squeezer, lets rap

[Ilya]

i wish you nothing but the best of course and i'm probably just pessimistic but i don't see it so positively. who stays busy for weeks cmon what is there to do that long

[Squeezer]

i wish you nothing but the best of course and i'm probably just pessimistic but i don't see it so positively. who stays busy for weeks cmon what is there to do that long

she's leaving for a weeklong trip to Las Vegas on Saturday. That's what she meant.

we been chattin

[Ilya]

ah well maybe that's ok then

this girl keeps saying she misses me and inviting me over but when i try to set up an appointment to see her shes always busy. it's so frustrating but i can't quit her

[Squeezer]

you should show up at her appointments.

that would show your commitment to her heart. the police could never argue against that kind of spontaneous dedication in court.

[Exalt]

Squeezer, let me try to interpret this for you in a more realistic light, because I feel pretty bad for you right now.

I'm going to parse this and give my interpretation, let me know what you think.

"I'm definitely down to be friends. "



I'd be glad to give you a chance but make sure not to come off too strong when we meet up.

REAL INTERPRETATION: More like... You are stuck in the friend zone, because you are acting like a puss. Hit onme like a man, or forget about the pussy.

"you weren't kidding you are quite a lengthy letter man, haha."



You wrote me a long letter but it wasn't creepy. I thought it was kind of cute even though I'm not bothering to write nearly as long of a response. I may or may not have read everything.

REAL INTERPRETATION: More like: You wrote her a long letter, and it definitely was creepy. Also, I'm calling you "man" in the same regards as "bro" "buddy" "chief" "friend" "non-sexual activity partner" "you are acting like a desperate faggot". Let the pair of nuts that I know you have out, and please, treat me like a woman you are attracted to, rather than your best friend who you will never fuck in your life.

sorry i'm in the middle of playing dragon age right now and just took a break to look at facebook and saw you wrote me.


I'm a nerd isn't that wacky!?

REAL INTERPRETATION: I'm making a lame excuse to talk to you, which means you might have a small shot, but you need to actually be a man about it. This is your last chance to grow a pair and listen to Ilyaz, kiss me, and be the fuckin man, or I will file a restraining order on your stalker ass.

[I]I am always down for new friends,[/I]



You suggested that we get to know each other as friends first. I like this idea because it means that there is no pressure on me to call our encounter a date. Again, don't get ahead of yourself.

REAL INTERPRETATION: You are already in the friend zone, and I am stressing friends one more time, because you have zero chance of ever getting into my pants the way you are acting. Please, for the love of God, if you ever want to stick your cock inside of me at any time in the near (or far) future, act like you are interested in me as more than friends. The worst that will happen is I tell you no.

[I]I'm going to be pretty busy the next few weeks so I won't be able to do too much but I'll let you know when things open up.[/I]



I'm not rejecting you but this is going to be on my time. I want control mo'fucka. You can't have it.

REAL INTERPRETATION: Pretty much, I'm blowing you off completely, you have zero chance with me, and I am once again reiterating that you have little to no chance whatsoever of ever getting in my pants. I have told you for the 3rd time in three lines that you are stuck in the friend zone. I am being a cock-smoking bitch toward you, because you aren't acting like a man and putting me in my place. Either you get serious and act interested in me, or you can forget it. This is your 3rd warning in as many lines, like I already said.

[I]I enjoyed talking to you too. You are also a very interesting person. I gtg tho, time to kill some dark spawn
[/I]


You showed me promise. I'm intrigued by your character and want to know more.

REAL INTERPRETATION: You showed me that you are not even worth my time away from this little video game I am playing, and you should know that I do not respect you whatsoever. You act like an emo puss, when in reality, I wish you would act like Ilyaz and just ask me to show my tits. I don't respect nice guys, they all finish last, and I was a dude that will tell me I'm a stupid cunt whore. I am officially blowing you off completely at this point, so don't bother contacting me again.

I ended with a smileyface so that you wont be discouraged. It's a good sign. The door is open, but you're going to have to work a little bit. I'm not easy. We'll see if you work out.

REAL INTERPRETATION: I am giving you a smiley-face to rub in my bitchiness even more. This smiley is to show you that I have an amazingly wet and tight vagina, and you will never go anywhere near it in your lifetime. You see a smile, but this is actually my bitchy laugh at the nerd you are. If only you had some balls and showed me you were attracted, you were a man, and you aren't fucking afraid of contact with women.

I wrote her a buttfucking long letter. Then she sent me back that response. Then I returned with:

heh, ok. enjoy

REAL INTERPRETATION: The heh, ok, enjoy statement is me telling you that you are a huge vagina who is afraid to tell me you are even remotely attracted to me. It is clearly obvious you are, based on your fucking novel that you wrote me out of desperation to talk to a woman, but this is fucking pathetic. I hope that this means you will never bother contacting me again, because I actually lied about a trip to vegas. I just wanted to stop talking to you, because you are acting like a vagina. All I wanted was you to be a man, tell me you think I'm fucking cute, and tell me you want to hang out with me sometime. You should have also said you wanted to fucking kiss me, because I'm so fucking adorable, and my eyes look like the fucking sun or something retarded like that. You didn't do any of those things, so you gave the fuck up like a bitch. Please, never talk to me again.

If you ever grew a pair of nuts, I would be shocked, and I may change my mind about you completely. If you did this, you MAY, and i stress that word at this point, you MAY have a chance of entering my amazingly tight, wet vagina hole, but you pretty much blew it so far. Stop making excuses and grow a pair, because you are losing all street cred with the tw forum members I don't know about, and hopefully you will never, ever bring that game or its forum up to me. I play dragon age, but I don't play fucking spaceships with 4chan faggot trolls.



-----------------------------------------

Well, I could be wrong, but that's how I see it.


My advice? Since I wrote a long fucking reply here, you better fucking take my advice. Ilyaz is giving the same thing, except he is being nicer to you about it. I'm giving you a kick in the ass for it, and you will thank me later if you ever taste her vagina juices:


Stop being fucking afraid of a female, tell her she is cute, tell her you want to chill with her whenever she gets back from her fucking holiday slaying goblins on her xbox, and IF she gives you the chance to chill (even under the guise as a friend), KISS HER. I don't give a fuck what she says. Give the fucking girl a kiss, and let it be awkward if it goes down to it.

You don't want another girl that becomes your "best friend" that you never sleep with, tells you all her problems about how all the guys she sleeps with abused her vagina over and over, and then tells you she is getting married to the black dude down the road. I'm sure you could find those girls anywhere, but this girl is actually cute and worth your time I'm assuming. Therefore, grow the pair of nuts that God gave you and use them.

I have faith in you, or I wouldn't have written this.

[Ilya]

[Squeezer]

but I did tell her I'm attracted to her. She knows where I stand. I've been very clear about myself.

She's just a slow swimmer. We can't all be pussy experts like you.

[Ilya]

one of these days i'm going to sit down and read all your posts from the past 3 days exalt

it's going to take a very long time but i''m looking forward to it

[Squeezer]

oh, and we're talking right now, so I don't think she's going to "never talk to me again," because I'm a pussy.

[Squeezer]

You don't want another girl that becomes your "best friend" that you never sleep with, tells you all her problems about how all the guys she sleeps with abused her vagina over and over, and then tells you she is getting married to the black dude down the road. I'm sure you could find those girls anywhere, but this girl is actually cute and worth your time I'm assuming. Therefore, grow the pair of nuts that God gave you and use them.

Actually, that girl sounds interesting. Number?

[Squeezer]

we're playing online scrabble. I just spelled yelling.

I wooped ass during the first game and I'm going easy on her now so she feels good about herself.

[Ilya]

put a ring on it bro

[Squeezer]

put a ring on it bro

ilyaz would you like to see pictographs of this fine female? I can pm you her FB if you promise not to post any pics.

[Ilya]

yeah hit me

[Ilya]

the only reply i got was from someone who i didn't say hi pal to. hmm.



i'm pretty bored with her already though and probably not gonna reply to that. i didn't even read her profile other than the bit about gossip girl before i messaged her. she's 6'2.

that's 6 feet 2 inches tall