spider is sad/people bash ward/galleleo says something random as shit: the thread

[genocidal]

It's not about "childish revenge." Pretty ironic that a child is calling me childish, though. It's about doing what makes you feel good. He said that he can't man up to pissing this girl off so whatever. I'm still friends with my ex-girlfriends but I also made them cry when they pissed me off.

I guess my post sounds kind of chauvinistic but I seriously give the same advice to my female friends. You could call my post feminazi if you just flipped the words but regardless it's how I feel and what I've found that has worked. If you don't like the advice you certainly don't have to take it.

[Eric is God]

It's kind of scary to see how mean everybody is. But I was glad to see that a few of you don't agree with getting revenge.

Personally, if I was in a relationship for somebody for 2 years and they lost interest in me, I would be really sad, but I don't know about angry. If I truly loved the person I would be able to accept the fact that they've moved on and that it's time for me to as well. There's no need to stoop down to childish levels and get revenge because your ex moved away and simply grew away from you once they were exposed to a new geography and new opportunities. Shit happens.

That's a wonderful outlook but you are completely missing the point. It's not about hurting her, it's about making sure you express emotions so you don't internalize them and wind up with serious emotional disorders. Being sad when something bad happens is natural but it cam easily become too comforting and, to be blunt, sad is not a productive emotion. Sad is a demotivater. It leads to anxiety, low self esteeem and depression.

I don't believe anyone can offer an honest opinion on this subject unless they have gone through something similar. I have and the way I choose to handle it almost ruined my life (no, I am not exaggerating). I also know that Spider is a lot like I used to be and I do not want to see him make the same mistakes. He needs to get angry and then use that anger to move on with his life. Keeping this woman in his life, in almost any capacity, will only remind him of wht he's lost and keep him clinging to hope that isn't there.

I apologize if my words are harsh but this is an extremely personal issue for me.

[megaman89]

listen to gen.

ps. im heading to south florida for spring break gen, wanna meet up for a quickie?

[Pandagirl!]

Would you still do that if that person hurt you, and avoided contact after being together for 2 years?

Well it depends on the situation really. But as Spider said, his girlfriend moved away to go to college. First off, the relationship is suddenly long distance, which is new to both of them. Second, she is now busier than she used to be because she's focusing on her studies. That's two major changes in their relationship right there. I'm not defending her in any way, because it's true that she should have made the time to call every once in awhile. But the fact is that because of the major changes in her life she simply grew away from her old ties. Yea it sucks, but it's almost bound to happen. Granted, the week after we broke up I wouldn't be calling to go out for coffee, but after time I don't see any problem in remaining friends with a person that you were so close to for two years, even if you just grew apart and got hurt in the process.

It's not about "childish revenge." Pretty ironic that a child is calling me childish, though. It's about doing what makes you feel good. He said that he can't man up to pissing this girl off so whatever. I'm still friends with my ex-girlfriends but I also made them cry when they pissed me off.

In a relationship, do you do just what makes you feel good, or do you have feelings and think about how other people will feel before you do something? Again, maybe I'm just too nice, but I really don't see the point in pissing his ex off. They've already smoothly broken up, so why continue to try and stir things up? Judging by what Spider has said about his ex, she doesn't sound like the type of girl to just take any insults he'd throw her way sitting down. I'm sure if he even tried, instead of sticking around like your ex-girlfriends, she'd probably just cut him off. Then he'd be the loser, because he can't even seek the revenge he's going for. Oh, and I wasn't calling you childish, I was stating in general that trying to hurt someone just because they hurt you first is childish. And since I'm an adult, I'm not a child either.

That's a wonderful outlook but you are completely missing the point. It's not about hurting her, it's about making sure you express emotions so you don't internalize them and wind up with serious emotional disorders. Being sad when something bad happens is natural but it cam easily become too comforting and, to be blunt, sad is not a productive emotion. Sad is a demotivater. It leads to anxiety, low self esteeem and depression.

But also, as I said above, Spider doesn't seem like the type of guy that would insult his ex, and his ex doesn't seem like the type of girl to even let him get away with doing that. I agree that you shouldn't bottle your emotions up inside you because that can be destructive, but there are other ways of letting out your anger and emotions than emotionally hurting one of your (ex) best friends.

[Spider]

Very passive aggressive letter but I'm glad you called her also. You wrote a very angry post a few weeks ago about what she has done to you--I hope you at least brought those issues up in the phone call. It's one thing to bitch about all the pain she has caused you and purposely hurt her and another thing to maturely explain to her how evil/mean/bitchy she was. Girls will feel much more guilty if you follow the latter course of action than the first. Blind rage will just make them deny everything and think you are a crazy sob and thank god they're not with you anymore--it will prove to them that they were right in wanting to end it.

I'm glad you stayed calm

I didn't bring anything up. I was just leting her go. I'm classy like that. I just said it's over, it's kinda sad, whatever. The phone call was 7 minutes long. I called almost right after I sent the email, and she was just reading it so I let her finish. She tried to appologize, saying she felt like it was her fault, and she wasn't fair to me. My response was that the way I see it, life isn't fair sometimes, and that it wasn't her. I'm a wicked nice person, what can I say? I intentionally try not to cause harm to people, even ones who betray me, even ones I never really liked (this isn't a dig at her, I loved her. Some of her friends annoyed me though harharhar). When people say things I totally disagree with, like being overtly racist, I feel compeled to tell them I disagree with their point of view. That's about as close to being mean as I've come as far back as I remember.

This was the final version of the email, if anyone wants to read it. It changed only slightly, and like I said before I modified and sent it before I read responses here. So there is no "DIE BITCH-CUNT EVIL TERRORIST" language in it. haha.

Dear %tickname,

I honestly don’t know if it is my fault or not but I have come to believe our relationship is over. As much as it hurts me to admit this I believe you may no longer love me. I have felt this is a possibility for weeks and continuing to try to think that we are still together makes life difficult. My dad asks me every day how you are doing and what you are up to. I keep telling him that you’re fine and loving Toronto, and that gets harder every day. I want you to know that while I’ll be very sad and disappointed if we break up I will survive. I believe I will live a happy life eventually, and even though there have always been periods of adversity, every moment brings me closer to that future worth waiting for. I believe the same for you. It’s important that you know this so you can make the right decision. I’m afraid that you may have been unable to tell me that you no longer feel the same about me as you used to out of courtesy for my feelings. I must admit that after being with me for two years you know what I am all about. There is no point, clearly, in me trying to convince you to stay with me. Nor do I have any business “fighting for you” as I said earlier on MSN. Your decisions are yours to make and you have all the facts. I suppose there is nothing I can say at this point other than you have my love and admiration and I wish for nothing more than to be together. Failing that I fully expect you to live a wonderful and fulfilling life.

I’ve had a hard time convincing myself I should send a letter such as this one but waiting to see what happens with us has been agonizing. I have decided that if you love you me having received one stupid letter will not change that. And if you don’t, this will just make it that much easier for us to finally clear this up. If your lack of affection is just a result of being busy I regret this email very much. While I’ve been trying to believe that the demanding schedule of Law school is the reason for how things have been, that has become more and more difficult. Which is why a couple day ago on MSN I was trying to explain that I can’t tell how you feel about me anymore because I don’t have the benefit of seeing your love for me in your eyes or feeling it in your touch. I was trying to get you to tell me that you really love me or not. I want to be a gentlemen about this by not fighting it and bringing it up sooner rather than later. I don’t want to go another two months before you come to Saskatoon for Christmas causing you to cry every time we talk. (she mentioned she had cried after we talked a couple times, telling me it was because of the pressure of being in a relationship, when, in fact, as we know now, it was because she felt guilty about trying to get rid of me)

If this is the end I want you to know that I continue to hold you in very high regard. I wish you every measure of success. If someday someone changes the world for the better I hope it will be you! (she wants to change the world, she is very social-justicy as Epinephrine said female Asian girls are not so likely to achieve this but hey, whatever) You brought many wonderful things to my life that I might not have had the chance to experience without you. My fondest memories are some of the more simple ones. Going to that Stars concert, experiencing being out on our own in %area, working at the Legislature, and our trip to %coord (I was surprised at how nice of a place that was) are some of the highlights. I want you to understand that whenever I did something nice for you, making lunch or driving you to Kumon, I was only trying to enrich your life as much as you’ve enriched mine.

Thank you for the memories,
%selfname

I dunno guys, when I read this I feel pretty good about it. If I would have sent an angery ramble it just wouldn't have been my style. I take a little pride out of being gracious in such a moment of defeat. Maybe one of her friends will read it and be up for a shag, or something. Who knows. Right? Or maybe I'm just being a pussy as most of you suggest.

Oh! Two page thread! That's awesome. I always feel special when my threads last long enough to get two pages long.

[Cops]

That letter seems more like a desperation letter than a breakup letter, if this girl has been walking all over you for two years then stand up and tell her off, I broke up with my girlfriend when we went out for a year and a half and i told her to never fucking speak to me again (she cheated on me, and didn't tell me until I found out from a friend 4-5 months down the road, oh and it was after christmas when I just spent $150 on a silver locket)

The truth is she came back to me, she wanted to change, why because I put her in her fucking place. Women want males to have a strong back bone and if you don't then get one, you'll need it especially if you plan on having a semi decent relationship.

Why the fuck do you want to go to Toronto (not that I hate Toronto) but why? was it because of her? What do you want to do with your life, that maybe conflicts with what she wants to do but fuck it, I've picked up this strong believe that regardless of how much I love my current girlfriend I will not be stopped from Traveling around Europe, going to University once I'm done college and that might be far away or close by but regardless live your life around you and let the other pieces work their way into your life.

When I say I love my girlfriend I mean I really love my girlfriend and I don't think I'd ever find a better girl but let's be honest I live once, I need to do what I need to do and she needs to do what she needs to do. Just like your girlfriend she's in Canada and you're not, obviously she's taking charge in her life and she's doing what makes her happy, and regardless of how much you loved you or you love her it doesn't work, you can't have a long term relationship. Cheer up, not everyone can. I can't or couldn't and that's why when it comes to my life I know that I'd try my best to have a long term relationship if I decide to study abroad she'll have to wait and if we can't, meaning either of us then it's not fair that we're together.

Break up, throw out her shit, go out and live. Make plans, that involve you and no one else, and if they involve someone else make sure it's more important you DO IT rather than the other person do it. You have the advantage of not living with her, going to school together or working together .

In fact you don't have to see her fucking face for a god damn while, you got a good hand, don't forget that.

[Money]

if your going to pull any trigger make sure the the barrel is pointing in her mouth. Seriously she was HAPPY? when you ended it? How can you put up with that shit? I'd go over there and fucking bitch her out so bad in front of everyone, do it while shes at dinner or lunch. She put you through all this and your emotionally wrecked and your going to be nice to her? Wow spider, please be a man.

LOL MAKE YOURSELF LOOK LIKE A WHINEY LITTLE BITCH U MEAN? YEA GO FOR THAT..

[Cops]

I've seen this happen all the time, her friends in Toronto probably wanted her to do this for awhile, she probably wanted it to end. She was dragging it out and you had to end it but you lost respect by not telling her off for not caring about the relationship and dragging it on for so long. You obviously cared, she did not, I'd say that warrants one or two fuck yous.

[Ward]

That letter almost made me sick. Why the fuck would you write it using big words to your girlfriend? Girls are dumb, you don't need to impress them with your vocabulary for gods sake. Second, it almost sounded like you're crying. Even if you're upset deep inside, don't fucking show it. She'll take it as your weak side. Act like you don't give a flying fuck. Women love manly men, ...such as myself. I never show any emotions or feelings (other than sexual) when I'm around women, yet I'm very successful.

I suggest reading my guide on how to treat women in Recycled Humor forum; learn from real experts.

On a side note.. where in Toronto does she live? :fear:

[MirrorriM]

I should have separated my post better, I wasn't explaining what you should have said on the phone (and it seems you cut it off nice and clean anyways) but rather a comment to the people who want to inflict as much pain as possible on the ex.

[Singularity]

You just made my day Ward :grin:

[Bioture]

hahaha ward

[Edify]

Sleep with some random girl, and send her off to her college to tell your GF about it. But then, find out it's in Boston (not Austin). After that, take a group of your buddies and go to her real college and destroy the videotape.

poorly executed

[Emaho]

So much feelings from guys that never had a life! Bless the imagination!

[Jeenyuss]

to each their own, spider. a lot of people seem to be supporting the hurt her to make you feel better approach. it's a tactic and it works for some people, but not everyone. clearly you're not the biggest fan but gen and mega do make a good point. now if any time is the best time to start being selfish. not to the point where you phone her telling her that she'll fail at life, but rather doing things that you enjoy. do good things for yourself, man, be selfish.