Searching for a thread

[Epinephrine]

Help me out please! I've spent the last hour searching but I can't seem to find it.

A while ago someone on one of the forums in the TW forum community (I think it was in general discussion but I can't find it) posted a funny little article spoofing god creating the world in 7 days using computer commands.

Does anyone know where that thread is and could they link it for me? Thanks!

-Epi

[PaulOakenfold]

http://forums.trenchwars.org/showthr...t=fuck+pallies

[Evasive]

You posted in that thread Epi, so you could have just searched through your own posts for that thread =p

[bloodzombie]

With a descriptive title like that, how could you not find it?

[Epinephrine]

Thanks guys

-Epi

[Jeansi]

You posted in that thread Epi, so you could have just searched through your own posts for that thread =p

all 1091 of them

[Jerome Scuggs]

yeah i can't search for my posts, i'll be going to like page 12 on the search page and seeing posts i made like that morning

[ZeUs!!]

I think we should all take note that "Fuzzy.Style" has the best avatar ever to grace these forums

[Vantage]

rofl

[Jeansi]

Someone closed the original but I remembered this:

THE CREATION

* * *

In the beginning, all was void, with the spirit of God brooding
over the dark vapors.

* * *

Then God said: LET THERE BE BYTE, and there was byte. God saw the
byte, and was pleased with it, and divided the byte in bits. He
created a multitude of similar bytes, all identical in their ethereal
perfection, and all containing zeros, for zeros were all there were.

* * *

On the second day God toyed with the bytes, and organized them
into groups to which he said: YOU SHALL BE CALLED WORDS, FOR FROM BYTES
YOU CAME AND OF BYTES YOU ARE COMPOSED. And God saw the words, that
they were good and was pleased.

* * *

The third day God said (to whom God was talking has never has
never been ascertained or even questioned): I HAVE WORDS, MADE UP OF
BYTES, MADE UP OF BITS, BUT SOMETHING'S MISSING.

* * *

So God scraped up a lump of clay, squeezed it tightly in his
mighty hands, and flung it against the sky, where it solidified into a
smoky mass. God saw the steaming heap, that it was good and said to
it: YOU SHALL BE CALLED HARDWARE, A HOME FOR MY BYTES AND BITS, AND AS
YOU ARE THE VERY FIRST OF YOUR KIND I SHALL CALL YOU CPU. And God
turned, and with a flick of his wrist spew forth tape drives (FOR YOU
SHALL BE TEMPORARILY A HOME FOR MY WORDS...), stations, whole
teleprocessing installations.

* * *

And God saw all this sparkling in the heavens, that it was good
and he was pleased. Having done all this, God rested.

* * *

On the fourth day, God reviewed all that he had done. He saw his
bits and his bytes statistically on an infinite variety of media. But
he was not satisfied. SOMETHING'S MISSING, said he, I NEED TO ANIMATE
MY TREASURED BYTES TO GIVE THEM LIFE. So God leaned back, touched a
soiled hand to his mighty brow, and with one single, all-powerful
thought set his hardware in motion. YOU said he to the intangible
breath now coursing through his hardware, I SHALL CALL SOFTWARE, FOR
...(so on, and so forth.)

* * *

And he continued: YOU ARE THE FIRST, THE BEST, THE MOST PERFECT
AND OMNIPOTENT SOFTWARE. And God divided the software in many parts,
into utilities, compilers, system libraries and his favorite, most
privileged and beloved operating system. God was pleased, so he rested.

* * *

On the fifth day, God again surveyed all that he had done, and was
filled with joy. He found that with his creation he could determine the
value of pi to ten thousand digits. He found that he could produce
flow charts of his beloved operating system, and these he posted by his
throne. He discovered that he could run off Snoopy calendars, pictures
of Mona Lisa, and witty little computer accounts of the creation. And
with a terminal at his throne, he didn't have to travel halfway to
hell to access his system.

* * *

He called his creation IMPERATUM BYTAM MAGNAMUS (or IBM for short).

* * *

But all was not well. God's beloved system was so large, so
complex, that even the mighty God - maker of heavens and earth (but
that's another story), the builder of cpu and virtual memory, the
author of fortran - even that God was hard- pressed to keep up on how
everything worked.

* * *

So God said I'LL MAKE ME A MAN. And he did, and to the man he said
YOU SHALL BE CALLED (logically enough) "MAN" AND TO YOU SHALL FALL THE
RESPONSIBILITY OF MAINTAINING ALL THAT I HAVE DONE. And to keep Man
happy after-hours, God gave him Woman, saying to Man FOR I KNOW THAT
EVEN BYTES GET HUNGRY FOR A LITTLE BIT. And God rested, chuckling at
his own play on words.

* * *

On the sixth day, God mounted his throne, logged onto his
terminal, and engaged in a full day of uninterrupted one second
turnaround. He saw all that he had done, that it was good. He was
pleased that from his first byte he had created such a wonderful and
extensive toy. He created file after file, he performed advanced and
impressive on-line database updates, he wrote a faster and more
extensive fortran compiler, and in general rejoiced in the perfection
of his IBM.

* * *

After a hard day's work on a hot terminal - during which Man was
quietly familiarizing himself with the system documentation - God
called it a day (YOU I SHALL CALL DAY... and so forth and so on.)

* * *

On the seventh day - so tired was he from the week's labors -
God slept all day. What transpired on that crucial seventh day is
recounted in THE FALL OF MAN...

***


| AmiQWK 2.9 - FREEWARE |
... "Stupidity is generally it's own punishment." -- Heinlein


THE FALL OF MAN

Late in the sixth day of creation, Woman called Man at work and
begged him to come home, as dinner was getting cold. Man grudgingly
consented, but brought home with him a copy of the system documentation
to study. After dinner, Woman cooed some suggestive little sighs and
slipped incitingly into bed. Man followed, but - being beat after a
hard day at the office - fell straight to sleep.

* * *

Woman had an indescribable inner feeling that this was not how
things should be on their first night in bed (or in existence, for that
matter), and disdainfully flung Man's notebook from the night stand.
The book fell open to an important-looking page marked WARNING in bold
red letters. Now, Woman was possessed of insatiable curiosity. God - we
must assume - been entirely familiar with contemporary Greek writings
on the subject, particularly with the escapades of a wayward feminist
named Pandora. At any rate, Woman picked up the book, and read:

*** W A R N I N G ***

You I have created to maintain application programs and to
operate my beloved IBM. You may partake of my utilities, my fortran,
my files and tapes and flow charts. But with my operating system thou
shalt not tamper, for to the user it giveth unlimited master mode powers...


* * *

Woman - being as greedy an she was beautiful- immediately woke
Man. She derided him for his sheepishness, for his lack of initiative,
for his cowering before a silly machine. She filled his mind with
thoughts of power and greed, and instilled in the resolve to win for
himself all the privileges of the operating system. Besides, reasoned
Woman, as boss Man won't come home dead tired, and might be worth
something after dinner...

* * *

So Man returned the next day, intent on breaching the operating
system. He needled, he patched, he disguised clever little traps in
his programs which - for tantalizingly brief periods of time - slipped
into master mode. By the end of the seventh day Man was so close to
mastering the operating system that he didn't go home till very late.

* * *

So pleased was he - that the coming day would reward him with
total control of God's own operating system - that he whistled all the
way home, and when he got there, he snuck into the bedroom and gave
Woman pleasant surprise...

* * *

Early on the eighth day, Man did it. God was on the terminal
early, playing blackjack with his computer. So Man was able to submit
his carefully-prepared batch job without being noticed. The system
burped, God's terminal blinked once, but then all was normal. Man's
heart leapt. It was his operating system now, not God's. For a moment
he stood stunned with the impact of his move. Then, with the
self-assurance that only novice programmers can truly understand, he
hit the attention key. His hands trembling with excitement, he began to
DELETE G-O-D. Bingo!!!

* * *

Just as he was about to hit the carriage return - and with the
system $500 ahead in God's blackjack game (God holding 20 for a
thousand dollar pot) - the system crashed.

* * *

God was furious. YOU IGNORED MY WARNING, said he to Man, as Woman
wailed pathetically that she had nothing to do with it. YOU VIOLATED MY
BELOVED SYSTEM, AND DARED THINK THAT YOU COULD BECOME AS ONE WITH GOD.

* * *

He waved Man disdainfully from his sight. He then reached into his
IBM, took a handful of core, mutilated it a little, and flung it after
Man. GO said he to the slice of core, AND MULTIPLY INTO A HOST OF
INFERIOR SYSTEMS, EACH MORE PROSTITUTED AND GLITCH-FILLED THAN THE
LAST. AND IF MAN'S TIME IS WASTED DEBUGGING INFERIOR SYSTEMS I WON'T BE
BOTHERED BY HIM.

[Jeansi]

* * *

And that - according to the book of byte - is why the world
consists of two types of computers: IBM, and all the rest. And so it is
that certain individuals are born to serve God's favorite IBM, while
others are condemned to suffer the damnation of amateur OTHER computer
companies. But if you're very good, and if you're honest and
trustworthy and like to work twenty hours a day without material
reward, then you may well hope that one day you will be selected to
move up through Univac, to Burroughs, to Honeywell, to Xerox, to that
great system in the sky whose initials inspire men to this very day - IBM.

[ZeUs!!]

That was SO copied and pasted

[Jeansi]

that didn't stop crvenban