tj hazuki

[viop11]

zeebu y rnt u playir

[Joe_]

Two Rapey Uncles Breaking cram to the Beat

A Short Story
by zeebu

Joe had always hated dramatic trench wars with its sleepy, shallow spaceships. It was a place where he felt unhealthy.

He was a cowardly, sympathetic, buttjuice drinker with moist eyebrows and scrawny testiculars. His friends saw him as a barbecued, burnt barnacle. Once, he had even helped a breezy thix recover from a flying accident. That's the sort of man he was.

Joe walked over to the window and reflected on his creepy surroundings. The flood teased like lagging gerbils.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of tj hazuki . tj hazuki was a hilarious javelin with sloppy eyebrows and wobbly testiculars.

Joe gulped. He was not prepared for tj hazuki.

As Joe stepped outside and tj hazuki came closer, he could see the energetic smile on his face.

tj hazuki gazed with the affection of 2524 gracious colossal clams. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want spronk."

Joe looked back, even more ambivalent and still fingering the springy guillotine. "tj hazuki, have a meat popsicle," he replied.

They looked at each other with blue feelings, like two sharp, sore swallows whining at a very daring TWLB, which had irish folk music playing in the background and two rapey uncles breaking cram to the beat.

Joe regarded tj hazuki's sloppy eyebrows and wobbly testiculars. "I feel the same way!" revealed Joe with a delighted grin.

tj hazuki looked fuzzy, his emotions blushing like a round, regurgitated ruler.

Then tj hazuki came inside for a nice drink of buttjuice.

THE END

exactly how it went down. i do love me some tj hazuki...

as hockeydude or falk would say/do... unf unf unf!

[Leland]

hj suzuki

[Exalt]

This thread is hilarious. Also, I agree with Thrill. The basers on marksmin lost nearly every game they ever played, and I think the only BDs we've ever won were after borrowing better players. It's pretty obvious that marksmin was going nowhere with the status quo that was there, so I don't really see why there's a problem here? Sure, it sucks for TJ or whomever that they were removed so late, but let's not pretend this was some all-star lineup. Of the three leagues marksmin plays in, TWLB is by far it's worst lineup, and the results have shown that through 3 weeks. I honestly don't think the squad will miss weak-minded people like Nipple Nibbler leaving over a temper tantrum, nor do I think anyone gives a single fuck what Cripple has to say about anything TW related. As far as I'm concerned, he can talk about how great he is at this game when he learns how to WB. Until then, he can stfu and mind his own business, since 15 years of playing the least-skilled ship in base is about as impressive to me as 15 years playing pub.

[Efhat]

This thread is hilarious. Also, I agree with Thrill. The basers on marksmin lost nearly every game they ever played, and I think the only BDs we've ever won were after borrowing better players. It's pretty obvious that marksmin was going nowhere with the status quo that was there, so I don't really see why there's a problem here? Sure, it sucks for TJ or whomever that they were removed so late, but let's not pretend this was some all-star lineup. Of the three leagues marksmin plays in, TWLB is by far it's worst lineup, and the results have shown that through 3 weeks. I honestly don't think the squad will miss weak-minded people like Nipple Nibbler leaving over a temper tantrum, nor do I think anyone gives a single fuck what Cripple has to say about anything TW related. As far as I'm concerned, he can talk about how great he is at this game when he learns how to WB. Until then, he can stfu and mind his own business, since 15 years of playing the least-skilled ship in base is about as impressive to me as 15 years playing pub.

A lot of talk from someone who got carried by Izor and Racka bro.
twl.trenchwars.org
A lot of talk from someone who couldn?t even go 1:1 in TWLD seasons.......

S12: AVK: 10. AVD: 9
S13: AVK: 4 AVD: 4
S14: AVK: 9 AVD: 10
S18: AVK: 2 AVD: 7
S19: AVK: 3 AVD: 8

so for you to make that bold statement to learn WB......I guess I would rather watch you play pub for those 15 years.



Come make a come back man and try any basing ship so I can destroy you in it....
see, unlike you, I won in my league without getting carried. In different basing ships.
what ship is more difficult than spider in basing? If it was so easy i am surprised you did not play it bro. I played shark too and won...
so I am curious. What ship is more difficult?

come back and try it out man. SS needs you. Come try out spider. The more competition of elite top tier spiders like yourself that can return the better. It makes the zone better overall.

PS: I know a thing or two about basing...........unless all the squads I have been in have been trying to make me feel relevant by asking me my opinion on certain players and basing lines and being asked to join them to help improve their lines.....it must be a mental thing then. Heh.

come support violence when TJ plays against him in two weeks. Maybe you can give him some tips my brotha.

we need old QS 2nd stringers back on this game. You and many others that were apart of QS are the backbone of this game.

you have your opinion on LD, and I have mine on LB.

LB is more entertaining and complex. But you can say the same for LD.

this debate has been going on for decades. There will always be differences. Apples and oranges.

notice I did not comment anything about violences decision in LD/LJ.
it was basing, the league I am knowledgeable in my brother.
TJ is better than easily two of the spiders that were chosen over him.
stupid decisions, now look at marksmin. Their basing unit has completely fallen apart because of stupid decisions.

[ixt]

only thing marksmin is good at is providing another squad for other bd squads to smash (aka more activity)

[Exalt]

A lot of talk from someone who got carried by Izor and Racka bro.
twl.trenchwars.org
A lot of talk from someone who couldn?t even go 1:1 in TWLD seasons.......

S12: AVK: 10. AVD: 9
S13: AVK: 4 AVD: 4
S14: AVK: 9 AVD: 10
S18: AVK: 2 AVD: 7
S19: AVK: 3 AVD: 8

so for you to make that bold statement to learn WB......I guess I would rather watch you play pub for those 15 years.



Come make a come back man and try any basing ship so I can destroy you in it....
see, unlike you, I won in my league without getting carried. In different basing ships.
what ship is more difficult than spider in basing? If it was so easy i am surprised you did not play it bro. I played shark too and won...
so I am curious. What ship is more difficult?

come back and try it out man. SS needs you. Come try out spider. The more competition of elite top tier spiders like yourself that can return the better. It makes the zone better overall.

PS: I know a thing or two about basing...........unless all the squads I have been in have been trying to make me feel relevant by asking me my opinion on certain players and basing lines and being asked to join them to help improve their lines.....it must be a mental thing then. Heh.

come support violence when TJ plays against him in two weeks. Maybe you can give him some tips my brotha.

we need old QS 2nd stringers back on this game. You and many others that were apart of QS are the backbone of this game.

you have your opinion on LD, and I have mine on LB.

LB is more entertaining and complex. But you can say the same for LD.

this debate has been going on for decades. There will always be differences. Apples and oranges.

notice I did not comment anything about violences decision in LD/LJ.
it was basing, the league I am knowledgeable in my brother.
TJ is better than easily two of the spiders that were chosen over him.
stupid decisions, now look at marksmin. Their basing unit has completely fallen apart because of stupid decisions.

If you were around back then, you'd know I played TWL a hell of a lot earlier than just Season 12. You'd know that I helped create Quicksand with Izor, Kthx, and Racka. You'd also know I was not a 2nd stringer. To top it off, by those later seasons you listed aside from maybe S12, I was barely active, since I was deployed in the military. You can likely see those seasons I skipped in the middle as well, which I didn't log into TW at all for. I'm sure you could also look and see the seasons I skipped from then until this one as well. Simply put, I didn't log in every single day for 15 years like you, but if I had, and I was a baser, I like to think I'd know how to play more than just one ship in LB.

That said, sure, you are a good spider. How good in the grand scheme of things, I don't know, because 99% of Trenchwars quit long ago. Still, I'm sure your experience due to logging in everyday for 15 years means you are one of the best and know quite a lot about basing, even though there's been very little competition for years, and LB has been so bad that squads like marksmin get into it with like 3 BD wins and 10000 losses these days. A few years ago, it took about 5 BD wins I suppose, but LB has had problem fielding enough squads each season ever since the top basing squads of the early days quit playing. LB has been so top heavy in terms of squad stacking onto Dice or Pandora (whatever squad is the flavor of the month each season) for so many seasons in a row that I question how there's any LB left at all when you were all so afraid to play against each other rather than together.

Still, it's ultimately your choice what squad you play for every season, and I respect that, but I am a different type of person than you. When I decide to re-download Subspace after however long a break I take each time, I tend to join a squad that actually needs help, not one that was sure to be in the finals by default. Maybe you enjoy being carried by everyone around you, since you certainly aren't carrying them by playing with the best basers in the game every single season against have-not squads (and LB is 99% of have-not squads), so it's odd you talk shit to me about carrying whatsoever, but to each their own. I will say unequivocally though that until you create your own squad and help unknown players around you reach bigger things, help create an entirely new kind of playstyle in TWLB that breaks the mold of everything done before it, and you are there during the growth of squadmates as they become some of the best players in the game (and the backbone of it, as you state), then talk to me about what captains should do with their TWL rosters. Hell, I'll simplify this even further for you: all you need to do is create your own squad to add competition to LB (rather than joining it), fill it with players like TJ, and then you can talk to perennial squad captains like Viop about the best way to captain it.

PS: Teamwork means far more than record in TWL, which is a secret maybe you haven't learned, seeing as you care so much about records. I'm sure if I spam bullets at suiciding, repless sharks for 15 minutes each game, I could have a great record too, but I wonder how much I'm helping my team by doing so? I'm sure it is 1000x easier to do so and win when you have the best basers in the game around you as well, but hey, what do I know?

[Zeebu]

in general, lb depth = shark depth

[Efhat]

If you were around back then, you'd know I played TWL a hell of a lot earlier than just Season 12. You'd know that I helped create Quicksand with Izor, Kthx, and Racka. You'd also know I was not a 2nd stringer. To top it off, by those later seasons you listed aside from maybe S12, I was barely active, since I was deployed in the military. You can likely see those seasons I skipped in the middle as well, which I didn't log into TW at all for. I'm sure you could also look and see the seasons I skipped from then until this one as well. Simply put, I didn't log in every single day for 15 years like you, but if I had, and I was a baser, I like to think I'd know how to play more than just one ship in LB.

That said, sure, you are a good spider. How good in the grand scheme of things, I don't know, because 99% of Trenchwars quit long ago. Still, I'm sure your experience due to logging in everyday for 15 years means you are one of the best and know quite a lot about basing, even though there's been very little competition for years, and LB has been so bad that squads like marksmin get into it with like 3 BD wins and 10000 losses these days. A few years ago, it took about 5 BD wins I suppose, but LB has had problem fielding enough squads each season ever since the top basing squads of the early days quit playing. LB has been so top heavy in terms of squad stacking onto Dice or Pandora (whatever squad is the flavor of the month each season) for so many seasons in a row that I question how there's any LB left at all when you were all so afraid to play against each other rather than together.

Still, it's ultimately your choice what squad you play for every season, and I respect that, but I am a different type of person than you. When I decide to re-download Subspace after however long a break I take each time, I tend to join a squad that actually needs help, not one that was sure to be in the finals by default. Maybe you enjoy being carried by everyone around you, since you certainly aren't carrying them by playing with the best basers in the game every single season against have-not squads (and LB is 99% of have-not squads), so it's odd you talk shit to me about carrying whatsoever, but to each their own. I will say unequivocally though that until you create your own squad and help unknown players around you reach bigger things, help create an entirely new kind of playstyle in TWLB that breaks the mold of everything done before it, and you are there during the growth of squadmates as they become some of the best players in the game (and the backbone of it, as you state), then talk to me about what captains should do with their TWL rosters. Hell, I'll simplify this even further for you: all you need to do is create your own squad to add competition to LB (rather than joining it), fill it with players like TJ, and then you can talk to perennial squad captains like Viop about the best way to captain it.

PS: Teamwork means far more than record in TWL, which is a secret maybe you haven't learned, seeing as you care so much about records. I'm sure if I spam bullets at suiciding, repless sharks for 15 minutes each game, I could have a great record too, but I wonder how much I'm helping my team by doing so? I'm sure it is 1000x easier to do so and win when you have the best basers in the game around you as well, but hey, what do I know?

Yes, I do remember you being around before 12. But again, I do not recall you ever being near a top 50 warbird ever....just saying.
Yes, I was kidding about being a second stringer. QS had like 8 players. I would hope not.
Bu Racka, Izor, Kthx were better than you......
I have won titles since season 6. When the game thrived. Anyone who based back then can vouch.
I also joined Fierce instead of joining a contending squad to help them out with basing.
I also joined Sweet instead of joining a contending squad to help them out with basing.
Very few players did this Ex, instead, they stayed with their cores. Which is understandable. Unfortunately I got tired of trying to spread the talent since not many players would hop on that mindset. A lot of players on Rage had that same mindset, but like myself, we got tired of certain squads stacking.
And FYI, I joined Rage when they had two basers. Or three. Everyone joined after that.
Rage is a squad that is actually full of a tight knit group of friends. We even chill IRL and pop viagra together and get laid like kings. Ask my boy Rack.

Go ahead and spam bullets at rep-less sharks all game. See what records you end up with. Who said I brag about my record?! I kill rep-less sharks for record hoarding?! My man, go look at the spider statistics turban put up. Guess who leads in kills, teks and AVKs?
Goes to show your knowledge in basing man.... if you honestly think I spend 30 minutes killing repless sharks for record, I do not even know why I am attempting to explain anything to you in regards to basing. I think I have learned the art of team work. Or not. Who knows. Like I said. Maybe it is all mental.

[Zeebu]

Like I said. Maybe it is all mental.

i think all of you guys are mental

[Exalt]

Yes, I do remember you being around before 12. But again, I do not recall you ever being near a top 50 warbird ever....just saying.
Yes, I was kidding about being a second stringer. QS had like 8 players. I would hope not.
Bu Racka, Izor, Kthx were better than you......
I have won titles since season 6. When the game thrived. Anyone who based back then can vouch.
I also joined Fierce instead of joining a contending squad to help them out with basing.
I also joined Sweet instead of joining a contending squad to help them out with basing.
Very few players did this Ex, instead, they stayed with their cores. Which is understandable. Unfortunately I got tired of trying to spread the talent since not many players would hop on that mindset. A lot of players on Rage had that same mindset, but like myself, we got tired of certain squads stacking.
And FYI, I joined Rage when they had two basers. Or three. Everyone joined after that.
Rage is a squad that is actually full of a tight knit group of friends. We even chill IRL and pop viagra together and get laid like kings. Ask my boy Rack.

Go ahead and spam bullets at rep-less sharks all game. See what records you end up with. Who said I brag about my record?! I kill rep-less sharks for record hoarding?! My man, go look at the spider statistics turban put up. Guess who leads in kills, teks and AVKs?
Goes to show your knowledge in basing man.... if you honestly think I spend 30 minutes killing repless sharks for record, I do not even know why I am attempting to explain anything to you in regards to basing. I think I have learned the art of team work. Or not. Who knows. Like I said. Maybe it is all mental.

You can say specific people were better than me all you want, claim I was never good, and say anything else that comes to your mind, but you're just a baser, and a one-ship baser at that. You wouldn't honestly know whose better than who in WB in most cases anymore than I'd know whose the best spider. You all look the same to me, and I'd not be able to always tell subtle differences in how a player helps their team win that aren't directly related to record. I think it's obvious you can't either for either base or dueling leagues, since record is all you seem to know about. You come off as a bit of a dumbass Jersey shore wannabe, so I can't really expect much from you there. It is a little pathetic considering how old we all are now, but I guess the stuff many of us were doing in our twenties are things you're still hoping for as a 40 year old virgin, so I wish you luck bud. Trying to flex on me when I really dont give a fuck and haven't for over a decade now is pretty funny though. That shit may work on people like Jessup, but it doesn't work on me. You need to get over these self esteem problems first, and this fragile ego of yours really won't help.

[Efhat]

You can say specific people were better than me all you want, claim I was never good, and say anything else that comes to your mind, but you're just a baser, and a one-ship baser at that. You wouldn't honestly know whose better than who in WB in most cases anymore than I'd know whose the best spider. You all look the same to me, and I'd not be able to always tell subtle differences in how a player helps their team win that aren't directly related to record. I think it's obvious you can't either for either base or dueling leagues, since record is all you seem to know about. You come off as a bit of a dumbass Jersey shore wannabe, so I can't really expect much from you there. It is a little pathetic considering how old we all are now, but I guess the stuff many of us were doing in our twenties are things you're still hoping for as a 40 year old virgin, so I wish you luck bud. Trying to flex on me when I really dont give a fuck and haven't for over a decade now is pretty funny though. That shit may work on people like Jessup, but it doesn't work on me. You need to get over these self esteem problems first, and this fragile ego of yours really won't help.

I can play all ships in basing did you not read my previous posts? Like I said up there, where did I say rec is all I care about? Check the spider stats turban put up, loser.
And ive won in other ships. Or are you picking and choosing what to read? You have played this game well over a decade and what have you won? What does it say about your personality and traits as a human if you have played this game for decades and still suck dick? Is it because you are incompetent IRL or do you like failure? I play competitive games to win with the friends I make. What do you play it for? It is not my fault you have sucked dick in warbird for the twenty years you have played this game. Sorry bro. You are talking about me one shipping but you cannot even produce in the ONE ship you have played for over a decade. Lol. Please my brotha. Look in the mirror.

Did I hit a soft spot because you are terrible at the one ship youve only played and got carried in? Sorry. This is 2019.
I didnt know people who dont play this game still log on its forums to type to try and feel relevant. What does that say about what you do with your life on your spare time? Lmao. For someone who hasnt cared for decades but is still logging on to its forums to try and feel important surely says a lot about their character to be trying and insult people personally.

your excuse for sucking dick between season 12 through 16 is inactivity? Lmao. No man, you were just ALWAYS terrible.
i can not play this game for ten years and re-log and still be good. Anyone with skill can. get your irrelevant scrub ass out of here lol if you arent gonna logon and play.

i was not going to bring up IRL....... but since I hit a soft spot and youre trying to get personal because of your insecurity ........ill bite

also willing to bet I am significantly younger than you. Heard your pushing your mid 30s. Whats a 30 something year old man doing on a game forum in a game he hasnt cared for in over a decade? Its losers like you that are apart of the problem. You dont want to contribute to the game, then get your snowflake ass off these forums.

Jessup and I may have our differences but she contributes to this zone and fights for what she believes in.

from what ive read and learned about you, you are just some loser who always thought he was good because he killed people like Chuboka in elim and macroed ez but got carried by Racka and kthx endlessly in leagues. You were always an irrelevant warbird and player

i guess it would hit my soft spot too if I only played ONE ship and sucked at it.

come to Miami and hangout with us man. I over heard that youre some white boy, 90 pounds wet, and wear Shaqs and knock off jordan hats. Is this true?

[viop11]

i hafint read ne postinks howefir i catch a glimpse where crippil aka eifhat (the fk is this alias) said "now look at marksmin" aftir remoofink tj from rostir. what does this mean? we are litirilly in exact same spot as b4, we haf many playirs apil 2 play spidirmin at hiziki lefil or bettir. some playirs on marksmin were friends w/ hiziki n miss her a bit but ultimately no1 gifs a fuk, and every1 cud b happy that nibblir/joesis are gone. we vs less bds but its fine becuz our basirs cud b borrowed/we cud borrow ppl if neetid. our lb lineup cud possibly b strongir by subtrictink these whiny mentally weak dikstirs

[Efhat]

i hafint read ne postinks howefir i catch a glimpse where crippil aka eifhat (the fk is this alias) said "now look at marksmin" aftir remoofink tj from rostir. what does this mean? we are litirilly in exact same spot as b4, we haf many playirs apil 2 play spidirmin at hiziki lefil or bettir. some playirs on marksmin were friends w/ hiziki n miss her a bit but ultimately no1 gifs a fuk, and every1 cud b happy that nibblir/joesis are gone. we vs less bds but its fine becuz our basirs cud b borrowed/we cud borrow ppl if neetid. our lb lineup cud possibly b strongir by subtrictink these whiny mentally weak dikstirs

Viop I am not gonna lie,
i love you. And I respect you
even after all this scrutiny you stand strong.
Respect bro. I am glad you are back

[Exalt]

I can play all ships in basing did you not read my previous posts? Like I said up there, where did I say rec is all I care about? Check the spider stats turban put up, loser.
And ive won in other ships. Or are you picking and choosing what to read? You have played this game well over a decade and what have you won? What does it say about your personality and traits as a human if you have played this game for decades and still suck dick? Is it because you are incompetent IRL or do you like failure? I play competitive games to win with the friends I make. What do you play it for? It is not my fault you have sucked dick in warbird for the twenty years you have played this game. Sorry bro. You are talking about me one shipping but you cannot even produce in the ONE ship you have played for over a decade. Lol. Please my brotha. Look in the mirror.

Did I hit a soft spot because you are terrible at the one ship youve only played and got carried in? Sorry. This is 2019.
I didnt know people who dont play this game still log on its forums to type to try and feel relevant. What does that say about what you do with your life on your spare time? Lmao. For someone who hasnt cared for decades but is still logging on to its forums to try and feel important surely says a lot about their character to be trying and insult people personally.

your excuse for sucking dick between season 12 through 16 is inactivity? Lmao. No man, you were just ALWAYS terrible.
i can not play this game for ten years and re-log and still be good. Anyone with skill can. get your irrelevant scrub ass out of here lol if you arent gonna logon and play.

i was not going to bring up IRL....... but since I hit a soft spot and youre trying to get personal because of your insecurity ........ill bite

also willing to bet I am significantly younger than you. Heard your pushing your mid 30s. Whats a 30 something year old man doing on a game forum in a game he hasnt cared for in over a decade? Its losers like you that are apart of the problem. You dont want to contribute to the game, then get your snowflake ass off these forums.

Jessup and I may have our differences but she contributes to this zone and fights for what she believes in.

from what ive read and learned about you, you are just some loser who always thought he was good because he killed people like Chuboka in elim and macroed ez but got carried by Racka and kthx endlessly in leagues. You were always an irrelevant warbird and player

i guess it would hit my soft spot too if I only played ONE ship and sucked at it.

come to Miami and hangout with us man. I over heard that youre some white boy, 90 pounds wet, and wear Shaqs and knock off jordan hats. Is this true?

I must have really struck a nerve. You're fragile as fuck bud. Did you not take your medicine lately? Anyway, I really don't know what to say to shit like: 'come to Miami and hangout with us man. I over heard that youre some white boy, 90 pounds wet, and wear Shaqs and knock off jordan hats'. It's too ridiculous, even for where I grew up. Its like you watched every episode of Jersey Shore and decided that's who you wanted to model yourself after. You'd get your ass kicked where I grew up in Chicago, would get ignored by every woman in Seattle, and in Europe, you'd be the exact stereotype everyone thinks of as the dumbass american You legitimately sound like a moron that's trying desperately to be cool. You can't even stand on your own two feet without mentioning people like Racka to try to back you up with your insecurities. Be a man for once in your life and learn to deal with things on your own.