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Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station rest room because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental - $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for three pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your **** usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
Foreplay is optional
All your orgasms are real
Nobody wonders if you swallow
Sex means never worrying about your reputation
You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours
You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around
Queues for the bathroom don't exist
You can go to the bathroom without a support group
When your work is criticised, you understand that everyone doesn't secretly hate you
You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood
Porn movies are designed specifically with your mind in mind
You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes
None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry
You don't have to curl up next to a hairy backside every night
If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices
When clicking through the channels you don't have to stall at everyone where someone's crying
You can write your name in the snow
Biological clock?
Flowers fix everything
You never have to worry about other people's feelings
Reverse parking is easy
Window shopping is what you do when you buy windows
Robbie Williams does not exist in your universe
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid. In fact you encourage them
You don't give a rat's ass if no-one notices your new haircut
You never look at the size of a baby's head and cringe
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area
Grey hair and wrinkles add character
The remote control is yours and yours alone
No such thing as bunny-hopping half an inch above the toilet seat
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother
You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked
Someday you'll be a dirty old man. And you're looking forward to it
Not liking a person doesn't exclude having great sex with them
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "so.....,notice anything different?"
Your mates never say "Well if you don't know what you did wrong,I'm certainly not telling you."
Your mates never say "Talk to me"
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station rest room because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental - $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for three pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your **** usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
Foreplay is optional
All your orgasms are real
Nobody wonders if you swallow
Sex means never worrying about your reputation
You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours
You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around
Queues for the bathroom don't exist
You can go to the bathroom without a support group
When your work is criticised, you understand that everyone doesn't secretly hate you
You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood
Porn movies are designed specifically with your mind in mind
You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes
None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry
You don't have to curl up next to a hairy backside every night
If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices
When clicking through the channels you don't have to stall at everyone where someone's crying
You can write your name in the snow
Biological clock?
Flowers fix everything
You never have to worry about other people's feelings
Reverse parking is easy
Window shopping is what you do when you buy windows
Robbie Williams does not exist in your universe
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid. In fact you encourage them
You don't give a rat's ass if no-one notices your new haircut
You never look at the size of a baby's head and cringe
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area
Grey hair and wrinkles add character
The remote control is yours and yours alone
No such thing as bunny-hopping half an inch above the toilet seat
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother
You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked
Someday you'll be a dirty old man. And you're looking forward to it
Not liking a person doesn't exclude having great sex with them
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "so.....,notice anything different?"
Your mates never say "Well if you don't know what you did wrong,I'm certainly not telling you."
Your mates never say "Talk to me"
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