Jokes

[Jeansi]

o I have a few too

Dead babies WOOOO! B)

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari?
- I don't have a Ferrari in my garage


What's the difference between a dead baby and an apple?
- I don't come in my pants when I eat an apple


How do you make a dead baby float?
- You take your foot off of it's head


What's the difference between a dead baby and a bagel?
- You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.


What's sicker than drivin gover a dead baby?
- Skidding.

ahaha I could go on forever. :fear:

[Displaced]

rofl jeansi.

What did the dumb, deaf and blind girl get for christmas?
Cancer.

What do you do to the dumb, deaf and blind girl after you rape her?
Break her fingers so she cant tell mommy.

Whats the difference between a woman and a seagull?
One is loud, irritating, and never leaves you alone, the other is a bird.

Little Lenny comes home from school and tells his dad that he lost his virginity, dad is so proud that they go out and buy Lenny a bike, on the way back home, dad wonders why lenny isnt riding his new bike, because lennys ass hurts.

There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late. "When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home." One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late. "Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks. "I was was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight, 'cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."

An Englishman and Scotsman and an Irishman are in a local pub talking about sex, the Englishman states that after sex with the missus, she is floating a good inch off the bed, to this the scotsman replies, "thats nothing, after im done the missus is floating a good foot off the bed!".
The Irishman then responds, "thats nothing, after were done i wipe by knob on the curtain and my missus hits the roof".

Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says,
"You should have seen this woman they brought in last week. They pulled her out of the water after she'd been there for three weeks. Man, I'm tellin' you, her clit was just like a pickle."
"What," the other asks, "green?".
"No," says the first, " a bit sour."

Man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my ass"
The doctors says "drop your pants, bend over and let have a look". "Fuck me!!" says the doctor " what could have made a hole as big as that?"
Patient replies I've been fucked by an elephant".
The doctor says "An elephants penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous".
Patient replies "He fingered me first".

Three whores decide to see who has the biggest snatch. They get naked, and start fingering themselves and each other.
After a few minutes, the first one squats on a glass top table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves.
The second one then squats on the table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves, which is even bigger.
The third one squats on the table, but when she stands back up, the first whore says, "You didn't leave an outline."
She says, "Smell the rim."


Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.
The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"
The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."

A cop stops his police car when he sees a couple sitting on the curb. The chap is laying on his side with his trousers pulled down, the girl has her finger in his asshole, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.
The cop says, "What the hell is going on here?"
The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."
The cop says, "That's not gonna make him puke."
She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth."

Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers.
The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink. The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me."
The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fat smelly ass."
The second man wants to live and agree's to do the deed. The second man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside.
The women says, "fuck me then!"
The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it out the window.
The women opens her eyes and asks for it again. The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the gentlman and his friend some water.
The man calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give them some water.
The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that buttered corn."

[Pandagirl!]

Hehe, all of Displaced's jokes made me laugh.

:down: for Jeansi though; I hate those dead baby jokes.

[Pressure Drop]

What did the Proton say to the Electron?
Sorry, I'm just not attracted to you.

But they are attracted to each other
is it not like charges repel opposites attract or have i gone crazy

Why should you never marry a tennis player?
Because in Tennis, Love means nothing.

liked that one though

[ZeUs!!]

None of those are as funny as the fact that I've just found a file on Pearl Jam's computer called:

"Pokemon lesbian porn britney spears orgy funny limp bizkit korn sex horny bi anime nysync bsb fingering 69 boob tit pussy wet girls guys gay game hot cp;d hpt tu[ac rap rock food fat cock chum chat cartoon (1) (1) (5).bmp"

[PH]

Open it. It's a smiley face.

[ZeUs!!]

There is minimal chance of me downloading that file

[Send]

jerome backwards is emorej

[Fit of Rage]

Hehe, all of Displaced's jokes made me laugh.

:down: for Jeansi though; I hate those dead baby jokes.

In that case, don't click here.

[Pandagirl!]

Don't worry, I think I know what that link is to then. I'm definately not clicking it.

[Edify]

#MyAbsHurt.

i'm going there to see whats in the arena...

What's up love, how you doing? (All right)
Well I've been hanging sanging, trying to do my thang
Oh, you heard that I was banging
Your home girl you went to school with, that's cool
But did she tell you about her sister and your cousin? Thought I
wasn't
See, weekends were made for Michelob
But it's a Monday, my day, so just let me hit it, yo
And don't mistake my statement for a clown
We can keep in the down low long as you know, that I get around

[Pandagirl!]

Lol it's just a regular arena, we just went there because my abs were hurting from laughing so much. I was... crazy.

[Edify]

Lol it's just a regular arena, we just went there because my abs were hurting from laughing so much. I was... crazy.

so u laffed in another arena, and then went there eh?

So I can carry on
My slaving sweating the skin right off my bones
On a bed of fire I'm choking on the smoke that fills my home
The wrecking ball rushing
My witness your blushing
The pipeline is gushing
While here we lie in tombs
While on the corner
The jury's sleepless
We found your weakness
And it's right outside your door

[Pandagirl!]

Exactly, and then I laughed some more.

[Jeansi]

jerome backwards is emorej

from urbandictionary.com:


4. Emo
Like a Goth, only much less dark and much more Harry Potter.
My life sucks, I want to cry.


3. emo
the type of music you listen to when, try as you might, you cannot get laid..and cry about it..
man, ive been listening to a lotta emo lately


+



1. rej
It's the short way to call someone a reject
"Anna, you are such a rej!"

2. rej
Someone who does something so stupid they are close to being mentally retarded.
Hey Vince you a real REJ for not turning off that blender before puting your finger in it


haha owned