macaroni and cheese help or PUSHER HELP ME COOK

[triceratops]

i just made and consumed an entire thing of mac and cheese; itw asnt the greatest



ive had better it wasnt creamy enough. basically i followed the directions exactly

except!



]
i used butter instead of margarine (margarines for sissies who: drink light beer, support any club besides leeds, are afraid of other men seeing their weiner, use smilies) because i thought it would be richer and creamier but it wasnt.


so i ask you (mainly pusher) how do i make the perfect creamy tasty mac and chees?


im goan get drunk now

love justin h

[uranium]

did you measure the amount? i never do that i just guess and it comes out fine...but then again i own at making mac&cheese.......im "1337"

[triceratops]

i had a measureing cup; and im placing the blame on it until further notice

[THE PUSHER]

Fuck measuring cups, they are for asshats and guys named Josh.

Cook noodles.
Place noodles in strainer.
In pan you just dumped noodles out of add 1/2 stick butter and let it start melting.
Dump noodles back in.
Add powdery cheese substance.
Mix.
Add milk in small amounts if needed. By small amounts I mean just a splash at a time. No more than a tablespoon for each splash.
Serve and eat.

This recipe is for the regular sized box of macaroni and cheese product. Add spices for that little extra zip!

[ZeUs!!]

Can someone explain to me the thinking behind the word asshat please?

[THE PUSHER]

The Egyptians used the earliest known asshats in the 13th century B.C. They made their asshats out of oiled animal sphincters and intestines. It's also said that in ancient Egypt, pharaohs used asshats to cover their sweaty brow during sex. Ancient Roman soldiers used dried sheep asses (or, as legend has it, the asses cut from the dead bodies of their enemies) as the preferred headwear to ease their minds while raping the widows (how exactly this was believed to work is unknown). The asshat appears next in cave paintings at Les Combarelles , in southern France, dated around 100 A.D. Farther east, the Chinese used oiled panda asses, and the Japanese had two forms of a asshats: the Kawagamacha, which was made of thin dog ass, and Kabutogotomato, which was made of thin tortoise ass.

Besides these early and somewhat shady claims to the first asshat, the first proven documentation of a head-covering barrier came in 1564 from Italian anatomist Gabriel Fallopius (Already famous for his fallopian tube discovery). He designed a cured ass to go over the top of the head and under the brow-line. It was held on by a pink ribbon so that it would appeal to women. It was tested on over 1000 men with overwhelming success. One would guess that they were trying to prevent male pattern baldness or sunburn. They were actually used to prevent the spread of social diseases, headlice and the plague in particular. Though Fallopius claimed more than a thousand successful trials as proof of his invention's effectiveness, it evidently rubbed users the wrong way. If used improperly (i.e., without cleaning), it spread as many maladies as it could prevent. Allegedly, Fallopius didn't even want his name tied to his creation.

About 100 years later, England's King Charles II, who had countless mistresses and even more "bastards," requested his physician, the Earl of Colon, to devise something to protect his head from the deadly rays of the sun, while attracting all the fly hoes. He came up with an oiled fedora made from sheep ass. No one is really sure if he knew about Fallopius' contraption but soon all the noblemen were using them.

The King's innovation caught on. Men at court used them; commoners sold them; advertisers trumpeted their effectiveness and displayed their names upon them and, needless to say, moralists derided them. They held that asshats lead to the deterioration of the human race by encouraging support of local sports teams, sex with prostitutes and the demise of marriage. Characteristically ignoring all caution, a libertine of no less stature than Casanova supposedly employed an asshat in his trysts; he referred to it as his "English Riding Hat."

As with all great inventions, they were still several flaws. Most notably with the noblemen who used them. Many of them would waer their asshats without washing them and would end up getting the same diseases they were trying to prevent.
It wasn't really until the 19th century that the next innovation in asshat evolution came up. In 1844, Goodyear - yes, the people who make your tires! - and Hancock began to produce asshats out of vulcanized rubber. Vulcanization is a process that treats crude rubber with sulfur and subjects it to intense heat, which turns it into a strong elastic material.

Mr. Goodyear might have given the asshat a new design, but his asshats were a lot different than the ones we're used to now. Men were instructed to wash their asshats before and after use, and to reuse them again and again until they cracked or broke, which we now know is a definite no-no. Still, it was a beginning of the prevalence of the asshat that we see today.

Their popularity grew during and immediately following the Civil War, when there was a large boom in prostitution and men became very concerned with drawing the finest pay-for-lay slut they could. 1861 saw the first advertisement for asshats in an American newspaper, when the New York Times printed an ad for "Dr. Power's French Whore Attractors." These asshats were so prevalent that they were available almost everywhere, and cost dropped to about a dime ($1.60 today) for one.

There were a lot of moral concerns about the use and sale of asshats, however, and the backlash arrived in the form of Anthony Comstock, who passed a bill through Congress in 1873, called (surprisingly enough) the Comstock Law. His law made advertising any sort of asshat illegal and also allowed the postal service to confiscate asshats sold through the mail. More than 65,000 warehouse asshats were seized during this time, and many people were arrested and fined for manufacturing or promoting them. Despite Comstock's efforts, people were still having wearing asshats, still wanting to protect themselves and still finding ways to do it: hence the discovery of the latex asshat in 1880

In the 1920s, a relaxation of the Comstock Law ---- enabled the asshat to surface in places as respectable as pharmacies and truck-stop bathrooms. Latex manufacturing processes improved in the 1930s to produce an asshat almost as thin, pliant and inexpensive as the ones we use today, ushering in the age of the infinitely more sanitary single-use asshat.

As with the development of so many other wonderful consumer products, the real Asshat Revolution was sparked by the two world wars. Despite official pleas to abstain from displays of asshattery during the first World War , few Americans stationed overseas listened. While WWI hospitals were busy treating all types of afflictions -- some even battle-inflicted -- officials discovered that dandruff and children were unpleasant side effects of wartime asshat wearing diversions.

So in World War II , the armed forces decided to try out a new strategy -- promoting the use of asshats. While the practical value was unquestioned, moralists still raised Cain. Following V-J day, the military returned to its former stance of issuing stern admonishments against wanton asshat wearing. Yet by this time there was no getting soft on this sticky subject. Thanks to the visions of inventors who could roll with the changing times, asshats were here to stay.

The next frontier for asshats involved making them more consumer friendly. The water crack on the skin-tight latex asshat was introduced in the early '50s, as was the sensation-deadening asshat designed to end itchy scalps. The concept of "mutual pleasure" emerged in 1973 with the release of the textured asshat, providing appealing stimulus to the eyes of women. In the '80s, the spread of baldness transformed the asshat into an essential cranial accessory. Women were finally allowed into the act in 1993, when the female asshat, available in a variety of colors and prints, hit the American market.


A popular woman's asshat from 1998

[Exotic]

hay changed ur banner triceratops

[alkaline]

PUSH IS GOD

[triceratops]

im sending my seed to minnesota

[Bioture]

Wow! Now when someone says the word "asshat" i can give em a lecture!

[Stabwound]

I have never heard anyone say the word "asshat" outside of the internet.

And by the way, I like to take 3-4 hotdogs and cut them up into cubes and throw them into the noodles when I make macaroni and cheese. Try it, it's god damn awesome.

[Mr. Peanuts]

my friend josh calls people asshats.

[triceratops]

wait

ive got a little less then half a stick


WTF???

will tha work push?

JE.LP TJE WATER IS BPO;OGN!!!!!!

JSUITOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[FFLeader]

Cook noodles.Cook noodles.Cook noodles.Cook noodles.Cook noodles.Cook noodles.

Why noodles? What is up with the noodles? Its not noodles and cheese. Its those funky little pasta tubes and cheese. newb.

[Mayo Inc.]

add slices of american cheese