favortie comedy lines

[Exotic]

i just want to say a funny line from the movie Billy Madison,i thought it was pretty funny

1: Mortal Kombat 2 is the best game for sega genesis.
2: no,i disagree donkey kong is the best game for sega.
1: DONKEY KONG SUCKS!
2: YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU SUCK!

another one was when billy madison was sitting at the lunch table with a little kid whos mouth was all dirty.

1: do you want to trade your snack pack for my banana?
2: (shakes head, no)
1: you know how badly i can beat you?
1: (shakes head,yes)

those made me laugh,and i know they seem stupid, but what the heck

[Jerome Scuggs]

the anux "if i was 13 id whip out my cock and start fires all the time" line.

not a movie but its quality

[Material Girl]

.:: funniest thing i can think of ::.

Ace Ventura!!!!




"Heinz Kissvelvet. I am Trainer of Dolphin. You vant to talk to ze dolphin, you talk to me! Vy do you care about the dolphin? Do you know him? Does he call you at home? Do you have a dorsal fin? To train ze dolphin, you must tink like ze dolphin. You must be getting oonside ze dolphin's head! Just yesterday I'm asking Snowflake… "ee, eee, eee." He said, "Eee, eee, eee, eee."

Und you can quote me. <spits>


HAHAHAHAH

[Bioture]

Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
How can you use my intestines as a gift?
This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert floor for your aunts to eat.
Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough extermination.

[Cake]

Ace Ventura ownz

[froedrick]

so does Jay and silent bob

[ConcreteSchlyrd]

What're you looking at, swan?

[Mr. Peanuts]

Hello Lyn?
I've eaten a lot of toblerone.
I have 5 left,
2 dark ones and 3 white ones coz i dont like the white ones as much.
Yeah, im in dundee.
In my bare feet
I drove there.

-alan partridge

[syzygy]

VAN DELAY! VAN DELAY!! *charge out of bathroom, pants down* SAY VAN DE---*tumble* *jerry walks in*

-george, seinfeld

[Bilbo]

Tom: Listen to this one then; you open a company called the Arse Tickler's Faggot Fan Club. You take an advert in the back page of some gay mag, advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos, sell it a bit with, er . . . I dunno, "does what no other dildo can do until now", latest and greatest in sexual technology. Guaranteed results or money back, all that bollocks. These dills cost twenty-five each; a snip for all the pleasure they are going to give the recipients. They send a cheque to the company name, nothing offensive, er, Bobbie's Bits or something, for twenty-five. You put these in the bank for two weeks and let them clear. Now this is the clever bit. Then you send back the cheques for twenty-five pounds from the real company name, Arse Tickler's Faggot Fan Club, saying sorry, we couldn't get the supply from America, they have sold out. Now you see how many of the people cash those cheques; not a single soul, because who wants his bank manager to know he tickles arses when he is not paying in cheques!

[sixtoo]

JULES
Jesus Christ Almighty!

VINCENT
(to himself)
Fuck.

JULES
Look at this mess! We're drivin'
around on a city street in broad
daylight --

VINCENT
-- I know, I know, I wasn't
thinkin' about the splatter.

JULES
Well you better be thinkin' about
it now, motherfucker! We gotta get
this car off the road. Cops tend
to notice shit like you're driving
a car drenched in fuckin' blood.

[ZeUs!!]

That isnt the best bit from the film

[syzygy]

"We are the knights who say 'Nee!'"

[Exotic]

no shampoo is better it cleans the hair.
no conditionar is better it seperates the hair from breaking.

or something like that

[King Missile]

Originally posted by syzygy
"We are the knights who say 'Nee!'"

They don't say "Nee!", they say "Ni!".