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HOT OR NOT
Week 1
Week 2
Week 3
Week 4
Week 5
Week 6
Week 7
Quarter-Finals
Semi-Finals
Finals
Week 1
Week 2
Week 3
Week 4
Week 5
Week 6
Week 7
Quarter-Finals
Semi-Finals
Finals
TWDT-D
Gryffindor vs. Paddington
50-42
Gryffindor flashed their 9/9/8/7/7 line from the get-go, with their 9-Stars putting in Herculean efforts, with Casket dropping a monstrous 17-8 and Dak ripping through Paddington with a 15-7, with Commodo, Rasaq, and Kira providing able support.
Lasenza went Super Saiyan and was 15-5 at one point before his team died out, nearly closing a 15 kill deficit singlehandedly, but Exalt, Kentaro, and Tiny faltered, with Eric Clapton completely cratering with a 2-7.
Zidane proved a better power sub than a power bottom, nearly changing the tides of battle with a sublime 6-3, but it proved too little, too late.
The only thing he ended up being able to change was Lasenza's diapers, when he threw a temper tantrum after the loss.
HOT: Casket (17-8)
HOT: Dak (15-7)
NOT: Eric Clapton (2-7). It's time to put these Sweet players out to pasture. After this 2-7, Jones' 4-10s and Riversides 1-10 vs. Paladen, the only thing these bums are qualified to shoot at is Han Solo as Stormtrooper extras.
Pirates vs. Lag & Luck
50-38
Mythril evolved into another plane of consciousness in this game, dropping a titanic 21-9 to lead Pirates to victory.
Pineapple Express (13-5) played well for a guy whose resume highlights include once attaching to Cape in pub and playing in the one game Jebass ever went positive in, while Singer and Tripin straddled parity and Beast hung onto their coattails for dear life.
Paky Dude (11-10) was the only player on Lag & Luck to go plus, while Ardour, Caos, Mean Gene, and Trasher negged.
HOT: Mythril (21-9)
HOT: Pineapple Express (13-5)
NOT: Beast (3-8). Beast went 3-8 on the winning team, which is a pretty good score for someone with cataracts who once tried to use his AARP card at an ATM machine. I'm not saying Beast is old, but the first time he complained about kids and their "new-fangled gadgets", he was referring to the abacus.
Win or Die vs. Mist
50-40
Wirah (13-5) and Racka (13-9) were a dynamic duo in this one, leading Dreamwin, Jessup and Major Crisis to the W with aplomb.
BIET (13-10) was the only Mistian to offer any resistance, with Flew, Mikkiz, Ra, Turban, and Yoast failing to hit 1:1.
HOT: Wirah (13-5)
NOT: Flew (6-10). Needed more from the 9-Star captain in a winnable game, and 6-10 doesn't cut it. The only thing Flew should be cutting, is himself from Mist's WB line. Yoast is the future of this game. Flew holding the next generation back worse than Will Wheaton's acting.
Set your phasers to bum.
Haze vs. Fish
50-42
Haze put in a balanced performance across the board, with no single individual standing out and all 5 players going positive.
Iron Survivor (13-10), Lockdown (11-9), Rough, Zapata, and Felix_da_Kat moved as one, and took down Fish in a very close game, pulling away at the last minute.
Zizzo (11-10) and Sprackle (12-10) nearly pulled out the upset, but poor performances from Vys, maketso, and Morph sunk them.
HOT: Felix_da_kat (8-6). Managing an 8-6 as a 6-Star is huge for a line that is desperately searching for a 6 to play their 10/9/8/7/6 lineup. Other people desperately searching for a 6: Vys's Tinder profile.
NOT: Morph (5-10). Not a good performance for an 8-Star in a close game. Morph firing more blanks than the men in The Handmaid's Tale.
Paddington vs. Pirates
50-35
Lasenza continued his assault on TWDT-D, putting up a sizzling 14-6 and notching Paddington's first win. Zidane was also hot, spitting out a 15-5.
Eric Clapton redeemed himself with an 8-5, while Kentaro, Tiny, and Spectacular were also technically in the game.
Mythril put up a 12-10, while his team looked like the extras in Season 3 of Stranger Things, getting absorbed into the nefarious amorphous blob taking over the town that is Lasenza.
Beast, Pineapple Express, Singer, and Tripin were non-factors.
HOT: Lasenza (14-6)
HOT: Zidane (15-5)
NOT: Tripin (2-10). Tripin was discarded by Win or Die in a trade, then dumpstered by Paddington in this match. I half expect to turn on the TV at this point and see Tripin pop up in Oscar the Grouch's trash can. Haven't seen this little resistance put up since the Maginot Line.
Gryffindor vs. Win or Die
50-29
Gryffindor improved to 2-0 in warbird, as Casket (15-5) decimated Win or Die with lethal precision. Commodo (13-6) impressed at the 7-Star position, ahead of Dak, Kira, and Rasaq who all went positive in a +21 victory that left little to chance.
Racka, Dreamwin, Jessup, Jurassic, Skatarius, and Wirah were dismal, and this was a rout.
HOT: Casket (15-5)
HOT: Commodo (13-6)
NOT: Racka, for going 5-10 like a miner's alarm clock.
Lag & Luck vs. Fish
50-46
Fish lost a pair of heartbreakers by the slimmest of margins, as Lag & Luck edged them out, thanks to an incisive performance from JAMAL, who took Zizzo's team down with a 15-5.
Paky Dude (14-10), Caos (11-9), and a clutch sub-in from Trasher (5-2) proved to be just enough to notch the W, despite sub-par play from Ardour (2-7), Let (0-5), and Mean Gene (3-5).
Vys (15-10) and Zizzo (13-10) did their best to carry the load, but they lacked either the intestinal fortitude (or Lisa Ann's throat glands), as Morph, Myollnir, and Sprackle notched a trio of 6-10s.
HOT: JAMAL (15-5)
HOT: Paky Dude (14-10)
HOT: Vys (15-10)
NOT: Ardour (2-7). Ardour went an atrocious 2-7 on the winning side. He tried to give everyone high fives after the match, but his aim was so bad he slapped the high voltage cables instead.
Thought he was Frank Castle, when in fact he's Frank Grimes.
Haze vs. Mist
50-31
Lockdown (15-8), Zapata (12-4) and Iron Survivor (13-6) led Haze to a perfect week in TWDT-D, as they mowed Mist down with ease.
Rough and Felix provided about as much support as a A cup bra on Christina Hendricks, but did contribute nonetheless.
Flew (10-10) was the only player on his squad to approach parity, while BIET, Jackiechan>, Ra, and Yoast went into the red.
HOT: Lockdown (15-8)
HOT: Zapata (12-4)
HOT: Iron Survivor (13-6)
NOT: Ra (3-8). Ra is my boy, but he negged harder than a frat bro at a freshman mixer. Deploy the D.E.N.N.I.S. system.
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