Allen is cooler than you.


A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to sleep with me and she said 'no'.


I am at two with nature.


Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him 'Be fruitful, and multiply.' But not in those words.


I wanted to be an arch-criminal as a child, before I discovered I was too short.


And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they rent out my room.

[Project]

Hard to incorporate physical comedy in text,
Steve Harvey, Kings of Comedy:

You see, black people are different than white people. Black people, we see someone running, we don't stop to figure out whats going on, we just start running. White people gotta be all curious and go find out whats the matter. Someone running away from a fire, a white person goes "Hey, why is everybody- OH SHIT WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME???" Black folk, we get our information while we moving. "Hey man, what are we running for? Oh ok, yeah." You see, black people just react.

::Gets up and starts running::
::stops::

Damn I bet 5 of y'all got up right there!