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When I'm King of the World (president's just too American) I'm going to outlaw anyone under the height of 5 foot 8 owning an umbrella, and fine umbrella companies for having spikey bits at the end of the umbrellas. They're bloody lethal! You know the feeling, you're walking down a crowded street, its raining, you're not bothering with an umbrella because you're too manly and then you have to start dodging the umbrellas that are being flung in your direction by over-zealous power walkers. Usually the kind of busy-bodies who wear trouser suits and "do lunch".
You might think that I've got an advantage over most other tall people in that I wear glasses, but if the short people eventually win the battle and I get pecked in the eye with such ferocity that it shatters my glasses (which is a very real possibility) then I've got someone else's umbrella AND glass in my eye, and thats strictly 'not cool', and lets face it, is as much fun as having your dog put down.
You can tell the Japanese don't often think before deciding their national dress. I'm not riling any feathers when I say that Asians aren't the tallest ethnicity in the world so why the hell is their traditional female dress with those totally pointless and especially spikey umbrellas? I know they share a bit of a grudge, maybe some friendly rivalry with the west but theres no need to inflict that on us! Oh the humanity! Not going to Japan is like missing that taxi that takes you to the titantic, in the end you're going to be grateful.
Death on a stick
Its not as if veritcally challenged people need umbrellas as much as tall people. Firstly you're always the last to get rained on, second the people above you absorb most of the rain for you and lastly they sell rainmacs in small too now. They should make incredibly long umbrellas for short people so that they're not at eye level for everyone else, not only will it deflect the rain long before it reaches everyone else but it reduces the chance of a fatal injury, two birds in one two! Of course the rain deflected off these tall umbrellas will fall on the tall people, but I'd rather get wet than lose an eye. Who's with me?
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