Jokes

[NaiLed]

What are some of your favourite jokes?

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said "I can't
stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten
different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra (this was either zeus', tigerex's or Boo's)

[cundor]

I dont get any of these jokes

[Squeezer]

Two Peanuts were walking down the street. One was Assaulted.

Why do Golfer's always carry an extra Pair of pants?
In case they get a hole in one.

Why should you never marry a tennis player?
Because in Tennis, Love means nothing.

What did the Proton say to the Electron?
Sorry, I'm just not attracted to you.

[NaiLed]

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a
fast one".

But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack
myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

But I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a
competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.

He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a
condiment".

And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's
bisatchel.

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I
thought "That's a turtle disaster".

A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't
start anything"

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this
some kind of joke?"

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food
in here"

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
"Pint please, and one for the road."

[Pandagirl!]

Two Peanuts were walking down the street. One was Assaulted.

Why do Golfer's always carry an extra Pair of pants?
In case they get a hole in one.

Why should you never marry a tennis player?
Because in Tennis, Love means nothing.

What did the Proton say to the Electron?
Sorry, I'm just not attracted to you.

You missed our awesome jokes last night in #MyAbsHurt. I would show you the log but I made everyone delete them because... wow.

For example:

Pandagirl: Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?
Pandagirl: Fo' drizzle!
Shevanel: Ha. Ha. Ha.
-5 minutes later-
Pandagirl:Ooo ooo I have a joke
Pandagirl:Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?

And etc etc etc.

[Ewan]

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a
fast one".

But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack
myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

But I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a
competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.

He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a
condiment".

And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's
bisatchel.

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I
thought "That's a turtle disaster".

A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't
start anything"

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this
some kind of joke?"

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food
in here"

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
"Pint please, and one for the road."

Cough TIM VINE Cough

Check http://forums.trenchwars.org/showthread.php?t=8580 for some jokes

[Anduril.]

Don't get ur jokes.. not funny.

[NaiLed]

Cough TIM VINE Cough

Check http://forums.trenchwars.org/showthread.php?t=8580 for some jokes

peter kay

[Ewan]

peter kay

Tim Vine did all those jokes before Peter Kay was even heard of...

[Fit of Rage]

Q: How do you turn a dishwasher into a floor cleaner?

A: Hand her a broom.

Q: Why do women not wear watches?

A: There's a clock on the stove.

Q: Why do women have such small feet?

A: Puts them closer to the stove.

Q: Why have women never been to the moon?

A: Moon doesn't need to be cleaned.

Q: Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?

A: She was a woman.

[Pandagirl!]

Sexist pig.

[PH]

A baby seal walks into a club.

A man walks into a bar with a pair of jumper cables. The bartender tells him "Look.. I'll let you stay, but don't start anything."

A rope walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender quickly tells him "We don't serve your kind here." The rope walks outside, ties himself into a knot and rolls around in the street until he's scuffed up. He then walks back into the bar and again orders a martini. The bartender says "Aren't you the rope that was in here a few minutes ago?" The rope replies "No, I'm a frayed knot."

Feel free to ban me for these.

[Squeezer]

A black guy walks in with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says "Hey man, thats pretty cool, where'd you get him?" To which the Parrot responds "I got him in Africa, they're all over the place."

I'm just asking to be warned, arent I?

[SpiderMage]

Older brother who's 18 shares a room and bunk beds with his younger brother who is 9. One night the older brother brings his girlfriend over for a l'il fun, and he tells his girlfriend "Alright, we have to be quiet, my younger brother is asleep below us on the bottom bunk. If you want it harder say 'lettuce', if you want it faster say 'tomato'." So it's not long before they start playing around when you hear...

"lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, LETTUCE, TOMATO, take it out, take it out NOW, I don't want to get pregnant!"

Then all of a sudden the younger brother shouts up from the bottom bunk, "hey you two, stop making sandwiches up there, you're getting mayo all over my face!"

[Jeansi]

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food
in here"

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
"Pint please, and one for the road."

Those were the only ones I could understand