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TWLB Preseason Week 1 HoN/Preseason Week 2 Predictions
This week was pretty dull since it's preseason and no one gives 2 shits, but unlike previous years, we actually had 1 game that mattered during the preseason. That added some drama to an otherwise pretty dull week, so let's run through these recaps.
Sage 9:34 - 15:00 Penetrate
This game sounded a lot more exciting on paper than it ended up being. Cintra proved me wrong in my predictions and used his retard strength to help Penetrate coast to a pretty comfortable victory against Virtuos... er sorry, Sage. Sage had the Superqueers out in full force, but even their synchronized "spikes" weren't enough for Sage to take down the defending champs. Sage was, however, missing Big King Laggot diakka, which could have made a pretty significant impact on their spider line. Cintra MVP'd and trasher camped his way to a gaudy rec as usual, lets see if Sage can rebound and increase their lag for a chance in their matchup this week with Pandora.
Thunder 13:59 - 15:00 Disoblige
This was actually a pretty exciting game to watch, although it was more exciting because it was close than because it was a particularly great game. This was exciting in the way a very close Special Olympics race would be exciting. Neither team played amazingly well, but you can't help watching the entire thing just to see which retard will end up winning the day. Thix went 37-7 after I questioned how many stupid deaths he would have, good job thix for proving me wrong. Shout out to jerome for actually playing an lb game after benching his way to 2 titles, good work playa. Endangered went beast mode and put up huge numbers for diso, and he was probably the game changing factor for them. Thunder's line looked like some fucked up line you'd see some shit for brains like Morph add in ?go base. It looks like Thunder started with violence in terr, and switched him immediately at start, which is fucking stupid. I'm pretty sure it was vio himself that did that, because he switched himself into the only ship he's worse in than terr: shark. Teemo did pretty good as jav, but theres only so much that 1 lag inducer can do for a line (right brokenfist?). Obviously it's preseason so no one cares, but Thunder better get their lines figured out, because if they stick to sharking violence and confluence they might find themselves competing with Paladen to stay out of the cellar. (HINT: switch hulk and confluence next time)
Anti-Scrub 5:28 - 15:00 Spastic
This game was actually pretty entertaining. Granted I'm a little biased because I played in it, but I'm the writer so I can do that, so fuck you. A-S started the game by immediately subbing brookus, their terr, which was an interesting strategy. None of them answered me when I asked what happened, so that remains an Unsolved Mystery. A-s did fairly well without their fearless leader coaching (aka screaming at) them, so props to a-s. Omega Red got thrown into shark which is kind of shitty to have to play against 2 retard bomber sharks like myself and meddi, but he held his own. Solacer was a pain in the ass for us, but it was a pretty comfortable game. All of our spids camp so fuck them I'm not shouting any of them out. Shoutout goes to me and Meddi for getting 3/0/3.1 rpd and 6 TeKs between the 2 of us. P_Luck managed to only die 3 times which has to be some kind of record for him.
Dice 14:43 - 15:00 Pandora
A much needed win for Pandora's morale, this was another fun one to watch. Yeah I get it, its preseason and doesnt count, fuck off. However anyone who can read knows that pandora has been having problems with activity and keeping members around, so they definitely needed this win. Spec chat seemed to be under the impression that Blahhy blew it, but personally I'd blame Necro more than blahh. Stayon had an uncharacteristically rough game, it was weird to see him actually dying when bullets hit him. Look for him to make the necessary adjustments to prevent that from happening again. Cripple put up huge numbers and Megaman89 followed suit as well, but the rest of Dice's spids were pretty fucking worthless. As for Pandora, Tim had a decent game without too much retardation, so thats a good sign for pandora. All of their spids were pretty close in kills (except criminal), so thats another good sign. However the most important part of the week, even more important than winning, was ph showing up despite his adamant anti-twl stance. He came out and dropped an absurd number of kills as usual, and reunited with Vati to form the fiercest shark duo in TW. Pandora has to be feeling pretty good right now, and they should. If Tim doesn't go full retard like he has for the past several months, Pandora has proven they are still a contender to take Pene's crown.
Hit 15:00 - 00:54 Sweet (not a typo)
Lol I actually started to look forward to writing this recap because I fucking hate Sweet, but at this point I don't even want to throw salt in their wounds. They can make all the excuses they want about their basers (you have some?) not showing up and all that hogshit, but at the end of the day you guys just got your shit pushed in, plain and simple. I do have to ask though, how does it feel to have spent longer in the appeal process than you managed to put up in the actual game to decide your fate? All I'll say about Sweet is gg eelam you worthless fucking faggot. I said last week that if you managed to get added in shark or terr that sweet would get fucked, and look what happened. You terr'd your way to an inspiring 12-13 record in less than 16 minutes of total play, and you managed to make me look like a professional basing analyst. Good game you worthless faggot.
Speaking of worthless faggots, Sika managed to MVP for Hit in the blowout of the week. Between Sika, Brokenfist, and Bender Rodriguez, Hit has a chance to have the highest ping average among their starting 8, which is probably one of the only victories you'll be able to celebrate this season. Sika you're still a worthless queer, but at least you managed to outduel the only person in the zone that's a whinier faggot than you.
Sage 9:34 - 15:00 Penetrate
This game sounded a lot more exciting on paper than it ended up being. Cintra proved me wrong in my predictions and used his retard strength to help Penetrate coast to a pretty comfortable victory against Virtuos... er sorry, Sage. Sage had the Superqueers out in full force, but even their synchronized "spikes" weren't enough for Sage to take down the defending champs. Sage was, however, missing Big King Laggot diakka, which could have made a pretty significant impact on their spider line. Cintra MVP'd and trasher camped his way to a gaudy rec as usual, lets see if Sage can rebound and increase their lag for a chance in their matchup this week with Pandora.
Thunder 13:59 - 15:00 Disoblige
This was actually a pretty exciting game to watch, although it was more exciting because it was close than because it was a particularly great game. This was exciting in the way a very close Special Olympics race would be exciting. Neither team played amazingly well, but you can't help watching the entire thing just to see which retard will end up winning the day. Thix went 37-7 after I questioned how many stupid deaths he would have, good job thix for proving me wrong. Shout out to jerome for actually playing an lb game after benching his way to 2 titles, good work playa. Endangered went beast mode and put up huge numbers for diso, and he was probably the game changing factor for them. Thunder's line looked like some fucked up line you'd see some shit for brains like Morph add in ?go base. It looks like Thunder started with violence in terr, and switched him immediately at start, which is fucking stupid. I'm pretty sure it was vio himself that did that, because he switched himself into the only ship he's worse in than terr: shark. Teemo did pretty good as jav, but theres only so much that 1 lag inducer can do for a line (right brokenfist?). Obviously it's preseason so no one cares, but Thunder better get their lines figured out, because if they stick to sharking violence and confluence they might find themselves competing with Paladen to stay out of the cellar. (HINT: switch hulk and confluence next time)
Anti-Scrub 5:28 - 15:00 Spastic
This game was actually pretty entertaining. Granted I'm a little biased because I played in it, but I'm the writer so I can do that, so fuck you. A-S started the game by immediately subbing brookus, their terr, which was an interesting strategy. None of them answered me when I asked what happened, so that remains an Unsolved Mystery. A-s did fairly well without their fearless leader coaching (aka screaming at) them, so props to a-s. Omega Red got thrown into shark which is kind of shitty to have to play against 2 retard bomber sharks like myself and meddi, but he held his own. Solacer was a pain in the ass for us, but it was a pretty comfortable game. All of our spids camp so fuck them I'm not shouting any of them out. Shoutout goes to me and Meddi for getting 3/0/3.1 rpd and 6 TeKs between the 2 of us. P_Luck managed to only die 3 times which has to be some kind of record for him.
Dice 14:43 - 15:00 Pandora
A much needed win for Pandora's morale, this was another fun one to watch. Yeah I get it, its preseason and doesnt count, fuck off. However anyone who can read knows that pandora has been having problems with activity and keeping members around, so they definitely needed this win. Spec chat seemed to be under the impression that Blahhy blew it, but personally I'd blame Necro more than blahh. Stayon had an uncharacteristically rough game, it was weird to see him actually dying when bullets hit him. Look for him to make the necessary adjustments to prevent that from happening again. Cripple put up huge numbers and Megaman89 followed suit as well, but the rest of Dice's spids were pretty fucking worthless. As for Pandora, Tim had a decent game without too much retardation, so thats a good sign for pandora. All of their spids were pretty close in kills (except criminal), so thats another good sign. However the most important part of the week, even more important than winning, was ph showing up despite his adamant anti-twl stance. He came out and dropped an absurd number of kills as usual, and reunited with Vati to form the fiercest shark duo in TW. Pandora has to be feeling pretty good right now, and they should. If Tim doesn't go full retard like he has for the past several months, Pandora has proven they are still a contender to take Pene's crown.
Hit 15:00 - 00:54 Sweet (not a typo)
Lol I actually started to look forward to writing this recap because I fucking hate Sweet, but at this point I don't even want to throw salt in their wounds. They can make all the excuses they want about their basers (you have some?) not showing up and all that hogshit, but at the end of the day you guys just got your shit pushed in, plain and simple. I do have to ask though, how does it feel to have spent longer in the appeal process than you managed to put up in the actual game to decide your fate? All I'll say about Sweet is gg eelam you worthless fucking faggot. I said last week that if you managed to get added in shark or terr that sweet would get fucked, and look what happened. You terr'd your way to an inspiring 12-13 record in less than 16 minutes of total play, and you managed to make me look like a professional basing analyst. Good game you worthless faggot.
Speaking of worthless faggots, Sika managed to MVP for Hit in the blowout of the week. Between Sika, Brokenfist, and Bender Rodriguez, Hit has a chance to have the highest ping average among their starting 8, which is probably one of the only victories you'll be able to celebrate this season. Sika you're still a worthless queer, but at least you managed to outduel the only person in the zone that's a whinier faggot than you.
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