Check this uplifting shit out

[Spider]

So, I have a girlfriend, right? Or, I almost do. I suppose it qualifies. We're listed as in a relationship on facebook, so that's some pretty legit shit, right? Anyway, we lived together in Saskatchewan and she got accepted into the University of Toronto to study law. But I had one year left in my degree so I stayed in Saskatchewan to finish that up, the plan being following that I would move to. I treated her really well, as I did my previous girlfriends, because that's how I roll. Undivided attention, give them space, gifts, the whole fucking nine yards, eh? Anyway, so lots of money, time, effort went into this. I took it seriously, because I really loved her. I thought she felt the same way. (I think in reality this just makes girls feel too secure, and see you as being unexciting. I'm not going to make that mistake again, if I get another chance worth not fucking up, that is.)

This is an email I got a few days after she left for Toronto:
=======================================
Hi!

This is my second of what will be many, many emails. I still miss you like crazy and I'm very stressed out about starting school tomorrow!
My family just left, and I was super-emo, but now I'm just freaking out about school, as usual. I can't believe it's already time to start, because I AM SO NOT READY.

Okay, I should go to bed so I'm not a zombie tomorrow, but I wanted to write and say hi. I hope you had a good day at work, and you are also excited for school tomorrow. I love you more than you love your new speakers.

Tina.
=======================================
Anyway, still on target, right? Second of what will be many, many emails! Before we moved in verbal communication she said "emails every day and phone calls on the weekends!"

Also the I love you as much as you love your speaker thing is a little inside joke, or whatever. I'd recently bought a pretty cool surround sound system. Early in our relationship she used to ask me sometimes "do you love me more than..." so I started to do that without prompting and she seemed to think it was fucking cool (as evidence by her reference to it in the email). I'd say shit like "I love you more than all than the sand on some-local-beach" or something. Again though, this is just part of my being too responsive and caring, resulting in me being boring choped liver worth nothing more than ignoring. It's a mistake, kids, to try too hard. Plus, face it, it's too fucking hard anyway.

I've recieved 3 emails since then, and we've talked on the phone maybe 3 times. It's been 2 months. I email her sometimes, once every few days, and she never replies. I straight up ask questions even, like how fuck is your day, anyway? Except not like that, obviously. No answer.

Fuck that shit, right? I read that email from 2 months ago sometimes and look at all the "many many emails" I've recieved since I just feel like a total idiotic piece shit.

Questions/Comments?

I've got one. Who compensates me for all the damn money I spent in the past 2 years? I'm a total retard. Never spend more than $50 on a gift, that's a new rule too.

[Money]

mmmmm k, feel better now? lol

[Spider]

I know, I'm being a little emo. It probably isn't good for my stellar e-reputation as a badass motherfucker, right? But, seriously, when you're a little shy like myself meeting girls is kinda hard. So I've only seriously dated 3 girls (one actually ended up getting a sex change, so technically I guess I have to say dated 3 "people" although I don't think it was my fault she got a sex change - ok, who am I kidding, it probably was). I'm 23 last time I checked. So it's frustrating when you get so far with someone, they learn what you're all about, then they seem to be slowly but surely deciding they think they can find a better deal out there. Most people who "know" me irl don't really know me well because I'm not outgoing enough. It's a real kick in the teeth when someone does get to know you, claims to love you, then is like "oh, actually, you suck, fuck off, thanks." What the hell chance do I have with people to whom I am just a random pretty face? Know-what-I'm-sayin?

[Kahlan]

Well, first of all. She just started school. That's a busy friggin' time for anyone. So you could blame it on that. That's the optimist's way of looking at it. But then you look at the other side, she could have met someone in her well-populated classes that she enjoys spending time with and is in close proximity with. And if she IS in a relationship, she would want to focus her positive energy to the person she is interested in.

But I know at the first of college for me, each year was just plain nuts. She could just be super swamped. And then perhaps tomorrow you'll get an email from her venting to you and then you'll wish you hadn't gotten it!! In the meantime, just preoccupy yourself with something to get your mind off of it, and stop emailing her. If you emailed her several times with no reply, she either checked them and decided not to reply, or just hasn't checked her email. Email once a month just to let her know you're still alive and interested. That's my two cents, hope it helped.

[Necromotic]

you're being an AFC. you gotta make the girl feel like its a fuckin' special event to talk to you. (though from what i infer, it is too late to do that now)

[midoent]

Out of sight, out of mind, indeed. Take it as an OK to date other people.

[Zerzera]

You can't buy love (I put so much money in this relationship) and don't get obsessed(I email her sometimes, once every few days, and she never replies). You're spinning.

If you are questioning her dedication you have to talk to her about it. Don't start making up theories and don't post it on forums. You might tell her what you expect in this long distance relationship and maybe don't be too demanding.

[Galleleo]

First off, it's retarded to think there is one right way to go about having a girlfriend. Everyone is different, everyone will like different things and different people. Being yourself (and if that is giving undivided attention, gifts, etc.) is the best way, if she decides that she doesn't like that, then she doesn't. Being someone else then you really are never works in the end.

Your main problem is, or what it seems to me at least, is the same problem I have. You are the type girls like to marry but not date. It takes them a few bad boyfriends before they realise why you are so great (again, which varies from girl to girl).

Anyway, you should talk to her about this not us. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. That is the whole problem with dating, you tend to get hurt a lot before you finally meet that one person.

[Jeenyuss]

that's rough, spid. i'd ask her straight up where you two are at. in these types of situations it's so easy to overthink (i'm guilty of doing so many times) and just try to keep yourself from doing that. just as i'm sure she's busy with school and a new city, try to keep yourself busy.

[Pressure Drop]

she used the slang
super-emo

dump her via e-mail for that, she is already fucking some guy in her new school who bought her a sweet ass toaster

everybody wins

[Noah]

Why not use MSN?

My girlfriend lives hours away from me, so we usually only see each other in the weekends. MSN is brilliant.

If not MSN then use one of internets billion communication programs. E-mail is like the worst one of them.

However, if my girlfriend would do that, I'd end the relationship. I'm not having my cock between my legs exclusive for a person without getting enough in return. Demanding basic communication is a given.

[Epinephrine]

Hey Spider, sorry to hear about all this, I remember how happy you were before.

It's hard to gauge without seeing what she does say to you when she does talk to you or e-mail you. But I guess a few questions for you that you have to ask yourself (don't need to tell us all here)

1) Is she a super hardcore person? Did she already spend all of her time studying when she was in undergrad? Her program is a very competitive and very academically demanding program. I know a lot of people who went there, and even the laziest ones did 30+ hours of reading a week. If she was already hardcore to begin with in undergrad, she's in a completely different place right now, and will be even more hardcore. Her first year is by far the most important for marks and job finding, and as such she may be in the library till the wee hours of the morning, be too exhausted to do anything else and go to bed.

2) When she was home, who did most of the talking between the two of you? Was it quite even (some days she'd initiate the calling and e-mailing and setting up of dates) or was it more one sided, meaning you were always the one to send the first e-mail, first phone call or set up things to do?

3) When you do talk, is it for long, does she sound annoyed? Have you thought about MSN or a webcam? I found those things to be very useful in long-distance relationships.

4) Is she the type that likes studying with other people? If she's being so hardcore, she may be studying in study groups.... and then well I dunno I guess if you want to have a chance in it, you will have to personally intervene or something.


So that said, only you know if you were even slightly drifting apart before she left. I don't mean the exact content of e-mails, but from your general feeling, because what she writes and what she says may be different from her ACTIONS. Only you will know how she was acting before she left.

As well, you are suspecting her of hooking up with another guy. Do you actually have any basis for this, or is it just a suspicion you have? What kind of person is she, and would she actually do it? I know it's hard to say some times. Keep in mind that first years of professional programs usually have a fair amount of social events and parties in the first few months. These are major pick-up times as a lot of people go into these things looking for a 'fresh start'.

So really you have to ask yourself, were you already drifting apart before? Is her not talking to you because she's tired of you, found a new guy, or perhaps just swamped with school (or a combination of the three)? Were you the one doing most of the heavy lifting in the relationship before she left, in which case without you being physically there, she finds it easier to ignore you? And the most important... how important is she to you, and how far are you willing to go to make sure you keep her?

Good luck.

[Da1andonly]

Weird timing, I'm making a documentary about a long-distant relationship :P

Good luck, EEK! A spider!

[deathking]

I suppose it qualifies. We're listed as in a relationship on facebook, so that's some pretty legit shit, right?

when did fb become the thing to decide if relationship exists?

If she doesnt email u every 3 days, fuck it. Dont be a wuss-boy, its not gonna get u anywhere. Besides, she's going on campus where there's gazillions of other guys. Unless u've hit it off with her before like it's no one's business, your relationship's probably screwed.

Go see other ppl, and if she does decide to come back, all the better for u.

[megaman89]

pm me when your online spiderman!