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The sidekick for Ricky Gervais when he does his radio show on Xfm, this guy is hilarious in his ignorant and mis-informed way. Here are some of his beliefs from his wikipedia article:
- He learnt at school that Jaffa cakes go some way to cure cancer (not fully).
- Squoze is the past tense form of Squeeze.
- In addition to squoze, Karl has also used grippage (for walls or surfaces with a lot of grip,) wroted (the past tense form of the verb to write) and the phrase bungled in which means to bundle multiple items/people into one pile. It is assumed he meant to say bundled in.
- Fascinated with freaks and a supplement from FHM that contains "the 50 best freaks ever". Featured are a pillow man (i.e without arms or legs), a three legged juggler (not using the gift he has been given), a bloke with a tiny head that ages fast (he has a birthday every other week) and the hairy Chinese kid.
- Karl also feels that when you die (at 78), you should have "something" injected into your temple, which will then, somehow, bring you back to life. Additionally, when you've been resurrected by this miracle cure injection you then begin to get younger. So, by the time you're 9 months, people won't be "sad and that" by the fact you're going to die and in turn, you won't be depressed because you're too young to realise.
- "You never see a homeless Chinese person". Karl also believes that Chinese people "age worse" than other races.
- Homosexuals are "always tired" as they "stay out late".
- British judges wear wigs to conceal their identity.
- Karl isn't a huge fan of charities after being misled about helping the aged. He initially thought he was assisting an old lady called Edna by sending her donations for her heating bill. A few months later, Karl received a letter from Edna with an attached photograph revealing that she had a sun tan.
- "You'll never see an old person eating a Twix, but they always buy ornaments".
- Karl also has a fear of doctors and a hatred of nudists. It should be said that this hatred of nudists did not prevent Karl from "showin' a bit of arse-cheek" whilst doing the washing-up to a women Karl saw nude in order to "give a bit back" from the kitchen window. His fear of doctors is based on the assertion that "they're bound to find something wrong with you" and, more specifically, the need for a doctor to insert a finger up a rectum to check for prostate cancer.
- Scientists spend too much time "messin' about with things we don't need". Karl cites the attempt by scientists to piece together a mammoth as potentially dangerous, because the planet is running out of space to accommodate such creatures.
- Some bacteria have better lives than Inuits.
- The legendary Christmas Day football match on no-man's land during World War I never happened, primarily because the situation raises the question of why they brought a football with them into battle.
- There is too much choice in "toffee shops", and two types of toffee are probably enough.
- If Karl could be anyone in the world, he would be Bruce Willis.
- If Karl could have one superpower it would be invisibility so he could sneak into HMV before it shut and then sneak back out once the shop opened again in the morning.
- His least favourite noise is the sound of a fire engine siren - "it's a bit un-necessary"
- The Biblical account of Noah's Ark is probably true, since "it's out there in book form."
- Karl believes 'footage' exists of cave-men wearing underwear.
- If we didn't invent the aeroplane "we'd have grown wings by now".
- Mars would be a bad planet to live on because it is a "tip".
Go here http://www.xfm.co.uk/Article.asp?id=28727 and click Monkey News for a sample of Karl's genius. Monkey News is a piece of news that Karl relays involving a monkey. If you go to Ricky & Stephen's homepage you can sample the rest
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